I told Tyler about the boy I met in the arcade. They both accepted it like little fangirls, and Tyler gave me the "dad talk".

It was even more akward because he didn't know how to do it.
I survived the situation and went upstairs to text Damien.

M: they have accepted

D: wht?

M: they accept u lol

D: ooooooh lol okay

M: didnt take a lot of convincing haha. wanna make some plans for next weekend? I have like no friends so I'm always free lmao

D: WHAT. u, THE Mars, have no friends?? How?? Ur so cool wtf

M: Aw thanks lol. So is that a yes or?

D: give me times and it should be fine

I made plans with him and got it conformed from mom and dad.
I went back to my room and just laid down, checking the time.

1:26

It's not super late or early, but I was ridiculously tired, so I shut my eyes and drifted off.
I usually like dreams, especially the ones I can control, and I had a nice dream.

I was at home, had no anxiety or depression, and hung out with Damien and my family. We all had a blast together. I started selling my art, became famous and had a huge fan base. I met some of my favorite celebrities, they all liked me and we became good friends. They cared about me and my mental health too.
I got to go to interviews and I performed songs. I did a bunch of things and became extremely famous on my own and was so talented. It was nice.

Then I woke up.

Most people like happy dreams. I usually do. But I didn't this time.
Why did I have to have mental illness? Why can't I just be normal? I'd be so much happier and less of a burden.
I couldn't stop the feeling thoughts.

I have no talent. Nothing. I didn't earn anything I have, I just got lucky.

I sat up in my bed and cried. I only slept for an hour. I cried and cried because a part of me missed being in that dream, and I wanted it to be a reality, but I knew that I was far from it.

I couldn't get rid of my thoughts.

You're nothing. You're just average, maybe even below average. There's no escaping you. You could work every day for the rest of your life but you will never be who you want to be.

You're unrealistic.

Your dreams are just a fantasy that are unreachable.

I went over to the sink and splashed my face with cold water. They were still there. I paced and paced around in my room. Nope. I screamed into my pillow. They're a little less loud. I listened to music and went out for a job. The voices are bearable. I forced myself to be around Tyler and Jenna to help my mood. They were finally at a simmer.

I was exhausted from pushing every fiber in my being to not self harm, but I did it. At last I could go back to sleep. I decided to text Damien before I drifted off.

M: hey

D: heyo, whats up?

M: nothin, I was just about to ask, why me?

D: what do u mean?

M: like, why are you my friend? What do you see in me that made you drawn to be my friend?

D: everything i see i like. U seem awesome mars, and i hope you can see how awesome you are one day. Get some rest, okay?

M: k, good night, ttyl

D: gn, ttyl