SONG: Macklemore - Wings

•~••••

It had been 17 hours since we were attacked by Decepticons.

The Autobots were now on high alert 24.7 since the latest attack, especially Ironhide. Which is horrid. Ironhide was already paranoid as it is, now he was even worse.

My mind was still running wild since the total war battle that broke out. My chocolate brown eyes gazed out my bedroom window that was slightly foggy from the cold, the sun was rising making the sky turn a yellowy orange.

I sighed, hugging my knee's closer to my chest. Dark rings rested under my eyes that represented my lack of sleep.

"Would you like some breakfast?" Sarah's soft motherly voice spoke to me from my bedroom door, breaking the silence that drowned me. I slowly shook my head in a silent disagreement to it.

My appetite wouldn't come back and my worry wouldn't fade away. I hadn't heard from Aneska nor Nathan since we came into contact with the Cybertronians.

I was hesitating on calling either of them. Scared that they were regretting the choices we had made. I knew I was.

Sarah sighed herself at this. Disappointed. "You need to eat. You didn't eat Dinner last night or my Desert which was cheesecake, you love cheesecake." Worry hinted at her voice and made my stomach curl with guilt.

I didn't deserve her.

"I am fine Sarah...Thanks anyways" I muttered to her quietly while staring out to the oblivion, with that, Sarah silently walked off down stairs to attend to Annabelle.

William and Ironhide were at the N.E.S.T base still which didn't help my own worries. They had a meeting to attend with someone at the name of Galloway. I didn't really ears drop on their conversation at the time as I was too busy trying to recover from the battle.

My gut feeling was horrible as if I had been food poisoned. Something was happening and it wasn't good, but then again I was the negatively paranoid person. I didn't see the positive things in life.

If there was a halve a cup filled with water. I'd be the one saying it was half empty instead of half full.

Sighing to myself, frustrated at my owm mentality. I wished that I could just kick my depression in the face, but then I would be kicking myself.

I turned on my side to open my side drawer, fishing through it. I grasped my white samsung galaxy, finally gaining the courage to call Aneska. Unlocking it. I scrolled through my contact list and stared at Aneskas number.

Quickly I pressed the dial button before I chickened out of it.

"Yellow!" Instantly Aneska answered her phone call with much ethusiasim making me sigh in relief.

"...Hey" I responded quietly, a small smile tugging at my lips. Happy to know she was safe and sound. Music blared in the background and I easily heard Jazz's voice in the background.

"-and then Ratchet said- oh you are on the phone." I snorted at Jazzs slow uptake. Obviously he was absorbed in his story telling.

I was kind of envious that Aneska got Jazz as a Guardian. The bot was so...welcoming. Then there was Ironhide.

Death glares.

"I heard about the attack...are y'all Okay?" Aneska asked with concern, making my heart clench. It felt good to know people cared for me...after so long with being alone.

"Ye-" I cleared my throat quickly. "-Yeah. fine. Everything has died down, but Ironhide told me to stay high on and be ready for anything..." Aneska snorted in response to that making me roll my eyes. Knowing that she thought the same as I did.

Instantly she voiced those thoughts. "How the hell, does he expect you to defend yourself from a damn Alien-"

"Heyyy, Cybertronian!" Jazzs voice cutted Aneska off with mock offense. This made me snicker lightly.

"Yeah, yeah! Calm your horses." I easily imagined her waving him off while she walked to her room for privacy. Even though we both knew he could still hear.

"Look Hun, maybe go learn some self defence" Aneska offered to me through the phone calmly and I simply facepalmed even though she couldn't see it.

"What like Karate?" I retort with much sass, rolling my eyes dramatically.

Does she expect me to chop a Decepticon in half with my bare hands?

"No you dumbass! You need to learn how to shoot a gun" Aneska bit down on my sarcasm, making me groan.

No, she expects me to kill myself.

"I have no idea how to shoot a gun! I'll kill myself before the Decepticons will even get a chance!" I bitterly comment into the phone as if she was crazy. Jumping off my bed with a lot uneasiness jittering in my body, Instantly I started to pace back and forth in my room.

"My point! Get your Dad to teach you, Or Ironhide! He is a Weapon Specialist after all!" Aneska drawled out like I was the one being ridiculous.

The word 'Dad' made me instantly cringe, it was still an open wound that is very slowly healing. Even though I am slowly starting to call William, 'Dad' and Sarah, 'Mum'. It would take progress, but I will one day get there.

"Yeah, but they are busy" I try and find an excuse to not learn how to shoot a weapon. I rather be squashed.

"Make them un-busy!" Aneska demanded loudly in my ear making me wince.

"I can't, besides they wouldn't want to teach me-"

"We would be happy to teach you how to shoot", William's voice came from my bedroom door. Making me freeze up and slowly turn to see a very calm looking William Lennox.

"Ahuh. Told you." Aneska smugly stated with much achievement in her voice.

I groaned. "Crap."

•~••~•

G

runting with annoyance. I found myself in the backyard, holding a gun in my hands and looking at it with uncertainty.

Goggles strapped around my head and Earmuffs around my neck, I looked up at William whom held a cheeky smile on his face. Ironhide stood back and watched the show that was about to unfold with raised eyebrows.

"Do you know what gun you are holding?" William questioned casually and I just stared at him blankly. Waiting for a response, because obviously. I didn't.

I know nothing about weaponry, I find weapons cool and awesome to hear about, but I have 0 experience with them. I didn't grow up with weapons. I grew up playing in the sand pit and watching cartoons, whilst stuffing my face with cocopuffs.

"This is a Mamba Pistol. An automatic pistol" William paused, grabbing it off me to show it off. "It originated from South Africa and Rhodesia. It is named after an snake known for its deadly poison" William explained to me with a look of excitment. I forced a smile and nodded.

"It holds 15 bullets." William told me more information, before showing me how to load it up.

Nice, 15 bullets to shoot myself with.

I slowly slid on my goggles with a small sigh and put on my earmuffs. Getting prepared to shoot a pistol amd perhaps die.

We both held our own separate Pistol. My hands slightly shook from nerves, I held the Pistol tightly in my grasp. "Now the safety trigger needs to be pulled back, like this" William simply shows me by using his thumb and pulling the trigger back. Creating a small 'clicking' sound once in place.

"You got to keep a good, balanced and comfortable posture before aiming" I bit my lip and copied his actions. Putting my right foot forward, I held my arms out in a strong posture, trying very hard for them not to shake cowardly.

This is a lot scarier that I thought it would be. Maybe it was the fact that I had severe trauma with gun violence and here I was...learning to shoot a dangerous weapon.

"Now be careful when you fire. The gun might go backwards from the strength of the shot, so make sure you don't hit your face" William paused, seeming to grimance in memory of a similiar experience.

William smiled in reassurance when he saw my frown. "You're all good to go kid. Give it your best shot" William jabbed his thumb to the shooting post that had cans lined up along it.

I can do this. I can do this. I told myself repetitively as William and Ironhide focused on me. Fight your fear. That little voice in my head yelled to me.

Holding in my breath I focused on the middle soda can. My thumbs pulled down the safety trigger. The 'click' seemed to echo in my ears as I held a strong posture.

I got this. I got this. C'mon Hazel it's not that hard. You just got to pull the trigger. Not like you know anyone that has died from guns or anything...

My index finger slowly started to put pressure on the firing trigger. My hands started to shake uncontrollably and fear pumped through my veins. Flashes of red demonic optics hit me and the chilling reminder that I was no match to Knockout.

I can't do this.

"Hazel? Are you-" I chucked the gun across the ground. Heart beating hard and lungs breathing heavily. I quickly took off the equipment in embarrassment and shame.

I looked up at the two. William showed confusion and Ironhide displayed concern. "I can't do this", I breathe out in admittion, before rushing past them. My feet moved faster and faster, I was now sprinting back to the house.

"Hazel wait!" Will's voice called out to me, but I didn't stop. Had to escape. I heard the pair of them sprint after me.

My mouth seemed to become dry as my body shook uncontrollably, causing me to trip over and slam into the ground beneath me. I inhaled and exhaled rapidly, my muscles tensing and my chest tightening.

"Shit!" William cursed crouching beside me, the very fit soldier found it easy to catch up and was now clutching my shoulder.

"What's happening?" Ironhide's voice failed to hide the panic and worry, the raven haired male kneeled beside me and grabbed my wrist. Checking my heartbeat. "Her heart rate is irratic."

"Get Ratchet for me Ironhide, she's having a Panic attack! It's part of the PTSD."

In seconds Ironhide was com-linking Ratchet for help and William was comforting my shaking frame.

I felt so useless.

Why is my mind so against me for?