I've done my job, they've kissed and now I feel like I can just end the book lmao but I have to stick to the plan! The goal! This book is going to be like 60 chapters long. A slow burn. I can't rush.
bUt ItS fRuStRaTiNg AhHhH

Anywhore, happy reading!
(There's a little twist to the chapter I dunno if you all will like it so I am sincerely sorry!!)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: DEITY

Addiction is another name for insecurity.
-Toni Sorenson

Micah's

Taking a drag of my cigarette I glance up to the small goddess sitting on the ledge of my porch. At seeing the way her button nose is scrunched up I decide to blow the smoke towards her, enveloping her soft features in a cloud of grey.

Her hand comes up to block it and waves the smoke away from her.

Deciding to be the asshole that I am, the next time I've inhaled smoke I pull myself to AJ by her waist and blow a raspberry against her cheek.

The tiny deity squeals, hands coming up to my shirt in surprise.

Stopping once the smoke is gone, I give her skin one last peck before backing away -nearly laughing at her semi-angry but mostly adorable flush rising along where my lips used to be. 

"Didn't you used to smoke?" I ask, trying not to smirk as wide as I do but fail miserably. I know the answer to this, of course I do.

I know a lot about my little Goddess.

"Yeah," AJ pouts, her bright eyes attempting to glare up at me. "But I've always hated the smell of smoke. You're a jerk."

"Thank you," I smugly reply, grinning down at her as I gently hold my body to hers. I have to constantly remind myself to be gentle around her, gentle as a monster like me can be. "It's something that took forever to perfect." 

My words, however, are anything but gentle. 

While I can tell what flirting looks like, the tiny deity is lovably oblivious.

Especially when it comes to kisses.

Our relationship is so...innocent, compared to what it used to be. But I like it more this way.

This way -it feels real.

I've never had something quite like this before, something so tangible, so good...so pure.

Four months ago pure was only in my vocabulary as something I could stain, something I could ruin.

Being addicted, you don't notice the other things changing around you. The other things affecting you. Not when you have drugs.

I didn't notice when my parents gave up on me, because the drugs already made me numb. I didn't notice when I hurt myself too bad, it was all the same kind of pain -a necessary normalcy. I couldn't remember how many parties I've went to, how many pills I took, how many hits I took.

But I noticed her.

Her beautiful smile, the dorky laugh she has that makes others laugh even when the jokes not funny, the look she has in those damnably gorgeous grey eyes. The look they have only when they're pointed at me. Her body, that sends me on a high of it's own.

And those stupid sexy skirts.

She became another addiction.

She was the only thing I felt.

It didn't even happen slowly, over time, becoming an addiction like how you have to shoot up at least five times before it sticks.

This happened instantly.

"Demon," She whines, looping her nimble fingers through the loops in my jeans making our waists press together -breaking me from my thoughts in the best way possible. "Be nice to yourself."

"I'm pretty nice already Baby," Lightly, I bite her jaw, making a adorable little squeak come from the tiny deity. Being able to call her that is just a way to let her any everyone else know that she's mine, even if she doesn't admit it. "But only to you, little Goddess."

I love being able to get these reactions from her, call her these things, tease her.

"You're mean." Her voice is breathy, evidence of how I affect her.

We haven't kissed again, I haven't pushed it or asked for more. I'm not quite sure what we are, or what she wants us to be. But whatever it is, I'm not giving it up.

She gives me butterflies.

Besides, who wouldn't want to be able to point at a girl like AJ and say that you're hers?

I definitely would, and I'm the monster.

That's what they called me.

Girls like her don't belong with guys like me. I sure as hell don't deserve her but every time I try to point it out the only thing I get in reply is good luck convincing me of that.

"You're too nice," I tell her, leaning closer until my lips are just brushing against her ear. "And that is a bad thing."

"I could be mean!" Her tiny hands fist against my sweatshirt, I pull away just in time to see that cute pout form.

This pout makes me instantly want to bend my knee to her, to submit, to make her smile. I want to kiss her pout away, do anything she wants.

And all over a little quiver of the lip.

Instead I shake it off with a chuckle and roll my eyes at her, "You couldn't be mean if you tried. I think you can be hard, you can push people, boundaries but you can't be mean. I hate to break this to you AJ, but you really are just an adorable little human who stomps around handing off mangoes and flowers to people. Not intimidating. Not scary."

"H-hey!" The tiny deity's voice raises in pitch, but instead of pulling away from me she leans in with an even bigger pout -this time with a crinkle between her brows. "I am naturally terrifying. I am...I've made people cry before and I, I punched those guys!"

"Wow," I drawl, pretending to sound impressed. "It's not hard to punch someone, and that doesn't count. You were doing it to defend yourself, you just didn't get annoyed and thought to yourself 'hey, now would be a great time to damage my small little terrifying hands-"

"I am terrifying." She declares, smiling at how proud of herself she is when I nod in agreement.

"I'm trembling with fear." I tell her, trying desperately not to break into a grin and give my amusement away. "But you're still not mean. And I don't know what you did to make someone cry, but whatever it is doesn't count."

There's that pout again.

Doesn't she know she has me wrapped around her finger? That I would do anything she asked, except hurt her.

I'll give her credit for this one, because that thought?

It is terrifying.

"Why not?" I'm sure if AJ could reach the floor right now, she'd be stomping. 

Instead her legs are spread enough to where I could hug her comfortably if I wanted to, where she can hold our bodies together and grab my hoodie like she always does. It's comforting, knowing that whenever she wants I'm there, ready to be held onto and ready to hold her.

Lifting my eyes up from her lips I just noticed I was staring at, I find those bright eyes of hers staring at me in something close to awe mixed with curiosity.

She never stares at me like I'm broken, like I'm some fucked up kid who's going to stay fucked up, never with pity.

When she stares at me I can tell she knows that I'm broken, that I'm still trying to piece myself back together. But even if I am broken, her eyes alone tell me just how much more interesting I am shattered then never cracked at all.

For once it's nice to be admired by someone who see's the cuts and doesn't judge.

All she does is heal me.

One truth that has to be smacked silly into every person, is the universe fundamentally doesn't care about you. Life is full of weirdness, nothingness, disaster and beauty. And not a one of those things cares about you. You and those things do not intersect, life will move on without you but without life you wouldn't exist.

The world is yours for the taking, but not yours to control.

That's why it's so essential to get through to people that the only person they can and should control is themselves.

Some people, of course, find this hard to believe.

But I can promise them, it's true.

And some people like to point out how that should make everyone worthless, how our lives don't matter, how being so small makes us insignificant.

Personally, I think AJ is one of the people that proves all of us pessimists out there wrong, prove that life is worth it. That we just have to find ways to make ourselves feel big.

There's light in this world, there's good.

I wouldn't be surprised if Artemis bled gold at this rate, seeing as she breathes hope.

"Because," I shrug, smirking again. "You're too nice."

Exasperated AJ rolls her eyes, but I find that hot rather than offensive in any way. "I find it funny how I've tricked you into thinking I'm way nicer than I actually am. I'm a jerk just like you, emotional baggage and all."

"Thanks." I say dryly, making her smile sheepishly at me. "You don't have much of a filter do you?"

"Oh um, I have a filter?" Even she sounds like she's questioning that. "It's just selective. It likes to blurt things about you, but think about everything else way too much. I procrastinate on doing pretty much anything else that doesn't involve another person. Like I could talk with you for hours, and hug you whenever you need but it would be a fight to get me to even tell you when I- sorry."

Cutting herself off, those grey doe-eyes drop to my sweatshirt as if the hem she's now fiddling with is the most interesting thing ever.

"Artemis." My voice makes her glance up, but it isn't enough to get her to actually make eye contact with me. Thinking for a second I sigh, stepping closer and gently wrapping my arms around her.

I usually hate hugs.

My best friends have got black eyes trying to hug me, I haven't hugged my mother since I was sixteen and the last person I let hug me was my brother when our grandma died.

AJ she's...she's special.

Her hugs are safe. 

She doesn't suffocate me, or have an awkward hug, she makes sure I'm comfortable. And she fits right under my chin, my arms can wrap all the way around her.

I don't hate her hugs.

But I won't tell her that.

As far as I'm concerned she could think I'm the biggest hugger in the world and I wouldn't object -simply because AJ is the kind of person that once she realizes you don't usually like something, even if you tell her your exceptions, she still tries not to do it.

I want to feel safe.

So I don't tell her.

"I like talking about you, especially when you're the one talking. I like learning about you. Even the bad. Or the weird things. Or mangoes," I say this word in a way that if anyone heard it out of context, they'd think mangoes had done something to personally hurt me. Fact is, it's so endearing to see how bent out of shape AJ gets when you insult those orange fuckers. "And don't apologize to me unless there's a legitimate reason to."

"But I..." Seeing my look, the tiny deity gives in. "Okay. But I know you secretly love my mango smoothies."

Scoffing I cross my arms, stepping away to pick up the cigarette I left on the ledge. "Keep dreaming, Goddess."

"I will, Demon, don't worry."

Watching how content my girl is with just sitting on the ledge, swinging her legs while giggling to herself about god knows what is enough to get me to smile.

Smiling like this is still weird to me, I've tried to stop doing it since it's starting to hurt my cheeks.

It doesn't work.

I blow the smoke to her again.

"Is this a good time to talk?" Sawyer asks, cutting of AJ from saying something about her math class to me.

Narrowing my eyes at him a scowl instantly pulls at my lips, without even consciously meaning to I tuck my girl closer to my side. "Seeing as you had to interrupt someone to ask, no."

Jeremiah Sawyer.

The one other male I'll ever be okay being around Artemis like he is, the only person who could call her what he does- -ugly- -and get away with it. He tests my patience in every sense of the term, and sometimes it's almost comedic how annoying he can get.

But he's good for her. They're close, and she loves him. Sawyer, with all his flaws, is trust-worthy and loyal.

He's a moron.

I don't mind him as much as I used to.

God I could use someone to punch right now, or something.

But no, she would throw a fucking fit if I break another mirror or get myself hurt. Safety this, safety that, better safe than sorry.

It's a waste of her time, I think. Caring about me.

I used to be so lonely that I could physically feel it, like a brick being pressed down on my chest. It's not a feeling anyone can unlearn. It is just something others can help you forget for a while, company cures the weight but only constant care can get rid of the marks the brick leaves behind.

Now, I'm always with AJ.

Sometimes it's just the two of us, then there's Sawyer and sometimes I'm surrounded by people.

It helps, in a strange way.

That doesn't mean I like Sawyer anymore than I already do.

"Please," He says, struggling to meet my eye. And given, that shouldn't be as amusing to me as it is but I can't help it. "I just want you to understand something."

Staring at him for a moment I make sure this is actually serious, and once I realize it is I sigh and angle myself between Artemis and Sawyer, making her back hit the locker next to my own. This is the first time in my entire high school existence that I actually use my locker.

"Little Goddess." I say simply, grinning slightly when she instantly smiles at the pet name.

"Demon." She replies, bright eyes scanning my face. "You'll come back?"

I smirk, "As always."

AJ hugs me, hands clutching to the back of my sweatshirt. Instantly I sink into her touch, hugging her back before pulling away and turning to her idiot. I only wink as she waves, bouncing off to what I assume is her truck.

We were in a pleasant conversation, or rather as pleasant as math can get, and planned to go back to her house and play basketball with all the idiots she's collected and all their equally idiotic friends.

People aren't my strong suit.

"The fuck do you want Sawyer?"

That much is obvious.

"It's about AJ," Jeremiah says, making my attention instantly peak. "She's more...fragile than you know."

Raising an eyebrow, I motion for him to go on.

What the fuck does he mean by fragile?

My girl isn't fragile.

"When I first met her, we only saw each other Tuesday through Thursday and she would break down so much. I would beg her not to do anything to herself, to give it time and trust the system." That isn't what I expected to hear, but it doesn't sound too far off than what I would have expected to happen. "She would roll her eyes and smile at me like it was funny that I was worried, and she said 'I'm not going to kill myself in the middle of the week' like that wasn't something a person did. For the first month I stay up every weekend waiting with my phone's ringer all the way up, waiting to get a call."

"Why are you telling me this?" I question, crossing my arms as my annoyance instantly grows.

Did he ask AJ if he could share this? He should have.

Sawyer sighs, rubbing the back of his neck while I watch him with glaring eyes. "Because some times, on Saturday, I wake up in the middle of the night and I get so scared. She's perfect at pretending to be okay when she's not, she acts like she's invincible when we all know she's not. Her parents are acting the same way they did before, when she tried to kill herself. And she's so guilty about the past when she doesn't need to be. AJ hasn't healed, not completely. She's still in pain. She still has nightmares."

For someone with as much hurt as her, the way she acts is so beautifully kind.

Her mind must be an awfully terrible place.

"Thanks for warning me." I say after a tense moment.

It's then I walk away, but I think we both know that we're going to do our best to heal the tiny deity, to save her. To make sure Saturday nights are for laughing and sleep, not slit wrists.

Questioning Sawyer won't do me any good.

That moron knows AJ inside and out, if he tells me she's hurting than I have no doubt that she's hurting. 

This isn't hard to believe, just a conformation of something I've already gotten glimpses of.

AJ is so busy trying to fight everyone's fights for them, she's ignoring her own battle wounds.

The little goddess will be the death of me.

I have ended wars in my own mind, brought fellow monsters to the ground, dragged others to hell and back with a smirk. I wasn't born to be soft, or kind, I was born to make the world shatter and flinch at my fingertips. 

Yet at the end of my fingertips I find a gentle goddess, one that helped opened wounds become scars, who doesn't back down when I yell.

This sweet, pure, girl doesn't flinch at the sight of my hands.

I'm someone who didn't die when I should have.

But she doesn't care, because like she said-

Death doesn't want me.