A/N : Soooo,  Long time no update. I actually haven't been using my computer, due to some issues with it, and I now have a phone I can use for the app, but my chapter was still on my computer and the phone confuses me. ANYWHO! Dirtiness in this chapter...

Chapter 33 - Ditto

Silence, complete and utter silence except for the occasional shuffle of restless people, the waiting room was packed full. Irene sat next to me, ready to comfort me if I fell into random unprovoked sobs again. Half of my heart with Leo, who was holding Logan as if he was simply an overgrown infant. Aaron had on are around Saloon and cradled Jared in his arms, William was fast asleep in mine, occasionally whimpering and clutching my hand unconsciously. Aliee and Micheal had left for coffee, and Riley.... Riley hasn't left the morgue, and Jimbo hadn't left him. The funeral prep was being handled for the 16 people we lost. One spot being made just in case, for the 17th member in question. Which brings me to where the other half of my heart was. Four doors down, on a operation table with Levi. No news had been given in the 6 hours he was in surgery.

How could it of all gone so wrong in such a short amount of time? I felt like just a second ago I was in the field with Irene and Aria telling them I was ready to complete the mating process... at the same time it felt like a year ago. Now Aria is... gone. And Levi... my dear Levi, may soon be joining her. I looked to Logan again, maybe even he would be lost. Leo would be devastated... we all would.

"Alpha?" The male doctor who had delivered Leo and Levi walked out with bloody scrubs and a grim face. I stood up, setting William in Irene's lap and got there as Leo and Logan did. I clutched my hands tightly. Please goddess, don't take him from me to.

"Miss you need to step back." I looked around for who was coming but realized he was speaking to me. Ivy growled and I felt a rush of anger fill me. Before I even thought I grabbed him by the throat.

"You spit out the damn news before I rip out your tongue." Low and menacing, my voice scared the doctor as he fought my grip, and then tingles spread up my arm. I looked at Leo's warm hand that rested calmly on my arm, and felt a million emotions. This was the first time he touched me... since... since. I took a deep steady breath and loosed my grip, healing the doctors throat as I let go. I understood why Leo didn't want to touch me, because I couldn't heal Him. I blamed myself too, I tried to heal Levi, but it was as if the Goddess was punishing me, by letting me heal people who were inconsequential, but not to heal the ones I needed. Tears filled my eyes as I gazed in to those cold blue eyes, he hated me. I moved from his touch, from the command of his stance and the chill of his eyes.

Logan glared at me, I couldn't blame him though. He wanted something I couldn't give him either, just thinking about it made me flinch.

*Flashback*

"Ivory! You can heal her, bring her back just like you did William." Logan's eyes pleaded me to do something I couldn't. Aria's body was still in his hands.

"I can't. It wasn't right what I did with William, and this time my punishment will kill me." A deep rooted anger filled his eyes as he let her go and jerked me to my feet, eyes wide and dangling off the ground, I prayed Leo would help me.

"You think your life is more important than hers?" He hissed, I felt his claws dig into my arms and flinched.

"No! But my mates lives are more important than anyone else, I won't let them die because I wanted to play god. I wish I could, I really do! But even if I wanted to.... she is to far gone..." I sobbed, not mentioning that I couldn't put her head back on her body.

"Useless, completely useless." He growled as he dropped me and Leo wouldn't look at me, after all, I had failed to heal his brother, and just denied to even try on his mother. Logan looked down to the body and then at me.

"You should of stayed away, my boys would of been fine without you... all of us would." I had sobbed into the ground then and Leo picked up Levi, carrying him to the infirmary as others began cleaning the battle field all around me, Kat and Roxy were at my side at once.

"Its not your fault Ivory, Daddy just hurts!" Roxy reasoned, her face was tear stricken, her eyes were haunted, but her arms were comforting.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

***

"What's the news?" Logan's voice pulled me back to the present as I blinked back the tears.

"Nothing good." I had to look away as tears filled the doctors eyes. "Physically he should heal, but there was silver. I don't know how, but he got large amounts of silver in his blood. We have him on blood dialysis and the silver level is going down, but who knows if the damage is to late to change, only time will tell.

"Can I see him?" I blurted.

"Of course..." I didn't listen to anything else as I ran past the doctor, trying to find his scent.

"Room 6" One of the nurses offered. I walked to the door and took a deep breath before going in. Machines were everywhere, tubes coming out of his arms and mouth. But the worst thing was the hospital smell... more specifically the lack of my Levi's scent.

'Mate" Ivy howled. I stood back studying him.

The blanket was around his chest, which was bare aside from the large bandage on his shoulder and large dark veins coming from the wound the bandage hid. I tried to swallow but the bulge in my throat was to big to get around, and I sobbed as I threw myself to his bed and gently laid my head on his chest, heaving through my tears.

"I love you! I should of said it more" I cried. "I sh...shou...should of..." I broke off unable to even complete the sentence. I just cried, wishing his green eyes would look at me, his strong arms would hold me, and his soft lips would claim mine. But nothing changed... even when everything around us did.

- - - - - -

I was alone... all alone... numb? Maybe... Maybe I just felt to much to feel any one thing. Alone for the past three days, Ivy fading in and out. William stayed with his family, but I think it was more Allie needing her whole family with her than anything. Aria was like her sister, Logan is her brother, and her nephew may be dying. Logan stayed with her. Aaron spent his time with his fathers. I only saw people when I left to see Levi, no one spoke to me. When I looked in the mirror I realized why, I looked terrible. But I left an empty bed, only to come back to one. Leo hadn't spoken or talked to me. I missed Levi, but I missed Leo more, perhaps its because he is choosing to not see or talk to me. I fought food down, and wore my magic to the bone trying to heal Levi... I tried every day, nothing changed in the regards that it didn't work.

I had to say goodbye to Grams without Leo, and Irene had to leave with her body, to be buried next to my mothers. She offered for me to come, but she knew as well as I did I couldn't leave Levi. I curled into my pillow mates, the TV played but I generally zoned out, it just filled the silence. Pulling both of my pillow mates closer I tried to imagine heat radiating from them, as it would with my real mates. Part of me knew the human shaped pillows wearing my mates clothes was childish, but the rest of me found comfort in it, and I needed that more than anything. Alone... all alone....

I angrily wiped at the tears that started coming down my face, and looked at the two blue buttons I used for eyes on my Leo Pillow's face wishing they could show me love and care, I turned away and pulled it close to my chest as I sobbed.

"I'm sorry, so sorr sorry." I hiccuped. " I miss you, Goddess I miss you both so much." My silent prayers I vowed to quit kept popping in my head, but I couldn't voice any of them as I cried. I noticed the cool air on my cheeks and looked up at the door. I wiped my tears quickly as Leo stared down at me. He looked absolutely crushed. 100's of things ran though my mind, none of the them comforting. I wanted his comfort, but didn't dare reach for it.

"I though you were with Levi." His voice was odd.

"I couldn't get out of bed. Is he okay?"

"I'm so sorry baby." His voice was cracked and I felt the scolding tears return, not bothering to wipe them away because I knew no matter what, my face would give away my agony.

"He can't be... He can't be gone." I turned my face away and clutched my Leo pillow, praying for it not to be true.

"Ivory...." My name came out as a whisper, and with so much pain and anger it took my breath away.

"I'm so sorry, I tried to heal him but.... I just can't" I made my cries silent, but couldn't stop the shaking of my chest, I took a deep breath of Pillow Leo.

"Your sorry?" He sounded incredulous, like he couldn't believe what I just said. My Levi... my sweet sweet Levi.

"I know that not enough." I was startled by Pillow Leo being ripped out of my arms, I stared at his stormy eyes filled with pure hatred.

"FUCK!" He screamed, I flinched, not because I thought he was hit me, but because of the anger. He looked to the face pillow that he had grabbed, it being the only thing left as the body had fallen to the floor.

"He's fine"

"What?" I croaked in confusion.

"I mean nothings changed, I wasn't apologizing about that. I did..." He continued to glare at the pillow. "THIS." He sounded so disgusted, my pain was left with a wave of confusion.

"What do you mean?" He growled and sparks exploded as he hauled my body to his.

"It should of been my body right here. Not some damn pillow!" His hissed. What was going on? Levi isn't dead... he is okay...Well the same. But what is Leo mad at me for?

"I don't under..." Whatever I was about to say was lost as his lips claimed mine. I felt the rumble in the back of my throat as he groaned into the kiss. I felt Ivy pull up as I growled, and I felt like I was taking my first breath in days. Twisting my fingers in his hair I pulled him closer into me and slipped my tongue past his lips. Leo, his taste and scent pulled me into a tight cocoon. His chest shuddered against me, his arms gave me no room for movement, but his lips were soft, firm and bruising. I needed to be closer! But even as I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling his hardness against me, I still wasn't close enough.

"Ivo.." I growled when he pulled his mouth away and caught his lip between my teeth. I felt my back his the softness of the bed as he fell down with me, the weight of his hips pressing deliciously into mine when he tore his lips from mine and growled against my neck. He inhaled deeply as if trying to calm himself, but I knew my arousal was in the air, and it couldn't of helped calm anything.

"Leo." I moaned as his hips thrusted against me, he froze as if shocking himself. I raised my hips slowly moving against him as he shook above me. His teeth clenched on my neck as he created more friction with every thrust, I could feel the erotic feel of the jeans on my bare skin underneath the robe I was wearing. Skin! With a rush I realized I needed to feel him. I grabbed his shirt and tore it, I clawed at the flesh of his back and felt the tip of my canines scrape his neck.

"Oh god." The words tore from his mouth as he pulled back. Ivy howled and was pulled into the passion, and for the first time we seem to have equal control as we rolled him beneath us.

"MINE." I growled lowly.

"Yours" His head rolled back as I switched between kissing, licking and sucking his skin until I fallowed the last of his stomach and got to his pants. His fists were clenched beside him and I pulled loose the belt and pants. With his help I pushed them down to his knees. His cock sprang free, tall and proud and I looked up to Leo as his eyes gazed down with eyes glazed in desire.

I smiled at him, licking my lips. All I could think was Leo, making him mine, making sure he knew.... so I knew he was still mine. I kept eye contact as I swiped my tongue across his tip, his eyes glowed and his hips jerked as I took him in my mouth, tasting him, I couldn't take all of him but I teased the base of him with small movements. I worked him until his knees shook, and every-time he closed his eyes or fell back my jealousy would rise and I would suck hard, making his eyes jerk back to my movements.. MINE! I worked harder and faster as his shivers and moans ended with a feral growl when he tried to pull me away, I snapped at his fingers. Part of me realized I wasn't acting rational, but I didn't care. I moved up his body to his ear and whispered things I never would of thought of, I was animistic and wild... I was Alpha Female.

"Your mine! Only mine and no one else's. To be in our bed only, next to me, always. Cause I love you." The hushed husky voice was mine.

"And y-your mine!" I slammed my mouth to his and wrapped my hands around his shaft, I pulled back and his eyes shown with love and lust. I pulled my robe dress over my head, showing him that nothing was underneath. A choked sound came from him but I gave him no time to react before I positioned myself over him and slid down, now for the first time he was sheathed tight inside me, I knew I was his first and his one and only. he cried out with a loud moan as I took him fully.

"Ivory! OH goddess save me." He pleaded and I pulled up slowly circling my hips up and down, faster and faster. He met me thrust for thrust before flipping me under him roughly, making quick, jerky and oh so sweet movements as I climbed higher and higher with him.

"Leo!" I gasped his name as the pressure built, sweat slicked out bodies .

"Cum with me baby." He growled and I came beneath him as I stuck my teeth into his neck, claiming him as mine and with a glorious scream I came again with him, his weight dropped on me and I purred as his hands caressed me while our breathing slowly returned.

"I love you." I whispered as he slipped from our intimate embrace and pulled me to his side spooning me, in a shell shocked, quivering voice I heard him say he loved me to as I fell asleep.

.

*Leo's POV*

Confusion, pleasure.... a million things ran through my head as I looked down at her peaceful face. Perhaps it was more her expression that was peaceful. She had dark bags under her eyes, her beautiful red hair looked more like a mane. And though she wasn't as thin as when she first came to us, she was getting close to it.

My body tingled in ways I didn't full understand, my wolf sated and purring, the only time recently I had felt the wolf that shared its soul with my brother. I raised the arm she wasn't sleeping on and felt my neck. Though still tender, touching the mark sent a shock of pleasure through me. When I had walked in the room to grab my clothes, I had assumed she had left to see Levi, as she did everyday. Though I excepted many things, hate, anger, rage, and sadness, never did I expect her to go complete Alpha on me. Her small body was was curled into mine, even in her sleep she was seeking what she had been missing. Her pale Irish skin contrasted deeply against my tan. She had never looked so beautiful.

Exashtion started to claim me, but even through it, a million questions ran through my head. But with her body next to mine and a satisfaction I had never felt, rest was much stronger than my need for clarity, and I fell asleep.

- - - - - - - - - -

*ivory POV*

I stood silently in the doorway at Leo looked at the mark on his neck, Ivy was filling my head pride, but even through it she felt the same thing I did.... confusion. Though I had no regrets about the night before, we both had questions. Even being the animal side of me, Ivy was shocked with the wild way we had behaved, and we.... that brough another question, how had we both had equal control? Sure born wolves could all the time... but me and Ivy had never been able to occupy my bodies actions at the same time... and there was also the mix of pleasure and guilt on my mates face, that led to questions.

Unaware of my staring Leo continued to study the mark with mixed emotions.

"I don't know about you but I like it." I said, deciding to announce my presence.

"I love it." The words were awed, distracted, but still.

"You seem more confused by it..." I trailed off.

"I just..." He turned toward be and his breath seemed to be stuck. "Wow."

"You just?" His eyes trailed over me, though I had my robe back on, I could feel the caress.

"Um..." He turned back toward the mirror. "After the way I treated you.... Well, it wasnt what I expected..."

"Wasn't it?" This time confusion was the only thing he showed.

"You left me alone to deal with the potential loss of my mate..." The guilt on hsi face almost stopped me, but I kept going. "You let me say goodbye to my Grandmothers body... alone. I cried in OUR bed, alone. I wore myself out trying to heal something I couldn't, I ate rarley. You never came back to our bed..." I struggled for compsure as my voice cracked. "Leaving me to only imagine what bed you stayed in. And you wonder why the second I got my hands on you, I had to show you only I could make you feel at home?" His eyes filled with tears.

"Baby... That was my first time, ever... There is only you, there will only ever be you." In seconds he was in front of me wiping the tears that formed. "But when I thought about Levi being gone, all the things we learned we would share, you, your love.... your body. Well, having it to myself seemed wrong, knowing in our sadness we might mate to find comfort, felt wrong." I flinched

"Last night felt wrong to you?" Even I heard the ache in m voice.

"NO! It felt...complete. I just... I lost my mom, I was loosing my brother, I didnt know how to handle it." I stared into his eyes waiting for the final blow.... but he just stared.

"So... you don't hate me?" He just laughed, but it held no humor.

"How could I ever hate you?" I leaned into his hand as he cupped my cheek.

"I cant heal him..." His eyes glazed.

"I LOVE you! I don't blame you for any of this." He must of seen the doubt in my eyes, because he continued. "This mark on my neck, it means the world to me. Last night... I couldn't... It was perfect. Yea, things could of been different to make it better, like you choosing to mate with me because you were ready, not because I had pushed you until you and Ivy had to prove to me and yourself that I was yours. Because no matter what, I will always be yours." His eyes shined with love, I could see that, but there was still guilt.

"Leo, I wouldn't of mated with you if I wasn't ready, I had been planning to mate with you and Levi when... when they showed up." I reach up to wipe the tear in his eye.

"So it wasn't....in the moment?"

"Oh I was in the moment." I laughed. "But my decision had been made before the moment ever came."

"I am sorry... that I left you alone." I sighed, wrapping my arm around him.

"Just don't do it again." I said into his chest.

"Like I could, your mark on my neck is like a rope, the farther I am away from you, the worse I would feel."

"Good." I felt his chest rumble with laughter.

"Lets get you dressed and go see Levi.... together."

"What time is it?"

"Around eight, but I figured since we slept most the day, neither of us would be really tired."

"Okay... Let me get dressed." I pulled back from him.

'I love you, you know that right?" I smiled at him.

"Ditto."