Ryan is quiet the whole ride home from the clinic. He stares out the back window, his hand gripped tightly in mine, resting between our legs. I run my thumb along his, comfortingly, and every few minutes he'll squeeze mine back in acknowledgment, or maybe, I figure it's way of telling me he's not mad at me (or at least, I hope).

There's some good news and bad news.

The good news is,that I'm clean. The bad news is that I wont know if I'm negative or not (which I better fucking be, or someone's going down - namely, Ethan) until sometime next week, or worse yet, maybe even the week after. Which is totally just not fair like, at all. Why is it that you can find out almost immediately about all the other STDs, but I have to wait a week (if not longer) for the most important one of all. They make you sit and sweat, and wonder, and pretty much just go insane with worry.

Ryan didn't bother getting tested at all because I'm the only one he's ever slept with, so really, what's the point of him having his dick poked and prodded too? Even though, I have to admit, a part of me would have felt so much better if I had someone else to go through the pain and humiliation with. However, I guess I'm just a good, selfless boyfriend like that, right?

I catch my mom sneaking concerned glances at us through the rear view mirror every few minutes, and it's not 'till about three quarters of the way home before she finally opens her mouth and decides to say something. "Look, guys, I know it's really nerve-racking, but you can't let yourself get all worked up over it, waiting. It's just not healthy."

Ryan keeps his eyes transfixed out the window and his mouth closed. I look my mom in the eye through the mirror, my thumb still running absentmindedly against his.

She sighs, biting onto her bottom lip. "Honestly," she continues, "Brendon, if you were as careful as you said you were, I'm sure you don't have anything to worry about. Plus, if Ethan does have it, I'm sure he would know by now and would have contacted you."

I have a feeling this whole speech is more directed at Ryan than me, because I obviously already know all of this, and I'm really not all that worried. I'm still about 99% sure I'm perfectly fine and negative, and I'm planning on keeping it that way for a long, long, long time to come (okay, well, I'm actually just not planning on getting it at all, but you know).

The thing is though, is that it's Ryan's freaking out that's kind of rubbing off on me, not making me feel so great. However, unless he's mad at me and storming out of the house (to go hang out with Dayna), I can't really blame him, I mean, because like I said before, I was pretty much the exact same way with Ethan. And I know, if me and Ethan ever forgot to use a condom during sex, I'd probably handle it a whole lot worse than Ryan is handling it right now with me. I'm just not freaking out now, because I know Ryan's a virgin, so it's not like I really have to worry about getting it from him.

Ugh. I just want to get our results back so this whole thing can be over and done with for good. Is that so hard to ask?!

Apparently.

I turn to look at Ryan, who's still staring at the window, and he barely even lets out a nod of recognition. I don't even think he listened to anything my mom said.

Through the rear view mirror, my mom's eyes reply for her. I tried, they say.

I sigh, and fall back against the back of the seat because she did, and there's not really anything anyone can say about it anymore.

Well, not until we hear back from the clinic... whenever that'll be.

- - -

Tuesday afternoon in art class, me and Jon decide that on Friday we're going to have a BFF night, and it's going to fucking awesome.

"We can change into our PJ's and slippers, and watch movies, and gossip, and talk about boys! Oh, and we can make cookies!" Jon squeals, and the funny thing is, is that I'm pretty sure he's not even kidding.

The other funny thing is, is that I'm not kidding either when I squeal back and go, "Oh my god! Yes!"

We pinky promise each other (yes, we still do that, shut up, you're jealous) that it's just going to be the two of us, and no one else. Not Spencer, not Ryan, not anyone, not even for like, a second. Because we realized that wow, we totally suck, and we've pretty much been neglecting each other since Ryan and Spencer came along, and that's just not cool.

And, I mean, I'm starting to really miss my bestie, okay?

My second great idea doesn't hit me until the next day at lunch, when me, Jon and Spencer are all sitting at our regular table, waiting for Ryan to show up.

"Hey!" I cry, slapping my hand against the table.

Spencer and Jon look up instantly, startled. Jon's raises a hesitant eyebrow, like he's scared to ask.

"Since you and Ryan totally aren't allowed to see us all night Friday, you guys should totally have your own BFF night!" I suggest, and just geesh, when did I get so gosh darn smart?

Spencer's eyes immediately light up at the idea, and I swear, he even starts bouncing in his seat a little. "Yeah!" He beams enthusiastically . "That'd be so sweet! I haven't hung out with that kid, just the two of us, in forever!" Then, slowly, his smile starts to fade, and his voice lowers as he goes, "But, I mean, that's only if Ryan wants to..."

"What are you talking about?" I ask. "Of course he does."

He shrugs, looking unsure, but his smile reappears anyway. "Okay."

When Ryan finally decides to join us, he apologizes, mumbling something about how he was talking about Dayna.

I roll my eyes to myself, because of fucking course he was.

"So, Ryan, you know how me and Jon are having our BFF night on Friday?" I ask, as he pulls out his container of salad from his brown paper bag.

"Mhm," he mumbles in a bored tone.

"Well, we were thinking it would be a perfect time for you and Spencer to hang out too. You could have your own BFF night," I suggest, squeezing his knee under the table. I look up at Spencer, who's biting onto his lip, and looking at the top of Ryan's head with a hopeful expression on his face.

Ryan shakes his head and goes, "Sorry, but I already have plans with Dayna." He looks up at Spencer briefly. "We can hang out another time, Spence."

I take my hand off his knee.

The look that spreads over Spencer's face is enough to make me cry, I swear it. I mean, I don't even like Spencer on most days, but the heartbroken expression on his face is seriously making me consider getting up and hugging him so hard until he can't breathe.

Ryan doesn't seem to notice as he takes a bite of his salad.

"Oh," is all Spencer says, and it's all he can probably say, because he looks like he's going to burst out into tears at any second.

I can't even believe this. I'm not even kidding as I say, I'm almost ashamed to have Ryan as my boyfriend right now. I mean, can't he just not hang out with Dayna for one day to hang out with his lifelong best friend, instead of some stupid, little, conniving bitch?

"Sorry," he says again, but he doesn't even try to sound genuine.

Spencer bites his lip, tears welling in the corners of his eyes as he stares down at his feet. Of course Jon's already at the rescue, slinging his arm around his waist and pulling him against him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. And just, goodness, I never thought I'd see Spencer like this in my life, so sad and... vulnerable. He looks just like a little, lost, beaten kitty.

There's a few minutes of awkward silence (or just silence in Ryan's case 'cause he's such an ignorant asshole and doesn't realize it) and Jon breaks it by going, softly, like he's scared if he talks too loud he'll break him, "Oh, Spence, didn't you have to go and talk to Mr. Robertson about that Chem project?"

Spencer looks up at him, confused. "Wh - "

Jon sends him a look, eyes wide like, come on, just pretend you know what I'm talking about, and Spencer takes a moment before his own eyes widen in realization, and his mouth forms a large 'O'. "Oh! Yeah, that project! Right. You're right," he mumbles, and yeah, it's so not obvious at all.

"So, do you want to go now? I'll come with," Jon says, already standing up before Spencer can answer, leaving his uneaten food abandoned on the table. And he must really care about him, even more than I had expected, because Jon does not leave food uneaten, take my word on it.

I look over at Ryan, seeing if he caught onto it all like I had, because he's definitely not stupid, but he's still staring down at his salad, oblivious. I don't even think he's listening.

Spencer slowly stands up from his chair, watching Ryan the whole time, who still doesn't look up to meet his hurt gaze.

Spencer bites onto his lip, and swallows. "Okay..." he mumbles, rubbing at his arm. "Well... I guess I'll see you guys later..." He takes small pauses between the words, like he's giving Ryan time to stop him, or at least say something. Anything.

I look over at Jon, who's glaring down at Ryan, like he's about five seconds from ending his life.

"Oh, yeah, bye," Ryan mumbles offhandedly, like he's distracted by the goddamn leaf of lettuce or something, and still doesn't even bother looking up.

God, my boyfriend really is a heartless, inconsiderate bastard. I'm really considering joining Jon on this whole life ending thing right about now, to tell the truth.

Spencer gives him one lost, devastated, but almost hopeful look, like he's waiting for him to jump up and cry, "I'm just kidding, Spin! Of course I'll hang out with you instead of that stupid, slutty bitch!" But he doesn't. He just sits there and continues to play with his salad.

Spencer lets out a sad sigh, and Jon wraps his arm back around his waist, and practically pulls him out of the cafeteria, away from Ryan AKA the heartless bastard. But not before I send Spencer a sympathetic look and mouth, 'I'm sorry' because that's all I can really think of to do at the moment. Spencer forces a small smile, and shrugs as he mouths back 'it's not your fault' back, tears still in his usually icy blue eyes.

Then, just like that, they're gone.

I wait a moment before shoving Ryan's shoulder, a little more harder than I had actually intended, but whatever, I don't feel sorry, because it's not like he doesn't deserve it.

"Ow! What the - " he cries, grabbing onto his forearm and narrowing his eyes at me into thin, little lines.

I ignore his cries of pain, and demand, "Don't you think you could skip Dayna for one freaking night and hang out with your best friend, Spencer, whom you seemed to have forgotten about lately? You haven't spent time with him in forever, and you hung out with her two days ago, and then two days before that too."

"What are you talking about? I hang out with him everyday," he snaps, turning back to his salad. And he's totally being serious too, he thinks an hour a day at lunch qualifies as hanging out. God, he's even more of an idiot than I thought. "And I'm not just blowing her off, we already made plans," he says, looking up at me like the whole thing was the most idiotic idea to ever come out of my mouth.

I shake my head, and stare up at the ceiling. "I can't believe you," I mutter under my breath.

"What?" he asks, and he seriously, doesn't know.

I stare at him long and hard, and he stares back at me like, what?!

I get up, grab onto my unopened lunch bag and say, "I'm going to find Spencer and Jon. Why don't you go find your precious fucking Dayna?"

I don't give him anytime to answer, before I'm pushing through the crowds of people just standing around in between tables, blood pounding. Because, just, seriously. How is my boyfriend so dense? And rude? And stupid? And inconsiderate? And just, ugh!

I pull my phone out of my pocket once I'm in the quiet of the empty hall, and speed-dial Jon's cell. He picks up after the fifth ring with a soft, "Hi."

"Um, hi," I mumble, clutching the paper bag in my hand. I feel a little ashamed even though it wasn't even me being the complete dick. "Where are you guys?"

He sighs, and there's a pause on the other line before he answers, "In my car."

"In the parking lot?"

There's another pause. "Yeah."

"Okay, stay there. I'm coming."

"No, don't," Jon says, quickly. "Just, no. It's not a good idea."

"I'm not with Ryan. It's just me," I say, already heading to the parking lot doors.

"Still, no," Jon says, voice stern. "Just, Spencer's really upset right now. He doesn't really want to see anybody. But, I'll talk to you later about it, okay? I just gotta go. Bye."

"B-but - " I start, but I'm cut off by a click, that's followed shortly after by the annoying sound of the dialing tone.

- - -

After school, I get a text from Ryan saying he's hanging out with Dayna and he'll be home later.

I don't reply.

- - -

Ryan doesn't get home until well after dinner.

And I'll tell you, I'm pissed. My mom even had to take away my dinner, because I was sabotaging it in anger more than I was actually eating it.

When he gets home, I don't talk to him. I don't say a word besides, 'You're an asshole, don't talk to me' when he firsts walks into our room.

He frowns, rolls his eyes and throws his whole oh-my-god-I'm-a-diva act, and I just ignore him and read. Okay, actually, I'm sitting there pretending to read, because I'm way to mad and just ughughughUGH to even try to attempt to read.

He ends up giving up and going downstairs.

I guess I end up falling asleep at some point, and when I wake up, its dark and there's something rubbing at my leg. I'm also ridiculously hard.

I end up letting him fuck me, but in my defense, it was only cause I was very, very, very horny and half-asleep, because by the morning, I'm back to giving him the silent treatment.