I get to school a little earlier than usual the next day, so I decide to go up to Ryan's locker and see if he's here already. We've still got twenty minutes till the bell rings, so I figure we could have a quick make out session in the downstairs bathroom. Yeah, I know, wishful thinking, but shh. I can dream, cant I?

However, when I reach his locker, he's there alright, but of course, Dayna's there with him. She doesn't look upset either, oh no, she looks completely fucking giddy and just, the happiest person on earth as she clings onto Ryan's arm as they laugh and kiss. But, really, why am I surprised? It's not like I actually thought he was going to break up with her.

She presses a kiss to his jaw, and giggles some more. And fuck, I hate her so much. Why can't I just be her, God? Life would be so much easier.

I'm just about to run away, and cry, when Ryan turns, and sees me, standing there, eyes red and lip twitching. He stops, dead in his tracks, smile fading completely. He looks between Dayna and me, Dayna and me, then I don't really stick around to see who he's gonna look at next, because I'm stalking off down the hall, arms around my waist, forcing back the tears. Because really, how embarrassing would it be if I just burst out crying in the middle of the hallway, and in front of her at that?

When I'm near the end of the hallway, by the back staircase, I hear Ryan call my name, but I just keep going. I'm done. It's over. I can't do this. He's obviously not going to break up with her, and I cant fucking stand sharing him anymore. He's probably not even gay. He's probably bisexual, and he doesn't actually have feelings for me, he's just playing me along. And all of this was just some big joke, and he actually really loves Dayna and not me, and...

"Brendon! Stop!" Ryan cries, and this time he's right there, breathing down my neck. He grabs onto my shoulder, and pushes me back into the wall, cornering me. "Stop," he repeats, voice firm.

"No, Ryan, you stop!" I cry, and I can't even help as the tears fall down my cheeks. And, it's like, great, now I'm the one bawling my eyes out. Except as my luck has it, I'm in the middle of the school hallway - and thank god, it's empty. "I'm so fucking sick of this, okay? If this is all our relationship is ever going to be, I can't do this, okay? Just tell me right now. Honestly, are you ever going to break up with her?"

"Yes, I told you I would," he says, biting onto his bottom lip. He's so close, I can feel his breath spill against my lips.

I shake my head. "Yeah, well, it didn't look like it."

"I just ran away from her for you without saying a word. And it's not like I can just break up with her at school, or on the phone, Brendon." He sighs. "I'm going to tomorrow, okay? I'm going to her house. I mean, I would have even done it tonight but my dads being a dick and telling me I have to stay home. But I promise, I'll actually do it this time."

I sniffle, and hiccup, and let my head drop against the wall with a thud. A few seconds pass before I go, "Why does it have to be so fucking hard and dramatic with us? Why can't it ever just be good?" I wipe my wet cheeks with my sleeves.

He grabs onto my hips and pulls me into him. "I don't know, but it will be eventually," he whispers. He presses his nose against my cheek, and adds, "I love you, okay?" He tilts his head up and presses a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth. I note that he doesn't even look around to see if anyone is close enough to see, even though I know there isn't.

I swallow, and nod as I rest my head against his shoulder. "I promise, I will," he repeats, soft voice trickling down my neck. He keeps his arms around me, and I sniff, and nod once more, against his slender shoulder.

We stay like that until multiple voices begin to flood the hallway, and I find myself slightly surprised that Ryan didn't pull apart right at the sound of the first distant voice.

When we actually do pull away, he squeezes my hand in his and gives me a soft, reassuring smile. "I'll try and call you tonight, okay?"

I nod. He takes a quick peak around the hall, and even though we're in the corner and no ones even looking in our direction, I'm surprised when he presses a quick kiss to my cheek.

- - -

Ryan doesn't end up calling me later that night, but he does call me Saturday afternoon to tell me he's going to Dayna's, and yes, he's still planning on breaking up with her and he'd come over after.

Before he hangs up he tells me he loves me, and I don't think that there will ever be a time when my stomach won't flutter the least bit when those words come out of his mouth.

I end up calling Jon, to help pass time by, but that doesn't last any longer than ten minutes, because him and Spencer are going out to start looking for tuxes for prom, which is like, two months away but it's like, okay, whatever floats your boat, right? And, okay, a little bit of, god, why don't you two just run away to Canada and get married already?

So since that plan didn't quite work out as well as I planned, I go downstairs and settle with watching Young and the Restless with my mom, and see what shenanigans Victor Newman and the gang are up to today. Then, my dad comes and barges in just as some blond, rich chick is about to shoot her mom for sleeping with her husband or something like that, and tells my mom they need to go grocery shopping like, right now. So, then my mom ditches me, and Young and the Restless really isn't too fun to watch by yourself, so I turn the TV off and trudge back up to my room.

Then I think, it's been almost hour since Ryan's called me and he's still not here. And, I mean, really, how long does it take to break up with someone? Okay, so maybe mine and Ethan's lasted awhile, but that's only because there was breakup sex involved. And I'll tell you, if there's breakup sex between Ryan and Dayna, someone will be getting a serious punch in the neck.

Next, I decide to go on the computer, but that's pretty boring too considering I don't have any friends besides Spencer and Jon, and they're out tux shopping (insert eye roll here) and Ryan, who's currently breaking up with his girlfriend for moi. I also don't have any internet friends, so that's out of the question. I also don't write those big, long things that no one ever reads, complaining about how my life is just so terrible, and no one gets me.

So, in the end, I settle for listening to my iPod, because I figure it won't ditch me and make me realize I'm a big loser with no friends. I guess I end up dozing off at some point, because I wake up from a vibrating coming from my pocket which more or less scares the shit out of me, and I figure that my heart won't stop racing until sometime in my next lifetime.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to see a picture of me and Ryan flashing on the screen. I take a moment to get all smiley and giggly cause that picture always does that to me. I took it a few days ago (before the whole Ethan kissing incident) when me and Ryan were lying in my bed, make-out hair and all, and I just kind of whipped it out and kissed him on the cheek out of nowhere. Then, of course, he squealed and whined, and told me to delete because he looked terrible. But I, of course, kept it because I think he looks perfect.

I finally snap out of it and realize, oh yeah, I should probably answer my phone. I yank my headphones from my ear, and flip open my phone. "Hello?"

"About fucking time," he snaps.

"Whoa, sorry. I got distracted by looking at your beauty," I reply.

"What?"

"Your picture. The one that comes up on my ph - "

"Could you please come and let me in?" he interrupts me, irritated. "I've been banging on your door for the past like, ten minutes. My arm's getting kind of sore. Okay, thanks, bye."

Click.

Well, fine then, bitch.

I get up off my bed, and practically dash down the stairs. When I open the door, I'm not greeted with a kiss, or a hug, or any of the sorts. No, I'm greeted with a slam of the door, accompanied by a huff and a storming up my stairs.

"Um, hi to you too?" I call up after him.

He doesn't answer back.

When I get up to my room, I don't see him, and I figure he went to the washroom or something, but then I look at my bed and see a Ryan-size lump under the covers. "Hmm, I wonder where my sexy boyfriend could be?" I wonder aloud, and creep towards my bed.

The Ryan-size lump doesn't move.

So, I kind of just get onto my bed and fall down on top of him. The lump lets out a loud, oomph noise, but then nothing else.

"Ryankins," I coo, and crawl up his body to the head of the bed. I pry the blanket off his face, and press my nose into what I assume to be his cheek. "Ry," I say again. "Baby, what happened?"

He swats me away, and digs his face further into my pillow. "Leave me alone," he says, voice muffled by the fabric. "I'm a terrible person."

"Well, I would but your kind of in my bed," I say, and move to press my face into his fluffy hair.

"Mmph." He reaches up and pinches at my neck just below my ear with his fingernails.

"Ouch!" I cry and grab onto my neck, because the kid has savagely, long fingernails, okay?

He instantly pulls his face up from my pillow, and in the process he ends up like, whacking me in the jaw with that abnormally hard head of his. "Fuck!" I curse, fall onto my back, and move my hand from my neck to grab onto my throbbing jaw. "Is it abuse Bden day, or what?"

"Oh my god!" he cries as he presses a hand to my jaw and the other to cover his mouth. "I'm so sorry," he says, but behind that hand he is so laughing.

"Nice to know that you can laugh at my pain," I snap, massaging my jaw with my fingers.

"Oh, shutup." He laughs, crawls on top of me, then kind of swats my hand away and begins to press soft kisses along my jaw. "There better?" he murmurs, then he presses one soft kiss to my neck where his savage nails pinched me.

"A little," I mumble, bitterly. "But only a little."

He smirks, his elbows resting on either side of my head, as he hovers above me. "Well then, I guess it's a good thing that you love me than, isn't it?" he murmurs against my lips, then he leans forward all the way to connect them with mine completely.

I grab onto his hips, and pull him down, flush against me. Of course, just the way my luck would have it today, his lips end up slipping from mine during the transition, and his teeth end up knocking against my chin. And it's like, fuck, today just isn't my day, is it? "What the fuck?!" I groan, and clutch onto my chin.

"Hey," he says, defensively, putting his hands up on the air. "You asked for that."

I make some awkward sound from the back of my throat that probably comes out something like, 'Nnnharfg' and wipe Ryan's spit from my chin.

He giggles and nudges his nose into my cheek. "Aw, muffin."

I squeeze at his side, which leaves him in a small fit of giggles and squirms. "Don't force me to tickle you, Ryan," I threaten.

He bites his lip, and sends me an innocent look.

"Okay, now back to the main reason why you came here in the first place," I say, serious. "What happened with Dayna?"

His face totally just drops at that, and all of a sudden he's rolling off of me, and he's back being a lump, with the covers over his head.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well?"

"Well, what do you think?" the lump cries. "Do you actually think the girl that was planning our wedding day, and picking out our kids names would take it well when I dumped her for a freaking guy. One that I've been cheating on her with for months?!"

"You told her that?" I ask, surprised.

"Well, yeah," he replies. "Wasn't that the plan?"

"No, well, I mean, yeah. I don't know," I stumble out, and no, he has to be lying. I just, yeah, no, he just has to be. This is Ryan here. Far, far in the closet, Ryan. "I just... I just thought you were breaking up with her," I say. "I didn't think you were like, telling her everything."

My blanket moves. "Well, I did."

I pull the blanket off his head, and stare down at him. "You're really telling the truth aren't you?"

"Yeah... I mean, if I'm breaking up with her, I mine as well tell the truth." He blinks, and looks at me sideways, caramel hair sticking up in every which direction. "Did you like, not want me to or something?"

"No, no," I say quickly. "No, it's good that you're telling the truth, I mean, yeah... but," I take a deep breath, "what about your dad?"

He sighs. "Whatever, he already hates me."

I send him a look.

"Sorry, 'disappointed in my choice of lifestyle,'" he scoffs, rolling his eyes. "He's just going to have to deal with it, and if he can't, well, then whatever, I guess I'll be living on the street then."

"Shut up, you'll be living here," I say, nudging his shoulder. "In my bed," I add, wriggling my eyebrows.

He rolls his eyes, but lets out a small laugh under his breath. "Okay, Brendon."

I smile, and press my head into his chest, taking in his scent. And ugh, what a wonderful, drool-worthy scent it is. I could just sit here and sniff him all day... in the least-creepiest way possible, of course. We're silent for a few minutes while I smell him, and he runs his fingers through the back of my hair.

"You know," I eventually say, "I feel bad."

"Oh yeah?" he mumbles, voice exhausted.

"Yeah, about Dayna. I mean, she had you first."

"It's nice to know I'm an object," he replies, sarcastic.

"You know what I mean." I sigh, and press my face further into his chest until I can hear his heartbeat, loud and steady. "Like, I don't know. All this time I've only been thinking about myself. But, what about her? Like you said, she was planning out your wedding, and your kids names and then I come along... and just blow it all away. I can't even imagine what that would feel like."

"What the fuck, Brendon?!" He groans, his fingers leaving my hair. "Why are you doing this? So, now you're turning around telling me that you didn't want me to break up with her? Like, seriously, make up your freaking mind!"

"No, no, no!" I cry, pulling my face up from his chest to look at him. "I just mean, well, I don't know, I was just saying... I'm happy you broke up with her, obviously. Because now, well, I mean I don't have to explain why. I was just saying..."

"So, then you're trying to make me feel worse? I already feel bad enough as it is, Brendon," he snaps. "Maybe I didn't love her but she meant a lot to me. We've been together since we were thirteen. That's almost five years, Brendon! We've been friends for way longer, and now she's never going to want to talk to me again!" He pushes me off of him, and sits up on the edge of my bed, back to me. "I'm going to loose all my friends now, and my dad is going to find out, and he's going to fucking kick me out! My dad! The man I've looked up to my whole life. After my mom died, he was all I had for a long time. He's always been there and now he fucking hates me! And I'm doing this all for you, Brendon! I'm loosing everything for you! And now we're getting into a fucking fight and this is the last fucking thing I need, okay?!" He sighs, and kind of just drops his head in between his knees and says nothing else.

Then, his shoulders begin to shake, and I just I lie behind him, with my lip in my mouth like an idiot. I mean, really, Brendon, really.

And like, really, why is it that it's either me or him crying? Can we never just be good? Why can't we just have a normal relationship?! We cant we be like Spencer and Jon and be fucking tux shopping for the fucking prom, for eff sakes?!

I sit up, and rest a cautious hand on his back. His shoulders continue to shake, so I kind of just let my forehead drop to his back, and sigh, racking my brains for something to say. "Ryan," I start, "I know you're going through a lot, and I also know you're giving up a lot for me too. But, don't you think you'll feel so much better now that you're not living in a complete lie and having to hide everything?"

He shakes his head. "You just don't understand, Brendon. You never will, not really anyway, because you've got these picture perfect parents that are completely fine with the fact that you like guys. You just don't understand what it's like to have someone that you've looked up to all your life, turn around and tell you that you're a disgrace. That he'll disown you if you continue being who you are. You don't understand how fucking hard it is, Brendon. You just don't."

I finally decide to just crawl off my bed, and kneel down in front of him on my hard floor, so I can at least get him to look at me. "Look, okay, maybe I don't exactly how it feels to have your parents say those things, and I probably wont ever, but I mean, I see how upset you are, and that hurts me seeing you like that, hurting and all. And, I mean, I suck at making people feel better and I suck at my words, but I understand that all of this is hard, really, really hard. And if I could make it all go away, and have us live happily ever after, I would, in a heartbeat. But it can't stay bad forever, and eventually, it will be good again. I know I've said that before, but it's true. You've got the crappy parts of life, and then the great parts, and then, well, the in between, but they all come and go." I rest my chin on his knee, as I look up at him from the top of my eyes.

He sniffs, and wipes at his eyes. "I don't know, Bren."

"But, I do, okay? Just, trust me, it'll pass eventually. And you have me until it does, and of course, after too." I squeeze at his lower thigh comfortingly.

He lets out a tiny, choked laugh, and shakes his head.

"I'm proud of you, you know," I say softly. "I never thought you'd actually do it."

"I do have some guts, somewhere deep inside," he mumbles.

"Well, now I know that."

He smiles, and I stand up, run my palms over his cheeks to wipe away the remaining tears. I crouch down, and kiss the side of his nose, and press my forehead to his. "I love you," I murmur.

He smiles, and nods. "I know."