"I'm allergic to you," binuhat ko ito at inilabas. "You can't stay here. Amd go find another place to bother."

Sinarado ko ang bintana at inalog pa ito para masiguradong naka-lock nga. I can't have that stray inside my room again. It's just mess after mess when it's around, tsk. I let out an exasperated sigh before looking at my clock on the wall, quarter to five. What am I supposed to do now? I felt my throat dry, yes, hydration first.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto at kumuha ng maiinom nang muling mapatitig sa art room ko. Art room, ha. Tinitigan ko ito ng matagal habang umiinom bago ipinatong sa counter ang baso. It almost feels like something is calling me from that place.

Mistulang may sariling isip ang aking mga paa, at wala sa sariling naglakad patungo sa art room ko na hindi ko rin alam bakit art room ang tawag ko eh alam ko naman sa sarili kong wala akong talent sa kahit anong uri ng art. I stared at the floor, the cat's small paw were all over, leaving a messy trail behind.

I followed its paw prints, it even covered the wooden tripod I bought few months ago, what is this called again? I picked it up and set it upright, dusting off the canvas that was stained with that annoying cat's paw prints in various colors. Ah, yes, easel. They call this easel.

Saan ko ba nakuha ang lakas ng loob at confidence para bilhin ito gayong wala naman akong ideya sa pagpipinta? Iniabot ko ang upuang kahoy na nakahiga sa sahig at naupo. Hindi ko maalis ang aking tingin sa canvas.

Weird, it was an accident, a mess, but... it looked beautiful. If a cat can make art, maybe I can too, right?

Napunta ang aking tingin sa mga nakakalat na paint materials na kailan man ay hindi ko nagamit sa ilalim ng easel. Hindi ko pa rin alam ang pinagkaiba ng mga ito. Pinulot ko ang isang manipis na brush at ang palette. Kunot noo kong tinitigan ang iba't ibang kulay na mga paint tubes, hindi ko alam ano ang pipiliin.

My gaze shifted to the black and white paint tube sitting on top of each other. Maybe, maybe that's it. I just have to let myself be. I don't need to watch tutorials. I can just paint not knowing...just like that cat.

Kinuha ko ang kulay itim at puti na paint tube at nagbuhos ng kaunti sa palette. Hindi ko kailangan alamin lahat, dalawang kulay muna. One step at a time. Hindi ko man alam ang pinagkaiba ng mga brush ngayon o paano gamitin ang ibang kulay ng paint na nabili ko, pero malalaman ko rin.

Perhaps I'll find out how this works along the way. No one starts as a master, Bea. I closed my eyes, heaving a deep breath. All start are messy, Bea. Just don't think, don't try to perfect it, don't try to make any sense of it.

I dipped my brush to the black paint, hands shaking but I started. I am finally starting, I colored the blank canvas for the first time.

A line? Wait, let's do a curve here. Itinuon ko muli ang tingin sa hawak na palette, what if I mix black and white? I'm not even sire what I'm doing, but I dipoed my white paint into the black and mixed it.

Gray.

Ano bang balak ko gawin? Napakamot nalang ako sa aking ulo, ah, kulayan ko nalang ng tatlong tatsulok ang gitna ng canvas. Okay, hmm. What's next, Bea?

I sniffed as the strong scent of the paint ticked my nose. Okay, let's go back to black, I sinked my brush into the water and lightly dried it off before I dipped it again to the black wait, yeah, this part is too light. Let's darken it.

Nagulantang ako nang biglang tumunog ang alarm sa phone ko. Ugh, hindi ko napansin ang oras! I should have finished eating by now! Alas siete na pala?

Did I just spend three hours painting this?

Ni hindi man lang ako nakaramdam ng gutom, well to be fair, wala rin naman akong gana. Skipping one meal isn't that bad. Tumayo ako at inistretch ang buong katawan ko bago kinuha ang canvas.

I couldn't help but feel...proud? Is that what I'm feeling now? I think this feeling is that though. Ang tagal ko ng hindi nararamdamn 'to, napahawak ako sa malakas na pagtambol sa dibdib ko. But, but, but it's ugly.

I titled it left and right, what was I exactly trying to do? It doesn't make sense. But art is supposed to not make sense, right?

I just figured to just let my hand do the work, like stop thinking or something. I should probably thank that cat's chaos. I was finally able to paint something, at least there's something...right? I wasn't exactly thinking of anything while I made this, so why? Why does looking at it feel like I am being compressed inside a room that is shrinking? I walked towards my bedroom without looking away at my strange art work.

Isang malakas na hangin ang sumampal sa mukha ko nang buksan ko ang pinto ng kwarto. Kunot noo ko itong tinitigan, bakit ba laging bigla na lang bumubukas iyang bintana na 'yan? I remember locking that shut earlier. I caught a glimpse of the familiar gray striped tail jumping down the window sill. I could only shake my head, I didn't bother to close the window.

The scent of the freshly cut grass whipped inside my room and for some reason, it's soothing my nerves. I buried myself in the bed, my stomach flat on the soft mattress as I stared at my first artwork.

I can't exactly call this a success, but a win's still a win.

It is messy, unidentifiable, and confusing. But I started. I finished what I started.

Napatingin ako sa bukas na pinto ng art room. The sight of the mess waiting inside made me click my tongue. Paint-stained paw prints. Scattered yarn. Fallen brushes.

"Kasalanan mo 'to." I looked at the culprit.

The cat, who had somehow made itself comfortable on my windowsill again, answered with a lazy meow.

"Meow."

I rolled my eyes. May gana pa talagang sumagot ah. What a sassy cat.

"You're lucky you're cute."

Napakurap ako. Did I just call that thing cute? I lightly tapped my cheeks and left my first painting on the bed. No time to be idling around, the mess won't clean itself, Bea. You got way too distracted. I walked back to the art room, and at my peripheral view I saw the cat stretched before jumping down from the sill and following me into the art room.

I bent down to pick up the scattered paint tubes one by one. The cat sat nearby, watching with an intensity that made me uncomfortable.

"Ano?"

"Meow."

"You made this mess."

"Meow."

"You are not helping." What am I even saying? It's not like that thing can help anyway.

It just gave me a deliberate slow blink. Napabuga na lamang ako ng malalim na hininga. Wala na akong energy para paalisin ang trespassing na pusang ito. It already acts like this house is theirs. But somehow, cleaning didn't feel as exhausting as it usually did.

One by one, I returned everything to their proper places. Brushes into containers. Paint tubes into drawers. Yarn back into their boxes. The room gradually began looking less like a disaster.

Napadako ang tingin ko sa mga kahon na nagpatong-patong sa gilid na hindi ko pa nabubuksan. Isang buwan, isang buwan na akong andito. Pero karamihan sa gamit ko ay hindi ko pa binubuksan, it's almost like I'm unconsciously trying to get ready to leave anytime.

Hmm, I didn't actually stop to think that until now. This house doesn't feel like home. Naglakad ako patungo sa pinakamalapit na kahon at binuksan ito.

Lumang mga dokumento. Ang isa naman ay naglalaman ng mga lumang damit. Ang isa naman ay may mga iba't ibang gamit na nakalimutan kong dala ko. Hindi ko mapigilang mapatawa nang mahina.

"What exactly was my plan?" The cat merely watched. "You don't know either, huh?"

"Meow."

I continued unpacking. But the constant meowing of the cat stopped me on my track.

"Can you stop already?" Nilingon ko siya pero hindi na pala siya nakatingin sa akin kundi sa isang sulok malapit sa easel. Tumayo ako at naglakad sa direksyon niya. A long, drawn-out meow escaped its mouth.

I followed its gaze one more time. Nothing was there. "Hindi pa ba sapat na hindi kita pinalabas ng baha–"

A faint movement caught the corner of my eye. I immediately turned.

Nothing.

Ugh, this cat is making me paranoid! Must be my imagination, I glanced back to the cat and it just continued staring. The hairs on my arms rose slightly. I shook my head, ignore it, Bea. Ignore it.

Napasuklay na lamang ako sa aking buhok, ang dami pang dapat linisin, pero pagod na ako. But hey, look at the brightee side, at least, may nagawa ako 'di ba? I didn't plan any of this too. It's as of something just possessed me and here I am. This is enough, oo, sapat na 'to araw na ito. Hindi ko man nagawa lahat ng plano ko, may nagawa namana ko. That in itself is an achievement, Bea. Let's rest.

"Visiting time's over." I picked up the cat and returned to my bedroom. I gently toss it out my window. "You need to go. At huwag ka na bumalik please lang. Bumalik ka sa amo mo kung meron man."

Bago ko maisara ang bintana ay malakas akong napabahing, this allergy! I walked to my cabinet and grabbed my medicines, I can't be waking up with a headache tomorrow because of that cat, tsk.

Feeling the heaviness in my shoulders, I sat on my bed. My hands landed on the canvas I forgot I left there. Muli ko itong tinitigan, hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Gusto kong umiyak pero walang luhang lumalabas.

I suddenly felt a cold gust of air and the hair on the back of me standing. An unfounded discomfort filling my chest, like someone is watching me. Bumalik na naman ba ang pusang iyon? I looked at the window, but nothing.

Muli kong itinuon ang pansin sa painting na nagawa ko. A mindless painting.

"You call that art, Bea?" A familiar figure stood beside me wearing silk pajamas. "That's why I told you to stick to pageantry."

Agad akong lumingon sa direksyon niya pero wala. Kinusot ko ang aking mga mata, guniguni ko lang ba iyon?

Yes, that must be it. I did a lot of things today. Don't let it get to you, Bea. Muli akong napatingin sa canvas ko, tila ba may tumutusok sa dibdib ko. Napahawak ako sa aking labi na hindi ko namamalayang nanginginig na.

It's just random black and white painting, no shapes, on the upper was dark black, the middle getting lighter, and some vase-looking shape outline or something with a pitch black circle inside it. Ako ang gumawa pero ni hindi ko maipaliwanag ang itsura o ibig sabihin nito. The lines were all over, mixing from white to black and some edges were gray.

Random lang siya pero bakit? Bakit ang hirap huminga? Agad kong itinaob ang canvas at hinabol ang aking hininga.

Mabilis akong bumangon at kinuha ang kahon sa ilalim ng higaan ko. Tama siya. Inilagay ko sa kahon ang canvas at binalik sa ilalim ng higaan. I shouldn't have done any of this.

I tried painting, but I guess it isn't for me. At least, I tried, I really have no talent for any of these. Time to wake up to reality, stop wasting your time. You're not getting any younger, Bea. I slammed my body on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

I should probably give away the painting materials, it's a waste to keep it here. I shut my eyes close. But where should I...Ah, yes, those students painting in the local park last week! Okay, that's it, first thing in the morning, I'll go and drop it there.

It should be given to those who actually deserves it. Yes, that's it. This is for the greater good.