It wouldn't go away.

That damn feeling in my stomach came back every time I was near Hiccup, especially when he smiled at me. Or looked into my eyes. Or touched me in any way. Basically whenever he was around me just being himself. So kind, so sweet, so cheerful. It made me sigh and feel like some lovesick character in a novel. I hated it. Luckily, I'd gotten good at hiding my feelings over the past two years.

He could never find out that I had a crush on him, and that it happened faster than I would've thought possible. It would ruin our whole friendship, not to mention the tutoring sessions. If my grandma knew, God help me, I'd never hear the end of it. I hadn't even told my dad, and I told him almost everything by now, except when it involved boys because he still wasn't very helpful there.

It also didn't help that I sat next to Hiccup in every single class, every school day, and that he came over three times a week to study and watch Stranger Things on the couch. Because of course he had liked the first episode so much he wanted to keep watching it with me. Sometimes I thought he was sitting a little closer each time, but that was probably just wishful thinking. The bowl still fit between us.

Once, like in a damn cliché rom-com, we both reached for the popcorn at the same time and touched hands. I pulled mine back so fast you'd think he'd shocked me. Which, in a way, he had because he didn't just make my stomach flutter, he made my skin tingle wherever he touched me. The way he looked at me then, oh boy, like I'd hurt him. I tried to play it off with a nervous laugh and said, "Sorry, I'm super jumpy when I'm into a show." I mentally slapped myself for that one since it sounded completely idiotic.

The longer I liked him, the dumber I acted around him. I was just grateful Elsa and Jack hadn't picked up on it yet, though sometimes it had to be obvious. Apparently, they looked the other way, which was pretty easy to do when you were sitting with half the football team. Hiccup usually talked to me during lunch because I was "the most intellectual one here," to say it in his words. He handed out compliments like candy, I wasn't used to it. I usually blushed and stuttered afterward, since my body basically stopped functioning when he was near. It was starting to get annoying.

So far, I'd survived all of September without him noticing anything. Sometimes it seemed like he only had eyes for Stacy anyway, which made me want to slap him. I could understand it was hard getting over your first serious girlfriend, especially when you saw her five times a week, but Stacy was crazy and manipulative. He really didn't need to go back to her. She still seemed hung up on him, even though she'd been the one to break up, because she followed him around like he had honey on his butt.

That's why Hiccup and I weren't the only ones in the school library studying for the math test the next day, Stacy and two of her friends were there too. At the table right across from ours. At least there was a wide aisle between us, otherwise she might as well have been sitting with us. Her glances in our direction didn't go unnoticed by me, but Hiccup seemed oblivious. Apparently today wasn't one of those days when he thought about her so-called good side, the one she only showed him. Or he was just really focused on his math book. Either way, I was fine with it as long as he didn't look at her.

Is this jealousy talking? I asked myself. Of course it stung when he looked for her in the cafeteria or tuned me out briefly because he was thinking about her and the time they spent together, but was I really that far gone already? I mean, nothing was going on between us, and probably never would because, clearly, he didn't see me the way I saw him. So how could I be jealous?

This study session's going great ..., I thought. We'd been here for twenty minutes and I'd spent all of it thinking about him, Stacy, and jealousy. This emotional mess was going to drive me insane. Why did he have to be so different from what I'd expected? Why did he have to be so caring, so amazing? Why did he have to be so good-looking? Why couldn't he be an ugly jerk? That would make things so much easier.

I let out a loud sigh and immediately wished I could smack myself. Hiccup looked up, raising an eyebrow. "You okay?" he whispered.

I nodded. "This topic just isn't the easiest." That wasn't even a lie. Vector calculations confused me, especially the long formulas and all those square roots. Why should I figure out whether two imaginary airplanes are going to crash or not? I don't want to become a damn air traffic controller.

He smiled at me with that kind, heart-melting smile. "Yeah, I'm struggling with it too, but we'll figure it out. Somehow." He looked back at his notebook and fiddled with his pen while rereading what he'd written for the hundredth time.

I tried to focus again too, but it didn't last long. Stacy was moving too much and she was right in my line of sight, it was way too distracting. She seemed to be trying to get Hiccup's attention, but he was still absorbed in his notes. Eventually, she gave up, at least for now, and I had an idea on how to mess with her a little.

Don't freak out, I just want to see what Stacy does, I wrote on my notepad and slid it over to Hiccup. He looked up, grinned, and nodded at me. Hopefully, the girls at the other table thought I just wanted him to check my answer.

I took the notepad back and pretended to work on a problem, scribbling down some random nonsense. After a few minutes, I placed my hand on Hiccup's, which was resting on the table next to his notebook, and did my best to ignore the tingling spreading from my fingertips up to my wrist. When he looked up, Stacy started coughing. Not a quiet, library-appropriate cough, a loud, obviously fake one.

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. Hiccup's face told me he was struggling just as much. When Stacy wouldn't stop coughing, I pulled my hand away, and she instantly fell silent. The other students gave her weird looks, like she was nuts ... which she was.

"I didn't expect that," I whispered, leaning forward a little.

He leaned in too, still grinning. "Me neither. That was pretty provocative."

We laughed quietly and I noticed how close he really was. His breath brushed my skin, making me blush all over again. I could even see the tiny gray flecks in his eyes. I quickly leaned back before he saw my glowing cheeks. His expression faltered a little as he sat up straight again.

"I do still need help with-" I started to say, but the school bell cut me off. The students immediately began packing up to get to their last two classes on time.

"I can come over later, if you want," Hiccup said as he stuffed his pencil case into his backpack.

"But we didn't plan anything."

He shrugged and stood. "If you need help. You know we don't have to use tutoring as an excuse to hang out, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I know. We're already watching shows together."

He raised a finger. "One show. We're watching one show together."

"It could become more," I said with a grin as I zipped up my backpack.

He grinned back and pushed his chair in. "If you've got more great suggestions, I'm all in."

Were we flirting just now?

The thought made me go quiet as I followed him out of the library. Stacy, of course, was right behind us, but luckily had to go in a different direction. I wondered how much she hated seeing me with him. Hopefully a lot.

And there it is again, jealousy speaking.

Oh, shut up.

Like I said, I was losing my mind.

❁

Thanks to Hiccup, who actually did come over to keep studying with me, I was able to answer almost every question with confidence. The following week, we got our tests back at the end of class, and I had scored a solid B. I definitely hadn't expected that, so I just sat there for a few seconds, staring at the paper with my mouth open until Hiccup nudged my shoulder and said we could leave.

"A B! I got a freaking B!" I shouted, jumping with joy as we left the building. I didn't care if people looked at me weird, I was just happy I'd done well on the test. It was the first time in two years I'd gotten a good grade in math, even if it was just one test.

Hiccup laughed at the sight of me but kept walking beside me. I was overcome by the impulse to hug him, and before I could overthink it, I just did it. I didn't care in that moment what he'd think of me, what others would think, whether Stacy would find out or whatever else. I just wanted to show him how thankful I was that he studied with me so often and always helped when I got stuck. "Thank you, without you that would've been a big fat F."

He wrapped his arms around me and even kept laughing for a second, which made my heart skip a beat. "You're welcome."

I let go of him and after a few steps I realized we were walking closer together than before. I could almost touch his hand. My whole body felt warm from the jumping and the hug, something I had never felt with Brandon. He had never made my skin tingle, his eyes weren't as beautiful, and his smile had always been crooked. Hiccup's smile made him glow.

Was I really comparing him to my ex?

God, this was getting worse and worse.

At the bus lot, his bus was already waiting. "I can wait with you for yours," Hiccup offered, like the gentleman he always was, but I shook my head with a smile.

"It's fine, it shouldn't take long. Go ahead and get on, oh optimistic tutor."

I wasn't sure at first if he even remembered that nickname, but then he grinned. Just like in his profile picture. And then he did something even worse: he winked at me. In a very flirty way. Without another word, he disappeared into the bus and left me blushing and stunned on the sidewalk.

In that moment, I knew: Hiccup Haddock was going to drive me completely insane.