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I shot up into the air, my heart pounding as I looked around dizzily. A poncho covered me and my body as I tried to regain whatever memory I have to what's around me.

Why am I outside? Where's: "D...ary...l." I mumbled out, or tried to. But my hand went instantly towards my throat as I felt the bruising pain of whatever was inflicted.

I was still bare. My stomach and chest, all except my bra that was probably showing at one point during the fight.
Even the blood was a mess to be had. Taking hold of the grass before me. I would rather smell like that than feel the irony feeling coscate inside me. Although I felt cold, it was all I could do to get the spots off me.

The disgusting feeling was still there in the pit of my stomach, and all I could look back to now. In this very moment is me kissing Daryl. Still denying him sex for whatever reason or another, but now. As I pictured him, I still felt the need to back away.

Was it my fault that he reminded me of those men?

Daryl was pacing around for hours, just watching me. Waiting for me to return to normal, but my main goal was to return back to our house, back to my biker husband. Back to Aidan and Addie.

But it didn't work, with or without the poncho. Just didn't work either way.

He sat right where it happened too, I was watching him just as much as he was watching me. Doubt he knows I'm up. Haven't seen him in close to three or four days. Just been a long time since I was lucid.

By the time the sun came up, my body warmed up. My legs still felt sore, and my the look of just a little bit of my arms did I see the bruises of their hand imprinting on my skin.

Another tear escaped my eyes as I turned to just let it fall to the ground. Ripped out all the grass around me, might as well feed one with my sadness.

"We...We should save it to drink." Rick's voice called out, making me halt any and all actions as my eyes widened even further. They were talking, they were finally talking.


"Ya can't see ya self, he can." I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to remember what happened after my own attack. And seeing Rick all bloodied up, worse than myself...That was scary.


"Rest is for Rory, when she..." He started to speak about me then failed. Choking on his own words, they both looked still. Even if Daryl moved to be beside Rick.

I loved their relationship, it's something I always imagined. 'how would Daryl really feel about my friends.' Considering that's Addie father? That's a lot to pass through my mind every second of every day.

"...I didn't know what they fuckin' were." He growled, he's going to blame himself for what happened. I know he is, but this isn't the time to wallow. This is the time to fight, so I felt myself rise up. But too weak to stay in the same place, so I laid back down.

Reserve the energy, once we get to Terminus I can sleep for a week and not have to worry about creating a system.

"How'd you wind up with them?" It was a prominent question, one that I opened my eyes widely to as I wanted to know. But hurt even worse was that Carl was looking down on me, the sweet boy that he was.

I couldn't move, not enough to feel tempered to. The jacket Daryl offered was still there, the poncho was covered me but was on. Instead did he offer his hand at the window and a light frown.

He was going to cry too.

"I was with Addie...We got out together, tried to save Rory but her girl said there was no way to get to her...Was with her for 'while..." My mind betrayed me, my daughter's dead. 
My daughter's dead.

Even Rick let out an uncontrollable sob as he didn't know how else to react. "Is...is she dead? Is Addie dead?" The silence was torture as I held onto my mouth as I rolled back over. The fetal position just anything better at the moment.

My daughter is missing once again.


"She's just gone...After that, that's when they found me. I mean, I knew they...They were bad..." He choked again, struggling to finish his sentence. 


"Ho—How—How's she doing?" Rick questioned, and I closed my eyes in case either of them decided to come over. 

"She had five of 'em on her...I don't..." That's when he started to beg the question of what happened.

And in doing so, he began to shed a few tears.

"She killed 'em, slit their throats. Killed one of mine too. But when she broke down, was just gonna hug her. Fuck I thought she was dead. I thought she was long dead at the prison..." He continued to cry, and by the missing hand on the floor beside Rick. I'm guessing Grimes' is comforting him in some way.
Some way that I wouldn't want to happen to me.

"I coulda saved her...I coulda—" 

"You were alone when you met with them...You're here, with us. Now." Daryl growled in appreciation, or at least that's what it sounded like. To everyone it's one sound, but listening so closely it could last a few seconds longer or shorter.

All key to understanding a Dixon.

"...Said they were lookin' for some guy. Last night they said they spotted 'em...I was hangin' back. I was gonna leave. But I stayed, that's when I saw it was you three...Thought she was Maggie or someone else. Didn't think...I didn't know, what they could do...To her." He mumbled out again, and I tried to speak. 
I tried to get up once again but my body didn't allow it. Instead, Carl came before me. Quietly at that. 

He handed me a rag and a water bottle, and I smiled for a second before it diminished so far to another frown that he had to bring me in for a hug. It was vocal, but muffled. Enough to let me get through my anger as I tugged on his shirt. 
And when I was done, he didn't hand me the rag. He began taking the blood off my face that I missed, trying to stay clear of the cuts and scraps as I hope I don't get any sickness from those god awful men.

"We're going to be okay...All of us." He whispered, and I nodded. Cupping his hand with my littering bruised one. 

"All of us. Even Addie." I nodded, sniffling so loudly as I allowed him to continue. The boy offered his shirt, but then remembered that he had an extra one in the bag he took from the houses. It was just a men's grey t-shirt, but it'll do for now.

Covering my bare body now did I try my best to get the sleeves on, which he helped me through. Even more so did he hand me Dixon's jacket, and at first I felt overwhelmed by the scent. Until I realized what it was.

It was the one I got him for Christmas. The original angel wings. I allowed it to cling to my body and zip it all the way so I didn't have any bruises to cover. The only problem is the one on my face and neck. I knew it'd be visible soon.

Just don't know when.

"It's not on you, Daryl...Hey. It's not on you..." Rick stated, trying to lift the blame. While I rose to my feet with the help of Carl, leaning against the car for a moment did he retrieve my pack. The only thing I'm missing is my hostler as I'm assuming it be with Daryl as he was there conveying the evidence beforehand.

I nicked my head for him to go back to sleep, we still have a long while to go.


"...You being back with us here, now, that's everything." He finished, and as I continued to take the given steps over to the men I slaughtered the night before. Did I feel not one bit sympathetic, these assholes were going to die anyway if they think they could live through their lives like they did.

Hunting people who've wronged them

Daryl stayed silent, and I know for a fact that he's beating himself up over what happened. What happened to me, even if he doesn't know. 

"...You're my brother." Rick actually finished his thought, the rough exterior of the context was something.
Merle's his brother. Daryl has never experienced this before, and the only other person Rick has trusted that much in his life is Shane. 

Full circle huh?


Coming around the corner with my hand over the truck did hold the poncho and pack in hand, but the second they saw me. Both of them were about to rise up. But I panicked, stopping back as I wasn't prepared for there heavy breathing.

"Hey...Hey. It's okay...We're not going to hurt you..." Rick calmed me down as I began to breathe normally. And although Daryl wanted to hug me as he claimed before. Felt like we all needed a moment to breathe. I sat here because it was the closest, not because it was Rick.

They were watching my every move, were we still sitting beside the broken truck while Carl slept. But even then did they dart their eyes over toward me as I tried to get my hair to the back of my head and away from the forming cut.

However, every time I did that, Daryl's jacket rolled up and they could see the bruises that lingered on my arm, my neck. And whatever else is on my body. So instead did I just pull my legs up like before, resting my eyes as I sat beside them.

That's the biggest step I'll take at the moment. To be near a male breath.

"Hey...What ya did last night...Anybody would've done that." Daryl stated, and although Rick denied anybody doing it, I looked passed Dixon to Joe. He died making everyone else scramble to do.

He's the reason what happened to me wasn't completely done.

"No, not that...Not that." I shrugged, not agreeing or disagreeing with either of them. I gutted them basically, stabbing their heads as they were completely unrecognizable. My fist began to burn as I felt the need to massage through the knuckles for a quick moment.


"You saw what I did to Tyreese. It ain't all of it, but that's me...That's why I'm here now. That's why Carl is. I want to keep him safe. That's all that matters." I gulped as another need to cry came about.
I lost my daughter, and I can't even find the voice to ask him the simply question of: 'what happened?'

They passed me the water bottle, but I simply declined it. Out of the both of them, Daryl came before me at a good enough distance for me not to flinch so he could say: "Ya gotta drink sometime hun, just a lil will do ya some good." 

So I agreed, just one sip as he nodded. 
That was enough for him to go away. 
While they collected everything, I stayed seated. They moved the bodies off and just completely disorganized them, barely know which ones attacked me or targeted Daryl. But I'm glad their dead. Especially Joe. But seeing his body being moved so quickly by Rick, I knew what he did.
He bit a whole in the man's throat. 
Easier seen than explained, if I had the moment to do so. I would've. By the choked and blocked my mouth with their disgusting hands.

"This all they got?" Daryl called out, and with Carl responding to the question. It seemed like we were ready to go. Rising to my feet did I look to the mirror, my neck was visible and so I quickly covered it with my hair.

Daryl was already eyeing me for signs of injuries, guess the biggest one would be my cheek compared to everything else considering it's bleeding. As I motioned for the bag, they never handed it to me. Instead, Daryl handed me a bow.

A crossbow. And when I looked up to him in confusion, I took in my hand. My arms feeling the weight and feeling the tone of the situation...He went back to his house...That's how he got the jacket, and now the bow.

Looking up in complete confusion was I not ready to talk, so he nodded in response. "Gotta lot to tell ya, I get nows not a good time...But Rory, can ya please—" I started shaking, scared at what he was going to ask me as I looked away. He took a step forward, sheer out of his own accords. But it was his fault, my knife was already in hand.

"Aur—" 

"Daryl stop." Rick pleaded, getting in the middle of us both. Even his touch seemed appalling as I took a gentle step back. He's worked with rape cases before, and now I'm just a statistic in their eyes. 
A victim. 
I'm not.


"We have to give her time, we don't...We don't know what they did." 

"Can't even ask?" He growled, and Rick was whispering something. Probably on the lines of: 'she's freaking out more than he is,' which is true...If that's what he's telling Daryl.

The bow still felt heavy in hands, so I pulled the strap and secured it onto my back as it took a few seconds to get it comfortable. Why did I feel so much like Daryl now? I didn't feel like my own person, not at all. Felt like a copy, a clone. 
The second we get to Terminus and all things settled, I'm getting new clothes. These are too overwhelming to the fact of him and his scent.


"We're gonna find her hun, we're gonna find Addie." My eyes looked to him, as numb and as bloodshot as could be. So I nodded, continuing to follow the trail of people on the tracks.

My body was in pain at every step, and I couldn't even begin to imagine how Daryl felt. He was getting beat for longer than I was, think the shock and tension of it all is what's worrying me. 
But the bow over my shoulders was a loud reminder, making me calm down because it pressed against me. However, Daryl's eyes planted to the back of my head gave me chills, so I stopped. Looking back to him as he joined me by my side.

I huffed in recognition as that was all I felt I could do.

"Thought ya were dead...We...We thought ya were dead." He grumbled, making me look back as I knew what he intended to tell me. This was going to be a long walk of shaking, unsettling dispute and problems.
My dreams are getting much harder to differentiate, it feels like he did cheat on me with Jules. But she's long dead. She has to be.

With him being beside me, I think it calmed down his anger. And allowed him to know that I'm not mad, how can I be? What happened wasn't his fault, but being the Dixon that he is. 
He's probably blaming himself on Addie being missing too.

There's so many questions I wanted to ask, but instead it was just the sound of leaves crunching. That's the only sound any of us could make. The men were smart, if they wanted me to drink or eat something. They'd ask Carl to give it to me, he was persistent...Given the fact that he doesn't know what could've happened to him or me.

That's the innocence of it all.
He doesn't fucking know.

"Blake?" The boy questioned, making me look to him for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. 

"Are you okay?" The smile I gave him was more than forced, more than faked. So I tipped his hat down as I had my arm pull over his shoulder to have us continue walking.
The men before us were talking again, just couldn't hear them. 

"D...Dad said that you—" I shook my head, mouthing the words that 'I'm fine,' to give him the benefit in knowing the truth.

Just need to forget whatever happened is all, and so when he looked to my neck he understood one of the reasons I'm not talking. It hurts, it hurts to talk, to let out a sob...Doesn't feel right when I have nothing to say.

Know exactly what this is, Daryl has survivors guilt while I'm targeted of having the ability to speak but thinking it's not useful. I need to overcome it on my own, worked with too many cases to know that I need time.

A couple days at the most.

Must've been another few minutes when Daryl came back around to me, feels like the separation issue came about to the both of us. I felt tense when he was close but anxiety when he was away.

I really need to pull it together.

My neck soon began to throb, not painfully. But enough to be heard as I tried to massage it. The bow was compressed against me in a good reminding feeling that I'm carrying something out of everything.
But it's mine. It always was mine. Haven't seen it since the day I left it in his truck, can't believe he kept it so long. Like the vest, the jacket I'm wearing or even the pictures. It's strange, stranger than I could've predicted.

"I know...ya ain't gonna wanna talk 'bout it hun. How bad's ya neck?" I honestly didn't know the answer to the question, so I just pulled my hair to one side to show him. And his paused walking and growl had me regret the decision to show him.

"Anythin' else hurtin' ya?" I shook my head, lying so loudly. "Don't gotta hide it, it's...It's aight." I didn't reply, and my hands were so steadily on the bow strap so they wouldn't shake or buckle under pressure.

But the attention of a fallen Terminus sign popped through all of our minds as Rick took it into account. "We're gettin' close. Be there before sundown." Good, I thought. I need to lie down, get everything out of my hair that came from me crying on the floor.

"We head through the woods. We don't who they are." I blinked in Rick's direction as he got my opinion on the matter, that this is a good idea to come the back ways it seems. So with us entering the woods, I removed the bow from my shoulder. Removing the arrow and placing it down to the ground so my foot could weight the entire frame down as I yank up the string.

"Hun ya...Got it?" He mumbled out as I had managed to do it without his help. My glare didn't mean to come off so...Mean, I just feel so sheltered it watched all of a sudden it just feels like I'm cornered.

Being a step behind Dixon wasn't too difficult to maintain, I remembered how to walk, hold the bow and run all in the manner of seconds. That and because I've been watching him for a few years now. Think I have this down by now.

The crows were signaling up above that there wouldn't be much, but peering down through the fence and passed the given spikes that would delay the walkers from coming anywhere near the fence.

Damn, I should've thought of this for the...Prison.


"Alright, we all spread out, watch for a while, see what we see, and get ready...We all stay close." Rick stated, taking the leadership role once again. I couldn't help but smile that that specific weight isn't on my shoulders anymore. Instead it's on his. 
"Hey...You wanna stick with me?" Rick questioned, and I thoroughly shook my head as I nicked forward towards Dixon who was a given ways away by now.

Letting out the small whistle that could've been confused for a baby bird calling to their mother, Daryl had gotten the idea as I came over his way. Almost cracked a smile, but it made me frown seeing how badly his face is messed up. A very large black eye, a cut lip. Cuts all around his face.

Catching up to him did I take in all his wounds, but the eye was the biggest question. Letting the bow fall down to one hand did I lift mine to caress his, slowly but surely was I psyching myself out. "It's aight...Ain't gonna hurt ya, 'em fuckers are dead." He whispered, and so I did it. I touched him.

And like the cute little animal that he was, he brushed so close up against it. Even laid a kiss onto it. 'I'm sorry.' I mumbled. And his eyes grew so soft that it almost boosted my hormones to a new level.

He made a move, whatever it was scared me. But it was just his hand overlapping my own. Trying to gracefully make contact, but I fell out of it. Strictly against it because they felt just as rough as—


"Don't gotta say nothin', just want ya to listen what happened." I tilted my head in an offering to see what he could possibly want to tell me, especially when we're so close to unknown territory. 


"Ya girl wanted a drink..." My eyes glared towards him in the instant, gritting my teeth as he allowed this. My throat swelling with the possible words I could've said, swears that he hasn't even heard me say.

Steam might as well be admitting from my ears by now as he looked...Scared. Almost as scared as before.
"Might've shut down on her, I...I know ya told me to watch her, and I waited for her at the prison. But when she came back without ya Rory...I couldn't...I couldn't look at her." The idea of Daryl hating her all because of her connection to me made me more angry than before.

The drink was one thing, this...This is another.

"...We ended up by that shitty golf resort near my house, but I wasn't gonna let ya girl's first drink be no damn peach schnapps. So I brought her to...To my house." I gulped, unsettling as my bow returned to both hands. And although I was looking, stalking towards the people below us.

Daryl was so focused on telling me this story of what happened, so when I looked to him again. He had the cue to continued: "Guess I'm tellin' ya all this cause me and her got into a fight. Said some shit, bad shit...When we find her I needa tell her I'm sorry." My mouth gaped open as I took another cold breath in. 
Him getting into a drunk fight with my daughter? That can't be...It couldn't have gone any better than I would've expected it to. Merle, me and Addie's father were probably brought up more times than I could've counted.

We were stationed at one particular area, but the given minutes have passed and I have had enough. I didn't even bother to look if Daryl, instead I trailed back the given way. 


"Rory, please...I thought ya were dead hun, I thought I lost ya...There was no way I would've left ya if I'd known that ya—" I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out, it felt scratchy, almost like when I was getting sick. But this was worse, more tightened than before.

So I shook my head.

"She was taken...some people in a fuckin' car took her." My hand went over my mouth as I thought about what he said, what if Addie is battling her own monsters like I am today? Who would kidnap a girl otherwise?


"We get in there, we regroup. And then ya and me, we're gonna look for 'em." My eyes narrowed down towards the actual building. Something was off, whether it was the too nice of an area. The flowers that went along with that said path that probably leads on in.
Or the fact that someone really put the name 'TERMINUS,' in big letters right over there.


"I know that look, ya don't trust 'em." I began to shake my head, it looks so strange. And this odd smell just is saturated in my mind, it's familiar. God is it familiar, like it's sending negative energy towards me.

"What ya wanna do?" I gestured over towards Rick as I heard his footsteps in the distance, as well as Carl's bouncing ones. Those were always easier to spot, like they were bubble and full of joy.

"Was tryin' to teach Addie how to shoot that thin'...Pretty good for a beginner." My smirk rose for a second, then ended. He didn't have to tell me this now, he could've told me from the beginning instead of leaving out details like he did.

He also let her go and get the meds with him and whomever else was in the run. Don't know how I feel about that either...

With us reunited, Rick was ready to get going. But I shook my head, making Daryl call him back in sight of my hesitation. Grabbing Carl's bag and stuffing the bow and everything we could.

'shit happens,' I mouthed, straining my voice so desperately as I tried to actually say it. Maybe it did come out. Roughly considering that the men and the boy looked worriedly to me.

"Good thinking Blake." I was down on my knee trying to get everything sorted while Daryl tried to find a good place to hide it. When Rick spoke and praised me on this idea, I knew he was about to placed his arm onto my shoulder. But he stopped himself, god I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't pulled back on his action.


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Date Posted: 01-21-19

Time: 9:20

Word-Count: 4417

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