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Aurora Blake Holden's POV



It was morning already, and I've been up since before the sun rose. Just wanting to see it happen at the back of the porch, and somehow. Maggie had joined me the last five minutes to catch the glimpse of it. 
We didn't mention what happened last night, nor were we going to. We stayed silent, only making the effort when I made the idea of going to check on her sister. As we saw Patricia sitting beside Beth, she took leave for the moment and ended up wiping her tears away.

Taking the stethoscope and trying to hear her heartbeat, did I count it. Not as high as before, nor was her body temperature as high. This was a good sign, and I smiled and issued the statement to Maggie as she joined her sister in bed. Holding onto her arm while I changed the I.V bags with another full one.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked the older sister, and she just shook her head. Smiling at the thought. "Nah...Just wish my dad was here." Wish he was here as well, wasn't really looking to be the only one with the knowledge about the human body.

I don't know how to treat this long term if it comes to it. 
"You just need to be strong for her..." I said, and she nodded in agreement. But then she began telling me this story, about how she had returned home from college and her little sister threw away her birth control.

But what I soon took notice of, was the dilate in her eyes as I urged her to keep going. Smiling as we both soon realized what this entitled.

"Rick and Glenn will get your dad back."

"Glenn's a good guy." I smiled at how completely indirect this conversation turned to be, but he was just asking me the other day about how women are notorious for being indirect. And I guess that's true, but that category has to include Dixon as well.


"Yeah...He is." I stated, but the quick sounding of my name alerted me to run downstairs as if something was wrong. But it was just Shane, packing far too much heat to just being off looking for my daughter.

"We're going after Rick and Hershel. Wanna man the floor? Or are you coming?" He asked, and although I can see Dixon gearing up for war. I shook my head at the perfect arrival of the red car speeding down.

Following Shane down the steps did I stand my ground, seeing Hershel with a bit of blood on his white undershirt. "Holden!" My mind went into the full clatter of attention as I looked to Hershel as he said my name.
"You ever perform surgery?"

"Only on dead people...Why-" I continued, and as he ordered Patricia to get the shed ready for surgery. I feared what this intends to be.

*

My hands were shaking as I sat down in the living room, my elbows connecting to my knees just staring ruthlessly at the glass of water before me. 
I only work with dead things, I can't mess anything more than that. There is no heartbeat to worry about, no active bloodstream. Nothing. 
And here, it's the end of the world. And I managed to help Hershel save a young man's kneecap from being completely destroyed. He had fallen right onto a pointed fence railing, and I don't even want to picture that scene as it was clear what this would've intended.

My stomach was not with me, not when I was right alongside Hershel by sowing back up the boy's calf.

He praised me for being able to do it, but there was no part of me that wanted to do it again.
Not one bit.

It has been five minutes, five minutes and I have yet to go see the rest of the group in the dining room. They are waiting on the story behind it. We did it, but agreed the boy isn't fit for travel until it's fully healed. 
And that itself would take some time. A week or more.

Seeing the man come from the other room, still wiping his hands on a rag did I emerge back into the room with my group. Looking to everyone before placing myself against the wall and not making eye contact with anyone.

"...We couldn't just leave him behind...He would've bled out if he lived that long." Rick stated, his pose at the dinner table was suddenly changed at the steps of Hershel finally making his way into the actual room.

"Holden and I repaired his calf muscle the best we could, but he'll probably have nerve damage. Won't be on his feet for at least a week." I felt some eyes drift towards me, but I remained silent.

I've had people's lives in my hands before, but I've always been the one to pull the trigger. Not the knife to their inner lining trying to save them. This feeling, it was new and completely stressful.

"When he is, we give him a canteen, take him out to the main road, send him on his way." Rick gave the battle plan, but my eyes averted to the new set of feet that entered. And I could spot them a mile away. Light, but demanding.

My smile erupted in the instant, and although my head was looking down. I felt his eyes try and avert my attention. Just didn't give him the satisfaction of the reaction, instead, he just mirrored my position across from me.

He's back in the group's debates, instead of being at the fire pit.

"...Isn't that the same as leaving him for the walkers?" Andrea piped up, and that question never came to mind. Why did they actually bring him back, I wasn't informed on an actual story. Instead I did what I was told without knowing anything else to back this up.

"He'll have a fighting chance." Rick clarified, but Shane was quick to question us letting him go. "...Not a threat. How many of them were there? You killed three of their men, you took one of them hostage, but they just ain't gonna come looking?" My eyebrows finally deemed me into the conversation as Maggie whispered what had happened.

Hershel being completely forgiving on people who had him at gunpoint to now serve him on the operating table.

"We should still post a guard," T-Dog explained, and I honestly have no indication of how bad the fight was. I need to hear it from Rick, but as I saw Doc's head begin to shake, I realized they were talking about the kid passed out in the other room.

"He's out cold right now, will be for hours." I didn't have to nod in agreement because my knowledge doesn't matter anymore. But as Rick looked to me, I was confused. Only until I nodded did I realize that maybe I have more of a say than I realize.

When was I tasked with that?



"You know what? I'm gonna go get him some flowers and candy...Look at this, folks—We back in fantasyland." Shane said, making his way straight to the front door as he set off his mark on the conversation. What are we going to do with this poor kid? He's not even awake to make his own decision, or much less give us a name to his face.

"You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did at my barn yet. Let me make this perfectly clear, once and for all—This is my farm. Now I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favor..." 



I love Hershel.


Finally, someone to put Shane into his place and making him walk on thin ice from here on out. "...Keep your mouth shut." 



I love him even more.

As I began scratching my head and trying to get the vivid imagine out of my head, of the breathing victim that was just in my hands, did I see Daryl now. Rick's voice completely faint in my ear as I wanted to know what he was thinking after last night.

But as he connected back to it, he shot a glare towards Carol and then stormed out. His lips completely pushed together, making me realize he's mad. But I'm mad as well.

He expects me to just come crawling back to him without any remorse over what happened. It was a decade ago. But still. If he cleaned up his act, I would've introduced him to his daughter a long time ago.

As the conversation between everyone ended, Maggie suggested that I take a breather out on the back porch, and that is exactly what I planned on doing. Except, what fueled it even further, was the solid glance Daryl gave to Carol before looking over towards me.

Letting out the scoff before showing me his angel wings.

He did that on purpose.

With my body still feeling on the more weaker, did I take the glass of water that was handed to me, then made the mistake of looking up to see doc himself. "You feeling alright?" He questioned, and I just shrugged. Taking another solid sip before looking to him once more.

"I never...Had to save anyone like that before."

"That's how I felt with Carl when Rick brought him here...At least you have experience with humans, the closest I've come to is a horse." He joked, taking the seat beside me.

He was kind, almost the same aura that Dale brought to the group. I needed guidance right now and I couldn't be targeted from anyone in the group. 
"Do you still have that map of yours?" I nodded, pulling it from pants. But making sure Daryl's note was kept in the actual jean pocket of mine. 
I tried to uncrumple it the best I could last night, and I hurt myself that I ripped it a little bit. But that was my own damn fault.

"Tomorrow...I was thinking about where your daughter might be hiding, once this thing ends with the kid. I'm going to help in any way I can, you showed me without question that you're up for any task...We're going to find your daughter." I smiled to Hershel's kind words as he looked down at the map for most of it, but then looked back up towards me. 
Leaning in did he put his arm around me, almost like any father figure would have.

"You know, I think I met your mother once...Jarod was young, don't think she was pregnant yet. Beth was barely eight I wanna say...Your father helped me when my first wife died, Maggie's mother. The least I can do is help his daughter and granddaughter." I smiled again, he took into account my little notes I managed to take.

What area we covered and what direct she might have travel in when. Trying to plot out a timeline of her movements. "You draw this?" I looked back down as I had just placed my water back onto the floor beside me, nodding along did he analyze it. "Haven't seen this rose in years."

"Daryl told me the story about them." The look of uncertainty clouded the man beside me.

And I didn't need it from, as much as I am getting it from Rick or Shane.

"You care for him a lot, don't you?"

"I knew him before...All this happened." He simply 'ahhed' at my response and was hesitant in questioning it again. "He's angry...Because I gave up for a minute."

"So did I, you just stayed here...I went to a damn bar." I hummed, but then followed up by saying I attacked Daryl.

"Sounds to me you're comfortable with one another."

"Or we hate each other enough." He shook his head, leaning back in his seat now after placing the pen down to the map.

"Remember when you asked me, back when he was upstairs...'how can you love someone you hate so much'? I don't think you were asking because of what happened recently, are you?" I shook my head, not about to explain the entire thing to a friend of my own family.

"We dated, back in high school...Left things high and dry, a decade later I see him again and I have a kid strapped to my waist...Begs a lot of questions and arguments." Was simply put, and we didn't speak much after that.

But it did distract me from the surgery, Hershel claimed to want to take a given walk.

Just the given image of someone coming over, did I distract myself. Scared it was Daryl, but my pariona got the best of me, because Daryl's footprints are never heard.

Unless he wants you to hear him coming.

"Blake...Got a minute?" I gestured to the chair as I finished my line in where I think my daughter might be. "...I think she's still out there."

"We all do." He shared, but it wasn't as honest as what Daryl claims to think. So I just looked back down at the paper to finish my thoughts.

"What's up?" I questioned, knowing there's a reason Rick wanted to come talk to me. But when he didn't respond, I leaned back like Hershel had done. Only this time did I angle my body to face him instead of facing outwards.

"When...When I went under, you said Shane and you were going to—"

"Yeah. We were. I didn't like the idea of getting attached with this whole shit show winding down." He tilted his head in agreement, but what did he know? He has his entire family surrounding him, I'm just...Alone

Daryl was right.

I have no daughter and no husband.

"...When me and him went to the hospital, god it was a nightmare. I couldn't hear your heartbeat, explosions left and right. All the machines went blank. We didn't know—I didn't know what to do. Walkers were coming and Shane was too afraid to do anything." His eyebrows scrunched together as he didn't understand the story, guess Walsh has explaining to do.

"I thought the building was going to come down, and if there was a chance that you were alive to wake up to this...Didn't want you to suffer. But I couldn't take the shot, I left you alone because something told me not to." His hand overlapped my hands as he tried to comfort me, and for the first time in a good while.
I allowed it.

"You did what you thought was right."

"...We barracked the door, ran back downstairs and were pinned down by army officials. I took one out and we drove straight to your house to pick everyone up. Pisses me off that he thinks he did it all himself, and doesn't share the credit, or the hope that Addie's alive." Seeing the flinch of his jaw did I realize...Something else was on his mind, that friendly officer Rick was no longer in the house.

This was someone else.

"I have to ask...Did you know?" My hand gestured upward as there a thousand things I could've known about. "That you were alive?" He shook his head, now not even tempting to look to me. "No...About Shane...A-a-and Lori?" I sighed down now, not knowing how to respond to that. My fumbling lips had me nod as there was no chance in hell I could hid that from him.

Not when Shane practically claimed the kid to be his last night.
But do I tell him the story?

"There...There was one night, Addie and I couldn't sleep. And maybe one of the other mothers had their kids out too. We were all just sitting around the fire pit, relaxing...Carl comes out, says 'Shane's in the tent again,'...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you." I cried, giving myself the much-deserved facepalm as I angered him even more.


"Makes you feel any better, I know what it's like...To lose trust in someone, I thought I could trust Daryl."

"You two will work it out, I...I don't know if me and Lori will." I shook my head, he can't think like that.

This kid needs both parents, and Carl? He needs his parents to be together now.

"I have one more question, then I'll leave you to it...Do you think Shane killed Otis?" My eyes widened as the rumor has now spread to the leader himself, shit. I all but said my stance just by reaction. So I just nodded.

"I knew...The moment he said that bullshit story. Rick...He's dangerous, and I don't know what to do with him. Some people aren't built for this world, and I don't think he's one of them." 
Rick grunted, but didn't say anything more. Except for offer the apology I said before with a kiss on my forehead.

It burned the moment he released me and went straight to whatever issue he has now. With the breather and all the people needing to talk leaving me alone. Did I look back at the rose, fixing it to draw the bottle Dixon had given me as well.

What was even more revealing, was the fact that I saw the figure walking through the field. I doubt he can see me from— No. He can, of course, he can. He still has those hawk eyes, and I'm completely mortified to say that Addie has them too. She can shoot a bow and arrow for a reason, and there was no way in hell that I wasn't allowing my daughter to not take that as a skill set.

It was close to dinner time when I found myself around the campfire back on over the normal way, Beth didn't have any progress today and I found myself almost mad about that.

If she's reacting that way because of her mother, how is Addie reacting?

The constant game of thinking how my daughter is doing and comparing it to how split Daryl and I are...I can't. Everyone was in the house, eating dinner, and I excused myself to go back to the tent and go to sleep.

Nobody questioned or stopped me when I took a walk, or the general rest at the small pond considering my tree was completely taken from under me.

So here I sit, right beside a roaring fire, eating whatever was given to dinner and some water. If I wasn't looking at the fire, I was looking over towards Dixon. Knowing he was over there as well.

How pathetic is this? We can die tomorrow and I can't even think to speak to him?

It angered me that he would hit me, that he defined my trust like that. There was a part of me that was waiting for it too, he was going to collapse sooner or later. But this, this waiting game is completely unheard of. Instead, Hershel said I can take one of the horses tomorrow and continue to search, along with take one of the cars to drive back up to the highway.

Just the waiting game I don't like.

"If you went and talked to him...I'm sure he wouldn't mind." A voice said from the darkness, and I smiled towards Carol as she took the seat so close to me that I couldn't believe my own ears.

"Yeah...Went great last time." I said, clearing away the tears. Not really wanting her pity in any sense.

"I heard the yelling last night...Do you want to talk about it?"

"I gave up. Pissed him off. Fell right to hell from there." I spoke, not daring to look at Dixon's fire again, just staring into the open abyss of my own.

"...Talked to him last night...He seemed really upset."

"You mean guilty?" This was the first time I took the moment to look at her, to see what she was holding. And when she gestured it to me, I was hesitant in taking it that she had grabbed onto my hand and forcefully given it to me.

"He told me to give it to you."

"Wow. That's a step up...Sorry you have to get involved." She shook her head, taking hold of my shoulder now and rubbing it. Almost similar to what Hershel had done to me today.
Guess both the mother and father figures have been decided now.

"...If you think need to fight to help work whatever it is you need to work out...Then you haven't given you yet." She claimed, making me just shrug along. I'm on the verge, but I guess she's right. So I took hold of the letter and hugged it close. Giving myself the benefit of the minute to secure my thoughts before I dive right into it.

"We have a lot to work out..." I mumbled, and that only had her smile even more. I guess having me talk is better than having me silent. "Start with what's hurting you the most." At first, I was taken back by this question, what was hurting me the most?

But then it hit me, he consumed all his time and effort into having me not leave, for me to watch and take care of him. Yet the moment it comes boiling to it, did I figure out.

He dropped out the moment things got too difficult. If we were still together after the summer, we could've figured it out together, we could've worked together as a growing family.

If he had just held out longer.

So that's answering the question, but that's the exact thing I can't discuss with him. Because then it involves Addie and her true parentage.

As much as I wanted to throw the note into the fire, did I just clutch it close and excuse myself to my tent. Zipping it up and patching the seal as Carol has been sleeping in the R.V for the last couple of nights now.

As I took off my boots and changed into something more comfortable, did I realize the note was just taunting me on my bed. Grabbing the light, making it shine all the bit brighter did I open the folded note. Realizing it was two god damn pages long.

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Date Posted: 9-26-18 // Time: 9:48

Word-Count: 3774

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