━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

****

****

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

****

◤━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━◥

◣━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━◢

Everything is not going to be alright.

It's been three weeks, and soon the mark up for the month will commence. 
I had to return to work, the kids had to return to school. And that left Lori to wallow around the house with every reminder to the frame of the property, to sleep in a bed alone. 
The empathy I felt for her diminished my entire line of work, I didn't agree to any hearings, no testimonies. Turned down a job offer in New Haven, it was the given mess of things. That morning, after Rick first was pronounced in a coma was brutal. 

Not only did I wake up late due to a headache raging. I honestly didn't know what to think of me suddenly downing half the flask. It felt wrong, honestly.

I haven't touched a single drop of liquor since then, nor have I looked in the box. Crediting myself that when Addie is older, much older. Perhaps even my age when I had her, I can allow her to go off.
God willing.

To meet him.

That is what I'm in fear of, the entire section of my life I do not care to contribute to. So when I'm in this sort of drought, I find myself going straight to the tattoo parlor. Not in Atlanta. Although he's credited for the one on my back, I cannot bring myself to pass that stupid fucking hotel room where I let him—

"Blake? Didn't ya say you wanted to practice downstairs?" Stopping my given thought and automatic 'read and type' method, I nodded. Telling him I'd be ready in a second. Shane has been a bit distant since the first night of Rick's coma.

Especially when he broke up with his girlfriend the following few days, whether he was hoping for my realization or not didn't really concern me at the moment. What did was how sore my waist felt. 
Didn't really tell anyone that I went and got another tattoo, Lori was judgmental with the first one. And so I didn't bother telling her about the friendship tattoo I had gotten during college, nor the arrows, nor the flowers. 

This one was just the last thing I'll remind her when her husband's unavailable.

But that's when I delivered the final document of the day, clicking the send on the email. Just before I found myself getting up, did I fumble back down. My knees weak at the sight of what was in the next delivered mail.

It was them. I'm on call and this is exactly the shit I was hoping not to receive.

Not a mission, just by skimming it. It's the routine training every year, scheduled it last year and here I am. Same time last year and still fucking surprised.

The plane ticket and the actual date of three days had me fall back into my seat in the most utter of silence. Even the radio static in the background to here the usual commotion became relevant as I tried to think of what to do. 
So I stood right up and walked downstairs, I need to demonstraight my anger, and this is exactly how to do it. 

Guess Shane booked it out, considering the lack of noise except his signature weapon. Course he would take it right on out, the rapid fire and pelts flying was always his way. So I shook my head as I took hold of the glasses and pull them over my eyes. "Thought ya weren't gonna come down."

"Yeah, well shit hit the fan and I can't take any more of it," I growled, taking hold of the pistol under my name and going straight towards the next viable one to him. 
Already set up as usual, only this problem is. 

I am angry.

The quick shots and smoke coming from firearm continued through as I just await for my ticket to return. I guess it shocked my friend to the point of stopping his own task.
"Got something on your mind?" He questioned, eyeing me as I took off my glasses and shrugged them to the top of my head. Tipping up the paper did I manage to fire in the direct center, the red color almost gone completely. 

"Quantico."
"No they—"
"It's training, it's a month...And I can't explain why but I feel like if I leave...It won't..." I sighed, ripping the headphones from my shoulders onto the plate where my pistol lied. 

Rubbing my under eyes to receive the little glimpse of feeling did I begin to devise another plan. "Shit...Blake, I don't think you can just push this to a later time."
"A friend said she came a week late. I think I have to do that too. Better than now. I'll have to prepare." He nodded, reloading my weapon for me as it seems I couldn't do it myself.

"When would you have left?"
"Friday," I mumbled, replacing my headphones and glasses. And within the moments did I fire once again to the new target he placed before me, this time at a farther distance. 

This time I only used one hand, my instructor back at base told me if either hand is compromised to know how to use both. "Hell was that?"
"A nice shot." I teased, given rule of thumb was that I didn't like to talk about Quantico. 
There were things and ideals that weren't meant to be spoken to the public and normal ears and eyes. Probably why I have a heavy safe in my office at home, or why I have locked draw here. 

But that's beside my mini-fridge under my desk. 

"They teach you that over in FBI fairyland." With his comment fueling the glare I sent him, he nodded in feeble understanding. Stepping the boundaries that I was so quick to make, I can take the small glances towards Carl because he's so humbly interested in seeking what I am truly doing. 

And my daughter has yet to understand the nature, just knowing it takes her mother away at random times. 

"This the best time to mention that Lori might not be up for the job this time 'round?" I cursed as I bumped into the sidebars at his warning. And it's true, I don't think I'd feel completely ready to ask something of her like that, so perhaps it is time to call my mother. The last time I've seen her was last week? Two weeks ago?

"Yeah...Don't give me that look, you need to work mister. And if you ask Lori to watch her for a day it will get—"
"Okay. Fine. Then ask grams, how long are you going for?"
"A month. Month and a half. Sucks don't it? Not having control. In anything." I couldn't tell if I was referring to Rick or not, but it came out otherwise. So after we fired each another round, I started cleaning my gun at the station. 

"You still have those guns at your house?" "Right in the safe, the rifle dad got me is in there too." He nodded, probably thinking about coming over and cleaning them like he sometimes manages to convince me of.

"We gonna talk 'bout what happened?" My eyes shot up in instant, connecting the words with the question and event did I realize what he was talking about. "It's in the past."

"Blake, I know you're still caught up on Toby a-and..." I sighed, knowing he was right. To be fair I never really told them about Dixon, because I have enough judgment coming from my family, even though they're silent on the matter.

"Don't want to talk about it."
"We gotta, it's been buggin' me. And I know it's been buggin' ya too. Haven't talked to me this much since then anyhow." I pouted, knowing that this is what he called me down here for. Claiming I look stressed is one thing, but this is his plan all along. "I can't do that Addie."

"Do what? What are ya doin'?"
"I feel like I betraying her, I know it sounds dumb but—"
"It doesn't, not at all...If we were together I'd make it right by both of you...Comeon. Give me a chance." 
I thought about it long and hard, and how Rick would wake up at the given time and see that we're together. I liked Shane I really do, but my heart's been closed off for so long I don't think I can force myself into anything. 

"When I get back from training. Alright? We'll...We'll do something."
"That's all I want." He smiled, doing the clever little tilt up that he knows gets me anxious. But as he began walking away, I just reloaded with the leftover pistol round he placed before me.
"If ya goin' back, might want some practice. When's the last time ya used this?"
"I thought it was at home to be honest." Confused on how it ended up here. And to be fair, I was going to take it home after work. 

Rather have it in the safe than people firing my own purchased weapon...

_____

Date Posted: 7-13-18 // Time: 7:28
Word-Count: 1598
______