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Addie Faye Holden POV

The car was hot, moving alongside the empty road at a decent speed. Enough to allow the breeze to cool down my mom and me. I had my jacket wrapped around my hips as Snowball was clutched in my hands. 
Carl was sitting right beside me, trying to tug on it's leg over and over again. Mom didn't notice, but the stern looks he was getting from his dad were enough to make him stop. The first couple of times.


My mom was in thought, a deep one. And whenever she was like that, it was usually best to let her stick with them. Once when I wanted some ice cream, running downstairs so excited. I didn't realize she was working on an important thing for work and I was left with a lecture...and a bowl of ice cream.

I don't want a lecture. But I do want that bowl of ice cream right now.

After what happened with the CDC, whatever that really means. I just hope we find someplace just like it, and not worry about when we're going to eat next.

But then I realized my mom wasn't in thought about something, she was in thought about someone. And that someone has angel wings on their back, cruising down the road with a loud roar.

I love that bike, and I love Merle.

I just wish I knew who Daryl was.

"...Just thinking about our trip to the grand canyon with Carl..." Lori said her thoughts aloud, but I just leaned my head further towards the window. Trying to breathe the fresh air all the bit more, and not have to be subjected to car talk.

In reality. Lori sucks at it.

"I don't remember that," Carl said beside me, looking relatively interested in the story. And I for one don't remember hearing about, and when I looked up to my mom. Just blinked her eyes a bit, her elbow cast above my own as she hid her mouth.

Is...Is she hiding a smile?

I didn't pay any mind to the conversation, something about Carl getting sick and they had to drive all the way home. And the only time I managed to sneak in a smile, did my mom unleash her own. Almost like she was waiting to break it out.

As everyone was gawking at the Disney world pictures we took, I decided to pretend to sleep. Reading in the car only gave me a headache, otherwise, I would've done that instead.

However, it was then that the train of cars began to slow down. And functionally come to a stop. Mom tried to cover my eyes from the dead ones in the cars, but I stopped her. Dr.Jenner said that these were all once living and breathing people. 
As Ricky had stopped the car, was I one of the first people to get out. Knowing mom would want to see what the trouble is as well. She gave me a warning about 'always in my sight,' and that left me having to wait until she stretched out the given bit before coming to the group fully.

"I said it! Didn't I say it? A thousand times dead in the water." Dale yelled, coming from around the vehicle that was smoking up a storm. What happened? Is it broken? 

But my eyes went instantly over towards the angel wings again, watching him shuffle through the given materials as he held onto a light pinkish sort of backpack.

"...Just being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of—Okay, that was dumb..." Dale seemed to catch himself before completely throwing out his anger to us all, and it was fueled by Shaney's question. But with my attention now to him, did it just venture to the gun.

The gun he shot me and my mom with.

"There's a whole bunch of stuff we can find," Daryl said, still looking through the given truck of the car. That's when he motioned up the backpack, and looking up the given view to my mom. Did she nod as I ran over toward Daryl and thanked him for it.

It was funny to see him smile, that and because everyone seems to completely stop in watch at our conversations.

Shane told me to stay away from the Dixon's, and even with his eyes turning to me and the backpack Daryl gave me. I can't seem to find anything more exciting than to be mean to Shane. 
He never liked Merle and look what happened. Him and Rick both.

"This is a graveyard..." Lori said, and my eyes in the second connected to hers. The burning sensation the backpack was admitting made my skin tingle. Who had this before me? 

What was their name? 

What happened to them? 


All these thoughts echoed in my mind as I tried to think of way to make it end.

They're not here anymore. Jenner said that they are no longer them. They're someplace better.

"...I don't know how I feel about this..." She continued, but I just hugged the backpack further. If anything, Daryl gave it to me. And it's to put things in, not to treasure and use as a keepsake.

As everyone seemed to be walking around, following Shaney's orders to take a gentle look around. Did my mom come forward in front of me, kneeling down as she always does and allowing her hand to take the uncontrollable locks from her face behind her head.

Something was wrong. I can see it in her eyes.

Even if they weren't looking to me directly, I knew something was wrong. She looked...Upset. Worried almost. She was fixing my holster, having my shirt underneath it. Making more visible to everyone now, which was what she didn't want before...Why is she changing her mind.

"Addie, do you remember Shaney's training?" Ricky questioned, and as I looked up to him did I feel the anger once again. I didn't tell mom, but I still blame him for what he did to Merle, he's missing and I want him back.

"Mama said I can keep it as long as I don't play with it. I know it's not a toy." I said, making Ricky nod. My mom smiled in the instant, knowing I said what he wanted to hear. But despite that, it's exactly how I'm acting towards it.

"Do you have your knife too?" I nodded to my mom, removing it from the holster to show her. And seeing as how it was difficult to get out. She fixed the accessibility there as well.

When mama was finished, I placed Snowball into the back of the backpack. Letting him breathe out of the big pocket before following mom. She said we can put things we find into it.

Don't know what we could actually find, but it's worth looking into the cars for.

As I was in shadow's rim beside my mom, did the walker's growl utterly scare me. Enough so that I had my hand at the butt of my pistol, but no courage in the world to yank it out. Instead, I hid behind my mom, not bothering to look. 

"Honey you have to watch." She instructed, but I covered my eyes as her body left me fend for myself.

Instead, as I revealed my eyes after yelling 'I can't,' towards her, did I see the body just fall straight down to the floor beside her.

How does she do that?
"Why didn't you just shoot it mom?" I questioned, my hands tenting over my nose as the tears threatened to come forward. I didn't want to do this, this wasn't what Dr.Jenner wanted us to do.

"Because that makes noise, if your back is against the wall and theres's nothing else. You shoot, otherwise you're just wasting a bullet that we might need later." She said, and I get where she is coming from. But I haven't been that close to a walker. Never ever.

Not even the night at the Quarry...Jim...He wouldn't let them.

"Addie, get your knife ready," Mama said, standing ready as well. So I let my backpack drop down to the floor, as I steadied my grip to the knife. 

Just like skinning a squirrel.
That's what I'm thinking about right now.
But as my mom suddenly appeared behind the walker, keeping it's head firmly away from her skin and flesh did she ask what she did first in taking down the walker. So as I took my steady pace did I think of way to do it easier, so kicking it down below it's knee did mama have it fall to the floor as it would've done anyway. And with the little push upwards did the stupid walker fall lifeless to the ground.


My body felt the sudden shock as I couldn't pertain it anymore, my hands were shaking the knife that just took this person's body. "Mom...I-I c-can't d-do this..." I cried, not wanting to disappoint her, but I can't. 
"Honey, this is how we survive. Back at the Quarry you shot them down, you saved—" 

"I didn't save Jim! Or Amy!" I stopped her from trying to continue speaking, the only reason I was able to help was because she thought I should know how to shoot a pistol.

And that was all years ago.

"We aren't meant to die, honey, we get to live." 

"But look at them, you heard the doctor...Those were people, they are people...They can't help it." I tried to explain, I feel...Guilty. Almost as guilty as when I found out we were leaving Jim at a tree.

So as she sat down before me, and I too in front of her. Crisscrossing our legs as she took hold of my hands.

Here we go. 
Pep talk.

"Remember when that girl took your lunch money?" She questioned, and at first I wasn't sure what she meant by that. But then I remembered. Fucking Gretchen. 

"That was last year mom..." I mumbled, still looking to the blood-stained knife that laid before us both.

"What did you do about it?" She asked, she knew what I did. And yet she's asking about it? 

"I punched her..." I mumbled once again, trying to hide my smile as Merle was completely proud with the story I told him.

I just...Didn't tell mom I told him. He said not too, but he was laughing his butt off. 
"...She took it because she didn't have money for her own lunch." I continued off, trying to delay my smile. But it was the on on my mom's face that I didn't understand. 

"I want you to try. I want you to be able to help the group when we need help, the night at the Quarry? Rick was so proud of you. I am proud of you." My smile erupted without my permission.

And that's what we did, through the given lanes of this highway did we clear out any walkers within the cars. Mom telling me that there is more than one place to hit the dead ones to get it to be knocked down.

But with all of them in the car, did she have to show me later.

This was...Kind of fun. Taking what we need and leaving the rest, the food and supplies is great for later. But my main interest was this bag I found under the seat, last time there was a chocolate bar.

It's at the bottom of my backpack right now, planning to share it with Carl and Sofia when we get back to the R.V.

But just as I was about to ask my mom for help, a voice popped up behind us. Just matching my first reaction. Angel wings. 

"Yo." My mom was hesitant at first in responding, and so she didn't. Instead, she just looked back and gave him a questionable look as to what he found. 

"Found some shit ya kid might like...What's with all the walkers back on that way?" I giggled when he swore, so deeply reminds me of Merle that I couldn't help but react that way.

And as mama didn't seem to be reacting, did I make myself visible to Daryl. 

"Mom taught me how to take down a walker!" I laughed, still trying to get this stupid duffle bag out from it's hold under the seat.

Think it's stuck under something up front. Can't get it.

"That's better than lettin' 'em sit and do homework...Bunch of bullshit if ya ask me." He joked, making me laugh even more than the first time. Probably why he spoke that kindly again.

I've seen Mr.Dixon mad. This was...This was completely different.

He sat beside me, his arms pushing against me as he tried to get the bag out from under the seat as well. But I felt better when even he couldn't pull it out. "I like your vest." Mom said, but as Daryl was hiding his smile. 
I was left completely and utterly aware of what was going on.

Mom likes him!

"This ol' thin'...Yeah? Real pretty girl gave it to me way back when." He joked, still smiling up a storm. Even when he was failing to get the damn bag. It wasn't a want anymore, it was a mission of curiosity. 

"Can I see ya knife real quick? Gotta cut this?" Dixon asked, my mom that is. Instead did I slant my body the given way as I revealed my own, carefully tearing the pieces of rope so that I could reveal the treasure within.

The plastic baggies held cardboard boxes inside them, and at first I thought it was a bust. Until I read the words labeled on them. 

"We had these at camp, didn't we?" I asked, holding up so that mama could see, and she nodded. Instructing me to put everything out with the other things we collected.

And as Dixon helped me, throwing some of the stuff outside his door. Did I find it particularly funny to hear the rest of the conversation from the back of the car.

I've never seen mom like this, well nervous yes. But not this type, this was different.

"Didn't I...Didn't I give this to ya? When we went campin'?" Daryl asked, and I was confused. When did mom ever go camping with Daryl? We always went with Merle...When did— 

"A real handsome boy gave it to me way back when." Mama said, and trying to hide my smile to her now, did I just pretend that the bag was too heavy for me to move by myself.
And she didn't notice anything more than that.

He gave her the knife. And she gave him the vest thingy...There's got to be a reason for this. And once I figured it out entirely, my smile wouldn't stop at all. 

"What?" She questioned, and I laughed. Taking the smallest glance back to see that he was still searching in the cars in that area.

"You like him," I whispered, trying to lean in. But the second she stopped in pursuit of walking back, I knew I was screamed. "No...I don't...Adelyine." She scolded, and so I pulled both my hands up over my head as I still smiled up at her. Daryl wasn't looking to us at the moment, so doing the trick she taught me before did I zip my mouth close, but she didn't take that offer.

Instead, she made me pinky swear.

But I laughed again. "That means you like him!" I yelled, skipping before the both of us as I couldn't help myself. I've never seen her smile like that, especially to Zack or anyone else. 

"I've known him a long time." She said. But I don't believe that, why did she never tell me about him? Or Merle. So that is the question I went with. "Why didn't Merley ever talk about him?" 
And as mom looked back to Dixon's position in the car, did my eyes just stare into hers. Not to whatever Daryl was doing that was interesting her, instead I huffed as she wasn't giving me a straight answer.

"Because him and Merley are very different people." 

"But they're brothers?" She nodded, and a little while after did she give me a verbal response. We continued walking in silence. But as we came closer, I figured something else out.

She's never been this expressive, or open about liking some. It took a few months before I met Zack, and even then was it just for a little dinner. He was nice, but I didn't really like him to the point of seeing him as my dad. So I did something I knew my mom needs to hear, she gets like this for a lot of things. Mostly work, but I think it qualifies for the same thing. 

"I like him. He's nice." I said, seemingly too late as Shane popped out of nowhere to say hello. 
I didn't want to be scared of Shane, but I couldn't look him in the eyes either. He shot at me and my mom, and there's just the awful things he said about my mom that make me mad. 
But I'm a kid, and no one thinks twice in looking around to see who's listening. "We found MRE...A-and some clothes." I stuttered, feeling the dread my mom echoed out. She's mad at him, and for good enough reason. He almost killed us both.

Just can't wrap my head around it. "Why don't you go with your mom, gotta find a few things for you too huh?" He said, and I let out a smile. But it wasn't anything like what Daryl had me react to. He was funny, and it didn't feel forced. Shane...That felt forced.

As I emptied my bag out, I kept most of the candies and snacks I found at the bottom. Mom always makes the joke of carrying a lighter with her, so there's one I found in the glove box. Just sitting there beside the water bottle Daryl gave me.

Snowball sat comfortably at the top, his head sticking out as he needed the air.

"Why don't you save that, put it in your bag. Can eat it later...And that one too." She said, I was just holding two that I remember not tasting that bad. So I stuffed int neatly beside the rest.

With my mom talking to Mr.Glenn, did I just look out to the rest of the group. Closing my eyes and taking the breeze that ran through my entire body. This was better than getting cramped in the car for the past few hours.

As mom found herself walking with the man in the baseball cap, I trailed along. Her glance backward seemed involuntary as she somehow managed to keep the conversation going with Glenn. But the second she went up into the truck, did I spot Carl and Sofia.

The candy bar!

"Mom? Can I go with Sofia and Carl? They're just over there." I pointed, and there was the lecture I was worried about, it wasn't long. But it was just the entire course she gave to me before. So she gave me a small kiss on the forehead before allowing me to run over towards them.

Of course, Lori was quick in asking if it was okay I was with them, and the gentle wave over towards my mom was all she needed. "Addie look! I found some more markers in that car over there." Carl said, I smiled and as I was about to offer to put them in my backpack. Did I realize it was all filled up with supplies that we need.

We don't need markers.

"What did my dad talk to you about? Before?" He questioned, and while Sofia was by her mom just glancing in the trucks of the cars. Was I unaware that Lori was listening in, until now. "He wanted to make sure I remembered what Shaney taught me," I said, and as he looked to the pistol I smiled. "I wish my mom would've let me do that." 

"Maybe one day I can teach you." I offered, but I know Lori won't approve.

But as he went to grab it, I backed up the given bit. Shaking my head as I placed that side of my body away from it. "It's not a toy." 

"I know it's—" Again did he gesture towards it, but I wasn't in any place to give him the talk about guns.

If my mom wasn't in the occupation she's in today, I might not even have the knife on me.

So instead did I distract him, pulling out the candy bar that we raced over to share with Sofia. This is what we needed, that and because Lori handed me a shirt that looked to be my size. I changed more or less, this shirt was getting smelly and sweaty and it felt nice to be in something new.

But seeing Rick come running this way with a gun in hand had me worry. "Lori! Carl! Under the cars now!" He whispered, and as I turned around. Carl was nowhere to be seen, so as I found a stable car in the farthest lane, did I grip Sofia's wrist and yanking her under my backpack off my back as it blocked the view looking towards the woods.

As I peered upwards did I see the problem, walkers. Hundreds of them it felt like, their slow walking

My eyes connected directly to Ricky as he was on his back. Trying his hardest to breathe normally. "Momm—" I held her mouth with my hand, holding her close as I mirrored what Lori was doing to Carol. She was crying and I needed to calm she down.

The growls were loud enough, and a good distance away that I could shush her for right now. "Close your eyes," I whispered right beside her ear, and as she whimpered I looked off to Carl. Trying to give him a waving smile as I was royally scared.

As the shuffles soon began to pass us, it worried me to the point of no end how loudly she was breathing against my hand. They can hear, and that's what makes them come after you. But is seeing you that makes you a target?

I wasn't about to find out.

*

34.

35—39. I tried counting, but there were too many pairs of feet that trailed along. And enough that had me start feeling the pressure. Especially when the gasping sounds echoed. 


Was that mom?!

No. It can't be. Mom knows how to take care of a walker. 
She's fine. Ricky's fine. Daryl's fine. Everyone is fine.

Breathing in and out gave a pattern for Sofia to follow as well. And with that was Carl doing the same thing, holding his hand over his own mouth and continuing to keep eye contact with me and Sofia.

Felt like the car was squishing down on us, her body was shaking so hard I felt scared in bumping anything at all...

But as the count began to grow lower and lower in size, I let out a release of air. Looking around to everyone as my hands left the confinement of Sofia. As Carl had given a smile and a nod, I allowed myself to just head plant to the cold highway floor. Smiling up a storm as nothing happened. 
We're alive.

Just as I was about to smile to Sofia, did I see what she was doing. Grabbing her hand all too late had her scream retreating to my side and pushing me out the other way. So as I shoved my backpack at the end of the car, did I take her hand and yank her out from underneath. But it was the given second walker that followed our approach. 

"Sofia!" I yelled, grabbing her hand and the backpack as I jumped over the highway's fencing. 
She understood what we were doing, and butt scooted down the mountain. 
Following in pursuit was the backpack just over my shoulders as I darted after her.
Stay together.

We have to stay together.

The growls were still behind us, whether they were the same or different didn't matter. I continued to run as fast as my legs could carry me. 
Passing through the thick leaves that condensed this forest did I feel utterly able to breathe freely. However, as I found Sofia once more, her blue shirt highlighting her. Did I follow her once more, and the second she fell to the ground. Did I try to help her up.

"No! No!" She screamed, completely out of breath as she tried pushing me away. It took the given second until she calmed down, and I only gave her enough time to get her back onto her feet and continue through.

However, we were both stopped by a bruiting force. And as I was about to kick and punch, did the walker make noise. "Are you all right? Are you okay?" Ricky asked, and my hands connected around his neck as I cried. 


"Shoot them!" Sofia cried, taking a reach for his pistol as well. But I stopped her, trying to think of a plan. But Rick was quick into getting us both on the move, picking her up and having me follow right behind.

The growling and panting was far too much, but soon we stopped. He jumped down into the water and caught us both. Pulling us closer to the middle. But my eyes were everywhere, my mom isn't here.

I don't have anyone to hold a walker for me. Whatever happens, is because I do it.

"Addie, Sofia, you have to do exactly as I say...Hide in there. Squeeze in tight. I'll draw them away from you" He pointed to the fallen roots of a large tree, and so I went on inside. Offering a hand for her to take but she wouldn't budge. 

"No no, don't leave us." She cried, and it was in that moment I realize I was crying.
I didn't want him to leave, but we have no choice.
"Listen listen. They don't get winded. I do. I can only deal with them one at a time. I wouldn't be able to protect either of you. This is how we all survive. Do you understand?" As he pushed her into my hold did I hug her tight, bringing her closer into the condensed area once more as I was worried the walkers could hear us talking.

"Addie...If I don't make it back, run back to the highway, back to the others straight the way we came. Keep the sun on your left shoulder." As he was about finished with the sentence did the walkers finally follow through. Splashing water into their direction did they fall in pursuit, not taking gravity as a force against them. How could they? They're brains aren't fully working.

As he leads them away, I held on tightly to Sofia. Brushing her hair out of her face as she didn't want to look out from underneath. And with Rick's voice just got fainter and fainter by the passing minutes, only highlighting the fact that  we were alone again.

He didn't give orders to Sofia to get us back. He gave them to me, saying my name rather than her's.

Left shoulder. 

Okay, I can— As Sofia pried her way out of my hold did I struggle to keep her at bay. "He said get to the highway." 

"Only if he doesn't come back." She didn't listen to my words, not one bit. Instead, she just slashed and continued forward.
There was always a part of me that thought she didn't like me, and here it's true. She's older, but not by much.

"Come on." She ordered, and so I shook my head. "He went that way, they're gone." She mumbled, looking around to prove her statement true. But she's the one who acted and made us both pay the price.


"I want to go back to my mom." She pleaded, but the task Rick assigned me wasn't going to have us split up. "I do too. But we have to wait for—" She began to walk up the small cliff that Rick helped us get down from, and try as she might go up. She failed.


Emerging from our hidden little nook did I see an easier level in the terrain before climbing this side up and calling her over. We can do this. Sun on the left side. Breathing in as I took lead. My hand just gripping the handle of my knife as hard as I can. Waiting to see any sign of Rick needing help.

This was Sofia's fault that we're alone out here.

As we came at an open area, did a branch snap apart. Making us both freeze and look in all different directions. "A-a-addie!" She screamed, and as I dropped my backpack to the ground and pushed her away from the oncoming walker. Did she just bolt in the other direction. 


"Fu—" I almost cursed. But with the walker coming this much closer did I have to concentrate. Playing my fingers against the handle of my knife did I charge the walker. Kicking it in the shin and stabbing it right through the forehead. Ending its life.

I did it!
I did it without my mom.

As I slid out my knife from it's forehead, allowing it to fall down to my feet. 

But my celebrating victory was cut short. Due to the fact that I was now alone, alone and with two more walkers on my trail. Not wanting to test my luck did I grab my pack and run into the direction I believe she went.

"Sofia!" I yelled, and she soon stopped to have me catch up with her.
 We lost the walkers an hours ago, but I was so out of the loop of which direction to go now that I was having trouble deciding on a path.

And whenever we stayed in a direction far too long, a cluster of walkers had us run in the opposite direction

_____

Date Posted: 10-12-18

Time: 6:19

Word-Count: 5157

______

Five foot Three? I was not just going to kill off my favorite character like that, Merlin I am not that evil! Besides, I have a lot of plans with Addie ;)