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Aurora Blake Specktor Holden POV

"You remember, when Rick and Lori took lil Carl to the grand canyons?" I laughed, remembering clearly of the incident. "Yeah, and they kept calling me like I was a peditrictian?" This is what I missed, this sudden realization that ticked into my heart as maybe I earned my friend back. 
"Did ya just get the degree, or almost?"
"I think I had it for a month, but it was just the flu, the kid was fine." As the laughter soon began to die out, and he ran out of the sudden list of memories we've been through. The thought process he was trying to avoid came about. 


"What the hell are we doing?" He asked, and to be fair. It's an honest question. But my lack of a response had him hold the wheel even tighter, and while my feet were comfortably on the dashboard. He acted as if I had responded.

"We had a good thing going for us, had everyone in place...Now he's back and we're all suppose to follow." My expression didn't change, and that was partly due to the fact that I didn't want to be anything more than neutral. I love Rick, and it's arguably more than Shane at this given point. They've always been bumping head, and suddenly the second and Lori are 'bumpin' uglies' as Daryl suggested.

It goes downhill.

"Am I here as a friend or psychiatrist?" I asked, and to be fair it was honest. I need to know what is confidential and what isn't and this surely was one of the things clarification is a hundred percent needed.

"Y...You...You don't agree?" I shrugged, honestly wondering what I would've done in the situation. Us going to the CDC is one version, and I want to help Jim. But some part of me wants to identify this disease and offer my help, otherwise, it's just us going to the army base and hopefully not get overrun there either.


"I'm sitting in the car with you, aren't I?" And he nodded along, good enough as any comment sufficing to this man beside me, but my attention caught back to Dixon...What the hell is he doing?

"He was gonna find out sooner or later, Carl was bound to say Aunty Blake in front of him one of these days...Let it go." The added little line of 'let it go' sparked and I scoffed before even realizing what I had done. 

His eyes shot towards me, then back to the rearview mirror. "That bad?" 

"Worse," I mumbled behind my hand, but before long I began to tinker with the satellite radio, just changing through the stations and wondering if there was anything out there other than the normal static.

But the second the car halted, I was at an impasse. "Stay in the truck if ya want. Gonna scout ahead." He said, taking his shotgun and leaving me in the truck. Playing with the wires and rearranging them did I try my best to remember the class to widen the range, but nothing came.

"Ya comin'?" I laughed, pulling my hat a bit up to see him. 

"It's the R.V, the thing was bound to go...Might—" Our conversation was to a halt when I saw Addie come running over, and whether it was the sudden realization of us not being in the camp any longer, or the fact that Daryl put his bow up in preparation. I opened my car door and walked towards her. 


"Sweetie, what's wrong?" I asked, onto my knee before her. Tucking down her shirt and trying to calm her down. "It's Jim...It's my fault!" Looking to Daryl and a small nod did he go forward to see what the issue was entirely, and another solum nod forward meant she was right.

"Honey, what happened to Jim was not your fault." She shook her head, the massive amount of tears rolling down her face. "He saved me...He pushed me out of the way, Ricky said we could help him but—" Instead of having her continue, I interrupted her speech to tell her to wait in the truck. 

She'd be riding with Shane and I, no longer with the Grimes family.

Making my way back over did I see we're missing a car, and in the instant did Rick fill me in on what was going on. Just before he was going into the R.V to see Jim. I offered, but after seeing Addie's reaction to her thinking it's her fault. I sighed again.

"Addie alright?" Lori asked, coming beside me with her son. Knowing full well that Daryl was listening in, his crossbow might be gestured to face the sky high above. But his ears were in our direction. 


"She thinks what happened to Jim...Is her fault. He saved her and must've gotten bit while doing it." The gesture Lori made, her hand over her mouth as she took a steady breath it had distracted me to the point of not even realizing Rick returned from the sick patent.

"...It's what he says he wants." Rick mumbled, to be fair I'm going to assume he wants to be put out of his misery. Jackie claiming it was worse than before worries me, and I can't imagine how he must feel.

"He's lucid?" I questioned and Rick tried to answer as best he could. So I nodded along.

If he wants this, it's his choice.

"Back in the camp...When I said 'Daryl might be right' and you shut me down, you misunderstood. I would never go along with callously killing a man. I was just gonna suggest that we ask Jim what he wants...And think we have an answer." I nodded, along with both the suggest and the interpretation.

I wouldn't want to turn into one of those things, much less see anyone here turn into them. Although Shane was reluctant on leaving him behind as we drove off, Lori tried to reason with the both of them. And although the grim faces that appeared on everyone as Jim left the R.V at the aid of both Rick and Shane. 

It was still a battle of having my daughter say her last words to Jim, I've seen them talk once in a while. She was usually occupied by the other kids, but once and awhile I'd see her with Dale and Jim, just conversing and asking questions on what they were doing to the truck.

Think it's the idea of losing someone, or survives guilt that my daughter's going through. But at this point, it's everyone in camp that is significantly hurting.

"Hey kid..." Daryl started, almost sounding as easy as when he asked Glenn what he did for a living back in Atlanta.

At first, my daughter didn't react, her eyes were just glued to the tree that they were setting Jim up to. And although his eyes didn't meet mine to have him stop his attempt, did he knee down before her. And the soft smile that seemed to admit from the both of them errupted. 

"...Cryin' ain't gonna solve nothin'...But this ain't ya fault anyhow..." His words were exactly what she needed to hear, especially since they mirrored what Merle would've said. And although I said another clean 'thank you,' he still didn't respond or look me in the eye before walking a bit back towards his truck.

We went up in groups, all of us saying a few words to him before walking back down the hill to the next. Addie on the other hand, she sat down before him and cried out an apology. But the second he understood what was going on, he shut down her thought process, making her nod and leave once again. Meeting with Shane to head back towards the truck.

"Thank you, for what you did for Addie."
"Wish I could've done the same for my family...Is it normal, that I see 'em?" He questioned, and I nodded. Kneeing down before him now as well, wiping the rolling sweat off his forehead with a damp cloth I had in my pocket.
"...Ya know what else I see?" He paused his continuing speech, and so I gestured for him to continue. But he fitted with the loaded gun was given until he looked back up.

"Addie got the same eyes as Dixon." 

My mouth gawked wide, how did he—When did he— "Got nobody to tell, you be careful now...For the both of 'em." My sadden eyes reflected the man's dying wish and so I nodded, my hand overlapping his as I helped him pull back the hammer. 

Walking down back to the leveled road did I meet with the rest of the group. The complete opposite of stopping the car to returning.

Shane was still waiting by the R.V for one last talk while I walked on back to my daughter. Laying in the back of the truck as she snuggled with the bunny.

"Hun, do you want me to put the hood up?" She nodded, and at the moment did I reach over and strap the tops to the ends. And just as I was about to do the back, I saw Daryl finishing the last one.

Nodding. 

And then walk away back to his truck.

He hasn't said a word to me since I taunted him about my tattoos.

This is a nightmare within a nightmare.

*

"Addie doin' alright?" Shane questioned, turning his back for a second to look. She probably wasn't sleeping, but her sobs leveled out enough. I shrugged, bitting my nail as I looked out the window. Feet no longer up on the dashboard and the radio was just in my lap. Going untouched. 
"I can't even help my own daughter..."

"That ain't true, Blake it's...It's understandable, a lotta shit went down in the last few days." I chuckled, and he doesn't even know half of it. Shaking my head did I continue to move away from his burning eye contact.


He demanded me to look at him.

And what he saw was something I tried to hide. 
Wether it was the cold shoulder from Daryl, Jim's words, Amy's death, the kidnapping. All of it was just too much for to bare a the moment. He sighed, removing his cap from his head as he threw it down in his lap.

"Yeah, you don't know half...Listen, I get that you lost a lot when Rick came back...I do. But moving back to me isn't...isn't...It's not fair to me, to you...or to Carl or Lori." He sighed, nodding his head and verbally whispering an agreeing phrase.

Why did I sound like a mother scolding her child?
 Oh. I guess...Yeah, I guess I am a mother.

"Lost my chance...Didn't I?" My weak smile widened as I too nodded along, this was hopeless. 

But it's true, he lost his chance. To me, to Addie. Trying to dictate every we've done. 
He's helped, but my debt is to Rick and his family, and everything there is why I remain with Shane in this truck. Why Daryl here is another mind-boggling thought that I cannot overcome to think of.

"Guess we're here...Hey...Addie." He shook her shoulder and stumbling rose up to rub her eyes. Oh, she was a good actress. But I knew better.

"I want you to stay close to me, alright? Put on your holster, and shoot only when you need to." She nodded, making sure to fasten the hostler and put the bunny into her backpack.

With my backpack over my shoulders and centered in my back. Flannel over my waist and everything tucked away. I too managed to get out of the truck, my daughter holding onto my hand as she sightly coughed into her shoulder. "What's that smell?" 

Taking a sniff, I couldn't honestly smell a thing. But when the sudden buzzing of flies and their annoyance took over me. I saw the death count that tolled around. The sacks that fortified a little area for their securement continued.

Shane whispered to keep moving and keep quiet. 

And as my pistol was a second away from being revealed out. I needed to get my daughter closer to the group, but surveying the bodies and making sure there are no walkers around as another misstep.

Continuing forward to the building, outpacing the numerous amounts of tanks and alined bodies did we finally made it to the given perimeter of the entryway. The metal doors seemed locked, and at the second Rick came close to it did he begin to try and lift it. 

As well as Shane. 

I took the small running steps to continue forward, seeing a control panel that might open the thing up. "There's nobody here," T-Dog stated, and the fear began to strike through the given bunch of people beside me.

"Then why are these shutters down?" Rick asked me, and as I was trying to pry down the main panel box surrounding the buttons I shook my head. Trying my best to find the right wires. 

"Walkers!" Daryl warned, and the second he did so my hand came in contact with my pistol. Aiming towards the dead one, but it was soon taken out by Dixon. An arrow right through the skull as he came around the corner of our circle.

"Ya led us into a graveyard!" He yelled, only attracting more of them, and while Shane tried to defend him. Daryl was quick to claim it was the 'wrong damn call.'

Shane and Daryl were neck to neck, no guns pointed to one another but Addie was huddled in between my legs while I tried my best to figure this out.

"Rick, this is a dead end, do you hear me? No blame." He stated, but there was. More than enough. As I was across from Rick, did the concern notion of Lori follow through on being this close to the city at dark. 


And with the sun already past the horizon did I know she was right. Taking out my satellite phone did I manage to connect one another. And all these codes and data changes came piling in. 


Dating back to what I can only assume was a few days ago.


"Fort Benning, Rick—Still an option." Shane offered.
"On what? No food, no fuel. That's 100 miles." Andrea pressed. And I shook my head, taking both my hands to figure this puzzle out. Trying to crack the sequence with the given allotment of time.


"125." I cleanly stated, trying to calm the given area with a respectful knowledge of how far the said location might be. But Lori's screeching only implied that more are on the way.

"Forgot fort Benning, we need answers tonight." Shaking my head did I try and continue, but the second the admission of static commenced I knew I was in the clear of transmitting something. Anything to the inside.

As Shane began to tell everyone to leave, I couldn't do such a thing so close to finishing. Finding a given frequency that was just a low dial did I press the speaking button and hope for the best. 

"My name is Agent Blake Holden, I'm with the FBI, I'm a forensic scientist. There is someone in here because the codes changed, open the god damn door...This is a WILDFIRE code, this building wouldn't be operational without anyone here. I know someones here!" I shouted, but the second the cry commenced did I realize Shane was prying my daughter from my arms. Elbowing him in the chest had him bounce back a bit as I covered my daughter further. 


"Blake, there ain't nothin' here!" Shane warned. Still attempting to get through to me, but I wouldn't budge. And neither will my daughter.
"

The camera! It moved!" Rick stated, and as I used the smallest opportunity to continue through with my action. Repeating over and over again what happened.

"Blake, ya gotta let it go. Ya gonna get yaself killed!" I ignored Daryl's warning and continued through. Looking at the small screen of actions this person might've done.

"I know you're in there. I know you can hear me! Please, we're desperate. Please help us. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left!" Rick continued forward, but then the newest log commenced. A number.

"I have a transmission from WILDFIRE M8B3417. You were last active yesterday at 11:52!" I screamed, but the lack of a figure at my legs made me realize that the screaming of my daughter was muted. And when I turned around did I see her in the arms of Glenn.

I was confused on who was handling me, but the grunts and the initial reminder of this firm body had me scream and struggle even more.

"Ya got a death wish or somethin'?" He grumbled, but with Rick's continues phrase of 'you're killing us' rolling through my mind and out. I see my satellite phone still hanging at the control panel. And I sighed in Daryl's shoulder as he continued to carry me with the rest of the group.

But then...And only then, the sound of screeching steal commence forward. Now I'm not a religious person, and I never claimed to be one. But this is the first time I acquired the feeling of seeing God.

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Date Posted:  8-13-18 // Time: 7:53
Word-Count: 2965
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