Since I see where all this comes from, Awan is delighted to flaunt his education over me.

We were in the library when father was leaving for the city.

"Awan take care of your Mistress" he commanded.

"Sure Sir" he rubs his arms.

"Where do you live Awan?" Mother asked him.

"The front Mansion Mrs. Al -Masi"

My mother's cup hovered in the air, both my parents exchanged a brief look.

"I thought you work there" My father exclaimed.

"Oh yes. Is it not work if it is home? That is what I think about often. Why working at home is not work?"

Father cross smirked at his comprehend and mother laughed "Oh Awan you are exclusive!"

"No, I madame am one of a kind" he blazed.

I slightly shook my head.

It is bizarre the trust we have over him in this short span.

My father handed us to him.

His worth suddenly rose to the higher shelf as he revealed he lived beside us as an equal. Had I not known my parents I would pass this as the magic of time or even give credits of it to Awan but I knew them too well, they marked a mans importance from his wealth and his house.

Now Awan was an Elite which I knew he wasn't.

"Why do you hate rich people?" I asked as we settled early evening on the rock bench.

"Isn't it cold?"

"Answer please?"

"Oh Miss if you weren't one, you would too" he spoke blowing gently on his hand.

Probably.

"You live alone?"

"I live with my mother. She is old and annoying most days"

I laughed. Brutally honest.

"Why do you live with them?" He asked me.

"Because I do not have anywhere else to go"I spoke borrowing the some of the same honesty.

He nodded smiling wide, stretching his large chapped lips.

" Did you like Maerifa?"

"Yes...Can I ask you something?"

"No" he boldly said.

I laughed.

We both sighed.
He left for his work and I stayed alone.

The crickets started their sound, the evening left and the like clean new bedsheets over plain floors the black sky lay afresh, the stars mounted and the moon attended dull and sad as always.

Affected by the ambiance and pestered by all the silence around me. I fell in the hole of sorrow.

"Miss..."

"Yes Awan"

"Miss..."

I looked at him.
He smiled wide. I did not smile back.

"Fruitcake" he offered.

I shook my head.

He sat beside.

"Did you call Abdullah?" He asked.

"No.." I smiled.

"The first one, Omar?"

"No..." I sniffed.

"Who's next?" He asked with his forehead all gathered with lines of stress.

"I do not care but I hope he is the last" I answered to which he moved back.

"That is one sad line Miss"

"You can call me Laraib" I insisted.

"Nah, Miss is comfortable. Are you worried about your marriage?"

I did not know how to answer that. There were several answers to it but none I could put in words so I took a little silence from the air and embraced it.

He looked away, he handed me one of the two lilies he always carries in his palm.

"Do you want to get married, Miss?" He asks now this same state of indifference stirs in me. How do I answer that?

" speak what you must, I would hear it all," he said handing me the other lily as well.

"It is a lot"

"Better"

I sighed if it had to be spoken tonight of all days I would. I did not know Awan but he was a listener, a keen one.

"It dates back" I warned.

"Take me" he did not even hesitate.

"What we know as a happy family never existed in my life. My grandparent's only son, my father, and myself the only child of my parents, we were never a small happy family even in the frames.
My grandparents and parents fought since I can remember. My life shattered in Three blows. The first came when my grandparents separated and left for their country home. I was young so I remember little but it affected me more than I realized. My life got torn in two homes. I could not live without them, I would travel from country to the city almost all year round as a result of my education suffered. Second came around when I was fifteen; thing got worse between them and my grandparents without a warning took me away with them and I moved to the country. I left everything and everyone" I breathed the soft scents of lilies from my palm.

"Must be life changing"

"Was heartbreaking but not as much to what happened in the third blow.
I was still with my own grandparents who loved me intensely. They brought me traditionally, orthodox views, pious and chaste. I was enthusiastic and happy, a young girl with charm and polite" I smiled at how stupid I was to think that I would be the same forever...

"I was completely content with myself and sure of the future. Now when you live in a small country house with the neighborhood of some fifteen houses with the same boundaries as yours, you think alike. All the young people around were dipped into the mindless potion that induced the dreams 'marriage'. I was another sheep in the flock. That was all that revolved in my mind since I was eighteen. Boys, their charm, their smiles and oh those romantic movies I watched. So bewitching" now I smiled and my vision blurred with the salty water.

"A house that talked of wealthy and amiable proposals for me all day intoxicated me. I thought about my marriage, my wedding, my man....all about me when suddenly the third blow came in, unnoticed unaware of the attack I lay dreaming on my bed. My father and grandfather fought, now after days my father established a right at me, he insults my grandfather for arranging proposals, he belittled him by saying he was impotent to find me a good man. My grandfather was the father of the same arrogant man, announced that my marriage and all its responsibility would now solely depend on my careless father. Oh, that day!
Poor Laraib was handed on to strange hands who could not understand how to handle a daughter, neither the fard of marrying her nor the attention of retaining her. My dreams were orphaned on that day. A house that talked only of a young bride turned quiet and old, what I eagerly listened to behind doors between walls fell dumb. From the glistening twenty-one-year-old, I became this twenty-seven year old in what feels like a lifetime of waiting. The frustration grew on me and now I ask myself do you even want to get married and there is a hollow. I am empty Awan and I only wonder if I can be fixed for now I only feel I can destroy"

I cried and he was still.

"I have forgotten how it feels like to yearn for love in these years. All I want is to walk the aisle so I can get to the other side" I covered my face.

"Sounds a lot like my story" he sighed.

I looked at him.

"Well, at least yours have Abdullah mine has Jamila, god you do not want to meet her!"

I laughed.

"Awan, you really are one of a kind"

We both smiled with our heads down. Sunk in this sea of emotions, of frustration and this loss of youth, there was no way back home to feel like it did when we were kids. The age of innocence had passed. We stare at our empty hands and cry to the Lord, are you listening? We scream, we crawl but within these half-dead bodies were a half lone soul who whispered there was more to them, another half or so... A mate for a half to be whole. A man to make a Woman and man for himself to the core. Despite this horror of living we strived to find Our Home.

Authors Note:
I often wonder if anybody else suffers this boredom and torture of martial idea?
I know most my readers are under eighteen and if you haven't lived the new middle age crisis you won't really know how horrendous it is. On the contrary, I hope you share this story and tell me how you find it so far. Leave your age in the comment, I am curious to know.
See you next week!
Stay Blessed xoxo.