DREAM

A quick note before I begin - my college is kind of notorious for having students meet there, fall in love, and get married.

Anyway...

Last night I dreamed that my school was organizing an event where couples could spend the day together and ride in a hot air balloon.  It was like a Valentine's Day thing or something.  I invited BF (who goes to a neighboring college,) but he was busy with an exam, so I ditched the whole Valentine's Day aspect and went on the hot air balloon with my sister J.  We just screamed until we realized the landscape looked like cotton candy and then we laughed at it.

SMOOTHIE

When I woke up, I went to the kitchen and tried to make a strawberry lemonade smoothie/slushie/thing.  It worked, except I used ice, which my blender did not like.  That sucked.

HOMEWORK

Then I tried to do the homework on my schedule, but since it was a discussion assignment and I was early, I couldn't do it.  I got most of it done later, but it was frustrating at first.  I also started a paper, but I didn't get nearly as far as I planned to.

MASKS

I tried to make masks for myself and BF's family (my aunt and/or grandma are making some for my family,) but when I prewashed the fabric, most of it tore and tied itself into a huge clump.

SCARES

While I was cutting the fabric earlier, my mom made a loud noise.  It scared me.  The scissors slipped around my finger, and I almost cut myself.  I also almost rolled my ankles while I was walking, and I almost fell down the stairs.  My knees had buckled too, which made it feel worse.  At this point, I was very stressed.

CALL

Just when things were starting to calm down, my mom got a phone call.

Grandpa Great, my 98-year-old great grandfather, had passed away.

This was very upsetting to me.  It still is.  There were lots of things to do still.  He moved into a home recently, and I wanted to visit him again.  I was going to write him letters and send him drawings, but it was hard to figure out how to do so now that his eyesight was going and the lockdown was happening.  I wanted to spend more time with him and hear more stories about his life.  There were going to be more Christmas and birthday and Fourth of July parties.  More cookies to bake with Grandma to bring to him.  He was going to make it to at least 100, but he didn't get to.

Please pray for him if you can.

RELAXING

At this point, I broke down.  My dad came in and talked to me, and he tried to help, but honestly, him just listening was best.  I had yelled at one of my sisters earlier for being rude, and I told him the truth - that I hated being angry, hateful, and mean, especially in times like this.  I hated snapping.  I wanted to do something better, something good, but I'd failed at everything.

Dad told me, "Don't hurt yourself, because you are a light in someone's storm."

I have to work on that.

Dad and everyone else left me alone for a few hours.  I just watched YouTube and talked to BF.  Since we couldn't hug, I snuggled in his sweatshirt, which is really cheesy and dramatic, but it helped.

REALIZATION

As I was crying, I remembered that Grandpa Great had always been a happy person.  Everyone knew it.  When he had to leave the house he built, he chose to look back at his memories there.  "It was a good house to me," he'd said before moving on.  And he even chose where he would go next - the place where his friends were.  All of them were around ten years younger than him or more, which he thought was funny.  When my family visited him there, I asked if he had made new friends too.  "Yeah," he'd replied, "lots of lady friends."  At his 91st birthday party, he saw the cupcakes and was excited to turn 16.  Many family members who were around the age of 16 taught him how to take selfies, and he would look confused on purpose.  He golfed and grew his own vegetables up until a few years ago, and he liked to take walks and visit his sister whenever he could.  Family get-togethers were one of his favorite things, and he always said we were the reason he'd lived so long.

Grandpa Great's in heaven now, and I'm sure he's happy there too.  He's with Grandma Great now, and his friends and family who'd gone before him.  Mourning is okay, but he wouldn't want anyone to be too sad.  He never did.

Rest in peace, Grandpa Great.

DRAWING

When things were starting to get better, I worked on a drawing, since I try to post on my art Instagram at least once a week.  This time, I'm drawing David from Schitt's Creek.  I didn't get it done today, so hopefully I will tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.  With everything that's going on, it's best to let myself relax and heal.

ICKY

Then I started feeling really icky.  I was definitely dehydrated (the crying probably worsened it,) and my blood pressure might've dropped too.  BF was calling at the time, and he got nervous.  My mom helped me get Gatorade while I also drank water and ate pretzel sticks for the salt.  It was a really weird situation and I wasn't sure exactly what to do (if you're a health professional/have any experience with this, please let me know!)  I also took pain relief medicine and lay down until my headache got a bit better.  There's still the headache and slight weakness, but other than that, I think I'm okay.

YOU

How are you so far today?