Chapter Seven: Connections

   Delrand wasn’t at breakfast, which was quite a relief. The dream I had made me worry about life and the bond you create with people, and I wasn’t sure if seeing him first thing in the morning would help; but after about half an hour and him not showing up, I decided to go look for him before either of us worried about the other.

   ‘Excuse me, but have you seen Delrand anywhere?’ I asked one of the masters.

   ‘He may be in the library, that’s his favourite place here. If not, I don’t know.’

   I walked off towards the library; I already knew where it was because Delrand tried to relay a mental map to me on the way here. The one thing I could remember clearly was where the library was because I knew he liked books and reading. Pacing through the beautiful calming corridors, I passed many students. They all seemed to step aside as we neared each other. Many of them were around nine to fifteen years old. I only meet a few who were about my own age. They appeared really childish and dim-witted. I also noticed the way they looked at me, as if they had never seen a girl before.

   I asked the librarian if Delrand was in the huge book room. He told me he was at the back. He offered to show me around the shelves but I told him I’d manage.

   Like most of the rooms in the school, the library was big. Along all the walls were shelves stacked and piled with books (except for the doors and a few large stained-glass windows high above the floor). The space within each of the aisles, width-ways, was enough for only three people to stand shoulder-to-shoulder together. I eventually found him wondering along one of the book rows. He was in an area where each book was probably no less than three inches thick or covered in Celtic or archaic designs and symbols.

   ‘What are you looking for?’ I asked.

   ‘A book on something. When did you get up?’

   He answered while still searching. ‘About half an hour ago. A book on what?’

   ‘It’s to do with transforming and illusions, if you really want to know.’

   ‘I thought you already knew about that stuff?’

   ‘I do, but there is more to it than Merlin can teach me,’ he explained, while he still searched.

   ‘Any idea of its title?’

   ‘Nope. If I did I would have found it by now.’

   As big as the library was it was kept in order quite easily. First the books were categorised, then they were stood up in alphabetical order within their categories. The librarian was obviously head of the library but he must have a few boys or men under him to help with organising the ranks of books.

   ‘Do you know its colour or anything that stands out on the cover?’

   ‘It’s black and leather-bound, which doesn’t help.’

   Looking along the shelves beside me it was clear that it would take forever to find the book he wanted, most of these books were black and leather-bound.

   ‘Are you sure you’re in the right section?’

   ‘This is the only section whose books are categorised under Sorcery.’

   ‘Ah.’

   After about another ten minutes, he gave up and went to sit at one of the polished reading tables in the centre.

   ‘It could be that someone has taken it and wants to try to uncover more power within them.’

   I sat beside him, cautious of the volume of my voice. ‘But isn’t that dangerous for them?’

   ‘For them and the whole school, if he tried to control a spell, and obviously he would fail. You and I are the only good sorcerers in Albion at the moment, well apart from Merlin. A sorcery spell is far too powerful for a mere wizard; he would either die or create an explosion that would destroy the school.’ He said all this in an unenthusiastic way, as if tired or bored.

   ‘Oh, that’s very nice.’

   ‘I suppose I’d better teach you what I already know, then. At least you’ll be learning something. Would you like to go outside or stay indoors?’

   ‘It’s not raining, so outside would be nice.’

   He smiled as if that was the answer he was looking for. ‘Come on then.’

   We went outside into the sunlight; it was lovely out here in the small open orchard. However, he didn’t stop there he carried on towards the gates.

   ‘Where did you mean by outside?’ I asked a little concerned.

   ‘The forest,’ he replied.

   ‘Why?’

   ‘Because I think it’s best that the other students don’t see what you are capable of just yet. It’ll keep them cautious. Also, I have some friends that have decided to show up today, and I don’t want them to meet you just yet either.’

   ‘When can I meet them, are they nice?’ I couldn’t stop myself from asking, I was curious to know them, and then I could learn more about Delrand. He still never answered my questions straight forward (if it was personal based), he tried to confuse me and would then completely change the subject.

   The forest wasn’t far to walk to. By the time we had reached the edge, I couldn’t stop thinking about being a wild animal. I thought about being a wolf, as Delrand had been on our first night out of Camelot. I also wanted to be able to sore the skies as an eagle, to see the world from a different perspective.

   We walked a little further in, where the trees were spaced apart but, probably, from far away you could not make us out. He stopped and faced me and stepped a few paces back. All the time he remained silent.

   First, I’ll show you what it looks like to change from one form to another, he spoke into my mind. He closed his eyes in concentration. He then began to change from the feet upwards. His feet became great paws with sharp, meat-tearing claws. Then his legs shortened and became furry and more bent at the knee. It continued up his body and his face was really strange to watch. His nose and mouth grew outwards into a muzzle; his ears grew upwards into pointed peaks atop his head. His fur was black as it was the first time.

   Delrand, can we still communicate? I asked, but I expected him not to be able to hear me.

   Of course, it’s still me you’re looking at, just another form of me. Now it’s your turn. He sat down on his haunches and solemnly stared at me. I became a little nervous in case I would make a mess of the whole process. First, you must concentrate on the animal you wish to turn into.

   I copied the wolf before me in my mind’s eye. Okay, done.

   Now you imagine your human body fitting and shaping into that form. At the same time you must use the magic within you to transform you as you think.

   I did as he said; it was much harder than I thought. Nothing happened at all. I tried about a dozen times and decided I needed to put more enthusiasm and strength into my imagination. It was the strangest sensation I had ever felt. I could feel the growth of fur and the twisting of my shape as it transformed into the wolf in my mind.

   I opened my eyes to a different forest than the one I had seen a few seconds before. It was black and white, and whatever I focused on seemed to become nearer than its surroundings. My smell and hearing were more pronounced as well.

   Is this how a wolf sees? Can I change it? I asked him.

   Yes and no, he answered respectively. You’ll get used to it eventually. Now let’s see if you can fight like a wolf.

   What? Fight? But I’ll hurt you.

   No you won’t. Forget about me and think about your tactics. Then he lay down in a pouncing position. His teeth were bared and his eyes looked hungry and menacing.

   I followed his lead and prepared my shoulder muscles. He growled at me and suddenly ran over the space between us. I side-stepped him and went for the back of his neck. I missed and his jaws snapped onto my left leg. The pain was throbbing but only made me more determined to injure him back. As he couldn’t let go I went for the nearest part of him to my mouth. The small of his back became my target and I quickly pinched him with my front teeth. He yelped in pain, it sounded similar to the yap of a dog when its paw is stepped on.

   He let go and went for my neck. I ducked and went for a hind leg of his, which I released quickly. As soon as I was free of him I sprinted through the trees. My treads were silent and carefully placed. I stopped and looked behind me, I saw him jogging leisurely to me. I bared my teeth and growled as he had done to me. He stopped with one paw in mid-air and then sat in the ready position again, only this time his expression looked more playful. I was confused, but not put off by his trick. He ran at full speed towards me but he didn’t attack by his teeth. At the last second he lunged into my side and we went rolling over each other, out of control of our limbs and claws.

   We eventually stopped. However, the way we were in comparison to the other wasn’t very comfortable. I was on my back, paws tucked into my body. He was on top of me and stood on his legs. He was looking down at me in an almost indescribable way. His eyes were soft and apple green and his mouth line seemed to gently smile. I narrowed my eyes. Then, with all my strength, I pushed him off with all four legs and bounded out of the forest.

   Elara? You can’t go back as a wolf. Come back, I need to teach you about how you change back, he called.

   I think I can manage by myself thanks. And I blocked him out of my thought pattern. I continued running, but I looked back over my shoulder to see if he was following. He wasn’t, so I stopped and changed back.

   It was common sense really; all I had to do was complete the process, only in reverse. I felt my body change back, opened my eyes and checked myself over, I had forgotten about the tail. I concentrated again and, after a second check, I was back to normal. I stormed off towards the school, went through the gates and headed straight up to my room for a bit of privacy.

   Shielding my mind even from him, I hung my cloak on the hook behind the door, and lay upon the bed. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my magic. I couldn’t help it, but questions started to construct in my conscience. Why did he do that and why did I repel him away? I could feel the reasons there at the back of my head but I wouldn’t and couldn’t admit them. Not unless all other connections were verified.

*****

   Why does everything have to happen to me? And at this time? I mean eighteen doesn’t mean anything, right? It can’t mean that all the lads you meet will try to catch your eye just because you’re now of age to marry. Also, because I’m the princess will also mean that they will all try to be more than what they really are, which to me is a bit of a weird thing and it’s rather funny to see them try and fail many times over. They just never learn. There are special ways to get to a girl’s heart, and it always changes with each individual. So, technically, lads don’t really have a chance, not until they crack the secrets. Which is very unlikely.

   I must have fallen asleep due to my sulking and frustration. I wake up feeling very tired and a little ashamed of myself for walking off on him. Surprisingly, I wanted to know if I had hurt his feelings or what he might think of me because I didn’t let him say what he might have said.

   I decided to go off and look for him, as I had done this morning. Remembering what time it might be I headed towards the Hall. As I guessed, he was on the head table. However, he wasn’t alone. He had another three young men, about his age, sat beside him. They seemed to be deep in conversation, though Delrand looked less involved than they were in it.

   Delrand, can I join you? I felt really guilty now, compared to when I had just woken up.

   Elara, where have you been? We need to talk, but first I’ll introduce you to my friends. Come over here. Also, I’m sorry about before. He sounded happier than he looked, but Delrand was good at delusions; yet his eyes looked across to me with the most subtle hint of sympathy and apology towards what happened earlier.

   Don’t talk about that now, you’ll ruin the moment. I went and sat in the spare seat next to him.

   ‘Hungry?’ he asked verbally.

   ‘Huh? Delrand, who are you...’ started one of his friends, but stopped short when he saw me. ‘Hello and you might be Delrand’s apprentice?’

   That brought me onto the defensive. All my shields came on, completely. ‘I might be, yes. And you are?’

   ‘I am Harrod.’ He sounded similar to Delrand, but his accent was a little different, he sounded northern.

   ‘Harrod, this is Elara. Be nice to her she is a little short tempered sometimes.’

   What? Do you mind?

   Not really. By the way, they don’t know what you are when you’re not doing magic.

   Why not? I didn’t want to argue but he had said something untrue.

   What would you think they’d treat you like if they knew?

   Good point.

   I looked up at Harrod again and saw he was watching me closely. I narrowed my eyes as slightly as possible. Poor Delrand was stuck in the middle of a complete and utter storm. I could tell Harrod would be strange and hard to bare, but I knew he (and maybe the other two) would probably not leave us alone now we had met.

   ‘Delrand, who are your other two friends?’

   ‘Justin and Oscar,’ he replied. It seemed he wanted me to get on with them, but that was out of the question.

   Delrand was still eating, so I waited. I looked across the hall. Considering the size of the room, there weren’t actually that many students here. Only half the hall was filled up.

   I didn’t feel like practicing today, not while I was being watched. It sent a chill up my spine to think of what they would assume about me, or whether they would pick up any weaknesses.

   Would you like to practice transformation again? asked Delrand. I thought back to the last time we practiced.

   Fine, but can they turn into other forms? I wanted to know if they would interfere; if they did it meant my guard would have to be extra strong.

   Yes, but that is rather unusual for wizards to do. Only if they have a very strong power they are able to do it.

   What do they turn into?

   Anything, really. Harrod prefers wolves like me, Oscar prefers birds of prey and Justin isn’t picky.

   What colour wolf am I?

   Pure white. To the forest again?

  I shrugged my shoulders, I wasn’t very bothered about where, as long as I wouldn’t get hurt again or end up in a fight like I did with Delrand this morning. Even though it was late afternoon, I preferred the night time; it was peaceful and calmer than the day.

   ‘Delrand, where are you going? We still have much to talk about.’ This was Justin by the sound of his voice. I seemed to feel like I would get on with him better than Harrod.

   Delrand looked at me, his eyes were a little wider than normal, I knew what he meant by it. I just smiled and carried off outside.

   They can come along, I spoke to him. As long as they behave themselves.

   Don’t worry, they will. Wait outside; we’ll be there in a minute. He broke off.

   I waited just outside the outer gates. About a minute passed and they appeared through the gap. They were all smiling. When Delrand asked me if I was ready I just smiled crookedly, transformed and ran off. The wind in my fur was cooling and my tail whipped out behind as my hind legs moved over the black grass beneath me (everything was black and white as usual). I slowed down to give them a chance to catch up. A few seconds later I was joined by Delrand and another two wolves.

   Who’s missing? I asked Delrand.

   Look up.

   I looked up and saw an eagle flapping and gliding through the white sky. So, whose who?

   Harrod is to your right, Justin’s on my left.

   Colour?

   Brown and grey. You seem to have a better mind than the shield lessons proved. That means we can move on to something else tomorrow.

   Can’t I get used to this first. Also, I would prefer if they and I were better acquainted. Then I won’t be as uncomfortable around them as I am now.

   They’re better than they show themselves to be, you might find that we are as close as brothers. A bit like you and the knights, if you want a comparison.

   I growled at this and sped up. Why were we even doing this? For some reason it felt childish, but I wanted to carry on running, to feel free from burdens or expectations. I didn’t want to go back. Why was I even here? Delrand could have taught me exactly the same if we were back at Camelot. And why me? I still didn’t have any answers, I guess I never will. Would Delrand ever get to the duelling magic? That’s what I wanted to learn. All of what I know now seems too simple. I wanted a challenge.

   We were at the forest by now. Drawing my mind back to my current state, I saw that the others had slowed down. Oscar had landed on the ground. I tilted my head to the side, they looked a little worried.

   What’s the matter?

   Nothing. Change back.

   Delrand and I turned back into our original forms. The others followed suit. Looking at them now, I could see similarities about them, how they looked and dressed. Even Delrand fitted in.

   ‘Don’t tell us you went in there recently?’ complained Harrod.

   I looked behind me at the forest. ‘What’s wrong with it? It’s perfectly safe,’ I stated.

   They scowled at me. I felt taken aback.

   ‘They don’t like dark, confined spaces,’ Delrand explained. ‘Don’t provoke them.’

   ‘But they’re grown men, and they’re afraid to go into a dark forest.’

   ‘Excuse us for being wary,’ Harrod defined.

   ‘Sorry, but it is a little strange. Why not?’

   ‘Because we have only been in there once and it wasn’t a good experience for us.’

   I looked sideways at Delrand; he seemed to be caught in the middle, like before.

   ‘Look, if you don’t want to go in, stay here.’ And I walked off into the closing darkness alone.

   Elara, don’t do this. If something happens to you, how will I be able to help?

   Just take care of them, I’ll be fine. I walked on and on, not knowing where I was at any one time. It grew darker and darker the further I went in. It grew colder as well. A mist grew around my feet. There was a silence about me; it sent an unexpected shiver up my spine. It seemed faintly familiar. Then I remembered why. My nightmare from the woods near Camelot. It was exactly the same. If everything repeated itself, I knew I would still be scared. It was like when a small child is told a ghost story and they believe that ghosts haunt them when they hear noises in the night. It never goes away. The mist grew denser, and climbed up the trees and through the air. I couldn’t see. It thinned slightly. In the near distance, a shadowed figure emerged from the darkness beyond. It was him, my unmissed stalker.

   ‘Elara.’ It was the voice again. It chilled me to the bone and froze me in place. I couldn’t move my legs no matter how hard I forced my will upon them. I could feel my shield go down around my body. ‘Elara.’ That harsh sound shook my mind, I knew he was powerful in my dreams but reality was so much different. My mind shield had disintegrated. I was defenceless. My name sounded all around me. He neared with every step.

   As in my dreams, a hand raised to take mine. It wasn’t going to be. I raised both of mine, palms faced forwards. This was different to my dream. I was expecting the tingling sensation to begin in my right arm. It never came. My breathing sped up; my lungs had chilled in the icy air.

   He was only a few feet away now. Still nearing.

   ‘Why are you doing this? What do you want with me? Leave me alone.’ I managed to speak, but it wasn’t very loud. Delrand, help me. I shouted through my mind, but I couldn’t find his. It was useless. My legs unfroze, and I could walk again. I walked backwards, as I had done in my dream. My hands were still raised. The mist subsided; my breath twirled into wispy spirals as I breathed out.

   My exit was blocked by a hard, bumpy column. I had walked into a tree.

   ‘Elara.’

   ‘No! Please, just go away. What do you want?’ Delrand, where are you? I need you; I gave up, I knew he couldn’t hear me. What good was my magic, if I couldn’t use it, even now? Tears rolled down my cheeks in despair. My knees buckled and I sank to the ground. My arms wrapped around the tree behind me.

   I watched the figure. It had stopped, but why? When it was so close to getting me, he had given in to something. That something revealed itself in a blurred ball of blackness. Delrand’s wolf leaped in front of me. Its fur was on end and I could hear him growling loudly at the figure. In response the shadow snarled and disappeared.

   Delrand transformed back and came over to me. I was crying more now than I had ever done because of fear.

   ‘Elara, are you alright?’ I just continued to cry. He pulled me up and caressed me in his arms. Surprisingly, this helped me with the tears. When I had regained control of myself he let me go. ‘Come on, we’d best head back.’ He walked off back towards the school. I walked to catch him up. Once I had, my hand fell into his. We walked along side each other, hand-in-hand.

   Thank you, I gratefully thought.

   For what?

   For coming in after me to help. I didn’t know if you could hear me. What was that? I added the question to help my tears.

   I’ll tell you later.

   You know?

   Unfortunately. Let go, they’re still there, and they’ll be wondering why I rushed in after you. They, like all other wizards, aren’t able to do the mind connection magic. And they might take the hand holding the wrong way.

   You just don’t want them to get jealous of our relationship.

   What relationship? He looked at me with raised eyebrows and wide open eyes. I rolled mine, reached up and kissed him on the cheek. Then, realising what I had just done, turned my head, blushed and bit my lip (which I usually did when I became nervous). How would he take it? Though he didn’t let go of my hand, I took it that he didn’t mind.

   Now I wasn’t expecting that. You are surprising no matter what you do, in a good way. He lifted up our entwined hands and kissed the back of mine. I looked back into his eyes and he smiled that crooked smile that I always liked. I smiled back sweetly, feeling even more childish. He let go, but stayed close to my side.

   Exiting the forest, I could hear the others arguing. ‘What if he can’t find her and they’re both lost?’

   ‘I think you two are underestimating them both,’ Justin commented.

   ‘Lads, calm down. We’re alright, I found her. Nothing to worry about,’ said Delrand over their voices. They looked over at us. Harrod looked a little suspicious. ‘Let’s head back, shall we?’

   We each in turn changed into our animal counterparts and sped off in the night, (I hadn’t realised how late it had got).

   Can we talk later? Delrand asked. I still owe you a big explanation about all the importance of your powers.

   Yes, you do. And not just about all that, I replied.

   You brought it up, he pointed out.

   True, but I bet everyone you meet calls you handsome and charming.

   Very flattering.

   Up in my room I waited by the window for him. I was wondering whether he would be human and come in through the door, or whether he would magic himself in. I hoped he would use the door. I couldn’t really stop thinking about him; he was charming and handsome but he was also caring, gentle, understanding and very sweet.

   A knock sounded from outside the door. ‘Elara, can I come in?’ he asked. I answered and my heart began to beat a little faster, but as he came through the door, it regained previous control. ‘Where to start?’

   ‘Who was that figure in the woods?’

   ‘That was no ordinary sorcerer. He is true evil; he allowed his power to corrupt his heart and mind. Now he aims to gain more power. The worst part is he needs you.’

   ‘Why?’ I didn’t want to sound too shocked, after all Delrand had mentioned many times how powerful I really am (even though I didn’t know yet nor did I really believe him).

   ‘It’s too late to change my choice about what side I serve. You, however, are only beginning to learn about sorcery. The earlier he can get you, the better he can manipulate your magic. He can’t afford to waste time, he’ll try harder each day, possibly. I didn’t realise he would try tonight with me and the others there, but when you walked in alone he could have easily taken you. Why he didn’t, I don’t know. Whenever you leave these walls you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

   ‘I can’t show you how powerful he is; only that he can be seen as an evil version of me, and you know how powerful I am. The only person capable of ever defeating him is you. But he will try everything to prevent the competition.’ Now I could make sense of all the untold reasons of my learning sorcery.

   ‘Who is he? What’s his name?’

   ‘He’s mine and Merlin’s enemy. His name... is Mordred. Merlin has fought him before, but it only slowed him down from getting his hands on a young apprentice. When Merlin found me, he knew Mordred would get me if he didn’t take me when he did. It’s the same situation with you just a little more desire is in his black soul for your servitude to him. If he could ever control you he would be unbeatable, no number of wizards or magicians would be able to kill him. That’s why I need to teach you as quickly as possible.’

   ‘Why am I so powerful, anyway? What’s so special about me?’

   He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. Neither does Merlin; but he sensed the power stored in you when he first met you as a baby. Remember, he has the best knowledge of sorcery. You and I will have the better resources of it; he did suggest it was to do with your father and your mother but no one can be sure of that now; I don‘t want to upset you but we can‘t be sure as your mother isn‘t here anymore.’ I didn’t take it to heart too much as I saw in his features that he didn’t really want to mention that piece of information. ‘Did you mean what you said before, in the forest?’ Delrand was good at changing the subject.

   ‘Maybe. You’ll have to wait and see.’

   ‘For what? Do you want to know why I returned the kiss?’

   I nodded.

   ‘Let me start from the beginning. When I was first told about you, I was expecting a spoilt little girl who always got her own way. But when I saw you and was proven wrong, it changed my concept of thoughts. It’s strangely funny, because I actually seemed to be drawn to your personality and difference. You interested me, you were nothing like what I expected, almost the opposite. Except for one thing...’ he paused. All the time he spoke our eyes met across the room.

   When he wasn’t going to continue I probed him further. ‘What was that?’

   ‘Your beauty. It’s unbelievable how beautiful you really are. I also see you as my equal, by comparing our abilities.’ All the while I had a feeling inside. I had never felt it before, but it seemed to light me up inside. ‘I hope you don’t mind my openness.’

   ‘Not at all. In fact, when I first saw your face I thought you were amazingly handsome. There’s no other word for it. But you have changed the way I felt about you all the time on the journey. At first, I thought you were arrogant, then you were really nice, and then it went back to arrogance again. I didn’t know how to see you.’

   ‘Sorry, but nothing could happen between us, I thought at first. I thought it would ruin everything. But now I see it wouldn’t change anything at all, just the way we are towards each other. I never meant to hurt you, not once. I just don’t want to see our friendship broken over love.’ That was the first time he had said that word. I didn’t know why, but I began to cry again. ‘Elara, I’m sorry. I should go.’

   That sprang my head back up. ‘Delrand, wait. It’s just that, I thought I had something with Lancelot, and then this whole magic business broke that chance. Now I’m back where I started. I don’t want to be hurt again in that way, the pain would be too much to bare for a second time.’ I had stopped the tears now. He had walked over to me and I knew he wanted to hold me again. He was so warm and gentle. I stepped into his arms (my hands rested on his shoulders) and he held me there as he had done back in the forest.

   ‘I suppose you’ll always be full of surprises, no matter how long we know each other. I hope you know I won’t leave you if you want me here.’

   ‘I know, but in what way?’ I looked up at him and him at me. He came a little closer to my face, but I pulled my head back to keep the space equal. Knowing I didn’t want to kiss him, he pulled back immediately. I rested my head on his chest, and began to take steady breaths.

   ‘Also, I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.’ Then he kissed the top of my head. I wasn’t expecting that from him. How much did he love me though? And how much did I love him? I knew now was a bad time for those sorts of questions, so I stored them at the back of my mind. He began to stroke my long hair, it was very soothing. As long as he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable he was welcome to stay for now. Neither of us broke the silence. Minutes, maybe hours passed by.

   ‘Do you want me to leave you alone tonight or not?’ he asked, eventually.

   ‘I thought we agreed you weren’t going to stay in my room at night anymore?’

   ‘That was back at Camelot. Now it’s a lot different.’

   ‘You can stay then. But where you’re going to sleep I don’t know.’

   He clicked his fingers and a chair appeared in the corner by the window. I looked back up at him and he wore the crooked smile I liked seeing. I was compelled to kiss him right then and there, but I held my ground and kept my dignity. What our first real kiss would be like, I was very curious about. Would it be romantic or nothing special? Though I wanted so much to hold him there forever, I let him go. He went and sat in the chair. I went and got changed in the washroom.

   I got into bed and the funny feeling had subsided a little, but it was still there. He sat in his usual position; legs and arms crossed, head bent down. ‘Good night, Elara.’

   ‘Good night, Delrand.’

   The silence returned and we both fell asleep.