"Jonathan you can't ignore me forever. Jon.... "

"Just drop it Penny." he cut her short "This is not the time nor the place to discuss this. We need to find a way out of this damn country"

"You're right. We also need to work together and we can't do that if you're mad at me. I already said I'm sorry"

"Sorry?"

"What else do you want me to do? Admit that you were right and I was wrong?"

"Will that undo everything?"

"No. But.... "

"But nothing Penny" Jonathan growled. The more she kept saying sorry, the more his anger spiked. "That was years and years of undercover work, flushed down the drain all because you wouldn't let me handle the situation. How many times did I offer you my help? How many times did I tell you to leave that house before Wes discovered why you were there?"

"I already said I'm sorry."

"Yeah well sorry isn't going to fix anything so please let's just find a way out of this country" he didn't want to be mad at her but dammit she'd blown his cover. He had to incapacitate Wes so he wouldn't shoot her. If he thought for one second that there was another way out of that house alive, he'd have taken it. But Wes didn't play around. He would have shot Penny on the spot or handed her to his men who would have done unspeakable things to her before they finished her off. Just the thought of it made his blood run cold. He couldn't have more blood on his hands. Not after Lilith.

Jonathan sat down on the bed running his hands through his hair. This is why he shied away from forming emotional ties with anyone. Things got complicated and messy in just the blink of an eye. All those years he'd spent being Jonathan Blackwell and this is the reason his cover was blown? He had a few ideas on how his partner would have found and he'd prepared for them. Not this. There was no way he could go back to being who he was. If he was lucky, Jonathan Blackwell will just be a name Wes would add to his list of enemies. If not, he'll have to go back to being Justin. And that was a scary thought because he didn't know if he even remembered how to be Justin. He'd spent so many years as Jonathan. That is all he knew how to be.

"I know someone who can smuggle us out..."

"Too risky. That'll be first place he checks"

"Then I'll...."

"Just shut up and let me think" he snapped and regretted it when he saw her flinch. Needing to get rid of his frustrations he got up and left. If he stayed in that room with her while he was still so mad, he'd do something stupid. "Stay here. I'll be back" he told her then left.

It was already dark outside which worked for him since he didn't want to draw attention to himself. They hadn't taken any of their things because that would have looked suspicious so all he had on was the dress shirt and pants he'd worn to dinner. There was a little chill in the air but that didn't bother him. He'd been in worse situations. What he couldn't shake off was the feeling of being a failure. He'd let emotions dictate his actions and now he'd lost his life's work. This case was supposed to define his career. Be his legacy. Dismantling the Bianchi organization would have made him earn respect from other agents for years to come. That's why he'd taken it, knowing how dangerous it was. He knew it would take a lot of time and by the time he was done with it, he would be ready to take his position at the agency.

The CIA had recruited him when he was twelve years old. He'd gotten on their radar after setting a trap for Oscar that brought down his organization. Back then he was the crime lord. Jonathan had recorded his shady dealings and him committing another murder and made copies then sent them to police and news stations all over the country. Since back then the internet hadn't been invented, that was all he could do. He'd even sent a copy to CNN over and over again until they aired it. After that a man had approached him and asked him if he was interested in becoming an agent.

For a twelve year old, it shouldn't have been possible. But living with a man like Oscar made him grow up faster than the other kids. He hadn't had time to be a kid. So he'd accepted the offer and together they'd come up with different identities. At first all he had to do was learn how to be a completely different person. In a way he viewed it as acting. He'd wake up and be a rich kid or a street kid or just an average boy. They found out he was a quick learner so they'd taken their training to another level. Combat then torture. Those two had been easy and after that, Jonathan Blackwell had been born. A tough kid who had killed his father and taken over his organization. Wes noticed him at the age of seventeen and within a year of doing business, they'd become partners. That was fourteen years ago. All those years he'd spent collecting Intel, evidence that would eventually bring down another crime lord. Gone.

Why is that so bad? His conscience asked him. Would it be so bad to finally be free of Jonathan? Shouldn't he be happy that he could go back to being the real him? Justin was simple. Well he would be the head of the CIA but even that shouldn't scare him. If he wasn't up to it, he could always turn down the offer and let Nathaniel to continue being the boss. Then he could pick a place on the map, pack his bags, go there, find a simple woman to fall in love with and live the rest of his life like normal people. Maybe he could even reconnect with his real family, make amends, forgive, maybe forget the past. What was so bad about that? What was so bad about being normal?

Not knowing how to be normal. There was no way he could just forget about everything and pretend to be normal. He would always be suspicious of everyone. Jonathan Blackwell wasn't meant to be your average guy. He realized that he couldn't even admit who he really was. Jonathan had become a part of him, a part he wasn't ready to let go of yet. Sighing he looked around. He'd walked quite the distance. It was pitch black now and except for the street lamps that cast unmoving shadows on the pavement, the place was deserted. Spinning around he took the same road he'd taken and went back to the motel. The second he opened the door, she jumped on him.

"Where the hell did you go? Do you know how worried I was? I thought Wes' men had found you. I know you're mad at me but you don't have to be reckless, that's my job. Not yours"

"Are you done?" Jonathan asked amused by her reaction.

"No I'm not done. Why did you take so long to come back? What were you doing? I thought you'd leave for a few minutes then come back but you were gone for almost two hours. Where did you go? Huh?"

"God you sound like a nagging wife" she froze then right in front of him, Jonathan watched as her eyes changed. They went from sparkling with anger to smoldering hot with desire. He didn't know who moved first but all of a sudden, their lips were fighting for dominance while their hands were busy shedding the other's clothes. At the back of his mind he knew this was a bad idea. Sleeping with Penny when they should be finding a way out of that place was absurd, stupid, reckless. But for once he wanted to know what it was like to be ordinary. Jonathan Blackwell didn't succumb to passion. He kept his feelings in check because he knew that love was for the weak, the simple minded. Now Justin, he could do anything. Including having a one night stand with a woman he shouldn't have been looking at in the first place. So shedding Jonathan off, he reverted back to Justin.

He ran his hands down her back to her ass and cupped the mounds squeezing and caressing them. As much as he wanted to take it slow and savor every inch of her body, he couldn't. It had been a while since he'd been with a woman because he kept seeing Jennifer in them. But when he was with Penny, he only saw her, breathed her. She had the ability to make him forget about everything and everyone. Wanting to be sure she knew what she was doing and not just acting out of anger, he pulled back and stared into her eyes. "Penny are sure about this?"

She licked her lips making him want to forget he even asked. He really wasn't a bastard who'd just take advantage of a woman but with her lips pink and swollen from his ministrations, he didn't know how he'd manage if she happened to say no. "Yes. I'm sure about this Jonathan. I want you so much it's almost bordering on need"

He caressed her face with the back of his hand. "Good. Let's start by calling me Justin"

"Justin? Why? Are we role playing?"

"No" he said then waited for her to make the connection. It took her a second but she finally did and her eyes lit up.

"It's your name. Your real name. Right?" he didn't answer her. He smashed his lips against her as his hands unhooked her bra. Her blouse had come off earlier together with his shirt and honestly he couldn't remember the exact moment that happened. Not that he cared. Oh no. There were more important things that needed to be taken care of. One of those things was his rock hard cock that pulsed with anticipation inside his pants. Penny was taking too long to undress him so he pushed her hands away and ripped off his belt. His trouser and boxers followed all the while his mouth was exploring her neck.

Eventually naked, he straightened moving up to her jaw where he licked, sucked, bit then repeated the action all over again. Penny's hands were on his chest running up and down like she couldn't get enough and Jonathan... sorry Justin would have told her to put them somewhere else had he been able to actually talk. As it was he'd made his way down to her breasts. His hands were molding them, rolling and pinching the pink nubs until they were pebbles as his mouth nibbled on the flesh just above them. When he felt her hand between them gripping him, his breath caught in his throat. Her thumb caressed the veiny member while she curled the rest of her fingers and pumped. The second he felt her at the tip spreading his pre-cum all over him, his control snapped. Pushing her backwards until they fell on the bed he breathed "Playtime's over" His hands worked on her jeans and they were off faster than she could say his name. That was where he should have buried himself deep inside her and he wanted to, but he couldn't. Not until he tasted her. Getting on his knees, he pushed her legs apart and dove in.

Justin felt her gasp when he licked her. Placing his hand on her stomach to hold her down, he used his other hand to spread her open then brought her to climax with his tongue. Penny screamed his name and he was glad that even in her high, she remembered to call him by his real name. Towering over her, he watched her face as he placed himself at her entrance and thrust into her in one swift motion then cursed. "Tell me you're on birth control"

"Like you don't know it's a requirement at the agency"

He blinked "It is?"

"Yes. Now are you going to move or should I take over?" that image had him handing over the reins. Flipping them, he braced his hands on her waist and let her take over. She used her inner muscles to squeeze him as she lifted up then slammed down making him groan. With her back bent, her hair framed her face as she placed her hands on his chest and set a rhythm. He followed her lead, going up when she came down,  meeting her halfway. When she increased the tempo he knew she was almost there and took over, taking her hard and fast. Just because she was on top didn't mean he couldn't do his part. Tightening his grip on her waist, he kept going until she fell apart all around him. The memory card in his head snapped a pictured of Penny in that moment. Sweaty, head thrown back, chest thrust forward and hands on his thighs behind her. This was one of those memories you carried with you everywhere. As he stored that picture for future reference, he kept pumping until he emptied himself inside her. His climax was powerful and somehow he knew something had shifted within him. He was never going to be the same again.

Penny collapsed on top of him, falling asleep almost immediately. Jonathan/Justin  held her, content to spend the whole night like that. Something he'd never done before.

*****************************************

*sips water* 
I figured I owed you guys a little smut since this book is rated mature.
Sooo? What are we thinking? Aside from what they just did because I'm sure I revealed some details about Jonathan's life somewhere in there. Sadly I also forgot about them along the way. 😯

Also how do we like the new cover? I've updated almost all of my books. Let me know if I should get into the business of making covers (and hopefully charging for them) 😉