Valentina Karas

The sounds of loud music, conversations, and drunk guests' vomiting are all drowned out by my ugly sobs. In the safety of my car, I'm screaming like a little kid. I'm crying not because someone told me I can't have any more ice cream, but because for the first time, the gravity of the situation hits me like a tidal wave, leaving me breathless and shattered.

The conversation replays in my mind like a cruel film reel, each scene more painful than the last. Cecelia's callous words reverberate in my ears, a reminder of the stark contrast between our lives. Her indifference to the struggles of others, particularly those facing unimaginable challenges, is a bitter pill I can't seem to swallow.

Gripping the steering wheel, I succumb to the overwhelming emotions I've been suppressing. The sobs escape from the depths of my soul, a cathartic release of the pain I've been carrying. In this moment of vulnerability, I face the harsh truth: cancer is not just a word; it's a ruthless force that has infiltrated my family, its effects running deeper than I ever imagined.

When I'm done with my tantrum, I check my phone to see several unread messages from all three of my friends plus a few unknown numbers. I glance at Katelyn's text: hey v, i know you want to be alone right now but Asher just asked me where you are

Although my brother's problems and seeing those girls flirt with Asher aren't remotely comparable struggles, they both hurt in their own ways. He's the last person I want to see. Asher is quite the ladies' man, seeing as those girls ambushed him. I'm sure they're far more exciting than me, so there's no point in being a Debbie Downer over something this trivial. 

To reply or not to reply? I don't want her to think I'm some dominating psycho who is obsessed with a guy when she's not even on his level.

V, come on. He looks upset, she replies when I fail to tell her where I am. I tell Katelyn I just want to be alone and to pass the message on to Asher. Thankfully, she doesn't push me any further, but lets me know the offer is still on the table.

As I put my Airpods in and look out the window, I can't help but wonder if he's just being nice or he genuinely cares about my well being. I look at the sky, the navy blue replacing the vibrant sunset that painted it earlier, as if it'll answer my question. Unfortunately, staring at the pitch black sky for answers is futile and I sigh in defeat once again.

I catch a glimpse of my deflated face, having a heart attack when the car mirror shows me my reflection. I'm already not the prettiest and my smudged mascara and cakey concealer don't help my case. I'm an ugly crier, so it's no surprise my entire face is bright red and my eyes are bloodshot, almost swollen shut. I make a mental note to buy some waterproof makeup because more emotional nights like tonight are on the horizon.

After that thought, I mentally kick myself. Despite reassurance from the doctor that Ronan's treatment is effective at eliminating leukemia cells, he also mentioned the form of cancer Ronan has is insanely aggressive. My brother could die at eleven, yet I'm worried about something as petty as how my makeup will look. I guess I'm not getting the Sister of the Year Award.

~

Thirty minutes later, I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't notice the visitor outside my car. Asher's gentle taps on the window startle me out of my daze. 

I don't know how I feel about seeing him. On one hand, I genuinely enjoy him. He's one of those people that doesn't just share words of encouragement to make people feel better, there's no doubting the truth behind his statements. Encouragement is something my family and I need now more than ever. 

I just can't find it in me to talk to him when my makeup looks like shit from all my crying. The bigger issue is how much that entitled bitch from earlier's comments sting.

"What part of leave me alone do you not understand?" I snap, my tone coming out harsher than intended.

"You're right, Valentina. I'll leave you to it." Asher looks upset, but he understands and retreats back to the house. 

As Asher turns to leave, a moment of realization strikes me, cutting through the fog of my emotions. I quickly catch up to him, feeling an urgent need to set things straight. "Wait, Asher," I say, controlling my voice as best as I can.

He pauses and turns back to face me, a mix of concern and curiosity in his eyes. I take a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions. "I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just...I'm kinda going through it, but I appreciate you checking on me." Tears fill my eyes, but I swallow them back. 

"All is forgiven." Asher's expression softens. "No pressure, but if you want someone to talk to, I got you." He starts towards the party, but quickly turns around to smile at me. "You coming?"

I hesitate before telling him I'll be right over. The smeared mascara around my eyes makes me look like a panda, so I decide to grab a makeup wipe from my car and handle the mess. As I reapply the black mascara to my soaked lashes, the conflict between my difficult emotions and the desire to be with my friends creates a moment of indecision. The fear of facing the entitled vultures tugs at me.

Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that I shouldn't let one stupid comment ruin the entire night. I swallow the remaining tears, determined to put on a brave face and try to enjoy myself. I open the car door and step out into the night.

As I make my way back to the party, the sound of laughter and music grows louder, and I can't shake the feeling that things won't be the same. I tell myself to enjoy myself as best as I can and rejoin the party.

The atmosphere is lively, with music blasting, laughter echoing, and people dancing in the dimly lit space. The mansion's interior is a blend of modern luxury and teenage chaos. Empty red cups litter various surfaces, and the air is filled with the scent of alcohol and a hint of something else that's probably not legal. The large living room is transformed into a makeshift dance floor, with colored lights flashing and bodies moving to the rhythm.

People are everywhere, making it impossible to find my friends. As I navigate through the crowd, I see the two girls who were flirting with Asher earlier, but they decide to straight up ignore me. I'm not sure why I care so much about what any of these people think of me, not to mention underclassmen.

I spot Riley and the Asian girl from earlier screaming at the top of her lungs in the mosh pit. She's got that carefree spirit and infectious energy that makes everyone around her have a good time, something I seriously envy. 

I eventually find Katelyn, Annabelle, and Leah, Annabelle's friend who yelled at Blondie. They're in the middle of a conversation, so I don't interrupt them.

"Valentina!" Katelyn embraces me. "Thank god you're alive. Asher and I were worried about you."

I shrug. "Don't worry about it."

"We're glad you're alright." Leah says, revealing the braces on her teeth. "Don't worry about Cecelia. She's kind of self centered, but she's sweet once you get to know her. That's definitely not an excuse for what she said to you." 

Annabelle nods in agreement. "I totally understand if you don't like us either, but I hope we can be friends."

"Me too! Are you serious?" I yell, earning a look from Katelyn to lower my voice. "What she said wasn't y'all's fault."

I spend the next forty-five minutes chatting with my new friends. Both Annabelle and Leah are nice. I find out that their school requires them to see the patients at St. Gabriel's whenever they can, so I'm hopeful I run into them while they're visiting. Since they're more understanding, I tell them about Ronan and how his diagnosis impacted him. 

"Damn. I'm really sorry." Leah says, her smile fading. "My uncle died from a brain tumor two years ago, but that's awful."

Annabelle looks deep in thought about something, staring at me for several seconds after I give Leah my condolences. 

"Annie?" 

"Oh, sorry." Annabelle tries to smile, but it doesn't light up her whole face like it usually does. "Wow, Valentina, that's awful. I wouldn't wish that on anyone." She doesn't make eye contact with any of us. "When I was eight, I threw up every day out of nowhere. My parents didn't think anything of it until the doctor said they needed to do some tests."

Knowing where this is headed, I lock eyes with her. "Annabelle-"

"I've been cancer free for five years now. Again, I'm really sorry about your brother. Just know everyone at St. Gabriel's wants to see him live."

As we continue our conversation, I can't help but feel a sense of connection with these newfound friends. Our experiences create a bond that is much deeper than the surface-level interactions of a typical high school party. In the midst of the music and laughter, I find comfort in the understanding and compassion of those around me.

About fifteen minutes later, my social battery is almost completely drained and I feel insanely dehydrated. I ask Leah where I can get something to drink and she points me outside to the cooler. 

I open the sliding glass door which leads to the pool, hot tub, and a fire pit. If I had to guess, it's only around sixty-two degrees, but the fire's heat makes it feel warmer. The people around the fire wave to me and I give them a polite smile in return. I walk past them and go to the cooler to find something.

In lieu of water, there are White Claws and various sodas. I take a Diet Coke and soak up all the quiet.

When I see the full moon from the patio, I finally realize what Annabelle means. Most things in life are temporary: the people who surround me now likely won't be the same people who surround me in twenty years, my brother's perfect health was stolen by leukemia, and there are new things to experience each day. Life may be fickle, but that doesn't stop the sunrise and sunset from painting the skies and the moon from brilliantly shining. 

I take this revelation with me as I walk through the glass doors to return to my friends. The noise from the conversations and music temporarily overwhelm me, but this time, my mind is a lot clearer thanks to the fresh air.

"Welcome back!" Leah exclaims. "Find the drinks ok?"

I nod and take a seat next to Katelyn. "They weren't hard to find at all."

Annabelle grimaces at my drink choice. "Diet Coke? That shit tastes weird as hell."

"Really?" I open the can and the first sip confirms her statement. It's an odd substance, a mix between sugar water and chemicals I can't put my finger on. 

"What did I say?" Annabelle smirks. "Dr. Pepper's better." She says, making Katelyn murmur in agreement. 

 A few minutes later, I catch a glimpse of Asher on the other side of the room. Our eyes meet, and he nods a hello to me. Even though the two girls who are far more interesting than I are still by his side, the fact he acknowledged me blows my mind. Even when he turns back to the giggling girls, it's impossible to turn back around and talk to my friends.

Leah is the first to notice my zoning out. "Valentina?" She asks with concern in her voice. "You good?"

"Leah? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What's up, girly?" 

 "You know Asher, right?" I blurt out before I have the chance to stop myself. 

Leah raises an eyebrow, clearly surprised by my question. "Mendez? I'm pretty sure the whole grade knows him. Why?"

"Just wondering." I shrug my shoulders and glance in his direction again. Asher is proof that God has favorites and he's one of the lucky few. 

Leah follows my gaze. "Yeah, he's quite the ladies' man. A lot of girls in my grade think he's hot, which is pretty understandable." 

"Hm," I nod, pretending like I'm not part of that group. "What do you think about him?"

"I don't talk to him much, but he's a genuinely nice person. He's also really down to earth, believe it or not." Her endorsement of Asher makes me like him a little more. "Annabelle can tell you more than I can. Their families are really close." 

My heart sinks, but I ignore it. Looking at Annabelle is like scrutinizing the other girls your crush follows and knowing you don't measure up. She's not just gorgeous, she's free-spirited, sure of herself, and one of the coolest people I know. How can I compete with her?

Leah elbows Annabelle in the side to get her attention. "Annie, you're family friends with the Mendez family, right?"

"Yep." Annabelle confirms. "Why?"

Before Leah can tell her, Katelyn decides to intervene. "Someone doesn't stop talking about Asher." 

"What are you talking about?" I gasp. While it's true he has been occupying my thoughts lately, I haven't fully processed how I feel about him. All the attention on me makes my cheeks flush. "This is a huge misunderstanding. I don't like Asher."

Leah and Annabelle, however, aren't convinced I'm telling the truth. "Your secret's safe with us." Annabelle says, pretending to zip her lips. 

"Alright, fine." I relent. "He's kinda cute, but he's a junior and I'm about to be in college. That's so disgusting."

"You're fine with me having a junior boyfriend, but you won't let yourself even enjoy his presence?" Katelyn says accusingly. "You need to live a little, girl."

Leah chuckles. "Don't worry, Valentina. Asher's a sweetheart." She pauses for a moment before she lowers her voice. "I have to warn you, he might seem like a ladies' man, but in reality, he hates women. Not necessarily in a misogynistic way; he really respects women. Having a girlfriend really isn't a priority of his."

"Yeah. A lot of girls think he's cute, but he never likes them back." Annabelle adds. "He's too focused on baseball and his friends to even think about girls like that. Don't let that deter you. he's really nice and laid back."

I nod, absorbing the information from Leah and Annabelle. Their warnings somewhat worry me, but they can't stop me from wanting to get to know him. The conversation switches to a different topic, but their opinions about Asher linger in my mind the entire time. 

I wouldn't wish the past seven days I've had on anyone, not even someone as awful as Cecelia. Like a persistent robber in a sketchy part of town, uncertainty follows my family and I everywhere we go, but I can only imagine how terrified my brother is about his future. Up until last Saturday, I was a regular teenage girl whose biggest worries were getting into Vanderbilt and making sure my homecoming makeup looked good in pictures. Those worries, once consuming, now pale in comparison to the daunting prospect of the unknown that shadows my family and me.

College and picture-perfect makeup now seem like distant stars, their glimmer overshadowed by the pressing need to navigate the uncharted waters of medical appointments and treatment plans. Leukemia has disrupted the serene flow of our existence, injecting a potent dose of fear into our once-normal lives. The hospital visits, the hushed conversations, and the uncomfortable silence that fills my once happy home are all part of our painful new normal.

Tonight I got the chance to feel like Valentina from last month, before she knew what horrible things were in store for her family. She just wanted a normal senior year, one she'd remember even when she's eighty and wrinkly. Unfortunately, she will forever associate senior year with eerie silence, chemo, and people who just don't get what it's like to see one of her favorite people suffer.  As I dance and converse with my friends, old and new, I temporarily forget about it all and get some relief from my weighty reality.

~

this is shorter than the last few by a few hundred words but still a good chapter regardless! who are y'all's favorite characters so far?