Zao: OMG it's the New Years OMG I am so pumped!!!

Me: Zao...You alright...?

Zao: No I'm not alright with you not eating dumplings on New Years eve! Where's your spirit aru?!

Me: Ahahahaha... I kinda didn't do that because my mom ditched me to go spend New Year in Beijing.

Zao: *pats head* poor child... But it's no time to be sad! It's New Years people!!! *super pumped and running around*

Me: You guys are probably asking me why I know he's not on drugs... Well, first of all, this IS how he acts when New Year is around the corner... And second, I banned it because he insulted someone.

Zao: Com'on admin tell them what we're going to do already aru! 

Me: Alright, alright, well since I'm pretty pumped (but not as pumped as Zao) about New Years myself, I decided to spread the joy to y'all! 

Zao: So, first of all me and admin are going to tell you the origins of New Years.

Me: Then we're going to listen to a small recording...

Zao: I have a bad feeling about that but... next we get to comment on all the failings of the Spring Festival Gala evening. (A gala that everyone watches every year, it's a big, no huge deal)

Me: That should be all... Wait, we also have a bit of an "interview" in the beginning.   

Zao: Let's get started shall we aru?

Me: *laughs* we shall!

--"interview"--

Me: So, the year of the monkey eh?

Zao: You're so Canadian.

Me: That's off topic! 

Zao: Oh right sorry sorry. 

Me: Do you have any wishes this year?

Zao: hmm... 

I wish that that burger eating brat can stop being so annoying...

I wish that our war machinery will not be put to use this year...

I wish that I wouldn't need a lung transplant soon because of the drug and the pollution...

Me: I wish that the pollution gets better in China too!

Zao: How about you?

Me: Well...

I wish any problems coming up this year can be resolved peacefully...

I wish that the world can become a better place...

I wish the best to all my friends no matter where they are...

And a selfish wish would be hoping that I can do well on my level ten piano exam!

Zao: How about you guys? Please list your wishes in the comment below aru!

Me: Wow, New Year sure changes people...

--Origin of New Year--

Me: Well, as my mother told me it was about a monster named nian...(year in Chinese) 

Zao: He was a nasty one. Tried to eat me and Yao's village but a beggar guy came and stopped it.

Me: That's the main plot line... but if I remember correctly, the old beggar was actually a God and he scared the nian away with firecrackers and the colour red...

Zao: Yes, that's how he did it, maybe that's why Yao likes red so much...

Me: but before that all the villages that weren't attacked would wait the "nian" (the pun tho!!) out by eating a very very fancy together with all the family out and stay up all night.

Zao: That's true.

Me: So now you guys know why we actually celebrate New Year how we celebrate it!

--recording!--

Me: Mwahahahahaha

Zao: What's it about...?

Me: Your entering of the Spring Festival Gala Evening! It was quite something *raughs*

Zao: *face palms* anything but that aru!

Me: Then without any further ado let's go ahead and check it out! *presses "play" button"

Recording:

Zao: Holy shit my boss ditched me... I'm lost aren't I...?

Staff 1: Quick! You'll be late for the next acrobatic performance! Why aren't you in costume yet?!

Zao: Wait what aru?!

Staff 1: Get him in costume please!

Zao: What NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*noises cuing chaos*

Zao: I gotta get out of here!!

*running and chasing noises*

*clapping*

Zao: Wait...

WHY

AM 

I 

ON

THE

FVCKING

STAGE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yao: Zao! What are you doing up there? And in that costume too aru! *laughs*

President Xi: Zao! Dafuq?!

Zao: I'M SO SORRY QAQ

*Runs offstage*

Zao: *to the cameraman* Make sure that that doesn't make it to the TV, you got it aru?!

Cameraman: Y...Yes sir! 

END OF RECORDING

Me: That was amazing Zao.

Zao: Aiyaa don't mention it, I'm having enough trouble with Yao teasing me 24/7 about it...

Me: But you have to admit that it was hilarious!!

Zao: No, I will admit that it was catastrophic though.

--comment on the failures--

Me: This should be fun

Zao: Then let's get straight to it!

Me: Would you like to do the first one?

Zao: My pleasure. So the first one was a medley of song about childhood and cartoon sang by the Tf boys... More like The Fvcking boys

Me: Please refrain from swearing Zao.

Zao: ugh fine but still, the first song was enough to ruin ones childhood! It's not my fault that those cartoon makers don't understand the concept of good cartoons. I'll have to admit that even Japan's anime is better!

Me: eh, true enough. I'm glad I wasn't allowed to watch the TV when I was little...

Zao: exactly.

Me: But seriously though what's up with the theme?

Zao: What is it again?

Me: Uhh the march that was supposed to celebrate the end of WWII but was in fact only to show your military strengths to the world?

Zao: Oh the one that happened at the end of summer?

Me: Yeah, do you realize how unfitting it is to be using that as a theme for a Gala? Especially a Gala that's supposed to be about celebration?

Zao: I guess...

Me: But the rest was pretty cool, especially the kung fu and the acrobatics!

Zao: Of course! That's what we're known for aru!

Me: Don't get too proud. But really some of those acrobatic routines were crazy! Especially the Monkey King one! He was jumping on one freaking string!

Zao: Don't forget the skits and the cross talks! Those were really funny!

Me: yeah! I was tearing up at one of those skits. XD

Zao: I think that's all for the comments.

Me: Yep

Zao: Well, that's the end of this New Years Special!

Me: I felt like that we held a little Spring Festival Gala by ourselves. XDXD

Zao: I hope you guys enjoyed!

Me: I can't stress this enough but really, New Years changes people so much!! 

Zao/Me: But most of all, 新年快乐! Happy Lunar New Year! Best wishes for us all in 2016, the year of the monkey!!