Music for this chapter:

"Satisfied" - Aranda
"Stay" - Mayday Parade

Ricky

Boom, boom, crack, boom

Was that the storm I was hearing thud in my ears? Or was it my Goddamn heart? Who fucking knows! The storm was heavy outside our apartment. Rain rushed down the window pains, as a light show flickered in the clouds. Inside, the tension pressed against me more than those winds ever could.

Zane was more than pissed at me. He wouldn't speak, as is the usual for him in this state. I tried to preoccupy myself by working. Chris had sent me a sample of a song we were working on, so I was listening through it. I sat on the couch with my legs pulled up and laptop in my lap. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Zane strewing as he watched the TV.

He turned to me and attempted to ask something. I didn't hear over the rough lyrics playing in my ears. I pulled one of my headphones out as I asked him to repeat himself. An innocent question in an innocent situation, yet I was treated like a criminal.

"I said, who are you writing an email to?" Zane sneered. His arms were crossed rather pretentiously, as his steel eyes narrowed.

My hesitation was a mistake, because it'll make him believe me even less. Like I should have to prove myself to him! I tilted my laptop screen down so the light wasn't in my eyes. Taking my other earbud out, I replied, "I was listening to a demo Chris sent me. I was writing him back, about which parts need to be fixed. That's all."

Zane paused for a moment. He looked down his nose at me. I could tell he didn't believe me, and I honestly couldn't care at this point. What's the worst he could do? Start another fight? Oh, that's right, we're already in the middle of one.

"Can I see?" He asked.

I cautiously opened my laptop again. Then I pulled the headphones from their plugin, and pressed play to let him hear. Zane's eyes stayed fixed on the screen, as he read over my email to Chris, and the song played. These lyrics couldn't have been more ominous.

I am the deep shade of jaded. Will I burn down your fortress of lies? Six fucking years I have waited, to fucking cut you out of my life. No turning back.

Zane scoffed and stood from the couch. He walked off, and I couldn't stop myself from thinking, I wish he would walk away for good. Then I snap back to reality and realize, I can't throw away half a decade like that. Who else would love me anyways? Abused affection is better than dying alone.

I quickly finished off my email to Chris. Hitting send, I checked the time. It was a quarter to six, and Devin and Kylie were coming over for dinner at seven. Damn it, I didn't realize it was that late. The storm echoed through the house, reminding me of the monsoon outside. I looked out the window, allowing the lightning to reflect across my eyes.

Maybe it's best to ask Devin to reschedule. It wouldn't be safe to be out on these roads. The last thing I want is for him to get in an accident! Besides, what kind of an asshole am I to stick them in the middle of Zane and I's fight? The only reason I really don't want to cancel with them is because, I know Zane would be forced to act like he loved me if he had an audience. That's a beyond selfish reason to place stress and possible harm on my friends! What's wrong with you, Ricky?

I pulled my phone from my pocket and started fishing for Devin's contact. Just as I opened the text field, I found the only light dawning on me to be my phone screen. I took a moment to regain my breath as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. The power is out. Great. That's just fucking fabulous! I used the light of my phone to guide my way to the kitchen. There was already a candle burning on the counter, giving the ability to find a few more.

It was nice of my boyfriend to come check to see if I was alright, wasn't it? Asshole. I kept my grunts and groans under my breath as I thought of his recent behavior. He's been such a fucker lately. Yes, I care deeply about him, and we are just in a rough patch. However, I'm sick of my relationship feeling like I'm resting on a bed of nails.

I took my lighter out of my pocket and flicked it on. Once I had a few candles lit, I went to find Zane. I'm assuming he's in the bedroom, so that's where I headed. Just out of natural instinct, I went for the door handle without knocking. It was... locked? The worst of worries had come to me. Yeah, I am still mad, but I do love him enough to worry. Maybe he just wanted to be alone, since we aren't in the best of moods with each other.

There was a taller candle burning in my hand. I knelt down and set it on the hardwood floors carefully. Then I stood back up, about to knock, when I stopped my hand from hitting the door. His voice was at a low tone on the other side of the door. He wasn't talking to me, because he didn't know I was out here, but he was talking to somebody. In a rather flirtatious manor, might I add.

Okay, breathe, Ricky. Your boyfriend is not cheating on you, he's not. He could be talking to one of his female friends or his sister, and flirting in a joking way. He's done that before. Hell, I do that with Chris constantly and he's straight as a board. I'm just overreacting. Then I remembered something my mom used to always say; suspecting the suspecting. Meaning, when someone accused you of something, chances are it's because they're the ones doing it. Zane did slightly accuse me of cheating earlier, but he seriously wouldn't, would he?

I had just about convinced myself that there was no way in Hell. Then I heard him say four words, that changed everything. It wasn't just four words stated plainly. No, they were so genuine. Almost, sounding like the way he says them to me. I wasn't the only one to hear those four words, "I love you, Beautiful."

No, no. There was no way this was happening! Six years together and I really couldn't have been this blind?! I... No, there's no way he'd... But he did. He did. Zane told another man, or Hell, woman for all I know, that he loved them. In the same tone, the same words, that he tells me. It was even the same pet name. I can't do this. Not right now.

I thought we were going to get married someday. All these plans we had talked about on late nights, just crumpled. I can't even breathe as I realize, I've given him so much that I can never take back. Happiness, memories, love... It was all a fucking lie?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I can't even bear to see him right now.

Our pictures hanging on the wall are just about enough for me. Six years of false promises and vile deceit has just washed over my unsteady mind. How can anyone be so, so... evil? I looked ahead to all the dreams that we had, and see now, it was all smoke and mirrors. Well I'm not going to live under a curtain, bathed in dishonesty and infidelity.

I grabbed my leather jacket, which already had my car keys in the pocket. God only knows how long it'll take that asshole to realize I'm gone. Good riddance to the fucker too! I won't ever give him the pleasure of even seeing me leave. Maybe I'll ask the guys to help me get my things from the apartment tomorrow. I don't know. I don't know where I'm going either, maybe to Chris' or one of the others. All I do know is, I am not going to love a cheater.

It's funny where exactly you'll draw the line. We've had countless fights and arguments over the years. All of them, I considered to be apart of a healthy relationship. Every couple fights. But cheating? That's the one thing I will not live with! I was a child that was the product of an affair. Never will I put that life on a child of my own, nor will I be as blind as my father was. Fuck no.

The apartment building's emergency lights were on in the hall. Red as Hell, they burned down on me, and properly reflected how I was currently feeling. I didn't care about the storm at all anymore. I did grow up in Seattle, I think I'll be able to drive in the damn rain. Famous last words.

Devin

Today has just been one of those days. You know the kind, that no matter what you do, someone or something will be there to fuck that shit up. My car was broken into this morning, and one of my basses was stolen from the backseat. As well, the whole thing was gutted. Even with insurance, it'll cost a fortune to replace! And I had to spend the evening with the cops, telling them about the whole ordeal fifty times. I fucking hate cops. Well, I'd gladly gut any form of authority.

Then I come home, and find Kylie's bags all packed. We had been on the rocks lately, I'll admit, but never did I expect her to just leave! She took the cats with her too! Truthfully, she had to, because I could never be home enough to take care of them. Still, this was fucking ridiculous. I never realized how large of an imprint she had left in my life, until she stripped any sign of herself from it. My apartment was almost empty.

I didn't feel much pain to watch her leave. Our love had faded, but I was going to miss her and all the little things. Mostly, I'll miss the cats though. Honestly, I love those cats like my children. So, here I am, alone with my kids and half my belongings gone. And people wonder, with shit like this, why I'm such an angry person?

The only good thing I had to look forward to was, I was going to see Ricky tonight. Hopefully he's okay with me coming over without Kylie. Ew, it might be awkward if I have to be there with just him and Zane. More than awkward, it could be disastrous! Zane and I don't exactly, get along. Without Kylie there to calm me down every time he made a snide remark, I might come undone on him.

I should bring one of the guys, in that case. Then we can talk shop about the new album as well. Chris would let me kill Zane though. In fact, he'd probably help me bury the body, so he's not the best candidate. Balz will be closing up his shop right about now, and Angelo will be just getting off his shift, so neither of them would really be up for doing much. I guess that leaves Ryan.

As I fell backwards on the couch, I unlocked my phone. His contact was still in my recents, making it easier for me to call him.

B'ring, ring, ring, ring... "Hello?" He answered, somewhat somberly.

"Well, hello to you, too, Sunshine." I teased him.

Ryan grumbled a bit, amongst some chuckling. "Sorry, I just woke up from a nap."

"Oh, I didn't wake you, did I?" I asked as I sat up. I glanced over at the oven clock, seeing it was just after six.

"Nah, I needed to be up anyways." He replied. "So, what's up?"

"I'm heading over to Ricky's for dinner. You wanna come with?"

He took a moment on the other end of the phone to think, then said, "Yeah! Chris just sent Ricky a demo of the new song. I want to hear it. Can you give me a ride?"

"You still don't have a car?" I teased.

"Shut up, it's not my fault!" Ryan laughed along.

His car has been in the shop for like three weeks! He's right, it's not his fault. We only have one mechanic in town, and he sucks. I told Ryan I'd be over in a few minutes. We live in a pretty small town, making anything pretty much a few minutes apart. I threw on a jacket to try to protect myself from the heavy rain. It really didn't do much.

The rain constantly reminds me of Ricky. It's more than just him being from Seattle. He loves rain, in the way a monster loves music; it calms him. He could be so beyond pissed that he can't see straight, but the rain could instantly bring him back down to earth. I think that habit has rubbed off on me too. I've been so upset over this shitty day, and the cold rain running down my face, accompanied by thoughts of my best friend, washed away all my worries.

I was even happier to go see Ricky now. I locked up my house and headed to the car, getting drenched in the process. When I picked up Ryan, he was soaked from the rain.

"You smell like a wet dog." I muttered, pulling out on the road again.

"Maybe you're smelling yourself." He replied.

I snickered under my breath, as did he. We talked about the usual, until he asked where Kylie was. Fuck, I didn't want to talk about that right now. Luckily, the storm did another wonder for me and gave me a reason to change the subject. As we came up to the bridge, we saw police sirens somewhat blurred by the water running down my windshield.

"Fuck." I scoffed. "Who's the dumbass that couldn't handle the rain?"

"You don't know what happened. Like I saw this story on 20/20 about a lady that had a stoke in the middle of driving and caused a huge accident." Ryan replied with his usual optimism.

Okay, maybe I was being insensitive because I've had a shitty day and I just want to get to Ricky's place already. I'm sure they're making a big deal out of nothing, like the police love to do. This goes back to my whole thing about hating authority. They always want to act like the big heroes, so they make things bigger than they need to be.

I sighed, pulling over to the side of the road to let an approaching ambulance pass. This is going to take forever to get through! There's no other way to Ricky's house though. At least, nothing that's short. I'd rather take the gamble on waiting for the road to be reopened.

My phone started to ring. I was honestly shocked I was getting reception in this storm. It was probably Ricky, wondering where the fuck I am, or Kylie calling because she forgot something. Nope, it was actually Chris. I thought he had a date night with Sabrina tonight? Who fuckin' knows.

"Hello?" I answered as I leaned forward on the wheel. The rain was slowly putting me to sleep!

"Dev-" Fuck, I could barely make out a word he was saying through the static. "Ha- -ou -een" crackle, buzz...

"Chris, I can't hear a damn word you're saying." I huffed out of frustration at this fucking phone.

"Ricky!" He practically yelled. "Have you seen Ricky?!"

"Ryan and I are going over to his house right now. The storm slowed us down. Is he alright?" I asked.

More fucking static. Crack, bizz... "-hat?"

I had to keep myself from slamming my cell into the car dash. Raising my voice, I asked again, "Is everything okay?!"

"No! Zane said Ricky... -issing, he... ge- -im to answer calls... -ar keys are gone."

Chris tried his best to speak clearly. Even through the static, I made it all out. No one can get ahold of Ricky and he went off somewhere, taking the car with him. My heart started racing as every fucking worry in the world came to mind.

"We're stuck on the bridge. I'll keep trying his cell. You tell the others." I said.

The static continued to buzz, but I made out a response of, "Okay, stay safe."

"You too." I spoke upon hanging up. "Fuck."

Ryan's eyes glazed over as he realized the concern on my face. "What's going on?"

"No one can get ahold of Ricky. He's missing." I replied, searching for his contact in my phone.

Seeing his picture made it so much worse. Fuck, Ricky, you better be okay. I will fucking beat your ass if you're playing some game and gave me a heart attack for no reason. He's done this before, just went off on a drive and wouldn't answer his phone. I'm still worried. What if this is the one time something bad happened?

One call went unanswered, then a second. As I attempted to call again, a text came across my screen from Chris. It read: Angelo just told me there was an accident at the bridge.

Yeah, we know, Chris! I also knew what he was insinuating and I wasn't going to believe that. I replied to him: Is he at the bridge now? My texts were even taking forever to get through! Fuck just send goddamn it!

Yeah, he was on his way home from work when it stopped him. He said the road is closed off. Are you close to him?

Yes, Ryan and I are at the bridge. We'll find him.

I didn't bother mentioning that, we were probably on different sides as Angelo. His work is on Ricky's side of town, not Ryan and I's. Despite that, I was worried enough to get out of the car to get a closer look at the wreck. I didn't even say anything at I was so frantic to get closure for my uneasy thoughts. Ryan got out of the car and followed me towards the edge of the police tape.

Two cars had hit head on, and a third was flipped. The ambulance had long ago taken any bodies they could from the scene, but it looked like they were still trying to pull someone from the flipped car. I saw rain wash blood off the edge of the bridge. As much as I love blood and gore, I'd never wish death on anyone who didn't deserve it. Especially, if it really could be Ricky.

I looked past all the lights, all the paramedics and uniforms, to the other side of the bridge. There was a small crowd gathered. Most of them were frantic, asking the police questions. I finally spotted the one person talking to an officer calmly, though he was the most dramatic looking of all. Angelo glanced over our way, then back at the officer. He did a double take to realize we were standing there.

Angelo forced a smile. It was that kind of smile you give someone out of sympathy. He was in the same boat as us. We didn't know a damn thing, but we were afraid of exactly who was involved in this accident. I pulled out my phone and attempted to call Ricky again. No surprised, he didn't pick up. Come on Ricky, don't do this to me.

I had to tell myself everything was alright. The rain fell down my face, reminding me to take a deep breath. I'm sure he's fine. I'm just overreacting. My mind has had a stressful day. Of course my thoughts are going to wonder a little bit.

The other two cars had been abandon by the paramedics. They were working still on getting someone out of the third car, and finally decided upon drastic measures. Police pushed us back once more to prevent us from seeing, but I knew what they were going. They had to resort to the jaws of life. Even over the boom of thunder and the pouring rain, I could hear the metal of the car being crushed under the jaws pressure. That noise caused a pricking feeling in my chest, as my mind kept trying to convince me it could be Ricky in there.

I know it's such a rare chance. It'll all be alright. It's going to be okay. You're just overreacting.

It's not okay.

Over everything, my eyes still managed to catch sight of the victim being pulled from the car. It's not okay. I'm not okay. I know those tattoos. I know that hair and that body frame. Though I couldn't get a good look at the face, it didn't matter. I knew exactly who they were pulling from that not demolished car.

Ricky.

Ricky, holy fuck. God I take back all the shit I said earlier, about this not being a big deal. Fuck it, I take back every bad thing I've ever done or said to Ricky, even the jokes. All the times I missed a call or acted like I had more important things to do, I take it all back. Why did I ever think to not trust my gut feeling? I knew. In the back of my mind I knew, and now I'm watching the paramedics rush off with my best friend's limp body, while cops hold me back from him.