XXXI ‖ starved

LONDON
February
Location: Iva's Apartment

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When Jax finally pulled back from the kiss, I was already left shaking and gasping for air. It was apparent that he wasn't done with me when he leaned close once again and his lips traced a path along my jaw, stopping on the sensitive spot just below my ear. I flinched at the sudden sensation but unable to escape when he had me caged within his embrace. A soft, keening sound formed at the back of my throat and I bit onto my lower lip to suppress it. Pecking a kiss on my earlobe his deep voice echoed in my ear, "Don't bite your lip, sweetness."

I felt his hand reaching under the wide hem of the hoodie the touch of his warm, calloused fingers against my skin caused me to shudder involuntarily. His touch against my skin was causing tingles that crawled all the way into my heart. Somehow, a part of me couldn't comprehend this foreign sensation of wanting him and needing him beyond the physical closeness that our bodies currently shared.

"Iva," Jax breathed into the curve where my neck and shoulder meets and I moaned in response, exactly powerless to his advances as my body leaned into him to support my weak limbs.

"P-Please don't tease me," I pleaded. But he was as merciless with his touch and his fingertips grazed lightly along the small of my back, drawing out querulous whimpers that I no longer recognised as mine. Embarrassed, I bit into the fabric of the jacket on his shoulder and my body shook from the overwhelming sensation.

"Should I stop?" he exhaled in my ear, his voice laden with tension and rumbled deeply into my very core. His hands halted and rested against the curves of my waist, waiting for my answer.

The rational part of me knew that I shouldn't be allowing this, but I had wanted so much more from him. Each time he touched me, and with every brush of his lips against my skin, my heart pounded louder and drowned me further into the depths of his embrace. I was already inundated beneath the surface, in desperation of his saving to keep me from perishing into oblivion.

I admit, I love him. There was no escaping from the terrifying truth that I had long handed my love into the palms of another. Scars from my past were enough to remind me that I don't deserve a magnanimous emotion such as love. From the moment Jax appeared right into my life, I was enduring through fear and vulnerability of an attraction my heart couldn't deny. I dreaded to be ruined and ravaged, but he did none of those.

Instead, this man found his way right through my chest and used his tenderness to piece my fragmented heart back together. He reminded me to feel and to let my heart beat in a manner without ache. I did. When it concerned him, it was always a weird sense of nostalgia and warmth, coupling with the realisation that I was finally returned to the right pair of arms. But I kept asking myself: Why couldn't I remember him if he's etched so close to my heart?

Maybe I didn't want answers at the moment. Wrapping my fingers on the back of his neck, I closed in the distance and demanded so much more through the urgency of my lips against his. I was starved for this contact, this breathless bliss and choking haze of pleasure. Most importantly, I was starved for him.

"Don't," I cautioned, looking right into the tempest within his irises. "Don't stop."

That was all the permission he needed to pull my body towards him as we hastily removed our shoes and he held me up in his arms, marching right into my apartment. My body was pressed close to him and his lips never left mine from the moment he began walking. His tongue traced the contours of my lips in a slow, teasing manner and I caved in, allowing him to have his way.

Sitting me down on the cushioned arm of the couch, he continued to delve into the kiss as he ripped his jacket off his shoulders. I held my hands out and rested it against his jaw, guiding him close as I desperately tried to express myself with all the unsaid words at the tip of my tongue. Jax circled his arm around my waist and lifted me. He settled himself on the couch and positioned me with my knees planted onto the leathery surface, between his legs. In a rush, my hoodie was pulled over and I quickly wrapped my hand around my front, suddenly conscious that I had decided not to wear anything underneath and the nakedness was gnawing with unease at me.

"Don't hide," he hushed, gently trying to pry my arms away.

He rested my hands on his shoulders before they were placed back onto the curves of my waist. He kept his eyes on me, with flickering flame speckling within the cold shade of his irises and for all I know, blue flames burned even hotter. I couldn't help but tremble at his touch and moan when he trailed a path of tender kisses along the sensitive skin of my clavicle. The feeling he left in his wake was all frightening but exhilarating, making me wonder how long had it been since I ever felt so high on my senses.

All hazed up in my head, I lost all ability to follow through everything. One second he was kissing my neck, the next his hands furled against the underswell of my breasts. The ache in my chest grew stronger and I gripped his shoulder, nails digging into his sweater. Drawing an unsteady breath, I gathered enough courage to lean my body close to him. He responded just the way I desired, taking me in but being so careful in the way he moved.

His fingers slipped into the band of my tights and rolled it down to my knees, leaving me completely bare in front of him. I noticed the intensity of his gaze on my right thigh, and I wanted to hide because it had been so long — way too long — since I had experienced something as intimate as this. Crouching a little, he refused to give me a chance to hide when he quickly swung me around and caged me in his embrace. My back was stuck to his front and I could feel him even through his layer of clothes. My eyes widened as I flinched a little from the nervousness. Gods above.

"Don't hide, latreía mou," he repeated.

He lowered his head to the curve between my neck and shoulder, laying a path of kisses on my shoulder. Then, he lifted my legs and hugged it close towards me, pulling the tights and flung it away. When he got every piece of my clothing out of the way, his hand inched up my right thigh and his fingers traced along the lines and curves of the tattoo on my right thigh. He asked, "When did you get this?"

"It's nothing," I strained to explain, almost unable to speak through the tension clenching in my body. I guided his hand along rougher edges of skin from my lower waist to below my hip. "When I was 19, I nearly died from a mission. You know, carelessness and all, a cac managed to sink its claws too deep into my skin. I was fortunate enough to be brought back in time to be saved but the scars never healed fully and the memory of it always haunted me. Viv decided to bring me to the tattoo parlour she frequents and got this for me just to hide the scars. It isn't something—"

"I think they're absolutely beautiful. Your scars and the tattoo," Jax interjected, pressing a kiss on my temple and I was immediately jarred back into the reality that my naked body was still surrounded in his embrace. He nibbled on the tip of my ear and breathed, "We're still in the middle of something, sweetness."

A sudden thought made me wondered why I was the only one being stripped while he was fully clothed. A sulk formed on my lips and my hands reached behind to tug on the hem of his sweater. In response, he wrapped his arms tighter and said, "Keep your hands to yourself or I'll tie them up."

Any words that were lodged in my throat quickly dissolved into nothing as my body flushed in heat and air left my lungs in an unsteady rush. One of his hands cupped my front and the other inched down in a torturously slow manner. A slow fire simmered in my blood, further incensed by a deep sound that rumbled out from behind me when I writhed in his hold. His fingers skimmed over my centre and a knot tightened low in my abdomen. The way those fingers moved in slow circles over the most sensitive part of me was almost enough to tip me over but I felt his hand travelled lower, teasing me before he eased a finger through the gathered wetness between my thighs. I gasped, "Jax."

"Hmm?" I felt his smirk against my temple and his warm breath caressing against my hair sent another jolt of pleasure through my body.

He pushed his finger deeper and he worked me over, constantly pulling me up into vertiginous heights. I felt myself quivering when I was near and the shadows of insecurities clawed their way out of my heart, shrouding over my senses and raising my fears. I wanted him but I was afraid to face the fall. My hands tugged weakly against his wrist, unsure if I wanted to keep him at the moment or stop him from making me feel more than what I already felt for him. The hand he placed on my breast moved its way up and wrapped gently on the ball of my shoulder as he whispered reassuringly, "There's nothing to be scared of, I'm here with you."

His movement didn't cease and a pitched cry escaped from me when my conscious sank into the sudden rush of sensation right before I dropped from the high. Ecstasy pumped right through my veins and I was already breathing unsteadily as my body slumped weakly against him. He cradled me close and planted a kiss into my hair, "Good girl."

A moment passed as I tried to catch for my breath and he stretched to pick up his hoodie from the ground, wearing it on me. Then, he carried me in his arms and placed me into the soft sheets of my bed. Sitting on the edge, he pulled the blankets up to my shoulder to tuck me underneath.

"Can you stay or are you leaving now?" I asked in a soft voice.

"I can't stay. I'll have to bring Thea to her kindergarten tomorrow but I'll leave after you're asleep," he replied, landing a small kiss on my lips. "Sleep now, latreía mou."

"Can I ask something?"

"No," he chuckled and I grumbled at his quick rejection. Though, he gave in and asked, "What is it?"

"What does ángelé mean?"

"Angel."

"What about latreía mou?"

"Setting a trap for me to fall into?" He raised his brows in amusement.

"You noticed," I giggled playfully.

"My adored."

"What?"

"It means my adored," Jax repeated. "Now, go to sleep already."

"Alright." I wiggled under the sheets satisfyingly and earned myself a soft chuckle from the man who sat right at the edge of my bed. He hummed a lullaby and I followed his tune into a deep slumber.

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