✰Omoide no yokocho✰ episode #38 discarded recording transcript — excerpt 〚September 22, 2018〛

SUGURU: It's completely okay to think that you're drifting apart. Many things happen to us constantly, and you can't blame yourself or your partner for that. What's sad about it though is the two options it leaves you with, which are to either drift completely away from them or try to rebuild everything. Some natural reasons simply dictate that.

SATORU: Yes, definitely. Natural reasons. Like, it's a scientific theory at this point. I had a major subject like that, actually.

SUGURU: Why are you talking like that?

SATORU: I don't know either. Why are you talking like that, pray tell?

SUGURU: [laughs awkwardly] Sometimes life doesn't really let you do what you want to do, so you have to let yourself get sidetracked a bit.

SATORU: Not if you let other people help you. You won't get sidetracked as much.

SUGURU: Well, other people might have a lot on their plate as well.

SATORU: Just some advice for everyone—you don't always have to play the considerate martyr. My friend here—

SUGURU: Satoru.

SATORU: Yes?

SUGURU: Are you mad?

[Silence.]

SATORU: We're cutting this post-editing, right?

SUGURU: Yes.

SATORU: [exhales]

SUGURU: Forget it. I shouldn't have asked. It's too late to talk about it anyway—

SATORU: It's—look—I'm not...I'm not mad.

SUGURU: Oh.

SATORU: Did you think I was?

SUGURU: I invoke my right to silence.

SATORU: Asshole.

SUGURU, muffled: I did. I thought you hated that I did everything I did.

SATORU: You didn't tell me shit.

SUGURU: I couldn't.

SATORU, audible exhale on the mic: Fuck. Why?

SUGURU: You wanted to get rid of me.

SATORU: I—what the fuck? Suguru, you're my best friend.

SUGURU: Still?

SATORU: How—look, I'm not going to argue about it with you again. It's been months since that. If you want to believe that, fine. By all means, go. But I'm telling you now that you are and always will be my best friend, and that means I'm here. Always. I don't know what you don't get about that concept, they should have taught you that in elementary. It doesn't even matter what label we have—had—that doesn't change anything. This is stupid as hell, because I shouldn't be the one telling you this, you know? Jesus H. Christ. [pause] This is already far too many words than what I meant to say.

SUGURU: It's fine.

SATORU: It's always fine with you.

SUGURU: Because it is. And it's done. I don't even know why I asked in the first place, I'm sorry. We can cancel this episode—

SATORU: What? We're already behind schedule.

SUGURU: Why do you want to continue this so bad? It's not like you ever followed anything Shoko said.

SATORU: Yeah, but you do.

[Silence.]

SUGURU: Fine. Can we reshoot?

SATORU: We could continue from where we left the cut.

SUGURU: No, so we don't have to edit as much.

SATORU: You never yield, do you?

SUGURU: ...Choosing your battles comes in handy sometimes.

SATORU: Guh. There you are again with your Confucius shit.

SUGURU: That wasn't even from Confucius!

SATORU: I know! That's what you call a snide remark!

SUGURU: You should know, because you're so full of it.

SATORU: Oh, you—

[Scuffling sounds]

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Email 〚18 August, 2017〛

From: Student Services Department

Dear Getou Suguru,
This is a gentle reminder from the Student Services Department to track your current progress in your program. In accordance with our undergraduate scholarship contract, you will have to maintain a grade of no less than XX. Failure to adhere to this would mean termination of your scholarship. If you are experiencing any personal difficulties which are hindering you from committing to this, please do not hesitate to reach out to our counseling department. Thank you.

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9:05 PM 〚18 August, 2017〛

"Suguru!" Satoru calls cheerfully from the hallway. Suguru clicks his phone shut and promptly walks out of the room. Satoru's smiling the softest of smiles, and it's blinding. The only thing Suguru could muster is a weak "Yeah?"

"I got that overseas opportunity I was applying to some months back."

Oh.

Suguru swallows thickly and beams at what's practically the sun in front of him. He gets engulfed in a hug. "Congratulations! I'm proud of you," he murmurs into a shirt that smells vaguely of stale sweat and that diffuser Satoru has by his bedside.

His sun hums. "You know what I deserve?"

"What?"

"A kiss," Satoru says. "And I wonder why the love of my life still hasn't given it to me. It's been half a minute since he heard the news; it's dreadful how the world truly is changing. You're a victim of climate change, Suguru, you—"

Suguru cuts him off, pressing a soft kiss to Satoru's lips and pulling back just as fast. Satoru's lips chase his immediately after but he puts a finger on them. "Not now. Have you eaten?"

"Come on, Suguru," Satoru whines, entirely too put-out to probably think about dinner now that he's been denied what he really wanted to taste. Suguru knows that, but he asks nonetheless, because they both can't be eating less and getting thinner.

He clicks his tongue. "At least brush your teeth first if you're not going to eat. Wouldn't want your mouth germs inside mine."

Satoru sags against him and nuzzles his face in Suguru's shoulder. "You didn't have to say that so disgustingly."

"It was the only way I could think of."

Suguru feels the head on his shoulder turn right before he feels faint kisses on his neck and his jawline, and then, vibrating against him, "You sneaky, sneaky bastard." The kisses come again, slower this time. "But you couldn't put me off. You know you couldn't."

"You got me there," Suguru lies, already formulating a plan to somehow get them to the kitchen without fucking.

"Mmhmm," Satoru whispers against him, soft and warm, and then—"I didn't." A measured inhale. "That's okay." He stands back up, smiling drunkenly down at him (Suguru dimly remembers hating that he's shorter). Satoru tilts his head. Like this, he looks like he's passively assessing Suguru, sizing him up like he knows something's being hidden from him.

Why wouldn't he hide it from him? Look at that happy bastard. He wishes he could keep Satoru like this forever.

It feels like water—the tide is rushing to him swiftly, and he's running, running, running. It's like the sand beneath his feet is slowly being swallowed by the rising waves. He knows he's going to drown soon. He also knows that if he looks up now he wouldn't be able to keep running; he trusts that Satoru would be there on the horizon waiting for him just out of reach. (He wouldn't know what to do if what he's running to is empty.) It's good, that trust. It means that Satoru's still safely far away from him. They'd both be submerged by the swelling sea if he got to him.

What a bullshit fucking metaphor he's trying to hide behind. Here's the truth: he's scared. There's a thickening, sickening sense of dread taking over his insides.

It shouldn't matter.

His mind spits him out right there as he watches Satoru turn around and start walking towards the kitchen.

"No shift today?" Satoru says, digging through the fridge. He pulls out a tub of ice cream—when did they get ice cream?—and leans against the kitchen counter. "Normally you'd be gone by now."

"Yeah," Suguru says, walking up to Satoru beside the counter and leaning his head against his shoulder. "I just need to catch up on stuff."

He steels himself for the I told you so, but it doesn't come. He only hears the quiet clatter of the ice cream tub when it's set on the counter and the succeeding touch of fingertips slowly brushing his hair, massaging his scalp. After a while, he hears Satoru exhale, and he finally lets go of Satoru's shoulder. "You could have just said you missed me, you didn't have to make shit up," Satoru says softly, smirking.

"Yeah, yeah."

Satoru picks the ice cream back up and then says through a spoonful of vanilla, "Come with me. To Italy."

Suguru stares at him. Satoru raises his eyebrows. And then, slowly, Suguru smiles the sweetest smile he could muster and cups his boyfriend's cheek. Said boyfriend lights up at this, snuggling into the hand.

Suguru, still smiling, brings down the axe. "Satoru, what do you not understand about the concept of airfare and living expenses? It's okay, you can tell me, I'm good at math." His hand gets forcefully removed from the face it was holding. "Fuck off, Suguru, I meant I was going to get the company to pay for you if you were coming."

He'd love to. He wants, more than anything, to get out of this goddamned hellhole he calls a life and start somewhere else in a city that hasn't had the chance to wrap its tendrils around him yet.

"I can't," he says, "I have to take care of things." And then, as an afterthought, because he knows what Satoru isn't saying: "Don't worry, I'll be fine here."

Satoru hums his dubious assent and opens the cupboard above them, presumably to find more food. Didn't he just buy takeout a while ago? Where had that gone?

As if on cue, Satoru says sheepishly, "I-is there no more food? Idroppedthetakeoutonthefloor."

Suguru narrows his eyes. "What? Say that again."

"Idroppedthetakeoutonthefloor."

"Slowly."

"I...may or may not have...let gravity take its course on my supposed sustenance for the night."

Suguru whacks him upside the head.

"Ow—stop! I cleaned up!"

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Phone call transcript, incoming from: Ieiri Shoko 〚22 August, 2017〛

SHOKO: I'm going to make this quick because I should be getting my hands into someone's body right now.

SUGURU: As in a date or as in a cadaver examination?

SHOKO: Why not both?

SUGURU: Didn't know Utahime was dead.

SHOKO: I swear I lose half my brain when I talk to you.

SUGURU: Cool.

SHOKO: Are you okay?

SUGURU: Huh?

SHOKO: I haven't seen you in two months, which, okay, thank God, but—

SUGURU: Is Utahime rubbing off on you?

SHOKO: I sure hope she does. Look—

SUGURU: Aww, look at you. You're so different when you have a crush. Why are you never this funny with me and Satoru? Why won't you share the love with your old men? We're withering away.

SUGURU: I see Satoru's rubbing off on you, too.

SUGURU: Unsurprisingly. Anyway, I'm sorry for making your cadaver wait. Why'd you call?

SHOKO: I wanted to check on how you're doing.

SUGURU: Thanks, mom.

SHOKO: I heard the other day that they're going to be getting strict about scholarship stuff starting next year. I know you got that email.

SUGURU: Who told you?

SHOKO: Nobody.

SUGURU: Cryptic.

SHOKO: I wasn't worried because I know you're always at the top of the class, but now—

SUGURU: It's okay.

SHOKO: If you say so.

SUGURU: Oh? No follow up questions?

SHOKO: I'm not Satoru.

SUGURU: Right.

SHOKO: Just...Just take care of yourself.

SUGURU: It's what I've always been doing, no?

SHOKO: Not really.

SUGURU: Care to elaborate?

SHOKO: You're a martyr, you know that?

SUGURU: You've told me that on many occasions, yes. Especially when you're angry, but those occasions aren't exactly many.

SHOKO: You're the type of person who'd die trying to make sure everyone else around you is perfectly okay.

SUGURU: That's not a bad thing.

SHOKO: You'd kill yourself in the process.

SHOKO: Hmm. If you can't do shit, Satoru's there. I'm there.

SUGURU: I can do it. I won't be Getou Suguru if I can't.

SHOKO: God. Yeah, okay, whatever. If you say so. And Suguru?

SUGURU: Hmm?

SHOKO: You wouldn't agree if it were me, but at least let Satoru take care of you some time.

SUGURU: I said I'm okay, but thanks, I guess.

[Call ended.]

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(this was from Suguru:<)