There's a boy sitting on the bench across the street.

He's been there for too long. Yoongi knows this because he's been outside for more than an hour now, in the sweltering heat, trying to tear down the old displays on the shop window and put up the newer ones that Seokjin printed recently. It should have been an easy job, but some fool (Kim Taehyung) had plastered the posters to the window with way too much efficiency, and it's hell trying to get them down and clean up the ugly stains they've left behind.

And all this time, the boy has stayed there. There's a large cup in his hand - something that might have been ice cream once but now he trusts will resemble glop.

Something about him looks familiar. Yoongi doesn't dwell on it. He's learned not to - it makes things harder for him when he realizes what does because then he can never look away.

He decides to wait until he's done with the window. And then, if he's still there, Yoongi can maybe do something about it.

He scrubs at the glass with their improvised cleaning liquid - hand soap poured into water - and scratches the bits that don't come off with his nails. The wet paper and dirt cake under them, and it's overall disgusting, but Yoongi has had to clean up worse messes in this store and it doesn't really bother him anymore.

Seokjin's store isn't very popular. It's tucked too far into a side street, away from the main road. The only people who use it are the ones who don't live too far off. It's better this way for customer relations - Yoongi knows most of their customers by name and can ask them about their children and dogs and cats when they stop by - but it isn't too great for their finances. Too many times the store has nearly had to close down. Too many times Yoongi has had his salary docked. But they're still standing somehow. They still make it out of slumps with just enough ground to stand on.

When the windows are clean enough to not look outright terrible, he pulls out the new flyers. They're advertising what the always do, but in better colours - special offers, birthday specials, and anything you want, we can get for you. It's all in pastel, with elegant letters - Seokjin doesn't like flashy. He says everything about it rings false.

Everything is about trust, he's said, over and over again. We want people to think of this as home.

He tries his best to stick the flyers up straight, no ends crooked. When he's done, he glances over his shoulder.

The boy is still there, twirling the cup in his hands.

Yoongi sighs. He wipes his hands on his work overcoat, and then lifts the hem up, bending lower to dab at the sweat on his forehead. It's too humid to be sitting outside for so long. He should tell the boy to knock it off and go somewhere with more shade.

He crosses the empty street easily. Vehicles are rare and far apart.

"Hey," he says, stopping in front of the bench.

The boy looks up, startled. "Hi?"

"If whatever is in that cup is making you that miserable, maybe you shouldn't be having it."

The boy frowns. "Milkshake," he says, like that was the part that mattered. "I...uh. It's expensive."

"...you want to have it because it's expensive?"

"I want to have it because I like it," the boy insists. His eyes are too big for his face, too expressive. They pull at something at the back of Yoongi's mind, but he doesn't let himself think about it. "It's just...also expensive. I can't usually afford it."

"Today's a special day, then?" Yoongi asks, but it comes out a bit dry. It doesn't seem likely with how miserable he looks, but who knows. Maybe he got his pay check and didn't know what to do with it, and is now starting to realize that he could have saved it for something better.

"I lost my job," the boy says, catching Yoongi off guard. He gives him a smile, eyes crinkling, but it looks too sad. Familiar. "So I guess I've been a bit reckless."

"Oh," Yoongi says, at a lack of anything else to say. "Are you...are you in college?"

"Yeah."

"Huh." Yoongi never went to college - he thought it was for the best until everything went wrong and he was out on the streets again. It was by chance that he ran into Seokjin again - his old high school friend, who had too much heart for his own good, and gave Yoongi a job without asking twice.

He never went to college, but he knows how hard it could be. He knows, because -

He shakes his head.

"Where did you work?" he asks.

"Cafe in the next block. Just...cheap stuff, but it still helped."

"Come with me," Yoongi says, holding out a hand for the boy to take. "I know someone who can help you."

There's a flash of distrust in the boy's eyes until Yoongi gestures behind himself, at Seokjin's store. And then...then he's too trusting. Too hopeful.

"Thank you," he says, even though Yoongi hasn't done a single thing yet, even though there's no guarantee that Yoongi can get him a job, and - it worries Yoongi a bit, that he might disappoint him.

"Don't thank me yet," he warns, but the boy takes his hand anyway to pull himself up. "I'm Yoongi. You are?"

"Jungkook."

/

Yoongi knows it's going to be a hard conversation even before he peeks into the manager's room. Seokjin is easy going, and incredibly soft hearted, but he's also really stressed and his finances are a mess. They've had to cut down on a lot of different brands this month, and they're looking into a larger refrigeration system. Namjoon handles most of the accounts, since he was practically constructed by god to add and subtract and multiply for people, but Seokjin still deals with having to make the decisions, and he's forever, forever stressed.

But he still feigns surprise when Yoongi looks into his room. "Dear lord, I must be dead."

Yoongi gives him a flat look.

"You never come to see me," Seokjin explains, like his workers are actually supposed to be dropping by to chat during work hours. Like he wouldn't stab them if they did. "I was getting lonely here."

Yoongi clears his throat. "So," he starts, straight to the point. "Are we hiring?"

Seokjin looks confused. And then his eyes narrow.

Yoongi tries to look innocent, but it doesn't work - he looks suspicious even when he has the best of intentions.

"Yoongi-ah, not another one."

"Another one?" Yoongi repeats, incredulous. "You're the one who picks people off the streets, not me."

"You brought Namjoon in saying he was your friend."

"Taehyung is your bloody cousin."

Seokjin bites his lip. "Who is it now?" he asks, a bit miserable. "We can't afford to hire someone now, you know this."

"I...just met him, actually," Yoongi says, in spite of knowing that admitting it would throw his chances in the dumps. "But he seems like a good kid."

Seokjin presses his palms over his eyes, rubbing them hard. "Seems like a good kid," he repeats, deadpan. "Is he here? Send him in, I'll see what I can do. Maybe we can ask someone else to hire him."

Yoongi blinks at him. "Wow."

"Don't be so surprised."

"I didn't expect you to agree so easily." He actually had an entire list of arguments planned out - complete with how hiring someone might actually be good for their finances (which was a load of waffle, but he'd put in enough fancy words for it to sound plausible) and how Yoongi has done so much for Seokjin in his life (also a load of waffle) and how, could Seokjin please, please, just tap into the good part of his soul (the most likely to win the argument).

"Yeah, well," Seokjin sounds tired. "Namjoon was good, like you said. I'm learning to trust your judgement."

"Don't do that, that's terrible."

Seokjin cracks a smile. "Send him in, Yoongi-ah. Then we'll see what happens."

Yoongi nods, turning to go. He stops at the door. "Jin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

He means it for a lot more things than what he's doing now, and maybe Jin gets that, because he only shakes his head and doesn't say you're welcome.

/

Jungkook falls into their world almost seamlessly.

He's quiet - so much so that it's almost unnatural, and doesn't say a word to anyone if he can help it. This doesn't stop Taehyung, who hangs off of him every spare second he gets and talks his ear off, which in turn keeps Taehyung out of Yoongi's way, so it's all very good.

It's only temporary, Seokjin had told him, the day Yoongi brought Jungkook to him. Just until he can find another job. It was better than what Yoongi had expected, and Jungkook seemed so happy about it. He bowed to them both and thanked them so many times that Yoongi had to threaten to strangle him if he kept going.

It becomes too clear, too soon, that Jungkook is horrible with customer service. On his very first day, in fact. Taehyung pushes him at a customer and says to help her out, and he blinks at her, apologizes for unknown reasons, and hides behind Taehyung again. So instead they leave sales to Taehyung and Namjoon and let Jungkook do odd jobs around the shop. He turns up on evenings and on weekends, keeps the place clean, sets up displays, and runs errands.

He doesn't have a uniform yet - Seokjin doesn't think it necessary ("Temporary hire," he stresses, every time he sees Jungkook around the store. At one point Jungkook gives him a mock salute and says "Temporary boss," and Seokjin looks like he wants to die). Instead, Taehyung makes him an ID card with a smiley face drawn under Jungkook's name and hangs it around his neck with string. It's all very unprofessional, but Yoongi lets them be. He has worse things to worry about.

"When do you do your homework?" He asks once, out of curiousity. He's in the back room, changing into his normal clothes, and Jungkook is trying to mop the place, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. When Yoongi speaks up he startles, resting the mop on the ground.

"When I get home," he says.

"Is that enough time?"

Jungkook shrugs. "I don't get much sleep," he admits quietly. "But I work between classes, so that helps."

Yoongi frowns to himself. The shitty pay that he's getting for this job shouldn't be worth losing sleep over, but then again - he knows what college is like. He knows.

He stands there for a moment too long, watching Jungkook as he mops the floor. They tend to leave the store room messy on their best of days, and now it's an absolute mess, even with Jungkook cleaning it once a day. Jungkook seems a bit uncomfortable being watched - he keeps his head low, face hidden, and it strikes Yoongi as - not familiar.

He shakes his head. "I'm going home," he announces.

"Take care, hyung," Jungkook says easily.

Yoongi stops for a second, shakes his head again, and leaves.

His apartment is in the very next street, close enough to the store to come running if Seokjin calls at odd hours. It's small, with only two rooms and a bathroom. There's no kitchen because he doesn't use it. He has an electric stove that he leaves on a small stool near the wall, and he uses that to heat things up and eat them. It doesn't matter what things.

For the most part, his apartment is clear of stuff. There's no furniture, no TV. He sleeps on a roll out mattress and doesn't have any chairs. But the rooms are full boxes - piles and piles of boxes, that all used to be neatly labelled. The first thing he'd done when he moved in was scratch all the labels out.

He keeps a stack of books next to his pillow, and that's what he reads for entertainment. Sometimes he reads the newspaper, when he remembers to buy it. Sometimes he listens to music. He only listens to foreign artists, only languages he doesn't understand, and always tries not to dwell on what the songs might mean. He never really succeeds, but at least he's trying.

Namjoon asked to move in with him once, but Yoongi didn't let him. It's easier to live alone. Harder on his wallet, but easier on his mind.

He forgoes dinner and rolls out his mattress, flopping down. He reads a bit, but puts it away too soon and turns out the lights. Sleep never comes easy.

/

Working at Seokjin's store is a unique array of mixed emotions.

On one hand, getting too few customers is a bad thing. On the other hand, it lets Yoongi breathe.

Yoongi doesn't mind small talk, with older people in particular. It's fun listening to how their day was when they come to the counter to pay. But then there are the annoying ones - the ones who tap their painted nails impatiently as he scans each item. The ones who frown at the total he gives them and insist that he scanned something twice.

Everyone at the shop, Seokjin included, agree that Yoongi deals best with the annoying customers. It's the reason they put him at the cash register in the first place - the area of Most Conflict.

You have a smile of steel, hyung, Taehyung had told him once, with utmost sincerity. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.

Yoongi likes to think he's at the cash register because he gets to sit around all the time.

Sometimes Namjoon switches with him, and Yoongi is forced to work in sales, which he admittedly is good at, but it requires a lot of leg work, and a lot of pointless standing, which pisses him off. It's Taehyung's ideal job, on the other hand. He gets to walk around and talk to people, and the people love him too, so it's also ideal for the store.

At present, Taehyung is chatting with a young lady about something Yoongi can't overhear, eyes wide and excited as he gestures dramatically. The lady actually seems interested, nodding at periodic intervals as she pulls out boxes from the shelves to put into her basket. Namjoon is somewhere at the other side of the store where Yoongi can't see him anymore, but the last he saw he was helping someone find the bread. Seokjin is out, somewhere - he ran out of the store hissing something about stupid stupid stupid and Yoongi would be scared if this didn't happen every two days.

He doesn't know where Jungkook is. He pops up in the strangest of places. Yoongi's given up on keeping track of him.

It amuses him to watch how differently they work. Taehyung gets people to buy things with sheer excitement and passion, while Namjoon lists the pros and cons of every product he's asked about. Yoongi deals with customers by telling them precisely what he thinks they want to hear. Seokjin, when he comes around, is all charm, all smiles. Jungkook stays far away from people in general.

At around nine thirty, when the last of their customers have filtered out, Taehyung flips the sign on the door to closed.

"We did it!" he cheers, because he's one of those crazy people who still has energy at the end of a day.

"Yay," Yoongi agrees sarcastically.

There's muffled cheering from the storage room that is probably Jungkook. Probably.

"It's still early," Taehyung proclaims, and Yoongi stares at him like the heck. "Hyung, let's go have dinner."

"Nope, I'm good."

Taehyung is at the counter in a second, pressing his palms down on the surface. He leans forward a bit to stare at Yoongi properly in the eye. "Hyung. Please." It's more of a demand than a plea, and Yoongi sighs.

"Fine."

"Great! Everyone, Yoongi hyung is paying for dinner!"

"...what."

By some miracle or the other, Taehyung does, actually, manage to drag them all out to dinner. It's easier to kidnap Jungkook than Yoongi expected - he's hesitant at first, because while he's warmed up to Taehyung a bit he's still uncomfortable around Yoongi and Namjoon, but he perks up at the prospect of free food.

Taehyung hangs half off of him as they walk down the streets, with an arm over his shoulder as he tells Jungkook all about his favourite food stores and his favourite food and his favourite stores. Namjoon hangs behind to walk with Yoongi.

"I'm tired," Namjoon says out of nowhere. "I think we should stop selling hair products. I don't know shit about them."

"Your job is to learn," Yoongi reminds him. "That's why we pay you."

"You don't pay me."

"Maybe I do."

"I deal with accounts. I basically pay myself."

Yoongi hums in agreement. He tilts his head up towards the sky, looking at all the stars. One of the perks of living away from the city is that the stars are always so bright.

Namjoon catches him looking and looks up as well. "Pretty, huh?" he asks, looking awed.

It stirs something uncomfortable in his stomach. He doesn't respond, turning back to look ahead. If Namjoon finds it odd he says nothing.

/

Yoongi doesn't finish high school.

The last day he goes to school is the day of Seokjin's graduation. He lurks around, alone, as he watches his friend get congratulated by so, so many people. He's known him for years and Yoongi is still awed by just how many friends he has.

He wanders around the campus until the ceremony ends, listening to the muffled speeches coming from the auditorium, from teachers promising greatness ahead of their students, promising pride in their feats. Complete bullshit.

By the time the students come piling out, it's late in the evening. Yoongi waits under the tree near the back gate. It's spring, and the air isn't too chilly, but the cold is slowly starting to set in.

By the time Seokjin arrives, it's night.

"Sorry," he says. "Too many farewells going around."

Yoongi waves a hand in dismissal. "None of the 'farewell is for people parting, I will say until next time' type shit?"

"Ah, there was that too." He sinks down on the ground next to Yoongi, leaning against the tree trunk. He's taken off his graduation robes, but he still has the cap on. It's askew, like it's been knocked off and is hanging on for dear life. "Which one do I say to you?" he asks jokingly.

"Neither," Yoongi deadpans.

They're both quiet for a long while.

"I'm leaving too," Yoongi says at last.

Seokjin sighs. "I know."

"The heck."

"Well you weren't exactly discreet," Seokjin argues. "You emptied your locker. You took your stuff from my room. You freaking said good bye to your chemistry teacher at the end of the day - you never do that."

"Well," Yoongi says, because when it's said out loud it does sound pretty obvious.

"Do you know where you're going?"

"Seoul. I'll rap on the streets if I have to." He hasn't told his parents. He hasn't told anyone else. They'd only try to stop him, try to convince him that he's being reckless.

He is being reckless. But he needs to be.

"Good plan," Seokjin says, and the strangest thing is that he means it. He's the only person who agrees with Yoongi's decision to not go to college - though the decision to not finish high school must have taken him by surprise. "You follow your dreams. I'll follow mine. And the next time we see each other, we had both better be super famous."

"Of course," Yoongi says. "Why not."

/

Jungkook isn't just bad at dealing with customers - he's really bad. Yoongi doesn't know how they dealt with him for so long in that cafe.

He watches the scene from behind the cash register, trying to figure out the best way to interfere.

The lady that he's dealing with is...admittedly not one of the nicer people Yoongi knows. For some reason she can never agree with the prices written on the packaging, and insists that they're trying to cheat her, no matter how many times they tell her that they aren't responsible for packaging, or for pricing, and honestly she should be arguing with the government or the world or whoever the hell it is that decided life was a good idea. She just won't listen.

She also likes to demand they bring out their manager. It's become a bit of a joke among them. Whenever she calls for him, Seokjin cries a bit in his room.

"You work here, right?" she's saying, pointing an accusing finger at Jungkook.

"I think so?" Jungkook says, not sounding very sure. He instinctively tugs on the string around his neck, to show her his ID, and then goes bright red when he realizes that that's the worst proof he could choose. The lady narrows her eyes at the smiley face, but chooses her battles wisely and leaves that for another time.

"Look here," she says, "I was here two days ago. Two days ago. And one pack of raisins cost half this price."

"Objection," Taehyung whispers, from behind Yoongi. He's trying to lift the discarded items under the counter to put them back in their places.

"Tae, go help him out."

Taehyung makes a face. "I'm too young to die," he says. "I'll get Namjoon hyung."

Jungkook glances at Yoongi briefly, trying to say please help me. Yoongi gestures for him to wait.

"I don't know, ma'am," Jungkook says, trying to back away from the lady, which...is not what Yoongi wanted him to do. Show any sort of weakness to bored weird ladies and they'll eat you alive.

"This happens all the time," she says harshly, waving the package in Jungkook's face. The kid looks like he's going to have a heart attack. "You people think I'll fall for this? You think we won't ask questions and will just keep paying whatever you cheat out of us?"

Jungkook shakes his head, backing some more, and where the hell is Namjoon. "I'm sorry," Jungkook says, for no reason, small and distressed. He looks to Yoongi again, a bit more desperately, and to hell with Namjoon, Yoongi's going to have to handle this.

Jungkook takes another step back, crashes into the shelf behind him, and - Yoongi winces - sends all the packaged grains falling to the floor.

The lady shrieks and jumps out of the way.

"I'm sorry!" Jungkook cries. He's on the floor in a second, trying to pick up the mess he's made. "Sorry, so sorry - "

Yoongi reaches them in a second. "Ma'am, is there a problem?"

"Who hired this fool," the lady snaps, glaring at Jungkook who hunches into himself a bit more and it's...a low blow. Yoongi hates these kinds of people the most, the kind who figure out that it's easy to make someone feel bad about themselves and jump on every chance to do so, because it soothes some tragically lame part of their souls.

"We're sorry about any inconvenience he might have caused," he says easily, bowing his head. "Could I help you instead?"

It takes him a while to convince the lady that no, she must be mistaken, the freaking raisins have been at the same price since last freaking year, but he manages. Yoongi has always been the best at getting rid of ugly customers.

When Yoongi smiles at his customers, for some reason they take him seriously.

When the lady finally deposits her stuff on the counter and Yoongi prints her bill and sends her off with a have a nice day, he heads back over to the shelf he'd left Jungkook in. He isn't there anymore, but Taehyung is, humming darkly to himself while he puts away the fallen products. Humming darkly had never been a concept until he met Taehyung, who gives himself his own theme music at odd times of the day.

"Where's Jungkook?" he asks.

"In the back with Namjoon hyung," Taehyung says. "The lady sort of scared him, hyung said we should give him a break."

Yoongi sort of wants to go and check on him, but there are still other customers going around, and he can't leave the counter unmanned. Seokjin would have his head.

"How did he work at that cafe?" he wonders aloud.

Taehyung shrugs.

/

Sometimes Yoongi doesn't go home till midnight.

It's not because of work. They usually have everything rounded up by ten thirty at the latest, and everyone parts in their different directions. Taehyung still hasn't managed to get a place of his own (Yoongi is pretty sure it's for lack of trying) and he's been sleeping on Seokjin's couch for nearly a year now. Namjoon lives further, a bit closer to the city. Yoongi isn't sure where Jungkook lives because every time he asks he just says 'not too far'.

He has his own set of keys to the store - Seokjin trusts him enough to let him lock up, so sometimes he hangs behind, delaying. There's something oddly soothing about the store at night, in the dark - it should resemble something from a horror movie but it doesn't. The dark puts him at ease in a way bright lights never do - it makes him feel like he's drifting, fading into shadows. Like he's part of something.

He's sitting at the counter, his legs thrown over the table (Seokjin would kill him if he saw) and absently counting change, over and over.

He isn't sleepy yet, and he knows if he goes home he's just going to roll around for too long. A change of scene is a bit better than his lonely apartment. Usually Seokjin would have stayed behind with him, and they might have had something to drink, but the man was too exhausted today to keep him company.

He's on his own. Not that he minds.

There's a sound from the storage room.

Yoongi is instantly alert. It's late, too late for this shit. The sound is telltale of the back door handle being turned. It can't be Seokjin, because Seokjin would use the front door. So would Namjoon. And neither Taehyung nor Jungkook have their own set of keys.

His entire form tenses, and he's already reaching for the nearest blunt object - which happens to be an umbrella under the register. It'll do.

The same sound repeats, and Yoongi stands slowly. He could call the police straight away, but the area they're in is remote, and police sirens would wake up the entire freaking neighbourhood. Yoongi can handle this.

He inches towards the room slowly, and sneaks inside. The back door is still shut firmly, bolted from the inside for good measure. Whoever is outside has stopped trying to open it.

Or - or they're going to come back with a large heavy object.

Yoongi inches all the way to the window, crouches down to the floor, and slowly peeks through the glass. It takes a moment for him to be able to see anything, but when it clears - the figure is unmistakeable.

It's Jeon Jungkook.

Yoongi's heart stops.

He's sitting on the steps, leaning against the door, staring ahead into the distance. Most of his face is obscured by the giant hoodie he's pulled over himself, but it's him for sure.

There's no reason for Jungkook to be here so late, after hours. Could he - could he have really been here to steal? Yoongi doesn't want to think so, but it's a possibility. He's a broke college kid who Yoongi trusted too soon.

Or he could have just left something behind. But then, why didn't he use the front door?

Yoongi shakes his head. Whatever it may be, Jungkook isn't a threat to him. Not when he has an umbrella in his hand and Jungkook has nothing. With that in mind, he pushes himself up and undoes the door latches, presses his keys into the keyhole, and kicks the door open.

Jungkook falls backwards a bit, losing his balance. For a second he looks scared out of his mind, and then he sees Yoongi's face and relaxes.

"Hyung," he says, his voice soft with sleep. "You're here late."

"I'm here late?" Yoongi says, incredulously. "What the hell are you doing here, Jungkook?"

Jungkook looks guilty. He lowers his head, rubs his eyes a bit. He's still on the ground, with Yoongi standing over him.

"I thought the door would be open," he admits, quieter than before.

"The hell?" Yoongi snaps, and Jungkook flinches, lowering his face more. "And what were you planning on doing here - running off with the little stuff we still have? We don't know where you live, we don't even know if your name is your real name, but we still let you in , and this is how you repay us?"

Jungkook looks horrified. He shakes his head, shakes his head, "No, no, I wasn't going to do anything! I swear! You can trust me, please don't fire me, my name really is Jungkook! I - I can show you my birth certificate!"

In any other situation Yoongi might have found it funny, but right now, looking at how desperate the younger boy looks, he only feels a pang of guilt. The feeling of suspicion isn't completely gone, but...maybe he rushed this.

"Why were you here," he repeats, slowly.

"I - " Jungkook stutters. "I thought I could sleep here. I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

The words catch him off guard. "You thought you could sleep here?"

"I'm sorry."

"What, no. Do you - " he hesitates. "Jungkook, do you have a place to stay?"

"I do," Jungkook says immediately. "I have a roommate. I just wasn't...comfortable there today, so I thought I might look over here." He pushes himself up, dusting off his pants. He's in soft sweat pants, instead of his usual jeans. He really has come here straight from sleep. "Sorry, hyung. I'll just go back."

"What, Jungkook, wait!"

But he's already running off, too fast for Yoongi to try catching up, and Yoongi watches him go, guilt and confusion mixing together in his stomach.

/

It's not that Jimin is a bad roommate.

Jungkook tells himself this more often than he should probably need to - but Jimin is a good person. He pays his rent on time, never forgets his turn to throw out the trash, and always asks if Jungkook wants anything when he's ordering takeout. He smiles at him, when he doesn't need to. Even cracks jokes sometimes.

It's not that Jimin is a bad roommate - it's just. It's that he has too many friends. And they always want to stay over.

It would help if any of them followed any semblance of a sleep schedule, but it's almost three in the morning and the TV in the main room is blaring. Jimin's friends are laughing so loudly that it rattles Jungkook's brain. He has his pillow pressed over his head, trying to muffle something, anything. It doesn't work, and he's getting too close to tears.

He has a lecture in about five hours, and then he has his part time job, and he needs this sleep, wants it so bad, but all he can hear is the noise and the ruckus and he really wants to sleep.

He doesn't have anywhere else to go. When he searches how to deal with my roommate's loud friends on Naver, half of the people tell him to get his shit together and talk to his roommate about it, and the other half suggest staying with other friends. Jungkook doesn't have other friends. He doesn't have friends, period.

The only people who are sort of okay with his existence are the guys who work at the supermarket, and they're already doing more than enough for him by giving him a job. He can't ask them for anything more than that. Jungkook had thought, rather stupidly, that he could maybe stay at the supermarket, and it had made Yoongi so furious that Jungkook isn't sure how he's going to face him again. He'd run away from the store as fast as he could - he had heard Yoongi shouting after him but he didn't dare to stop. And now he's here, back in the same hell he was in before.

Someone lets out a loud screech in the living room, followed by horrible laughter. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut tighter to keep the tears from falling.

Maybe he could jump out the window and sleep on the streets. That's always a thought.

Or he could just quietly die. If he doesn't sleep now he will die, he'll have to function tomorrow on around three hours of sleep. Jungkook doesn't remember the last time he slept longer than that.

Jimin has a late schedule. Mostly evening classes. He and his friends are always asleep when Jungkook is leaving for the day, and they're always awake when Jungkook really, really doesn't want them to be.

In the end he just gives up and lies still, eyes open, staring at the darkness of the ceiling. He stares until he can convince himself that his eyes are actually closed, until he doesn't feel like he's really there.

He doesn't know when he drifts off, or if he does at all - the next thing he knows is his alarm blaring the obnoxious tone that for some reason Jungkook can't change.

/

The supermarket is easily Jungkook's favourite place right now.

The old cafe that he worked at was, to put things mildly, pure hell. He was a barista, and he sucked at dealing with customers, and he maybe, might have returned too much change to most of his customers in his haste to make them go away. To be fair his boss was infinitely patient with him - it was his coworkers who wanted him dead. At one point they started finding it funny to direct their worst customers to him, and after Jungkook made the same drink three time and messed it up all three times, his boss had finally had it with him.

But Jin's store is like a small, quiet version of heaven. Everyone is nice to each other. Everyone is nice to him. Jungkook thanks the gods that he met Yoongi every single day.

He's only a temporary hire, of course. Apparently the shop has more financial issues than even Jungkook, and Seokjin reminds him to go looking for a new job every time they cross paths. Which is like, a hundred times a day. And Jungkook is looking, in his breaks between classes, in newspapers, on his way back home from work - but there isn't a single part of him that wants to leave.

Now, though - after the chaos that happened with Yoongi last night, Jungkook will be lucky if they let him in for more than thirty seconds.

He swallows down his nerves, clasps his hands around his backpack straps to keep them still. He stares at the door a moment longer, before he remembers that Yoongi will be able to see him from the cash register, and then he pushes the door open.

"Ahhhh, Jungkook is here!" Taehyung shouts from somewhere. A moment later he pops into view, peeking out from behind one of the shelves. Jungkook has no clue how he knew he was there if he couldn't see him.

"Oh, Jungkook, could you do me a favour?" Namjoon asks. "One of the packaging sacks exploded in the back, could you clean it up?"

"Sure, hyung," Jungkook says, confused. He chances a look at Yoongi, who's sitting at the cash register, tossing and catching a pen, over and over. When he sees Jungkook staring he raises his eyebrows.

Jungkook turns away quickly. So Yoongi hasn't told them anything. Jungkook still has his job.

Half of him is relieved, but half of him...doesn't understand what's going on.

He heads to the storage room to observe the mess. There are packaging peanuts all over the floor. It looks less like the sack exploded and more like the floor exploded.

He rolls up his sleeves, grabs the cleaning supplies from behind the door, and sets to work.

He can hear the voices back in the store, quiet, gentle chatter, and as always it puts him at ease without even needing to be a part of it. There's something about how the guys working here interact with each other, and with their customers, that makes them seem so harmless. So nice. Jungkook doesn't usually deal with nice.

He half expects Yoongi to barge in any moment, to demand what the hell Jungkook was up to yesterday, but he never does. Jungkook cleans up with no additional drama, and then he sets about mopping the floor to get rid of the tiny pieces that are still left.

In fact, the entire day passes with little to no drama. There's a brief moment of confusion when Namjoon knocks over a stack of boxes onto his own head, but apart from that, everything goes just fine.

At the end of their shift, once Taehyung switches the sign on the door to closed, he launches himself at Jungkook, throwing an arm over his shoulders. Jungkook is sweaty and covered in dirt, but Taehyung doesn't seem to mind. "Let's go out for dinner!" he announces.

Jungkook...really doesn't want to go out for dinner. He wants to curl up and sleep for the next fifteen years. But he doesn't know how to say no to Taehyung - he doesn't want to have to say no to Taehyung, not when he's the closest he's had to a friend since elementary school.

Friendship in elementary school was easy. All people had to do was build sandcastles and catch bugs together.

"Why are you never tired?" Namjoon demands, giving Taehyung an incredulous look.

"I'm still young," Taehyung declares. "And Jungkookie is younger, so. We'll leave you old people behind and enjoy our lives."

Jungkook sort of writes away his life.

"Leave him alone, Tae," Yoongi mutters. He's counting the change in the cash register and filling it into a notebook. "He's too tired."

Taehyung gives him a searching look, trying to determine the truth in that statement. It seems to come out positive. "You should tell me these things," he scolds Jungkook briefly. "Come on, I'll buy you something to eat and you can take it home."

Jungkook doesn't understand why they're so nice to him. It makes him want to cry a little. "I'm fine, hyung. I have food at home."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

Taehyung looks like he doesn't believe him, but doesn't want to push. He lets him go. Jungkook heads back into the storage room to grab his backpack and maybe wash the sweat off his face.

When he comes out of the bathroom, face dripping, searching for something to wipe it with, he finds Yoongi standing near the doorway.

Jungkook's stomach sinks.

"Hey, hyung," he tries.

"I didn't want to call you out in front of the others," Yoongi admits. His eyes are stern. He isn't smiling. "But Jungkook, I need to know this. Why didn't you stay in your room yesterday?"

"My roommate had friends over," Jungkook says quietly. He rubs at his face with his sleeve, and gets it dirtier in the process. "I - it was loud. I couldn't sleep."

Yoongi's expression doesn't soften. His gaze is piercing, too intense, and Jungkook can't bring himself to meet it. "That doesn't mean you wander the streets at freaking midnight, Jungkook-ah. Call someone next time. Call - call Taehyung. The kid loves you, he'd let you stay over every day of the week if you wanted."

Jungkook frowns a bit, trying to shake away the odd feeling the words give him. Call Taehyung.

He's - he's probably overthinking it, but it's not what a normal person would say. For courtesy, at the very least, they'd say call me.

But Yoongi doesn't.

/

Becoming super famous is, admittedly, even harder than Yoongi anticipated. And he'd anticipated that it would be as hard as hell.

There's nothing of himself left back at home, not even a note to say he's gone. He didn't take much money with him - he's freaking running away to follow his dreams, he doesn't want to have to do it with his parents' money. He sold most of his stuff and left the money he got out of it on the dining table. A sort of apology, a sort of I'm out of your life at last. He hopes they use it and don't tear it to shreds in a fit.

He doesn't have a place to stay. An old, shady looking man lets him sleep at the back of his store in return for manning the shop. His wife, if she's in a good mood, makes him a semi decent meal. But he's starting to get used to the gnawing hunger in his stomach, the stiffness of his eyelids. The cloud of doom that hangs over him, whispering, all the time -

You've made a mistake. You've made a mistake.

To be honest Yoongi's made a shit ton of mistakes. His existence is a mistake. So he grits his teeth, steels his nerves, and ignores the cloud as much as he can.

In the breaks that he gets - when the shop owner kicks him out to smoke and drink with his friends - Yoongi searches the city. Seoul is so big, so intimidating, and Yoongi can't breathe right when he goes around. The companies he tries are all ratty and down in the dumps - he figures no one else would take him - and even they have enough pride to turn their noses up at him. At his Daegu dialect and worn clothes. At how he wants this too much.

He wonders how Jin is doing. Sometimes he ends up at a payphone, clutching the coins in his pocket, so close to dialling and asking him outright. But he never does.

He can't miss home, he can't afford to. If he misses home, he's done for.

It goes on for weeks, months, too long. Yoongi writes songs on the shop floor and sells cigarettes. He tries rapping in dirty pubs and in subways. And every time someone turns away from him, every time someone walks right by him without so much as a glance, he can feel himself cracking. Almost ready to give up.

It's late in the evening, and Yoongi sits against the wall of the subway. The floor is damp, mould growing through the cracks. There's water pooled in places and Yoongi hopes it's just water. He's tapping a beat against his knees absently as he raps, barely even thinking of what he's saying, writing lyrics on the spot. It's a stream of gibberish, but he doesn't care anymore. It's not like anyone will see him either way.

A pair of shoes stop in front of him. They're pretty decent, if a bit muddy.

"You're here often," the man says. Yoongi looks up at him. The man is tall, dark eyed, and -

-smiling.

There's a lump in Yoongi's throat. "Yeah," he says.

"You're pretty good."

Yoongi...doesn't know what to say to that.

"Are you looking to work for someone?" the man asks, shuffling in his wallet and - Yoongi thinks he's going to give him money, but instead he pulls out a card. He hands it to Yoongi.

BigHit Entertainment.

"We...aren't that well off," the man says, scratching his neck a bit awkwardly. "But, well, you're good. I think you could help us out a bit."

/

Jungkook has a lot of free time around the shop.

He never lets himself sit around and do nothing, too scared that Jin will throw him out on the spot, but there are moments when he works slower. When he pauses in his arranging of displays to watch Taehyung chatter away to their customers, telling them about tadpoles and hurricanes and everything besides what he should be telling them about. He watches Namjoon go around tallying up prices with people so they know if they have enough before they even go to the cash register. He watches Taehyung and Namjoon bicker, sometimes, forgetting that there are people watching, until Namjoon puts Taehyung in a headlock and smiles apologetically at everyone.

And Yoongi - Yoongi, if anything, does even less than Jungkook. Most of his job is to sit around and look friendly, and the other half is to sit around and look intimidating. It's scary that he does both equally well.

Most of their customers are regular, and Yoongi chats with them idly while he rings up their stuff. He smiles at them with all his gums showing and wishes them a great day. They don't get problematic people often, but when they do, he smiles at them as well, tight lipped, eyes sharp, and they falter and leave him alone.

Jungkook tries it out to himself in the bathroom mirror once. He narrows his eyes, flattens his lips. Tries his very best to look like Yoongi. It fails completely - he only looks constipated.

Someday, though. Someday he'll be as cool as him.

He's outside the shop right now, staring at the windows. He'd thought he'd clean them, but they still look pretty clean from the last time he did it. Instead he studies the posters on the glass.

Seokjin's style is...interesting. It's mild, down to earth, the kind of thing that attracts honesty. But it could still use some work, the slightest bit of style, and maybe Jungkook could do that for him - make him some new posters. It might give him more reason to let him work here.

He almost goes inside and tells someone about it, but reconsiders. It would be better to finish the art and then show him, rather than run his mouth off before he even knows if he can do it.

Cafune, Seokjin had said, when Jungkook asked about the name of the store. It's what you feel when you run your hands through the hair of someone you love.

It's the oddest name to give a supermarket, but Seokjin is pretty odd. And - and the name suits the place. Jungkook can't explain it, but the warmth of the word, and the warmth of the people who work here - it's the same.

/

The saddest thing about being a college student is, well, being in college.

As days go by Jungkook can barely keep his eyes open at work. What with the ruckus that happens in his room when he wants to sleep, and homework in between, and spending all his evening hours at the supermarket, he barely gets any rest. He shouldn't complain - so many people have it worse, he's seen people juggle college and three part time jobs, but. Knowing that doesn't give him any sudden boost of energy.

He's found out that he can get more work done at the supermarket than he can in his room, though, so every day, after they slide the sign on the door to closed, while Namjoon scribbles in his accounts notebook, Seokjin freaks over life, Yoongi fiddles with the cash register, and Taehyung entertains them all - Jungkook sits alone in the back room and struggles through his assignments. He feels too weird to work in the main room with them all - it's like there's an unbreachable gap between his life and theirs. The supermarket is all there is to them, but to Jungkook it's just a phase of life.

He doesn't like thinking about it like that. It makes him a bit lonely.

The door of the storage room creaks open, and Namjoon shuffles in. He looks tired, but he doesn't hunch - he always has excellent posture even in the face of abject misery, something that Jungkook is a bit jealous of. When Jungkook hasn't slept he looks a bit like a slug.

When Namjoon sees him he smiles, and then he goes to pick up his clothes from the hanger.

"What are you up to?" he asks.

"Homework," Jungkook says.

"Need any help?" He slips his uniform shirt off easily, replacing it with something more comfortable. Jungkook doesn't know how they all get changed so easily in front of other people. It's not that it should be awkward - it's just that to Jungkook it always sort of is. He doesn't have a uniform here, which makes things easier. Back at the cafe he used to work at he'd have to squeeze into spaces to get changed, and every moment of it was a hell of panic.

Back to his homework, though - he needs a lot of help, to be honest. But he doesn't want to bother Namjoon with it. "I'm fine, hyung."

"You sure?" Namjoon asks, looking doubtful. "You're stuck on the same page you were on the last time I came in."

Jungkook winces.

Namjoon finishes changing, stuffs his clothes and ID card in his bag, and then slides down to sit next to Jungkook. "You're doing math, right?" he asks. "I'm good with math. I can help, if you want."

Namjoon is more than good at math - Jungkook has seen him multiply numbers with more than two digits in his head. "I don't want to bother you," he says quietly.

"Nonsense," Namjoon says. "Math is fun, I don't mind a bit."

Jungkook looks at him like he's grown a second head. Namjoon probably has a second head. He needs somewhere to put all of his brains.

He doesn't know how long they keep at it, but somehow, the ugly squiggles in his textbook start to make sense. He looks at it in wonder, and looks at Namjoon in wonder, and feels like he should go back to college and give his math professor a look of wonder as well, because when Namjoon explains this stuff, it sounds simple. Like it might even make sense.

"You're a genius, hyung," he says, halfway through one of Namjoon's monologues. Namjoon looks a bit embarrassed, but he smiles and keeps going.

They're only pulled out of the strange little world they've built for themselves when the door opens again, and Yoongi stands in the doorway.

"Go get some sleep, you fools," he says dryly, reaching for his own bag. He never changes out of his uniform on the way back home. Jungkook has never asked him why - he doesn't even know if there's a reason.

"We just have a few problems left," Namjoon tells him, the way someone might ask for five more minutes of watching TV.

Yoongi rolls his eyes. He looks at Jungkook instead, fixing him with an oddly intense stare. "You really need more sleep."

"I know," Jungkook agrees sadly. Yoongi's frowns a bit.

"Roommate troubles still?"

"Yeah."

"You know you can kick him out, right?"

"Yeah."

Yoongi sighs. He looks like he's about to say something else, but then he suddenly shakes his head. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

"See you," Namjoon agrees, not looking up from the next problem.

"Take care, hyung," Jungkook adds.

Yoongi stops for a second. Looks like he might say something again. Then he shakes his head and keeps going, shutting the door softly behind him.

/

Studying with Namjoon turns out to be a regular thing.

The list of things that Jungkook owes these guys is growing exponentially every day, and he's probably going to have to sell them his own soul to pay them back for it - but for now he lets himself enjoy it. Namjoon is like the older brother he never had - or, rather, the older brother he did have and hasn't seen in years. He's stern but infinitely patient, and doesn't mind the sheer number of hours he spends staying late after work, trying to coax some information into Jungkook's hopeless brain.

The third time Jungkook gets back to his room late, around midnight, contentment in his heart and a completed assignment in his backpack, there are no extra shoes near Jimin's pair at the door.

He almost raises his hands and shouts his thanks to the heavens, but he's too tired as is. He just feels an overwhelming sense of relief as he fits his key through the keyhole.

When he opens the door, Jimin is in the living room, alone on the sofa, eyes fixed on the TV. He looks up when Jungkook shuffles in and immediately switches the TV off. The resulting atmosphere is suddenly too quiet.

Was something wrong?

"Hey, hyung," he says, dropping his coat and trying to inch towards his own room.

"Hey, Jungkookie," Jimin says, forcing a smile. It comes out more like a grimace. "You're back late."

"Yeah, I was - doing homework."

The furrows in Jimin's eyebrows deepen. "You were doing homework?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

It's the longest conversation they've had in a week, and it's already too awkward for Jungkook to stomach. "At my part time job," he says.

"For this long?"

"I - uh. A coworker was helping me."

That, if anything, makes Jimin even more suspicious. He knows more than anyone else how small and non-existent Jungkook's social circle is. He'd turned up at the cafe Jungkook used to work at once, just for fun, and he'd been completely baffled by the icy looks his coworkers were giving him. He stopped coming back after that.

"I work somewhere else now," Jungkook feels he should explain. "At the supermarket next to the same cafe."

"Oh," Jimin says, wide eyed, and now he looks guilty. "I'm sorry, I didn't even know - "

"It's fine, hyung."

"It's not," Jimin insists. "I've been a shitty roommate, and now - you haven't even been coming home properly anymore, just to stay away."

Jungkook shakes his head by reflex, but inside he can't deny that it's true - he does stay back late to stay out of Jimin's and his friends' reach. And this is probably the best moment to talk about it, the way Yoongi and literally everyone on the internet has been telling him to, but he's so tired. And he was feeling so good. He doesn't want to spoil it, not when there was a clear possibility of a good night's sleep. And Jimin - already looks so sad. So guilty. Jungkook doesn't want to make it worse.

"I'm not," he lies easily. "Hyung, really. I've just...made a friend."

It's the first time he's said it out loud, since he's never had anyone else to say it to.

It's maybe the first time he's said it since elementary school, and somehow - somehow the word tastes almost right.

/

Every now and then, Taehyung drags them all out for dinner.

Jungkook isn't old enough to drink yet, and while Taehyung insists that that's fine, Namjoon and Yoongi are pretty stiff on the matter. He doesn't actually want to drink - Taehyung sneaks him a sip of cheap alcohol when the older ones aren't looking, and it tastes pretty damned terrible. It's more of the idea of being able to drink. Of being cool and older and awesome like the others.

He sulks a bit while he drinks his milkshake. It doesn't faze anyone.

Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, Yoongi doesn't drink much. He takes a few sips of his beer and then passes it over to Namjoon. Namjoon drinks a lot, probably too much, but even though his blood should now be liquor he handles it just fine. It's Taehyung who's the trouble - he gets too tipsy, too fast, and Jungkook spends half of his time laughing his head off at him and the other half dealing with second hand embarrassment.

Seokjin is with them today, and he doesn't drink much either. He seems more content to eye the prices on the menu suspiciously and look sadly at his wallet.

"It's funny," Taehyung is saying, looking straight at his mashed potatoes. He might even be talking about them.

"What's funny," Seokjin asks obligingly.

"Us."

"What."

"We're funny," Taehyung says again, as if the words are going to spontaneously generate some sort of sense. "Don't you think so?"

"I think we're very boring, actually," Yoongi says dryly.

"No, no. It's funny because we're all losers. And we all ended up together."

It's...probably insulting, but no one seems to take offense. Jungkook actually agrees, and he can see that the others are grudgingly nodding as well.

He doesn't know how all of them met. He's heard bits and pieces of the stories (it always comes down to Seokjin can't turn people away) but he doesn't know all of it.

"How did you all meet, hyung?" he asks Namjoon, since he's the one he talks to the most now. And since he's the most likely to tell him the truth - he's learning that he has to take anything Taehyung says with a good deal of doubt.

Namjoon tilts his head, considering. It's alarming how well he holds his alcohol. "Jin hyung and Yoongi hyung met in high school," he says. "I met Yoongi hyung in a bar. And Taehyung... just sort of...happened."

Yoongi snorts into his cup. Taehyung scowls.

"He's my cousin," Seokjin admits, not looking very proud of it. "He needed a job and I took him in."

"And then Yoongi found you," Namjoon finishes, tossing Jungkook a smile. Jungkook smiles back, a bit hesitant,

"We're all losers," Taehyung declares again. "but we'll love each other forever and we'll die on the same damned day, and none of us will ever be alone again."

Jungkook laughs a bit, because it's a creepy way to put it but it's touching all the same. Namjoon looks amused as well, and Seokjin raises his empty glass in a toast. Taehyung clinks his own glass against it, and they both make a strange speech about almost brothers by birth and very much brothers by everything else, but Yoongi - Yoongi is quiet. Almost disinterested. He's poking at his food like he isn't even listening anymore, like he's on a completely different planet.

"Right, hyung?" Taehyung repeats, pointing his glass at Yoongi, as if waiting for him to clink his own glass as well. Yoongi looks up and rolls his eyes, and does nothing. But Taehyung insists, pushing his glass further, so Yoongi finally raises his glass half heartedly in his direction, and then finishes by easing Taehyung's cup out of his hands.

"That's enough for you," he says, handing the contents to Namjoon, who gives the cup a strange, significant look before dunking it himself. Taehyung looks decidedly put out.

Maybe Jungkook stares for too long - honestly, he's always staring at Yoongi for too long. He doesn't understand anything about him - he does something nice and backtracks into something rude, does something rude and backtracks into nice. But he seems incredibly fond of Taehyung, and Namjoon, and even Seokjin - they argue and insult each other but at the end of it Seokjin gets a special kind of respect that no one else does. It's like Yoongi can never decide how far he wants to keep people, and is forever trying to figure it out.

Maybe he stares for too long, because Yoongi raises his eyebrows at him. Jungkook ducks his head.

/

When Yoongi is on the stage - he isn't the best person.

He raps and screams and cries and spits anger like he's never known anything else. He pours out emotions that should never be poured out, bares his soul in a way no one would want to see. It's disgusting. It's beautiful. It's somehow everything all at once, and his audience is always amazed, and his label is happy, and somehow his bills get paid.

He sings about selfishness. Ugliness. About how it's okay to be a damned loser because that's all anyone is ever going to be. He sings for himself and for anyone who'll listen.

For some reason, people relate to it.

He isn't known widely - he's nothing like the other idols that his company tries to pump out every year. He gets less publicity, less shows, less of everything, because his style is...odd. But his fan base is a decent size, and their loyalty is insane, and overall - Yoongi's life is better than he could have asked for.

He doesn't call himself Yoongi much anymore. His name is SUGA.

"A fan meet," his manager says one day, staring Yoongi down. Yoongi shuffles awkwardly at the other side of the table.

"I don't like fan meets," he admits, in case he has a choice in the matter.

His manager rolls his eyes. "You like your fans, though, don't you?"

He does. But meet. That's the part with the trouble.

"I don't like meets," Yoongi corrects.

"I don't either," his manager agrees, which is sort of sad, seeing as the man makes a livelihood out of social interaction. "But a lot of your fans are eager to see you, and you could do with a popularity boost."

"If anything it'll sink the popularity I do have."

His manager rolls his eyes again. His eyeballs are going to get stuck in the wrong position one day. "So unnecessarily dramatic," he says. "You'll be fine, Yoongi. Now shoo."

"...shoo?"

His manager waves him away. Yoongi obligingly 'shoos'.

The most he's ever interacted with his fans is on social media. He's had a couple of ask me anythings and sometimes replies to his twitter comments, but for the most part dealing with fans is his managers area. Yoongi stalks his own name on the internet, reading what people say about him, but he's never been good at responding. He's always too worried that he'll sound too annoying, or egotistical, or somehow unworthy of the attention he's being given. It's easier when all he is to anyone is his music, with no personality to connect to it. Things are less likely to go wrong.

But he's in no place to argue with the company - especially not over something that might come off as really petty - so he instead concentrates on steeling his nerves.

It's a small concession, but as the day grows closer, Yoongi's superiors seem almost more worried than him. They go over what he's allowed to do and what he isn't about a million times, how to avoid questions that he shouldn't be answering, what to do in case of a situation he doesn't know how to deal with. They say all of this and then still say just be yourself, Yoongi, and Yoongi is like, what. Which one. How do I do all that.

When the day finally arrives, Yoongi's nerves are a mess. His smile is stilted, and he keeps his hands in his pockets to hide how they're sweating.

Surprisingly, it goes over pretty well. Yoongi tries to be himself - albeit a bit of a rigid, awkward version of himself, but no one he meets seems to mind. He holds hands with people, laughs with them, gives them autographs and listens to their stories. They all tell him much of the same thing, but it isn't the same at all. He hears about so many lives, so many different souls, and he can't understand. He can't understand how his music could touch so many people so much. He can't understand.

You made me feel like I could stay alive, one boy tells him, with wide, honest eyes. Like it might be okay if I did.

You give me hope, a woman says. I listen to your songs everyday.

I hope you're doing well. I hope you're doing great. Thank you so much, Suga-ssi, you let me believe in myself when no one else did.

It isn't different from the comments he gets online, but in real life, in person - it overwhelms him. His hands shake a bit, and his chest is locked up. He smiles and says thank you, thank you, take care of yourselves, and the amount of emotion he's being privy to - he doesn't know how to handle it.

Yoongi always sang for himself. It's part of what made his music...his. Unique. But now? Now he doesn't know what to think.

He can't make music for himself when to someone else it could mean the world.

/

Jimin doesn't stop bringing people over.

Jungkook...doesn't know why he expected him to, seeing as he still hasn't opened his mouth to say I hate it, I freaking hate it, please make it stop. Maybe some part of him hoped that Jimin would receive all the brain waves he radiated in his direction and somehow magically understand. Maybe some part of him is a hopeless fool.

Jimin's friends still come over, and they still wreak havoc at night - but what changes is Jimin's expression every time Jungkook gets back home. How he stops whatever he's doing and looks worried, and asks him if he ate and where he was, and if he's going to go straight to sleep. It's weird. It doesn't last more than a minute, but it's still weird.

He doesn't know what Jimin is so worried about.

Then one day the weirdness shoots up so high it breaks out of the atmosphere.

It's when Jungkook is at work, supposedly mopping the floor but actually chasing behind Taehyung and wiping up every step he takes to annoy him - and Park Jimin turns up at the door.

Jungkook freezes in his spot.

Taehyung doesn't notice at first - he's trying his best not to laugh at what Jungkook is doing, trying to pretend he's pissed, but when he takes some more steps and doesn't see the mop streaking after him he stops, confused. He looks to where Jungkook is looking. Yoongi looks up to see why the commotion has stopped and sees where they're all looking and he looks as well.

In the end everyone is looking at Jimin. "Uh, hi," he says awkwardly.

"Jimin hyung," Jungkook says, more air than words.

Jimin forces a smile. He still looks awkward, a bit intimidated by how many people are giving him weird looks. "Hey, Jungkookie. Just thought I'd drop by and see where you worked."

Taehyung turns from Jimin to Jungkook so fast his hair goes whoosh. "He's your friend?"

Roommate, Jungkook almost corrects, automatically. He stops himself before he does, and nods his assent - but Jimin catches his hesitation and looks a bit sad.

"I'm his roommate," he says, in Jungkook's place.

"Niiice," Taehyung says. "I'm Taehyung. I'm Jungkook's best friend." He holds out a hand and Jimin takes it, looking a bit less awkward in the face of Taehyung's enthusiasm.

"I'm Jimin. Nice to meet you!"

"You too!"

Yoongi is watching them from the cash register, mildly interested. When he sees Jungkook looking he mouths is that him? Like it could be anyone else.

Jungkook nods his head in affirmation. He tries to radiate a feeling of please don't say anything, please don't call me out on anything, please just be nice to him. He doesn't know if Yoongi receives it or what, but he shrugs and goes back to fiddling with the pens on his table.

"So, Jimin-ssi," Taehyung starts, "Do you want to try our new crackers?"

Jimin laughs. "Sure," he says. "I could do with something to eat." He looks back to Jungkook. "When does your shift end? Should I wait for you?"

Jungkook instantly feels cornered. Technically his shift ends at around ten, but after that he studies with Namjoon, and he doesn't want to miss that. "You can go on ahead," he says. "I'll be late."

"Yeah?"

"He and Namjoon hyung do math together," Taehyung informs him. "It could take a few years."

Jimin finally seems to relax. Jungkook realizes, a bit offended, that that was why he came over - to see if Jungkook was actually staying here or not. He probably couldn't believe that he had a friend at work for a change.

It pisses him off a bit.

Taehyung and Jimin chat animatedly as Taehyung introduces him to the new crackers - which are the same as their old crackers but now in smaller sizes - and Jungkook hangs behind them awkwardly, sort of wanting to leave but unsure if that would be too rude. He can feel Yoongi watching him, and he tries his very best to look like he hasn't noticed at all. He can't deal with Yoongi's judgement right now.

Finally, finally, Jimin starts to leave, taking no less than five packs of crackers to the cash register. Yoongi tosses him his signature smile, though quite a bit toned down, before reaching to scan them.

Jimin blinks at him. Pauses. Blinks a bit harder.

Yoongi gives him a confused look. "Can I help you?"

"Are you - " Jimin's eyes go wide, like he's seen a ghost. "Suga?"

The whole place goes dead silent.

The word is - unfamiliar to Jungkook, but Yoongi is completely frozen. Next to Jungkook, Taehyung has stilled as well, his grip on Jungkook's arm tightening. The silence is terrible, and then Taehyung is stepping forward, as if he's going to intervene, but then just like that Yoongi is back to normal.

He scans the items, gaze averted. "I don't go by that name anymore," he says almost easily. "I'm Min Yoongi."

Jimin seems to notice that something has gone horribly wrong, horribly tense, and he doesn't argue. "I see," he says, quiet. Like there are tons of things he wants to say and he's holding it all in. "I'm sorry."

"No problem." Yoongi smiles at him, even more half hearted. "Here's your bill."

Jimin gathers up his stuff, gives Jungkook a last look that says something Jungkook can't understand, waves at them all, and leaves.

The moment he's gone, Yoongi's smile drops.

"Hyung," Taehyung starts, quieter, more concerned than Jungkook has ever heard from him.

"I'm fine," Yoongi says.

"I - I'll cover your shift."

Yoongi tilts his head. Considering. For a second he looks like he might refuse, but then he just looks relieved. "Thanks, Tae," he says. He pushes himself up, slightly unsteady, and makes his way to the back room.

The silence is deafening.

"Tae hyung?" Jungkook tries, unable to tear his eyes away from the door of the back room, firmly shut.

Taehyung is still frowning, not at the door, but at nothing in particular. He looks torn between barging back to find Yoongi and just sitting down out of tiredness. "Don't worry about it, Jungkookie," he mutters. "He'll be fine."

/

It's odd, sitting on the couch next to Jimin. It only strikes Jungkook now that they've almost never done this before.

The TV is running, playing some weird teen drama that neither of them are paying any attention to. Jimin is scrolling through something on his phone, frowning to himself. He hasn't called any of his friends today. Jungkook doesn't know if it was intentional or not.

Jungkook sits with his feet pulled up to his chest, staring at the TV without seeing it.

It should be easier to broach the subject. It's not like Jimin is Yoongi's friend - it's not like he minds talking about him. He won't clam up the way Taehyung did - the way Namjoon did. The way they gave frantic, uncomfortable looks in the direction of the storage room, where Yoongi was, until Jungkook got the idea and let his voice fade out.

Jimin called Yoongi - something. Jungkook doesn't know what. He doesn't think anyone wants him to know.

Finally Jimin sighs, locking his phone. "You aren't going to ask, are you."

Jungkook stops.

Jimin smiles a bit, but it's sad and not really a smile. "I guess you really don't like me, huh?"

"That's not true," Jungkook says, by reflex - and it's not. If Jungkook didn't like him he wouldn't care that telling him off would make him upset. He probably wouldn't tell him off regardless, but - but for different reasons.

Jimin is nice. He's nice, and for some reason he needs people to feel better, and Jungkook can't be that person for him because Jungkook can't even make himself feel better. The least he can do is stay out of the way.

"It's okay," Jimin says, "I think I get it."

But he doesn't, and Jungkook wishes he would. He wishes people would know what he was thinking without him having to tell them, because he doesn't get words. He doesn't have whatever it is that gives them the courage to come out.

"He called himself Suga," Jimin says at last. He's locking and unlocking his phone, over and over again. "Not that famous, but his music was good. The fans he had would give him their lives."

"...what?"

"I think he was underground here first. One of my friends was a huge fan. And then he ran off to Seoul and got a deal with some label and they made him an idol."

It's so much to take in. It makes no sense.

"Yoongi hyung was - an idol?"

Jimin smiles. "A good one, too. I wasn't a die hard fan the way my friend was - but his music was really something. Look him up, you might like it too."

Jungkook's mind is whirling. An idol. He's not a fool, he knows how tough the industry is - if you don't succeed you might as well kiss your remaining bank balance good bye, but if he was successful, if he was good, then -

"Then why is he here now?"

Jimin frowns. "I don't know, Jungkook," he says. "No one really knows what happened. Suddenly - his music changed, you know? Like he didn't know what he was saying anymore. His performances were all over the place. I guess he called it quits before it could get any worse."

It doesn't make sense. He thinks about Yoongi, and Seokjin, in their quiet supermarket - high school friends, Namjoon had said. They seemed the sort of people who'd lived in Daegu their entire lives, who'd never wanted to step outside the border because they never felt the need to. An idol - it doesn't sound like Yoongi at all.

Jungkook slips his phone out of his pocket, typing into the search bar quickly. And there it is - Suga.

He stares at the screen in shock.

The person in the images - looks nothing like Yoongi. They're angry and loud and sometimes outright rude. There are chains around his neck and his hair is all sorts of colours, and he's never smiling at the camera. Always looking down on it, always like he has something to prove.

He scrolls, and scrolls, and with each image he looks at he understands even less. Yoongi has always had this quiet aura of strength - it's why he's so good at what he does. It's why people listen to him. But in the images the strength isn't quiet - it's explosive. Destructive. Something raw and powerful that can't be contained.

He feels like he's looking at Yoongi with all the filters turned up. Like he's looking at a Yoongi who had a dream.

He thinks Jimin is watching him, from the corner of his eye, but Jungkook doesn't look up.

He switches to news articles next. They're old, dated back to when Jungkook was still in school, and all of them seem to be from questionable sources. Articles like the final break down of rap king Suga and the disappearance of the man behind Cypher, and looking through them doesn't tell him much. Only that Yoongi was a mess, that at his last performance he got booed off the stage, that he'd quit his label and disappeared and that everyone saw it coming.

Jungkook needs to find his fans.

It strikes him suddenly that he's - probably overstepping boundaries. Taehyung and Namjoon had made it clear that they didn't want him to know, that they didn't want him to dig. Seokjin's temporary hire echoes in his head and for a moment he falters. He doesn't belong in their world and he knows it, he's supposed to leave any time now, but at the same time -

He thinks about Yoongi. The person who'd literally picked him up off the streets and got him a job for no reason at all, who can smile and scowl and exude such strength and can never seem to decide how far to push people away. Jungkook being there is temporary and soon he'll be back down to zero friends, but he wants to understand. It's the least he can do.

He stands abruptly, opting to go to his room. It'll be easier to use his laptop. "I'll go and - good night, hyung," he says.

"Good night," Jimin agrees. He pauses for a second, and then he smiles. He's trying.

Jungkook tries to smile back too.

/

Yoongi likes black masks better than white ones. The white ones make him feel like he's in a hospital. Black ones let him feel more like a ninja.

He'll probably never say that out loud.

One of the perks of having a relatively small fan base is that going outside is never much of a problem for him. Unlike his other idol friends, who have to think it through about five hundred times before entering a supermarket, Yoongi can go anywhere. Do anything. Like go buy coffee at 12AM.

Which is a bad idea for any normal person, idol or not, but the point is that he can still do it.

He pulls on an oversized jacket and his black mask, but it's more to stay unrecognized by people he knows personally and less to avoid his fans. He doesn't feel up to social interaction today. He just wants his coffee. He walks to a cafe three blocks away, where he's never been before, and places an order for a large Americano.

When the barista asks for his name, he says Kim Seokjin. Just because.

The cafe is pretty empty. There's a couple in the corner, one of them napping while the other is studying something, and there's another guy, about Yoongi's age, stirring his drink and staring out the window. His hood is slipping off of his head, revealing hair that looks like it hasn't been washed in weeks. He glances up when Yoongi stares for too long. Yoongi quickly looks away.

He gets his coffee and settles in the back corner, clicking open his phone screen.

His coffee isn't great, but it has all the necessary ingredients, so Yoongi convinces his brain that it's just fine. He scrolls through his messages absently, barely reading them. Most of it is forwarded memes and jokes. Some of it is his manager complaining at him for unknown reasons.

He looks up when he feels someone's stare.

It's the boy in the hoodie. He's staring hard, and when Yoongi meets his eyes he doesn't look away.

Yoongi stills, uncomfortable, forcing himself to look back down to his phone. The feeling of being watched doesn't go away.

He chances another look up, meets the boy's eyes again, and frowns.

"What?" he tries, voice low.

The other boy looks startled. Then he smiles, but it's worried, like he doesn't know if he's messed something up or not. And then - then he does the absolute worst. He shifts into the seat in front of Yoongi to join him.

"Uh, hi," he says, still a bit worried.

"Hey," Yoongi says, unimpressed.

"Are you - " the boy stops. Winces, as if bracing himself. "Are you Suga?"

Yoongi just stares at him.

"I'm Hoseok," the boy says quickly, as if that somehow makes things better. "And I don't mean to invade your privacy, honest, in fact I'll leave right now, I just wanted to know if I was right? Because I thought you were Suga. But if you aren't Suga it's fine. I mean. What am I saying."

He laughs at himself, supremely awkward, and Yoongi can't help but feel bad for him.

"I am Suga," he agrees. "I didn't think anyone would find out."

Hoseok's eyes go wide. For a moment neither of them say anything.

"Wow," Hoseok says at last. "Wow. Okay. I'm Hoseok."

He'd said as much already, but Yoongi doesn't call him out on it. "Nice to meet you, Hoseok-ssi," he says instead.

Hoseok stares for another long moment, like he can't believe Yoongi is real. "This is weird," he says. "This is so weird, but, can I - can I pay for your coffee?"

/

"You snooped, didn't you," Taehyung says to him, out of nowhere.

Jungkook starts, almost dropping the wash cloth he's holding. He's cleaning the storage room for the second time today since he can't bring himself to go outside and face Yoongi. He's exhausted - he slept maybe two hours last night, and had a full day of classes after it, and he hasn't been able to concentrate on anything because Yoongi's music is still ringing in his head.

When Jimin said it was good, Jungkook thought it would be good - not on an entire freaking different level.

It took him a while to dig out all of Yoongi's work - he'd found it on three different YouTube channels and an additional SoundCloud account - and once he started listening to it he couldn't stop. It was dark, and desperate, and angry enough to kill. It sounded like all the voices in Jungkook's head that he likes to pretend don't exist, like everything messed up that the world had to offer.

He can't look at Yoongi anymore because he doesn't know how.

"I'm sorry," he manages. He doesn't know what else to say.

"Why are you sorry?" Taehyung says, and he sounds - a bit surprised. "I'm not here to yell at you."

"...oh," Jungkook says.

There's an awkward silence.

"We just - " Taehyung looks uncomfortable, which is odd, because he never looks uncomfortable. He scratches the back of his neck, eyes on his feet. "We just don't talk about it. In front of hyung. He - uh, doesn't like to think about it."

There are a million questions he wants to ask - what went wrong, why did he mess up at the end, why is he suddenly here, but Taehyung beats him to it. "I don't really know what happened," he admits. "I just know that he gave up."

"But why?"

"I don't know, Jungkookie. He pretends it never happened. We all do." He gives Jungkook a strange, serious look. "You should too."

"Okay."

"Which means you can't hide in here all day."

Jungkook winces. He didn't mean for anyone to actually notice. Being discreet and invisible is usually his specialty.

"Come on," Taehyung says, grabbing his shoulders and steering him out the door - ignoring Jungkook's protests, because his washcloth is still sopping wet and half covered in dirt and his bucket is still in the room. He drags him into the store, where there are no customers - just Namjoon, messing with displays, and Yoongi, slouched behind the cash register.

Jungkook swallows.

"I found him," Taehyung announces. "He wasn't dead."

"That's good to hear," Namjoon says, just as seriously. He looks at Jungkook with an amused light in his eye.

Yoongi looks mildly amused as well. He seems tired, dark circles under his eyes, but he doesn't look much different from usual. He seems - fine. It's Jungkook who's acting weird.

But he can't help it - he feels like he just looked at all of the insides of Yoongi's head, like he's been privy to something he wasn't supposed to see. He chances a look at Yoongi and all he can wonder is how he could contain so much madness inside him, how so much anger could just die out and become a quiet cashier, and he can't decide if Yoongi is pretending to be okay or if he burned out or what, and he looks away again.

If anyone notices they don't say anything.

The door chimes as a customer comes in, and instantly everyone is all smiles. Except Jungkook. Jungkook just looks awkward, with his jeans rolled up to his knees and the sopping washcloth dripping on the floor, making a new mess that he'll just have to clean up.

He needs sleep. So much sleep. At this rate he's going to die before he's old enough to even drink. He still has a ton of homework to do and he doesn't remember eating in a while, and for a moment he just stares at the puddle he's making on the floor, sort of feeling like a part of it.

When Taehyung finally lets go of his shoulders to help the new customer out, Jungkook disappears back into the storage room to get his bucket. He can feel Yoongi watching him, too intense, but he brushes it off.

On the way out he stops to wash his face in the bathroom sink. It's only about seven PM. He has at least three hours to go - longer if Namjoon is free enough to help him out. He splashes the water hard and gets his hair wet by mistake, and it doesn't make him feel more awake - just cold.

He doesn't know how long he stands there, hunched over the sink, but it must be too long, because when he finally makes it out Jin is waiting for him.

"Um," Jungkook says, unsure if he should apologize - maybe there's a time limit for bathroom breaks? Maybe Seokjin noticed the puddle outside and is wondering how he could dare to leave it there. Maybe his temporary boss just wants him gone.

"Are you alright?" Seokjin says instead.

"...huh?"

Seokjin doesn't elaborate. He gives Jungkook a sharp, judgemental onceover. "You look like you might die," he says at last.

Jungkook doesn't say anything,, because he sort of feels the same way.

"Take the day off," Seokjin says. He hesitates for a moment, and then pats him on the shoulder. "We can do one day without our...I don't know what your position is so I'm going to say kid who does odd stuff."

Jungkook should probably feel offended but he's more concerned, because he can't leave now. He can't risk his paycheck. And he needs Namjoon's help, if he's free, because without him Jungkook's homework is just going to jump off a freaking cliff.

"I won't cut your pay for one day, you fool," Seokjin says, looking mildly pissed. "How petty do you think I am."

"I'm - that's not - " Jungkook shakes his head. "I need Namjoon hyung's help," he admits. "For an assignment."

Seokjin frowns. "You need sleep," he says. "Not homework help."

"I'll fail, hyung."

Seokjin doesn't look pleased. There's a short staredown, where Seokjin glares at him and Jungkook just looks apologetic, so there's really no competition happening, until finally Seokjin sighs.

"Take a break, then," he says. "Just - sleep here, yeah? I'll get someone to wake you up when we're leaving."

It's - an odd thing to suggest, but Seokjin is already turning to leave, and there isn't much else to do. He suddenly remembers the puddle he's left on the floor, and the fact that someone could slip and die - the least he should do is clean that up.

He waits until he's sure that Seokjin is back in the manager's room and then sneaks out quietly, a dry rag in hand. Taehyung and Namjoon are nowhere to be seen but Jungkook can hear their voices, bickering softly, and an unknown voice who must be the customer laughing softly along with them.

He carefully locates the puddle and drops the rag to the floor, scrubbing at it with his foot. He's careful not to make eye contact with Yoongi.

Unfortunately Yoongi isn't careful about the same, because a moment later he says, "You're still here?"

"Huh?" Jungkook says.

"I told Jin to send you home. You haven't slept, have you?"

Jungkook forgets to not look at him. "You told Jin hyung?"

There's an awkward pause, where Yoongi looks like he wants to deny it, and they just stare at each other. But then Yoongi just shrugs, jumping over the question entirely. "If you keep this up you'll die before you're thirty," he says.

"I think I'll die before I'm twenty one," Jungkook says, cracking a smile, but Yoongi doesn't smile back. It makes it even more awkward, and Jungkook makes a quick job of cleaning up the puddle and then disappears back into the storage room.

There aren't a lot of great places to sleep, but Jungkook is used to sleeping in odd places - courtesy of living in a house where he forever has to search for the quietest spot. So he sets his backpack down as a pillow and curls up in the corner of the room, and barely has a chance to think about how weird it is before he falls asleep.

When Taehyung wakes him up, it's far, far later than it should be, and he blinks, unfocused, not understanding anything at all. There's a jacket draped over him that he can't identify and Taehyung's face is sort of swimming, and all he really makes out is that he's saying something like maybe you should sleep some more which is enough to make him drift off again.

/

"I'm basically your housekeeper," Jungkook realizes at one point, halfway through mopping the floors. It's almost closing time, and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows as he dunks his mop in the bucket and wrings it. "I got demoted from a barista to a housekeeper."

Taehyung looks like he's made the discovery of the century. He turns around, starting to shout it out to everyone else, but then there are still customers left so he remembers to shut up.

"I should write that on your ID card," he says, making motions for Jungkook to hand it to him. Jungkook shields it with his forearm, awkwardly because he's still holding the mop. The only thing that can sound worse than temporary hire is temporary housekeeping and he'll protect the dignity of his ID card with his life.

Taehyung doesn't agree, so there's a brief tussle wherein Jungkook accidentally splashes water all over his shoes, and Taehyung grabs him in a headlock, and at the rate it's going Jungkook is going to get demoted from housekeeping to messmaker to fired. He tries to get out of headlock and kicks too close to the bucket and they both watch with bated breath as it wobbles dangerously.

As soon as it stabilizes Taehyung goes back to trying to kill him. Neither of them remember why by this point.

There's a long, suffering sigh from the side, and Jungkook manages to see Namjoon looking at them in dismay. "You're both adults," he says, but he sounds doubtful. "And in public."

"He started it," Taehyung says. Jungkook gives him an incredulous look.

"I'm not going to ask," Namjoon decides. "Just - don't make a mess, yeah?"

"It's okay, hyung, we have a housekeeper now," Taehyung says, and Jungkook contemplates biting his arm to get out of his hold. Sometimes he thinks Taehyung is lying to him about being older.

He still hasn't spoken to Seokjin about designing posters, something that he should probably get to soon. He doesn't think he'll get paid more for it - not with the state that the supermarket's finances are in, but at least it's work he enjoys. Not that he doesn't enjoy cleaning floors and chasing Taehyung with a mop. He just - sometimes he runs out of things to do.

He decides to ask him when Seokjin is leaving. His boss is always more agreeable at the end of the day.

He gets his chance late at night, when he's sitting with Namjoon and trying to get his homework done. Honestly he spends more of his tutoring sessions with Namjoon staring at him in awe than actually doing things, because - he's definitely a genius. Much too smart to be doing accounts for a store that pays him almost nothing, no matter how nice the place is. Sometimes he wonders what Namjoon's story is, if he was secretly an underground tax preparer or like, the president of a planet - and he wonders what brought him here.

He wonders what brought them all here. Yoongi, Namjoon, Seokjin, Taehyung. How four of the nicest people he's ever met have ended up in the quietest corner of Daegu, on the verge of having their only source of income being shut down.

Namjoon is in the middle of teaching him about partial differentiation when Seokjin knocks on the open door. "I'm leaving now," he says. "Namjoon-ah, you'll lock up?"

Namjoon nods.

"Don't stay too long. Math isn't that fun."

Namjoon makes a face at him, turning back to Jungkook's notes. Jungkook glances between them - he should probably ask now, but he could maybe wait till tomorrow -

To hell with it. If he keeps this up he'll never ask.

"Just a second, hyung," he says to Namjoon, who looks confused, before following Seokjin out the door. He catches up with him when he's right outside the front door. It's getting colder every day - Jungkook needs to buy a better jacket. He needs to buy a lot of things.

"Jin hyung," he calls.

Seokjin looks surprised. Jungkook never seeks him out actively - he's always sort of scared he's going to get fired. "Hm?"

"Can I - can I redesign your posters?"

Seokjin looks confused.

"I'm good with - with graphic design," Jungkook says. He's all over the place, what the heck. "So I thought - your posters are a bit old, and if you wanted? I could - ?"

Seokjin is silent for a moment. He's hunched a bit, just slightly against the cold. His face is mostly unreadable. It's the reason he makes a good boss - it's also why he's sometimes terrifying.

"Jungkook-ah," he says slowly. "I'm sorry, but I can't afford to pay you more. You know that."

"I know, I know," Jungkook says immediately. "I don't want you to pay me - I just. I like the concept of the name of the store? I just wanted to give the posters a try?"

Again, Seokjin is quiet. The entire place is so quiet. It suited them all so well - Seokjin, Yoongi, everyone - until it became clear that on the inside everything wasn't okay after all.

But even now - he thinks they all are sort of quiet. A bit defeated, a bit...accepting. Like they don't dream of bigger things and don't even mind.

"It's up to you, then," Seokjin says, an amused smile on his face. "Why would I say no to free advertisement?"

"Thanks, hyung," Jungkook says - and if this wasn't his boss he would have shot him finger guns. Instead he bows, backtracks, and goes back into the store with a smile on his face.

/

It's an odd friendship that they strike up.

Yoongi has never got to know one of his fans before - and Hoseok, to be honest, doesn't feel much like a fan. Yoongi meets him at the same cafe, over and over, always past midnight. He doesn't know anything about him, he could be a crazy axe murderer for all he knows, but he's. He's.

He's something that Yoongi can't find words for. He tries to put it into music instead.

They don't do much together, besides talk and take turns paying for each other's coffee. Hoseok buys cake pretty often - he has a sweet tooth, and insists that Yoongi try them as well. He takes his turn paying even though he's a broke college student and sits with Yoongi for hours even though he should be sleeping till his next class.

Mostly, Hoseok watches the stars through the window. He tells Yoongi stories of constellations, of worlds bigger than theirs and hopefully better. He tells him about how slow light is in the grand scheme of things and about Fermi's paradox - all things that Yoongi has heard before, learned before, but somehow sound so much more magical now.

Sometimes Hoseok falls asleep in the cafe, and Yoongi sits with him in the silence, watching over him until morning.

It messes up his own schedule as well. The bags under his eyes piss his manager off to no end, even though Yoongi was probably born with bags under his eyes. He gets told off every time he checks his phone (Hoseok's messages rarely make sense, they're mostly abstract memes that even Jin would have trouble laughing at) and every time he turns up at the studio with zero sleep.

Strangely enough, Yoongi doesn't care.

Hoseok is strange, and stressed, and worries over the smallest of things - but he smiles like the world is bright and alright and everything that he could ever dream of, and. And. Yoongi wants to be able to see it forever.

That scares him. He writes songs about the sheer terror of it all, of wanting to give someone besides yourself the world, and his fingers hover over Seokjin's number, the one he memorized in high school and never ever called. In the end he puts his phone away.

Hoseok hates Yoongi's white mask about as much as Yoongi does, but he likes to wear it himself. He gives Yoongi a long winded explanation for it, something about purity and sterilization and other disturbing doctor terms. Yoongi doesn't follow it, but he nods and lets Hoseok do whatever.

They graduate from hanging out in the cafe to sneaking around the city. Hoseok likes high places, far away from traffic and life. They huddle together and watch the sky, and it feels right. Yoongi feels content. And the fear of it should shatter his heart, should make him run screaming, but it doesn't.

His music gets louder and brighter, more scared and hopeful. He never dares to ask Hoseok what he thinks of it, too terrified of an answer. Too scared to know what he thinks of the innermost parts of Yoongi's soul, because what Hoseok thinks matters. More than anyone else.

And Hoseok never tells him. He wishes him luck during concerts, tells him he's doing great - but he never once tells him what he thinks of his music. Yoongi thinks it's for the better.

There aren't always good days. Sometimes Yoongi's schedule gets too much for him. Sometimes words of his haters stick too hard. And sometimes Hoseok doesn't speak at all, the stress of college crushing his thin shoulders, and he drowns himself in alcohol the way Yoongi drowns himself in coffee, and Yoongi can do nothing to stop it.

But they'll sit together at the end of it, with their eyes on the night sky. And Hoseok will stay quiet, no longer pointing out constellations, because by now Yoongi knows them all.

/

Yoongi doesn't like to drink a lot.

It's always odd hanging out with his co-workers because they like drinking too much. Except Jungkook, since the kid isn't of age yet and can't drink at all - the others are complete and total messes. Namjoon drinks so much that Yoongi wonders how he doesn't have liver problems yet, and while Seokjin keeps an eye on Taehyung before he can destroy himself, his tolerance is really low, so about ten minutes into dinner they're usually stuck with him trying to figure out the secrets of the universe and frogs and everything in between.

Jungkook just watches them, eyes wide and sometimes confused. He laughs at everything Taehyung does and has a special respect for Namjoon, but still sort of seems scared of both Yoongi and Seokjin.

Seokjin makes sense. The guy is his boss, and judging by Jungkook's track record he probably thinks he could be fired any time. What Yoongi doesn't understand is the fear towards himself. It's not like he's ever done anything to scare him.

Namjoon mentions it once - how maybe Yoongi should smile at him a bit. That Jungkook isn't like Taehyung and won't randomly understand that Yoongi likes him - but Yoongi doesn't try.

It's easier when Jungkook keeps his distance. Yoongi has let too many people close already. Sometimes it keeps him awake at night.

Mostly he sleeps just to stop thinking about it.

If Yoongi puts his mind to it, he can go for ages without thinking. There's very little that he needs to put his mind to in his daily life. It's all routine. There are tiny mishaps sometimes - when Taehyung knocks over shelves in his attempts to help Jungkook out, or when Seokjin has a nervous breakdown over all his bad decisions, or when one too many thing goes wrong and all of their pays get cut down again - but overall, his life is simple. All he has to do is get through every day.

It isn't even hard.

In front of him, Taehyung and Seokjin are trying to have an arm wrestling match, which isn't going very well because they're sitting too far and can only grasp each others hands. Now they're just sitting there, holding hands and blinking, like they aren't sure how they got into this position.

Yoongi sighs. Namjoon takes another sip of his drink. Jungkook pokes at his milkshake with a spoon.

"Don't you have class tomorrow?" Yoongi asks him.

Jungkook shakes his head. "It's a Sunday, hyung."

"Ah, right."

Jungkook looks tired, but then he always does. They all do except Taehyung, who somehow consistently summons energy from somewhere for the sake of keeping them all upbeat. Sometimes Yoongi looks at him and something in his chest hurts, something he takes care to lock out every time it happens.

Sometimes he looks at Jungkook and the same thing happens.

He's stupid, he thinks. He never really learns.

Inside the diner it's warm and cozy, but outside it's cold as hell. It's cloudy, too, like it's going to rain soon. There are no stars to be seen, not that Yoongi ever looks long enough to check.

Every day, Seokjin looks more worried. He doesn't hide things from them - he can't, not when Namjoon deals with accounts and Yoongi stares him down until he tells him everything - but for the most part the two youngest are kept out of the loop. They know things are bad but they don't know how bad.

They're going under. Way under. Their shop may be loving and warm but the fact remains that - people want larger worlds. More choices, more imports. They just want more.

Their loyal customers will always be their loyal customers, but that's not a lot for them to go on. It's been nearly two months and Jungkook is still here, their temporary hire, not because of his own freak luck as he seems to think but because Seokjin sees no point in firing him when they're probably going to close down the entire store.

Namjoon is lecturing the table at large - about what, he doesn't think any of them really know. He uses words like omnipotent and endangered and potato at the same time, so Yoongi thinks he's better off not knowing.

It's okay if the shop closes down. It'll be hard finding new jobs, but Yoongi thinks they can all manage. They've all managed worse before.

He looks around, at the faces around him, and he knows he'll miss them. He knows.

He pretends he won't anyway and takes a slow sip of alcohol.

/

Jungkook and Namjoon, Yoongi thinks, are total losers. It's the only possible reason for being so engrossed in math homework. Yoongi finds them in the storage room nearly every day, working on God knows what, and they never even look annoyed.

Namjoon, especially - he looks like he's found what he's wanted to do all his life.

Today, though, Namjoon is still in the store front, scribbling away in his accounts book while Seokjin rants about anything he can think about, and Jungkook is in here alone. He has his earphones in, looking oddly serious as he writes something and scratches it out, over and over again. Watching Jungkook work alone is always sort of stressful - it makes Yoongi infinitely glad that he never went to college.

He changes out of his uniform shirt into a normal one - it's too cold to go home without changing anymore. His jacket is thick and makes him look like an old man, but it's warm and Yoongi wouldn't give it up for the world.

He packs his bag quickly and slings it over his shoulder, pausing in front of Jungkook again. He's scratched out so much on his papers that it's honestly fascinating.

"This looks scary," he says. He's not sure why he starts a conversation. When Jungkook looks up, confused, it's like -

Yoongi pushes the thought away.

"Hyung?" Jungkook asks, clearly not having heard him. He tugs his earphones out in a single pull and reaches for his phone to press pause.

It's only a second.

The screen lights up for just a second, but Yoongi's blood runs cold.

"What are you listening to," he says, voice too sharp. Too harsh.

Jungkook starts. "I'm - ?"

He doesn't know what comes over him. It's - he's terrified that he isn't seeing things, and he snatches Jungkook's phone, looking at the words on the screen, and that only confirms it.

SUGA.

Something ugly rises in Yoongi's throat.

He doesn't know what he's feeling except that he wants it out, that he wants to throw the phone across the room and destroy something. His hands shake, his insides shake - he's scared and angry and he needs Jungkook to know that he has to stop. Everything is going too fast, too loud, and all he knows is that this is a mistake a mistake a mistake and that he has to make sure no one ever does it again -

"Hyung?" Jungkook tries again, voice too quiet. Scared. Yoongi knows he should knock it off but the larger part of him wants to - wants to - he doesn't know what he wants but what's inside of him is ugly and he needs to freaking get it out.

"Don't - " he manages, and it comes out harsh, angry, wrong. "Don't listen to this."

"But - " Jungkook starts. He looks at Yoongi, away, at every part of his room that isn't him like he's looking for an escape. Yoongi is scaring him. He's scaring himself. But he knows - he knows he has to say this. He has to.

"But it's good," Jungkook tries, and Yoongi feels even colder.

"It's not good," he snaps, too loud, and Jungkook jolts. "It's not good. If - If I ever find you listening to this again, I'll - "

His threat runs empty, because he can't imagine hurting Jungkook. But he wouldn't have to. He wouldn't have to.

But Jungkook doesn't know - he doesn't understand. He stares at Yoongi with wide eyes and thinks he means to hurt him, thinks he wants to hurt him, and Yoongi doesn't know how to explain that he just wants him safe and okay because there's no way in hell that he can do all this again, he can't.

He swipes the phone open and deletes all the files with that blasted name on it that he can find and Jungkook just watches, in a sort of muted horror. Yoongi wants to explain but he doesn't know how. He doesn't know.

He doesn't want to hurt again.

"Don't ever," he says again. It's on loop in his head, a desperate wish.

"What's happening here?"

Seokjin's voice is always - Yoongi's only link to reality. It keeps him grounded on the worst of days. He jolts to look at him and Seokjin is staring at them both, his face dangerously calm.

"Jungkook? What's happening here?"

Jungkook doesn't say a word. He doesn't meet Seokjin's eyes, either, he just keeps looking around like he's going to panic if he can't find an escape. Seokjin is blocking the only way out.

"Yoongi?" Seokjin tries.

"It's nothing," Yoongi bites out. He deletes the last of his files and tosses the phone back onto Jungkook's lap. It bounces off and clatters to the floor. Jungkook makes no move to pick it up.

"It doesn't look like nothing," Seokjin says.

"Shut the fuck up," Yoongi says. He doesn't shout. He doesn't need to. He says it as calmly as Seokjin seems to be.

There's an awful silence. Seokjin is terribly still, and Jungkook looks like he might start crying. Yoongi doesn't swear at Seokjin - he doesn't swear at anyone, but especially not at Seokjin. Not unless he has to.

"Yoongi," Seokjin says slowly. Carefully. "Go home."

For a moment he doesn't move. The words echo in his head, like something awful. Home. Home. Home.

"Yeah," he says, and his voice is cracked and horrible. "Okay."

He turns, steps past Seokjin, and walks straight out. Everything is quiet. Outside, it's cold.

He stops thinking after that.

/

Hoseok stays off campus, with a drug addict for a roommate. He never invites Yoongi over. He doesn't stay there often himself.

Sometimes, Yoongi lets him stay at his own apartment. It's small - Yoongi wanted it as small as possible so he wouldn't have to clean up much, but Hoseok seems to like it just fine. He oohs and aahs at all of Yoongi's music equipment, treats his piano like it fell from heaven. They get along well enough.

But what Hoseok likes best about his room is - not the piano. Not the equipment. Not Yoongi. What he likes best is the rooftop.

Yoongi doesn't always join him. He'll be working on a song when Hoseok turns up at his door, exhausted and emotionally dead, not even bothering to force a smile. He'll go up the stairs alone, and sit there for hours, until Yoongi looks up from his work, realizes how late it is. Realizes that it's probably freezing outside.

"This place is nice," Hoseok says once, from where he's standing near the railing. He's looking down, at the cars rushing through the streets, and the people hurrying by. "You're really lucky, hyung."

"It's late," Yoongi says instead. "You should sleep."

Hoseok shrugs.

"Do you ever wonder what it might feel like to land?" he asks, when Yoongi joins him at the railing. It sounds hollow, dangerous.

"To land?" Yoongi repeats.

"Everyone says falling is scary," Hoseok says. "And I - I get that. But I think landing might be great, you know? Solid. Real. Like a - like an end."

Yoongi's chest constricts. There's nothing he can say. He doesn't want to look at Hoseok, afraid of what he might see.

He reaches out a bit, tentative, for the younger boy's hand. Hoseok watches it carefully, and then slowly interlocks their fingers.

"You're cold," Yoongi says unnecessarily. Hoseok smiles at him, too bright, too alright. Too cracked in between.

"I keep wondering," he says. "I can't - I can't stop thinking about things like this, like how that might feel, and then - then I listen to your music, hyung." He swallows, his fingers tightening slightly around Yoongi's hand. "And then, I - I don't feel okay, exactly. I don't know what I feel. But I don't - I don't want to die anymore."

His hands are so cold. Everything is so cold.

"I feel like there might be another way," Hoseok says slowly. Finally, finally, he chances a look up at the stars. Away from the ground. "You know?"

/

Jungkook doesn't turn up the next day.

There's something suffocating hanging in the air, and no one dares to mention it. Namjoon is quieter, staying out of his way. Taehyung tries to cheer them up for a while but gives up too fast.

Seokjin comes out of his room precisely once, to ask Namjoon about packages arriving from Seoul, and then he doesn't leave his room after that.

It's awful. It's terrible and it's all Yoongi's fault.

Jungkook isn't good with confrontation. They all know that. There's a reason they don't make him work with sales and let him run around doing odd jobs - he takes things too hard. Clams up too easily. He isn't great with raised voices, it's as simple as that.

And Yoongi - Yoongi had yelled at him. Yelled at him, forcibly deleted his files, and threatened him to top it all off.

He doesn't think Jungkook will ever come back, and that's - that's a whole different realm of things that numb his thoughts. The fact that he's actually chased him away in some sort of demented need to protect him but - he had to protect him, right?

He had to.

It's late when they finally close for the night, far later than usual. Seokjin's recently been considering keeping the place open twenty four hours, but they know it won't make much of a difference. The locality they're in is far too quiet to warrant a midnight shop.

Namjoon hurries through his accounts, Taehyung decides to do Jungkook's job for a day and mop the floor. It's quiet. Too quiet.

"He'd better be back tomorrow," Taehyung says, out of nowhere, in the middle of mopping the floor. It sounds like a jibe, like he's annoyed about cleaning up, but Yoongi knows better. He knows it's directed at him.

The quiet has lasted too long, so he breaks it. "I didn't mean to."

Taehyung frowns. Namjoon looks doubtful. Seokjin isn't even there.

"We could hear you, you know," Namjoon says. "You were sort of loud."

Yoongi sighs, rubbing at his face with his hands. "I - I was angry," he says. Already the panic is rising again, his hands are starting to shake because what if what if what if. "I don't want him to get hurt."

Taehyung's frown deepens because the kid doesn't know - he doesn't know any more than Jungkook does. But Namjoon looks at him with something that is dangerously close to pity.

"He doesn't know that, though," Namjoon says. "He thinks you're mad at him."

"Let him, then," Yoongi says. The words sound wrong coming out, they aren't what he wants to say. Taehyung's face hardens and he wrings the mop with something like fury.

But it's for the better. The further people stay the better.

Sometimes Yoongi wishes that he never existed. It's a thought that comes and goes, it doesn't even alarm him anymore.

"Apologize to Seokjin at least," Namjoon says. "He forgave you already but he deserves an apology, yeah?"

"Yeah," Yoongi says. For a moment he doesn't move, and then he stands up, heading towards the manager's room. Seokjin deserves more than an apology, he deserves everything that the world refuses to give him.

It's always the nice people who get left out of luck. It isn't fair, nothing's fair. The people he knows deserve so much more than what they're getting, and yet - they're all here. Living the same life that Yoongi is.

When Yoongi lets himself think, he realizes that he doesn't think he should be alive.

/

Jungkook doesn't turn up on the next day. Or the next. Taehyung wilts even more as time goes by, Namjoon doesn't know what to do with himself at night, and Seokjin doesn't burst into the room saying temporary hire because there is no temporary hire to scare.

Yoongi sticks by the cash register, smiling at people who come in. Smiling at people who go out. It's just like his life always was, the only difference being that something is horribly wrong.

They don't know where Jungkook lives. They don't know where he goes to college. They have a phone number written out that Taehyung has pried from Seokjin's grasp, ignoring his complaints about intruding on an employee's privacy, but none of the messages he sends are ever read. They can't tell if it's on purpose or not.

It goes on for three days. No one knows what to do, or if they should even be doing anything. They don't know where to start.

They smile for the customers, calculate profits, and keep going with their lives.

On the fourth day, at about 8PM, the door chimes, and - it's Jungkook.

It's an odd moment, because there are still customers around. Yoongi is scanning an old woman's items when he steps in. He's wearing a giant hoodie that Yoongi almost can't see him in, wide eyed and hesitant, looking around like he's expecting something to attack him at any moment.

Yoongi doesn't speak up immediately. There's something in his chest that he can't identify, something like relief, and he quietly scans the rest of the items, hands the lady a bill, and wishes her a good night.

Taehyung spots him next, but he's in the middle of talking to a customer, so he stops halfway, open mouthed, then remembers that Seokjin would kill him for being rude to a customer and keeps talking, and then turns back again to make sure that Jungkook is still there - and over all he's a bit of a confused mess and Seokjin will have his head anyway.

It's Namjoon who reacts the best, which is probably why Jungkook makes straight for him. He isn't wearing his makeshift ID card. It isn't hanging out of his pocket either.

"Jungkook-ah," Namjoon says, smiling. "We missed you."

Jungkook seems taken aback, but then he smiles too. It doesn't look very easy. "Sorry, hyung."

"Were you sick?"

"I - um. A bit."

It annoys Yoongi, a bit, that that's how they're going to brush past it - like nothing went wrong and there's nothing to apologize for, but at the same time, at the same time -

His thoughts don't make sense after that.

"I came back to give this to Seokjin hyung," he says, pulling out a bunch of coloured papers from his bag, and it's then that everything goes quiet.

"You aren't staying?" Namjoon asks.

Jungkook shakes his head. "My old boss gave me another chance," he says, but he's grimacing. He hated his old work place, they all know that much. "I'll still come around, though. It's just - I'm sorry, but I need the money, hyung."

"Don't apologize for that," Namjoon says. "I know what college is like. And you're always welcome around here."

"Thanks, hyung."

Taehyung all but ditches the man he's supposed to be helping out to catapult into the conversation. "What the hell," is all he manages to get out before tackling Jungkook onto the ground.

Namjoon facepalms. Yoongi watches on, his insides won't settle.

"Are you running away from me, Jungkook!?" Taehyung demands, practically sitting on top of him.

"What, no!" Jungkook says. His hood has fallen off, he looks confused as hell, spread out on the floor. "What?"

"You don't turn up for three days and then you run away?"

"I'm not - I'm not - "

"It's because of Yoongi hyung, isn't it?"

"No!"

"Then? I'm not letting you resign!"

"Hyung, I'm not - I'm - "

"Taehyung," Yoongi says. "Get off him."

His voice seems to bring everyone back to reality - the fact that there are customers, that people are watching, that this is all completely against their code of conduct and that Seokjin will kill them all. Taehyung gets up, even helps Jungkook stand as well, but he still looks - hurt. Upset.

"Why are you leaving?" he says, quieter.

"Hyung, I'm not leaving," Jungkook stresses. "I - I admit, I was going to because I was scared, and so I got a job, but - I'm not leaving. I'll come back when my shift is over. I'll even mop the place."

Taehyung gives him a suspicious look. "You're not lying?"

"I swear."

"Because I can still kick Yoongi hyung out, I have that power."

"What, no."

Jungkook glances at Yoongi once, hesitant but almost amused, and then - it strikes Yoongi that he isn't even mad. He just thinks that Yoongi is. He looks at Yoongi like he's waiting for him to snap at him, like he's hoping for the best - and Yoongi doesn't understand it at all.

"Do you have time for that?" Yoongi asks, and immediately all faces whip to him. "I mean, two jobs? You don't sleep as it is."

"I'll sleep," Jungkook says instantly, which is - the weirdest approach to the argument. "I will, I'll - manage. Please let me stay."

He isn't looking at Yoongi but it's obvious who he's talking to. Namjoon looks at him expectantly.

"You're always welcome here," Yoongi says. It's a step forward that he doesn't want to take, that terrifies him already. "This is our home, yeah?"

The words sting, there's an awful shake in his fingers, but Taehyung is grinning. Namjoon looks proud. And Jungkook - Jungkook smiles, in relief or happiness or something else.

It's the first time Jungkook has smiled at him like that, without a hint of a grimace - and all the alarms that go off in his head, that scream familiar familiar familiar - he can't hide from them anymore.

Yoongi is good at running, he's been running his whole life - but things always catch up. He's never fast enough. He stares at Jungkook's smile for a moment too long, at how he's bright and okay and alright, and everything he's constructed crashes slowly around him, brick by brick by brick, because he always messes up. Always.

He just doesn't know how to run fast enough.

Sometimes, when Yoongi feels things, he wishes he wasn't alive. He sits there, in a shop that's closing down, with all of his friends looking happier than they have in weeks - and he wishes he wasn't alive, because it would be so much easier than feeling so much when he knows he'll only ever lose it all.

/

He listens to music that he doesn't understand the words of.

He thinks that, somehow - that makes it safer. It doesn't really, because whether he understands the lyrics or not there's still too much that the music gets across. It's dangerous, and at the same time, it's not enough to change anything. He realized that too late in his life.

He's lying spread out on the floor - he forgot to roll out his mattress. He's scrolling through his phone, through things he's promised to never look at again, but all Yoongi's life has been so far is a series of broken promises.

Seokjin would kill him if he saw what he was doing, but Seokjin isn't here now. So Yoongi scrolls, through old images, old posts, old comments.

Suga, Suga, Suga.

It was a lame stage name. He still doesn't understand why his company picked it because it went again everything that he was trying to portray, but somehow it worked. It fit. His manager knew what he was doing, Yoongi will give him that.

He looks at his old stages, old concerts. The words come back to him easily, like they'd never been locked up after all. It only took him a second to realize that nothing was locked up.

Everything is still there. Everything is still unsafe. Nothing has really changed.

His fingers shake over the folder that he promised to delete but never could. They shake, and he knows he shouldn't. He's messed up, he's getting worse, and looking at Jungkook makes him feel something dangerous, and -

He shouldn't think about Jungkook now. That's a whole different level of wrong. It makes him hate himself even more, and maybe that's why he clicks on the folder. Because he's been selfish, trying to forget all of this, when he deserves to let it haunt him for the rest of his life. He was selfish to try to run away.

Selfish, selfish.

Stupid.

The pictures are of Hoseok. In the coffee shop, in Yoongi's house. Out on the streets, with both of their faces obscured by masks. Hoseok's eyes are smiling, even when he isn't. He could be exhausted and still he'd smile like everything was beautiful. He hated his life and wanted to die but whenever they said see you he'd still tell Yoongi to take care.

Like his life was over but he thought that for other people - it didn't have to be.

He stares at the images for too long. At one point they start to blur. He doesn't know if he's crying because he doesn't know anything - he was stupid to try to forget. So stupid.

It's cold outside. It's cold inside too. He's numb, his jacket being his only cover, but he can't think beyond that.

He's sorry. For everything. He's so, so sorry. He just wants everyone to be okay. He wanted to help.

He wanted - he wants Hoseok.

I didn't mean to let you go, he thinks, and he's shaking too much. Crying too much. I didn't mean to.

He should have saved him. He could have.

He doesn't sleep, he doesn't go numb.

He can't stop anymore.

/

In the end, it's all Yoongi's fault.

Someone else might have done better. Someone else might have known what to do. But Yoongi is, has always been, a fool. A loser. Too selfish and too wrong and unable to save anyone, not even himself.

It's around 1AM. He hasn't slept in two days. Hoseok came over and barely said a word to him, and Yoongi barely said a word back - he's too exhausted for his brain to generate small talk.

Hoseok is up on the roof now, doing hell knows what. Yoongi clicks away at his computer, eyes burning from the strain, not even sure of what he's doing anymore. He just clicks and drags and hopes that it'll all make sense when he looks at it in the morning.

His phone lights up, with a text message. Yoongi ignores it. Continues typing.

It lights up again, and he glares at it, irritated, when the mailer ID catches his eye.

It's...Hoseok.

He frowns and reaches for his phone. Opens the message.

thanks for everything, hyung. really.

And then:

we'll meet again someday. maybe some place better. yeah?

Everything goes cold. Nothing stops.

He gets to his feet so fast his chair topples, and he topples, but then he's up again when he's barely hit the ground. And he runs and runs and trips on every stair and he's shouting, shouting, he's scared, he can't breathe, and the door - the door won't open.

He screams, and screams, and pounds on it for all he's worth, but it stands still. No one opens it. So he runs back down the stairs, out onto the streets - and.

And.

There's a crowd of people around his house. Someone is shouting. Someone is screaming to call an ambulance.

And Yoongi doesn't - doesn't need to look, but he does. He pushes everyone aside and falls to his knees, and it's Hoseok. Crumpled, in pieces, but Hoseok. And he looks like - like he was smiling.

There's so much noise, so much chaos - people are pushing him and prodding him and asking him stupid things like who is he, is this your friend, and all Yoongi can do is stare at the broken remains of his smile.

/

He doesn't like to drink a lot.

He hates it because it loosens all the walls in his brain. All the things he tries to forget are suddenly not so locked up. So he tries not to drink but sometimes - sometimes he makes bad decisions.

It's 2AM and he's lying on the floor of Seokjin's house. Taehyung is in the other room, fast asleep. Seokjin himself is sitting next to Yoongi, not even half as drunk as he is, watching the TV worriedly as if something is going to jump out of it and stab them.

It's a reality show. It's not even scary. But Seokjin looks worried anyway.

It takes Yoongi about another thirty minutes to realize that the worry is towards him.

"I'm sorry," he says, out of nowhere. His friend deals with too much of his shit. He doesn't deserve him.

"It's okay," Jin says, shaking his head. He looks a bit miserable. They shouldn't get drunk together, it's a terrible idea. "I don't even know what you're sorry for."

"I don't either," Yoongi admits.

There are too many things in his head that he can't run from. It's almost calming, to stop running for a while. To let the bad just wash over him and realize that this is where he belonged all the time.

It's why the word home never tasted right - because it was never true. Home isn't a place where things are okay, it's a place where Yoongi belongs. And where he belongs is a place that's messed up and hates him as much as he hates himself.

"Why does nothing stay?" Yoongi asks the ceiling. "Why does nothing fucking stay?"

He thinks of Hoseok smiling and he wants to stab something. He doesn't understand it. Maybe if he understood he could have stopped it, but it makes no sense to him. That someone so hurt could smile every day and look like they were okay.

He thinks of what Hoseok said, about the ground. About it being so solid. He wonders if it was. It must have been.

Absurdly he thinks of Jungkook, of crinkled eyes and smiles too wide, and the faces start to blur into one, and that scares him so much that he jolts up, shaking the image from his head.

"I'm going to take a walk," he says.

"You're - huh?"

Yoongi stumbles to his feet. It's an ungodly hour and this is an absurd idea, but he gets up and makes it to the door. Seokjin looks like he wants to stop him but also doesn't.

The streets are safe. Yoongi's house isn't far - it's just a couple of houses away. But Yoongi doesn't go to his room - he stumbles straight back to the store. The cold makes him feel more sober, chilling him all the way to the bone, and he stops at the entrance, staring up at the posters that Seokjin proudly put up yesterday.

It's all Jungkook's work. The same earthly and pastel colours that Seokjin is so fond of - everything that says trust and real and warmth. The colours swim together, across the posters, into intricate designs that Yoongi doesn't understand. He doesn't understand art. He only knows that it makes him feel something.

He traces the designs on the paper, and he thinks of - of how close this is to a second chance. A little shop with people who love each other, and then suddenly he hates it.

He wants to tear the posters down but he doesn't - because it's Jungkook's. He can't hurt Jungkook. And every time he thinks it he feels torn, like he's trying to enter a world he shouldn't dare to, like all of this - this worn out shop and his best friend and all the chaos that comes out of it - it's something he can't risk losing. And the only way to not lose things is to get rid of them yourself.

Yoongi is good at running. It's the only thing he's ever been good at. Sometimes he messes up, stumbles, and lets something catch up with him, but for the most part he runs away just fine.

And if something catches up, he'll crash - but then he just has to run again.

So he switches off his phone, pulls his jacket around himself tighter, and walks away. He doesn't know how long he walks for. He doesn't remember much. He crosses shady looking people who blend into the shadows, people who seem like they want to come closer but don't - probably recognizing him as one of their own. Lost. Alone. Unsure of what he's even doing.

He walks for hours, till the sun starts to rise, and he doesn't know where he's going. He crosses the same building three times. The same bridge twice. He stares too long at the edge of a lake wondering if solid is the only answer.

Seokjin finds him at ten in the morning, sitting under their cherry tree. The school is out for the holidays, there are no children around. He doesn't shout, or even complain, he just sits next to Yoongi, his back against the tree trunk.

It's a terrible place to hang out, a reminder of everything they've failed. Somehow, it's the closest Yoongi has to a home.

/

His music turns to shit.

He works harder than he has in his whole life. He doesn't sleep, doesn't eat - spends the whole day in his studio and lives on the random bouts of food intake his manager forces down his throat. He tries to take Yoongi's laptop away once, telling him that he needs rest, but Yoongi shouts at him so loudly that he doesn't try again.

He tries to write about how good life is. How happy it could be. How the world is beautiful, and humanity is beautiful, and all suffering will have a happy ending -

It's bullshit, all of it. But Yoongi tries to believe it. Tries to make it true. His music couldn't save Hoseok, but maybe - maybe it could save someone else. All the people who told him his music kept them alive - Yoongi wants them to be okay. He wants them to live.

He wants - he wants.

He wants Hoseok.

It's a mess, honestly. His cowriters are baffled by his lyrics, because - they don't make sense. They're all over the place. They're everything that Yoongi has never believed in, they contradict each other, they're a total mess. His manager tries talking to him again, tries to tell him that he should take a break, go somewhere quiet, but Yoongi can't go. Can't go without Hoseok.

It goes on for days. Weeks. Months. They try releasing one of his newer songs and Yoongi gets booed off the stage. He doesn't move away - he stands stricken, at an entire audience of unsatisfied people, people he couldn't help in the way they needed, and he doesn't move an inch, until someone calls for lights off and his manager has to gently pull him back off stage.

His career is done for. Everyone knows it that day, and they give him sympathetic looks - but Yoongi doesn't care. He can't stop thinking of how in the end, he couldn't help.

He leaves before his company fires him. He packs up everything that has nothing to do with music. Nothing to do with Hoseok. He packs it all up, with steady hands, and he tells his manager that he's leaving.

"I'm going - " home, he should say. He's going home. But the word gets stuck in his throat. He can't get it out. "I'm going," he repeats lamely. Shifts his bag on his shoulder, and leaves.

He goes back to Daegu.

There's nothing left for him there. Nothing left for him anywhere, to be honest. But it's the only other place he has to go, so he takes the first train back. The stars are too bright and Yoongi doesn't spare them a glance because it doesn't even matter anymore.

He steps off the train, back onto the soil of his hometown, and he feels like - like he's right back where he started. Like nothing ever changed at all.

He can't go back home - it's too late for that now, too many wounds he dug in with his own hands - so he wanders around town. He passes buildings he doesn't remember. Trees that he does. He looks in through windows and sees shopkeepers he remembers from years ago, from when they turned up their noses at his dirty shoes and unwashed hair.

He passes his school. The cherry tree. All the places he left behind and never should have dared to.

He wanders so far that he doesn't know where he is anymore, even with the signs at the end of each street. He's never been to this side of town. It's getting late, and there are too many shady people around, but Yoongi guesses he looks like one of them. Half dead. Lost. Somehow always in the wrong place because there isn't a right one.

There's a shop ahead of him, tucked in a small corner, the sign painted in mild, pastel colours. And outside it is a man, his sleeves rolled up, scrubbing away at the windows. He's tall and thin, his brown hair held neatly off his face with a scarf as he scrubs away. Yoongi stops in his tracks.

The man doesn't notice him for a long time. He's engrossed in what he's doing. He sprays soapy water on the window, scrubs some more. Sprays and scrubs. Sprays and scrubs. When he finally catches sight of Yoongi and turns around, he stops.

Neither of them speak.

"Yoongi," the man says at last. Voice low, soft. Like it had been all those years ago.

Yoongi tries to say something, anything - Seokjin. Jin. Hyung. But all that comes out is a strangled choke, and then he can't hold back the tears any longer.

/

He doesn't talk much to Jungkook these days.

He doesn't talk much to anyone, so no one calls him out on it. Jungkook appears late at night, looking exhausted and like he sort of hates his life, but the moment he steps in he brightens. He insists on mopping the floors even though Seokjin tells him to stop making it look like they're taking advantage of him, and often enough he and Taehyung end up tackling each other instead of cleaning. At night he sits with Namjoon and they work on homework, while Yoongi counts the money in the cash register over and over again.

They smile at each other when someone cracks a joke. They say hello when they see each other. For the most part they dance around each other, because Jungkook doesn't know what goes on in Yoongi's head and Yoongi is just scared.

He finds him one day, alone in the storage room, scratching things out in his notebook. There's an awkward moment where they just look at each other, unsure of how this should play out, and then Yoongi turns away, packing his bag.

He puts his uniform in. His wallet. His phone and charger and the empty lunch box that Seokjin had packed for him that he should probably wash before returning. He slings the bag over his shoulder and pretends Jungkook isn't still there.

But Jungkook is there, making as big an effort to not look at him. And Yoongi almost waves, almost says good night and runs away again, but then he stops. He stops, and he sits down next to him.

Jungkook stops too.

"What are you working on?" Yoongi asks, glancing at the horrifying scratches all over the pages.

"English," Jungkook says, looking sort of uncomfortable - and yet, sort of hopeful. "I hate it."

"Me too," Yoongi admits. "Never understood the point of it."

"It's not normal, hyung," Jungkook says. "It's - it's cursed, or something. There's something wrong with the entire language."

"Don't let Namjoon hear that," Yoongi says.

There's the sound of soft laughter and Seokjin's indignant voice from the other room- Taehyung is probably getting on his nerves. They must know that the two of them are in here though, and soon enough they'll want to check on them, seeing as Yoongi doesn't have the greatest track record. But for now, he pretends that things are okay. That he doesn't have to run.

"I'm sorry," Yoongi says.

Jungkook starts. "You don't have to be."

"I do," Yoongi says. "I - I'm not okay, I don't think. I took it out on you."

Jungkook shakes his head. He scratches out a word that's already been scratched out, making it look even worse than it already is. "I freaked too much," he says. "It wasn't your fault, hyung. I just - " he hesitates. Like he wants to say something but is too scared of the consequences.

"You just?" Yoongi prompts.

Jungkook scratches out the word some more. He takes a deep breath, like he's practicing to say something. "I don't understand why," he says at last. "It's - it's not my place to ask, but - I don't get why. Why you want to hide - it."

There are too many questions that Yoongi can't answer, because when he stops to think about it he can't explain. It makes sense in a vague, hysterical part of his mind - that tells him he needs to protect and he can't save everyone and he shouldn't give them false hope that he can. That everything is wrong but people don't need to know it. That Jungkook probably deserves the world.

"I had a friend once," Yoongi says, and then he has to pause. It makes him feel sick instantly. His fingers start to shake and he grips the strap of his bag tighter, trying to calm himself down. "He - he was a fan of my music. That's how I met him. He said - it made him feel better, like he didn't want to kill himself after all."

Jungkook scratches out the same word again, clearly listening, trying to give him some sort of privacy by not making eye contact.

"He killed himself anyway," Yoongi says at last. "I couldn't stop him. He killed himself in my own freaking house."

The scratches stop.

"I thought my music could save people, you know?" Yoongi says. He's breathing too hard, he hasn't spoken about this in years. Not since the last time he got completely wasted and Seokjin had to pick up the pieces. "But I couldn't. I lost him. I - I couldn't - I -"

He takes a deep breath. Jungkook has put his pencil down a while ago, his hand is twitching oddly over Yoongi's shaking ones. Yoongi stares at it, like he doesn't understand what it's there for. And then slowly, slowly, Jungkook links his fingers with his.

His hands are small, is the first thing that Yoongi thinks. Not like Hoseok's. They're small and warm and somehow - somehow grounding. Somehow so unlike everything that Yoongi has ever known.

"You can't save people with your music, hyung," Jungkook says quietly. His fingers tighten around Yoongi's - Yoongi tightens his own back. "That's not what art is for, I don't think."

Yoongi thinks back to the posters outside their shop, pastel colours and earthly tones winding together to make a home. He remembers Seokjin insisting that he couldn't pay for it and Jungkook not caring at all. Namjoon, pouring himself over his work, crying in bars because he could never figure out what he wanted. Taehyung, a rabid kid, all bloody and messed up and grinning through it all while he ran around the streets and painted graffiti over every important spot he could find.

He thinks of Seokjin, who takes care of a little shop that no one really cares about and loves it with his entire heart.

"Then what's it for?" he asks, his voice too hoarse.

Jungkook shrugs. His fingers don't twitch anymore, they seem to fit in place between Yoongi's. Like they might even be right. "I think it's to save yourself."

Yoongi tries to remember.

He tries to remember what it was like before the times that he wants to forget. Back when his music was his own, back when he was lost and scared but still had a home. A home he made on his own, that he kept for himself. That he shared with other people but never let them touch.

He thinks about Hoseok, about sitting across from him in a coffee shop, sleepless but content. About wanting to give him everything and failing in the worst possible way, and losing everything that he loved all at once.

He holds Jungkook's hand tighter, and Jungkook says nothing. He doesn't know how long they sit there for. There's no more sound from the adjacent room but no one comes in, and slowly, slowly, Yoongi's hands stop shaking.

Home, he thinks, and somehow - the word isn't as frightening anymore.

/

Yoongi is sitting outside the back steps of the store.

He won't be able to do this after a while. Too soon, before any of them know it, the building will be sold. They'll all probably move, since there's no point in living in this quiet street without a shop to take care of. Their paths won't cross after that.

Maybe Seokjin will open up another store. Something closer to the city, where he won't be at a risk of bankruptcy. Maybe Namjoon will teach kids for a living. Yoongi doesn't know what Taehyung will do but he knows he'll follow his cousin to the ends of the earth.

Jungkook - Jungkook is settled already. With a job that he hates for a degree he doesn't understand, and whatever comes out of it all.

Yoongi doesn't know where he'll go himself. He won't leave Daegu again, he doesn't think. He'll stick around, find another odd job. Maybe he'll make furniture. Or work in a diner.

Maybe he'll follow Seokjin, too.

It's late for anyone to be out on the streets, well past midnight - and that's when Yoongi notices the silhouette in the distance. He stares at it until it comes closer, until he can identify it, and it's Jungkook. He's wrapped up in a thick hoodie, a scarf around his neck, and for a moment he doesn't seem to realize Yoongi is even there.

When he does, he starts. "Hyung."

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. "Couldn't sleep?"

Jungkook hesitates, then shakes his head. For a second he doesn't know what to do, and then he sits next to Yoongi on the steps. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"You told me not to turn up here at night."

Yoongi snorts. "Like you kids ever listen to me."

It's dark, but there are no clouds today. The sky is clear. Yoongi doesn't look up yet, still unsure if he can. If he dares to.

"You should speak to your roommate," he says.

"I will," Jungkook agrees. "I will tomorrow."

He sounds so sure of it that Yoongi thinks he should believe him. "If you don't I'll come over and bash his head in for you."

Jungkook grins a bit. He looks sleepy, but he still looks content. Like he's okay with just sitting here with Yoongi, on the back steps of their store. "Jimin hyung is too nice for that."

There's silence for a while, but it's comfortable. Soft. Neither of them should be here but it doesn't matter for once, because they're somewhere that they sort of want to be.

"I think I need help," Yoongi says at last.

Jungkook freezes next to him, but he doesn't say anything. Yoongi stares at the empty street that he's come to love. He doesn't want to let go of any of this, and he's starting to realize - maybe that's not so selfish. Maybe the feelings in his heart aren't all bad.

"There's a counsellor Namjoon knows about an hour from here," he says. "The same guy he used to go to when he was younger. It'll be expensive, but..."

He turns, and Jungkook is staring at him in awe. In a sort of wonder that makes Yoongi's chest hurt all over again.

"That's really cool, hyung," he says.

Yoongi doesn't feel cool, he feels terrified. He's as scared of getting a second chance as much as he wants one. But - he doesn't want to lose anything anymore. He doesn't want to push them away.

He wants - a home. And for that to be okay.

He glances up at the sky, and it's much too bright. The stars are too clear. Hoseok would have loved it - back in Seoul, the light pollution always killed things. Looking at the sky was so hard.

Back here, it's easy. It's beautiful.

Jungkook follows his eyes and looks up at the sky as well, and Yoongi doesn't know what to do with the fascination in his eyes. He looks up at the sky like it's there just for them. Like the world itself was created for them to look up at this precise moment.

"Do you know any constellations, hyung?" Jungkook asks, voice still a bit sleepy. "I know - uh, three, I think."

"I think I know all of them," Yoongi says, and then he laughs. He laughs, and he thinks of how absurd everything is. Of how, maybe, things will be okay again.

/