"We're going to be late," Jungkook says, bouncing on his heels at Jimin's door.

"We're really not," Jimin says. He's standing in front of the mirror propped up against the wall, which is blurred and dirty and not very good at its function. It's the fifth time he's styling his hair, and it's as pointless as the first time because the look he's trying for is naturally messy.

Jungkook makes a face at him.

He checks his pockets for his wallet. Again. Just in case it suddenly disintegrated. He checks for his keys. And for the two tickets he'd got from Yoongi for free.

When he's checked everything there is to check, "We're going to be late, hyung."

"You're going to be in the audience. What are you so anxious about?"

Jungkook shrugs. His phone, he didn't check for his phone. He fumbles in the side pocket of his bag and finds that as well.

"You want something to eat?" Jimin asks, probably trying to distract him.

"Nah."

"If we go now we'll be ridiculously early, Kook-ah."

"I know, I know," Jungkook says. And he does. Sort of. It's just that that some part of him is sure that the usual twenty minute walk is going to take an hour, that the auditorium doors are going to be locked, and, like, a giant reptile is going to from the sky and breathe fire at them.

A giant reptile, or Yoongi. Both work.

"Give me ten minutes," Jimin says, which is, technically, still too early. Bless his soul.

The ten minutes pass in a similar sort of agony. Jimin sticks to his word, though, and they're out of the dorms not a second later than he'd promised. It's late in the evening, the sun is starting to consider fading out of sight, and the night chill is setting in. Jungkook tugs his hood over his head.

Jimin eyes his hair in distaste. "It's a special event," he says, reaching out to shove Jungkook's bangs under his beanie. "The least you could do is show them that you freaking have a face."

Jungkook scowls and fixes his hair again. Jimin gives up.

They spend the walk talking about nothing at all - how their day went, what colour the sidewalk really is, who the biggest jerk is in Civil War, and the fact that they don't really recognize any names on the schedule for today's performances.

"Probably some elitist music kids," Jimin says.

"Some of them aren't even in college. They're adults."

"Kook, we're adults too."

It's always a shock to hear it out loud. Jungkook doesn't feel like one, and he hasn't yet met anyone who does. "I mean...proper adults. With jobs and stuff."

Jimin's mouth twitches. "Professionals, you mean. Did Yoongi tell you anything about them?"

Jungkook thinks back to the brief conversation he'd had with his senior (which had taken about an hour of knocking on his door to make happen). Is this payback for the chewing gum? He had demanded, because that was supposed to be a joke, I didn't think it would start this again?

Don't flatter yourself, Yoongi had replied. I got the tickets for free. Seokjin told me to give them to you.

The conversation had faded quite rapidly after that.

"Nope," he says to Jimin. "Absolutely nothing."

"Figures. That creep."

A part of Jungkook wants to stand up for Yoongi, but the larger part of him doesn't know how - people don't slide concert tickets under each other's doors and demand that they go with a friend. Jungkook is no king of social niceties, but he knows that this just isn't done.

As expected, they make it to the venue too early. The doors are wide open, the shrubs outside neatly trimmed, and a wide line of potted plants arranged along the walls of the building. A couple of students stand at the reception desk, handing out programmes and refreshments. The fact that they've dared to hand out free refreshments at a college event - that alone tells Jungkook that it's an elitist thing. The last time he'd seen an event like that was a technical talk in the engineering block where they'd invited some rich CEO.

"We don't belong here," Jungkook says.

"Yeah, we don't," Jimin agrees. "But come on, they have free lemonade."

The guy who hands them their drinks is smiley and too friendly, with such impeccable manners that Jungkook can't stop staring at him. Jimin has to elbow him out of the way and into the auditorium.

Inside, there's the last minute chaos going on of people trying to make sure everything is working fine. Students hurry about the stage, setting mikes and testing wires. Some gentle music is playing in the background, the kind you only ever hear as a precursor to an event, and it's occasionally interrupted by the squeaking of a mike and the anguished cries of the kids at the sound system, muted under the music.

He and Jimin make their way to their seats.

"Looks like we aren't the only ones so early," Jimin says, pointing to where Hoseok and Yoongi are already sitting.

Yoongi is slouched low, expression dark as he scrolls through something on his phone. His knees are braced against the seat in front of him. Hoseok is next to him, chatting excitedly with the boy sitting on his other side, who, by some weird twist of fate, happens to be Kim Namjoon.

"Hoseok-hyung!" Jimin greets first, and Jungkook mumbles his greetings as well. Yoongi glances up at them both, nodding to Jungkook and ignoring Jimin outright. Namjoon just looks surprised.

"Jungkook? Jimin?"

Jungkook offers him a weak smile. Now that he thinks about it, Namjoon was at Hoseok's birthday party. Of course they knew each other. The world was so so large and yet he always bumped into the same faces.

"You guys know each other?" Hoseok asks, looking between them.

"He's Taehyung's role model," Jimin explains. "We hear about him a lot." Namjoon looks a bit embarrassed, a bit pleased. Yoongi just looks curious, probably wondering who the hell Taehyung is. He doesn't think the two of them have ever properly met.

Jimin pushes Jungkook into the seat next to Yoongi, taking the aisle seat himself.

"Jin hyung didn't come?" Jungkook asks Yoongi, in some effort to make conversation.

"Nope," Yoongi says, not looking up from his phone. He doesn't explain further.

That attempt sank fast. Sometimes he thinks Yoongi lives with a word limit. He doesn't want to seem desperate, or annoying, so he waits a couple of minutes before he tries again. "Do you know the people performing today?"

Yoongi gives him such a deadpan look, an of course I know who's performing today, what do you take me for look, that Jungkook regrets his entire existence and decides to shut up forever. Eventually Jimin, who had been examining the lights, leans closer to tell him about which light effects are awesome and which ones blind the people on stage, and Jungkook can sort of forget about the demon sitting next to him.

The thing is, when Yoongi does talk to him, on those very rare occasions, he always makes it seem easy. He's never as awkward or nervous as Jungkook is. But once the rare event ends, and they part ways, it's like he forgets they ever learned to communicate.

He hears Hoseok from the side scolding Yoongi under his breath - don't be rude, put your phone down - something like that. Yoongi grumbles something at him and shoves his phone into his pocket, but he still doesn't say anything to anyone.

"Stop smiling, it blinds me," Namjoon says sarcastically. Yoongi gives him a nasty look and turns away.

It's all very awkward for a while, but they manage to pull through by leaving Yoongi alone and minding their own businesses. Once in a while Jimin pushes Jungkook forward to lean over him and talk to Hoseok, and then pulls him back up when he's done. Like he's a door. Or a draw bridge. Not a person, that's for sure.

It takes too long for the auditorium to fill up, and for the stage to settle. When the MC for the day (a senior Jungkook doesn't know) makes her way up to the stage, the place falls into complete silence. The lights dim.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she begins, "I hope you have a lovely evening." It's simple and curt, not at all the sort of intro that Jungkook is used to seeing, but he doesn't complain because a soft piano starts wafting through the speakers a moment after. The first few notes are enough to strike straight through his soul, and he isn't the only one. Jimin shifts next to him, wide eyed.

"That's my professor," Yoongi's low voice says in his ear. "He isn't known for his skill."

It sounds like an insult, at first, and Jungkook is a bit stung on the professor's behalf - until he sees that Yoongi looks just as enraptured as the rest of them. He's leaning forward, like he's seeing the stars and the universe. For a moment Jungkook just stares at him, unable to comprehend the change in his senior, even with the music cutting through him.

"He's known for wearing his heart on his sleeve," Yoongi explains, and Jungkook gets it, gets it so much.

The music fades at last, but it still swirls in his head, somehow colourful and warm and hopeful. It's like all the small miracles that have happened to him in this lifetime - like meeting Taehyung, and Jimin, and the first time he realized that dipping his fingers in coloured paints somehow made more sense than all the words in the world.

Yoongi sinks back into his seat, already back to his normal demeanour.

"Yoongi," Hoseok says, "How can you not have learned anything from him?" It's said playfully, but it's what's on all of their minds, and maybe, perhaps, Yoongi's too.

Yoongi shrugs and doesn't comment.

A lot of speeches come after, none of which make any sense to Jungkook. It's all about things he's in the wrong position to relate with - about how hard life is in the music world, about how passion is enough for survival, about dedication and hard work and what you want your life to mean to yourself. It would all be very inspiring if Jungkook was a music student, which he isn't, so it just makes him feel stupid and a bit left out.

Jimin, Yoongi, and Hoseok are listening intently, nodding in all the right places, because the speeches mean something to them. Jungkook...well. He stares at the ceiling, at the pretty lights on the stage. He can't relate to passion, or dreams, or the ability to give his all and say to hell with the rest. He wants his life to mean something, but. He's too scared to try.

It's a relief when the speeches end.

The rest of the performances pass in a blur. They're good, good enough to keep Jimin off his phone, but nothing hits them as hard as the professor's intro.

Until, near the end, a girl - a first year, the program list tells him - makes her way to the stage. She's nervous and it shows, her heels pressed together, arms wound tightly behind her back. Her clothes are formal and a tad oversized, and she blinks in the lights like she can't remember what to do.

She tests the mike, voice shaking. Her accompanist starts to play.

She's unsteady at first, a bit off beat, but as the song goes on she finds herself. It isn't the greatest of performances - she keeps their attention but doesn't do much with it, there's this horrible gap between her and the audience. The song is good, her voice is amazing, but the disconnect jars them. The music doesn't get the chance to take them other places. They're all rooted to the spot.

She gets a decent response, good applause. She smiles and waves, but leaves the stage dejected, and Jungkook knows, just knows, that she won't be remembered.

When the program ends, and Jimin stands up to stretch, and Yoongi grumbles that his legs have solidified and demands that someone drag him outside, Jungkook can only think of the girl.

Of course nothing could end easy with Hoseok around, and, somehow, he drags them all out to have dinner together. Yoongi whines about work, Jimin whines about sleep, Jungkook doesn't whine but cries internally, and Namjoon doesn't seem to care either way. But Hoseok gets his way and they all go out for dinner.

They end up at a decent fast food restaurant ("Yoongi will pay," Hoseok says. "When I'm dead," Yoongi snaps) a bit crowded but not too stuffy. Jungkook has never actually spent time with Namjoon before, but the older boy is easy to talk to. He smiles wide and laughs loud, but doesn't talk as much as Hoseok. Yoongi seems to hate him, glaring at him all the time and giving him snide replies, but Yoongi seems to hate everyone so Jungkook doesn't think much of it.

Jungkook zones out for the most part, eating his burger, lost in his thoughts.

"- sort of surprised," he hears Hoseok saying at one point. "I mean, her voice was really good."

"It didn't do much good, did it," Yoongi says dryly.

Jimin frowns. "Give her a chance. She was a first year. On stage with professionals."

He and Yoongi stare at each other for a moment.

"She sang really well, though," Jungkook interrupts, taking a wild guess as to who they're talking about. For some reason he wants to defend this girl. "Skill-wise, I mean."

Everyone looks at him for a moment, like they'd forgotten he was here.

Hoseok offers him a smile. "Come to think of it, she reminded me a bit of you."

Yoongi snorts.

"She did, didn't she," Jimin says, patting Jungkook on the shoulder with an apologetic grin. Jungkook scowls at him, but inside, he understands. He wishes they wouldn't call him out on it like this, but he gets what they mean. "The first day I met him I couldn't get a full sentence out of him."

"I still haven't got a full sentence out of him," Yoongi says, which is...totally unfair, because it's not true, first of all, and second of all, like Yoongi is one to talk.

"Like you're one to talk," Namjoon says, and Jungkook feels a bit better.

"But really," Hoseok continued. "She was a lot like you. You sing too, right?"

And there it is, the godawful question. "Yeah," he says, making a point to take a huge bite of his burger. No one will bother him if his mouth is full.

Yoongi levels a look at him. Vaguely annoyed. "Anyone can sing," he says. "Find five people on the streets and two of them can do a decent job of it - that's not what matters. What makes the difference is if you will."

And you won't, goes unsaid. It hangs over Jungkook's head.

"It takes a while, sometimes," Jimin says, probably in some attempt to defend him. "Not everyone has the same fears."

"Everyone has the same fears," Yoongi says. "Some people just deal with it. You're a dancer, aren't you? Are you saying you were never scared?"

Jimin frowns, because the truth is he's always sort of scared. While he's wanted to dance all his life, while he's danced all his life, there's always a bit of insecurity that he can't shake off that pops up at the worst moments, like when he has to deal with the kind of jerks who beat Taehyung up. He's turned up in Jungkook's room in the dead of night on more than one occasion, not talking, not smiling - just crawling into bed next to him and staying there, wide awake, thoughts spiralling.

The difference, as Yoongi says, is that he gets up in the morning and deals with it, and dances because he doesn't know what it means to stop.

"That's there," Namjoon says, glancing at Yoongi a bit warningly. "But Jimin is right. Sometimes it takes a while."

Yoongi scoffs. And then, to Jungkook's horror, he turns to look right at him. "Did you ever even try?"

"Yoongi," Hoseok says.

Yoongi ignores him. "No, you wanted to sing, right? But you never tried? You just went ahead and picked...what was it, engineering? Because your parents told you to?"

Jungkook tries to think of something to defend himself with, to say you don't understand, no one can be as brave as you, for some of us just being ourselves is freaking scary enough - but he can't say any of that, because Yoongi is right. They're just that. Excuses.

"Yeah," he says, and that's what brings the argument to a stop.

Yoongi blinks. He'd clearly expected a retaliation of sorts. "It's your own fault for not following your dreams," he says. "I don't know what you expect me to say."

Jungkook doesn't comment, and takes another bite of his food, which suddenly doesn't seem to want to go in. He chews slowly, hoping it doesn't come back up. It's clear that none of these people think very highly of him as is - throwing up would only make things worse.

"You went on stage once, right?" Jimin asks, still trying to save the situation.

"No," Jungkook says. "I signed up, practiced and all. Withdrew at the last minute."

There's an awkward silence. Yoongi's frown deepens. Jungkook can practically hear them all judging him, thinking so he really didn't try, and a part of him finds it so unfair, because he isn't asking for their validation, he didn't start this conversation, but now they're all looking at him with this weird mix of pity and awkwardness.

"You should try, Jungkook," Hoseok says, because he always finds something positive to say. "It'll be fine. You'll see."

"You want to, right?" Namjoon says.

Jungkook shrugs. Of course he wants to. He thinks of all the days he spends, staring blankly at his books, while his friends go out and be themselves, he thinks of the concert today, of the professor's intro, of how badly he itches to be the one on stage and sing his heart out -

"He doesn't want to enough," Yoongi mutters, and Jimin gives him such a dark look that Jungkook would have been awed if he wasn't sinking in a dark, quiet hole by himself.

It hurts to consider that Yoongi's words really might be true.

"You don't want to enough," Namjoon snaps at Yoongi, looking almost angry. "You have no right to talk down to other people."

"What did I do this time?" Yoongi says, but he's too tense. Too cautious.

"If you wanted success so badly, you'd listen when people say there's something wrong with your music, instead of getting yourself kicked out of programs."

What?

Namjoon looks apologetic the moment the words are out of his mouth, but Yoongi...doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he looks like he expected this to happen.

"I'm a shitty person," he agrees. "But then, so is he."

He nods at Jungkook, who slowly puts his half eaten burger back on his plate. It's not going to go down, not anymore.

They aren't fighting. This isn't a fight. Jungkook doesn't think you can fight with someone whose face you don't see for days on end.

If it is a fight, neither of them have any chance of telling the difference.

Jungkook will admit that he tries to stay out of Yoongi's way. He calculates his midnight shower timings better so that they won't coincide with Yoongi's attempts to kill himself with cold water. He doesn't go to the cafe that he knows Yoongi goes to, he doesn't look up at the light in room 513.

Childish, a voice in his head says, and Jungkook can't place its owner. He ignores it anyway.

It's not like Yoongi said anything offensive, but that's what makes it worse. He wasn't even trying to hurt him. He was just stating the facts, plain and true, and the fact was that Jungkook was a shitty person.

What Namjoon said still eats at his curiousity - getting yourself kicked out of programs - but he's too scared to ask Hoseok about it. Asking Hoseok about it means he'll have to talk about the rest of the conversation, and that's not something he wants to do, well, ever.

"Punch him a few times," Hoseok had said, the day after the whole fiasco. "It'll make you feel better. It'll make me feel better, too."

Jimin went in a completely different direction, and has been spamming him with links to singing competition pages ever since. Show him, he says, show him that he's wrong.

But he isn't wrong, and that's the whole problem. I'll try, he says, to each of Jimin's messages. I'll look at it. I'll think about it. I'll see.

What he really does, is stare at the applications, for hours on end, and then close them and do his homework.