From Joon:

Fuck this. I'm coming over.

Yoongi sighs in relief. They've only been slaving over this hip hop track for the last four days with no progress— something is wrong and neither one of them can put their finger on it. It just sounds off and instead of this back-and-forth over the phone bullshit they've been managing with, Namjoon is finally making the trek across the city so they can figure it out in person.

Finally.

It's not like Yoongi hasn't been dropping hints over the last few days, desperately wanting to be done with this stupid thing so he can move on to producing that album for the girl group with a ridiculous name like "lemon tart" or "orange slice" or something. That project has a deadline and he would like to keep it.

He doesn't blame Namjoon for being reluctant to come over; Yoongi has been somewhat of a recluse for the last two years or so after he finally got his production degree behind his father's back. He didn't even attend the graduation ceremony seeing as how he would have to roll down the aisle rather than walk. He's just lucky that Namjoon found a company that liked the educated man enough to trust his recommendation to hire Yoongi despite his request to work from home.

It's worked out pretty well so far, save for days like this when he needs human contact to break through the creative block, but he can bear to have one of his friends in his space for a few hours. Besides, it will be a welcome distraction from Taehyung.

Taehyung.

Where does he even begin on that subject?

It's been over a week since the nurse started and things have progressed somewhat comfortably. Yoongi lets Taehyung help him just as much as Jimin and bath time is no longer a source of pain, thanks to his ingenious plan to move on and fuck his crush out of his system.

The night that Taehyung had helped him shower for the first time, Yoongi put up an online dating profile on one of the popular phone apps, looking for a quick something to boost his ego and remind him that he's still human.

At first, he was intent on putting up the most flattering pictures of himself, the ones Jimin likes to take of him when they go out for either of their birthdays— all shots of Yoongi from the waist up with dewy skin, hooded eyes, and lots of collarbone showing. Looking at those pictures, Yoongi remembers days where he wanted for nothing and had it all. He felt good, looked good, and had the world by the balls. Back then, he never had to worry about someone finding him desirable; woman and men alike practically threw themselves at his designer-clad feet.

But despite his wish to feel that way again, Yoongi knows the reality, so he did include some pictures of him in his chair, still dressed up by Jimin, but with the chair nonetheless. These photos make him grimace; he wonders how many people have laughed at his profile upon seeing them.

Then, miraculously, two days ago, he got a message from a rather cute guy a couple years older than him. Yoongi was ashamed at how he squealed like a schoolgirl upon seeing the notification.

KangByun127:

Wow. Are you even real? I just looked through your profile and I have to say, you're gorgeous. So interesting as well. I love music and am obsessed with coffee too 😁

Thus began a strange sort of flirtation that Yoongi wasn't used to. It had been quite some time since he had felt like this, like someone wanted him physically as well as mentally, and to say he had butterflies in his stomach would be an understatement. He was absolutely loving the attention; he hardly even cared that Taehyung was becoming increasingly more comfortable with him now that there was no bad blood between them.

From Joon:

Be there in thirty.

With a sigh, Yoongi saves his progress on the track before closing the file. He will wait for Namjoon to show before he even attempts to mess with that shit again. In the meantime, he rolls over to the window of the studio and props it open before opening a drawer and digging out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He used to smoke like a train, but Jungkook and his physician bitch at him enough for him to quit, but occasionally, he still craves a stick.

Today, he merely wants something in his mouth, so he lights it up and places it between his lips to puff away as he checks his phone again in case Namjoon happens to text— the man has the worst luck with traffic.

Instead of his colleague, two notifications from the dating app appear. Yoongi leaves his cigarette dangling from his mouth to hastily check them.

KangByun127: How is your day going, gorgeous? Still working on that secret project of yours?

Yoongi smiles around the cigarette.

KangByun127: I think you need a break. Why don't we go out to dinner tomorrow?

"Fuck," Yoongi mutters, taking a long drag before blowing it out of the window. He never though things would progress this quickly, but this is what he wanted, right? He wanted something quick and easy but this is so sudden. Is he ready for this?

Shit, how could he go out to dinner like this? Would this guy even be ok with pushing him around or would he have to bring Tae—

Yoongi blanches at the thought of needing his nurse to accompany him on a date because of mobility issues, like he's some kind of child. And what about later in the evening if things go well? Would they go to his date's place? What if he lives in a building that isn't wheelchair accessible?

"Fuck," Yoongi curses again, practically sucking the life out of the cigarette just to get some relief from his anxiety. This really was a stupid idea and he would make a complete fool of himself.

His phone buzzes.

KangByun127: Maybe we could go to that restaurant your friend owns? That way you're more comfortable.

Letting out a breathy sigh, Yoongi stubs his cigarette out. He's surprised at this guy's forethought. It's surely a relief.

MinMin93: That sounds great actually. Thanks for thinking of me ❤️

As soon as he hits send, Yoongi panics. They've been flirting but neither one of them has used the heart emoji yet. Was this ok? Was it too forward?

Too forward? He has to scoff at himself. He's trying to fuck, not ask this guy to the school dance. Forward is good. Forward is—

KangByun127: Of course, cutie ❤️ And just so you know, my apartment building has an elevator, so no problems there 😉

Yoongi sputters. His fingers fly across the keyboard.

MinMin93: Oh? Do you want to show me where you live?

KangByun127: I definitely want to show you something 😉❤️

It's absolutely amazing just how furious Yoongi blushes at this; he can feel his cheeks burning and his smile is so wide it hurts.

"Yoongi-ssi?"

Yoongi whips around to find Taehyung peeking in the door with a concerned look on his face. Yoongi didn't even hear him knock.

"Are you smoking?" the nurse asks, furrowing his thick brows at the sight.

With a sigh, Yoongi makes sure the cigarette is completely snuffed out before closing the window. "Yeah, I do that sometimes." He looks over. "Is there something you needed?"

Taehyung swallows hard, his eyes still trained on the ashtray. "Um, there's someone here for you. Kim Namjoon?"

"Yes, he's a colleague. You can let him in."

Taehyung disappears and moments later, Yoongi can hear the nurse deep in conversation with his producer friend. The two appear in the doorway, still chatting. They're talking about the weather or something just as menial when Taehyung sucks in a loud gasp.

"Is this vintage Valentino?" he exclaims suddenly, reaching out to finger Namjoon's silky black blouse.

The producer looks alarmed, but then he smiles pleasantly. "Yeah, it is! You like fashion?"

"I love it," Taehyung chirps, his glossy lips breaking into a grin. "I really can't afford it though, but it's a hobby of mine."

Namjoon seems pleased at this; Yoongi himself only cares for newer trends— or rather, he did when he had an active social life.

"I have a friend who deals in vintage fashion and I get my stuff from him," the producer explains. "He's a foreigner but he rents out a space in a Gangnam-gu. Maybe— Maybe I could take you to meet him sometime?"

At this, Taehyung's eyes grow wide, his cherry lips morphing into a little "o". "Would you?" He seems so excited at the prospect before shrinking in on himself with a shake of his head. "No, I couldn't ask that of you..."

"I really don't mind. You seem like a cool person," Namjoon replies smoothly, running a hand through his coiffed black hair.

The producer has always been handsome in an untraditional way, which, to Yoongi, was always appealing. It's what he first noticed about the younger man at college, but then he quickly grew enamored with his intellect, though their friendship is drastically different than the one he has with Jimin.

Taehyung blushes at the compliment— actually blushes, as if the captain of the soccer team had just whistled at him in the hallway at school. "Oh.... well, thank you."

Yoongi watches this scene curiously as Namjoon rubs the back of his neck, and Yoongi can tell that the producer is trying hard not bite his plump bottom lip.

What the hell?

Were they flirting?

Isn't Taehyung straight?

Perhaps the nurse simply thinks Namjoon is being friendly, but the man is definitely interested.....

"Well, I'll be in the kitchen sorting your medication if you need me." Taehyung leaves then with a slight bow. His converse squeak against the hardwood.

Namjoon watches the nurse leave and then turns to Yoongi with an arched brow. "He's— Um, he's new. What happened to Jimin?"

"Jimin is out of town for two months and that's his replacement," Yoongi explains, rolling over to his desk to pull up the track on the monitor.

"He's, um—" Namjoon shuts his mouth and Yoongi sighs heavily.

"You can say it."

"He's your employee, I just can't—"

Yoongi glances over his shoulder. "Joon."

"Ok, he's really handsome and like... quirky? In a good way," Namjoon blurts out, wringing his hands. It's amazing how someone so stylish can be such an anxious dork sometimes, but that's just another reason why Yoongi decided they would make for good friends.

"Yeah," Yoongi snorts, turning back to the computer. "In a good way."

Hopefully, Namjoon will let the subject go.

He doesn't.

All throughout their session, the producer asks little questions here and there about Taehyung, whether the man is seeing someone, if he was nice, what his interests were. He tries to disguise the inquires as attempts at seeing if Yoongi likes his new nurse, but it's such obvious bullshit that Yoongi finds himself growing frustrated.

Taehyung works for him. Taehyung doesn't have time for friends or dates—

"Yoongi-ssi, Jungkook-ah is here now." Taehyung is standing in the doorway wearing a sheepish expression. His gaze flicks over to Namjoon and the back.

Yoongi looks over at the clock at the top of his computer screen. "Oh fuck, I didn't even notice the time. We really need to finish this draft today."

"I can stick around until you're done with therapy if you want," Namjoon offers. "That way, we can get it knocked out tonight."

Yoongi doesn't like the idea, but they really do need to finish this thing. "That would actually be great. I'm so tired of dealing with this fucking thing. Just, uh, hang out in here or in the living room."

"Actually," Namjoon interrupts, looking over to Taehyung hovering in the doorway. "I really wanted to get some coffee. Maybe you would like to get some with me Taehyung-ssi? That is, if you're not needed while Yoongi is in therapy."

Taehyung looks like an animal staring into a car's headlights. "I, uh—"

"He's not much of a coffee drinker," Yoongi blurts out, then freezes seconds later.

Where did that come from? Sure, he had noticed that the nurse prefers teas and juices over Yoongi's own choice of extremely black coffee, but was this fact really so important that he had to mention it?

He tells himself it's just because he's aggravated with the way Namjoon doesn't seem to be taking their work time very seriously, instead making eyes at Taehyung, who really doesn't warrant such attention.

"He's right," Taehyung admits softly. "I don't really like coffee."

Namjoon nods. "Well, the cafe down the street has tea and juice. It's really good."

Taehyung glances over at Yoongi, almost as if he's asking for permission and the thought sends a jolt through Yoongi's chest until he realizes that Taehyung is asking for permission, because Yoongi is his employer.

Yoongi is only his employer.

"Go ahead," he permits dryly. "It's not like you have anything better to do." At the noticeable drop of Taehyung's face, Yoongi grimaces, knowing that he's only insulting the nurse because he's annoyed.

He's also annoyed because he doesn't understand why he's annoyed.

Taehyung can do what he wants, make friends with who he wants, but it's strange to think that the nurse might find one of Yoongi's friends better company than his patient— might devote more time to new friendships than doing his job, when he's supposed to be a stand in for Jimin, who waits on Yoongi hand and foot.

"Are you sure?" Taehyung has his attention focused solely on Yoongi.

In lieu of a reply, Yoongi merely rolls out of the room and greets Jungkook in the foyer. When the therapist asks why he looks so pissed, he merely cites work frustration as the culprit.

Because that's all it is— frustration with something that isn't working.

————-

"So how are things going with Yoongi-hyung so far? I didn't know Jimin-ah was leaving, so I'm just kind of surprised. Hyung takes awhile to warm up to people."

"Oh, well he hasn't really warmed up to me yet if that says anything." Taehyung laughs into his passionfruit and chai tea. It tastes far better than he expected and it's a nice change of pace from the stuff stocked in Yoongi's fridge.

To be honest, just getting out of the apartment has been nice, seeing as how his job is nearly 24/7 now that he has a live-in caretaker position. He looks forward to his daily walks with Yeontan, but they never go too far. Seokjin does all the grocery shopping and Yoongi never really requests anything.

So going out is nice; Namjoon is nice.

He's warm and open, yet exudes a careful intelligence that Taehyung has yet to encounter in this city. The man had even insisted on buying Taehyung's drink and offering him some of the pastries behind the counter, but the nurse declined, satisfied with just his tea and pleasant company.

Namjoon smiles at Taehyung's reply and his face dimples adorably.

Adorably?

Taehyung blinks down at the plastic cup in his hands. He has no idea why he thought such a thing, but he dismisses it as soon as the other man begins speaking.

"I kind of caught on to the tension," he admits. "It takes a bit, but it does happen. He used to absolutely hate me back in college."

"Oh? You've known him that long?"

"Yeah, I've been with him since he entered into the production program at Seoul National," Namjoon explains. "Of course, back then he was... quite different. Maybe that's why we didn't really get along. I honestly expected him to drop out of the program at some point."

Taehyung fiddles with his cup and bites his tongue. He hasn't really been able to discuss Yoongi's past in detail with anyone, let alone the man himself, but he's curious about what happened. "Because of the partying, I'm assuming," he adds, eyeing Namjoon curiously.

The producer sighs and it sounds world-weary. "Well, I wasn't going to say that, but, yeah. I didn't think he would get as far as he did, but the.... accident really helped focus him."

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to," Taehyung begins, "but what was he like back then? I've read things, but I just can't see him as that kind of person— You know, wild and... reckless. He seems so controlled now."

Namjoon smirks into his cup of coffee. He seems more amused at the question and Taehyung breathes out a sigh of relief. "That's really the result of the accident. It humbled him in a way," he explains. "He's always been passionate about music, about making something of himself, but when you have the world at your feet, you can't help but want it all."

The producer pauses then, staring down into the dark liquid in his cup. He clenches his jaw then begins again.

"He would probably hate me for telling you this, but that accident actually saved his life. I can't tell you how many times I found him in our college studio strung out on cocaine and god knows what else, complaining that his one night stand stole his wallet, when in reality he sold it to a hooker for a line of blow that he snorted out of another hooker's ass."

Taehyung blinks. He grips his cup.

Did he hear that right?

Sure, he had read some crazy stories about his employer on the internet, and even some details from Yoongi himself, but somehow it didn't seem real, like maybe those instances were rare— a departure from the norm.

Apparently not.

Hearing such stark details from one of Yoongi's friends, a colleague who has been with him for years, is shocking. Taehyung thinks over his experience with his patient so far, trying to match the soft, grumbly man with this extravagant playboy and nothing really adds up. The words on the internet and falling from Namjoon's lips make Yoongi sound like some crazed addict with an insane lust and a penchant for trouble.

It seems impossible, but then again, when Taehyung had helped dress a sleepy Yoongi just that morning, both his underwear and stomach had been coated in dried cum. It was surprising, but it was none of the nurse's business. His patient was human and had needs, but though it was a normal thing for a man, Taehyung found himself wondering who Yoongi thought of when he did it.

"Taehyung-ssi?"

Namjoon is waiting for a reply and the nurse stumbles around for one.

"Y-You're joking, right? It was that bad?"

"I told you, it saved his life," the producer reiterates with a morose look. It seems that Namjoon really cares about his friend, despite the flaws.

"But he's so..."

Delicate, is what Taehyung wants to say. Soft, despite trying to be jagged and hard. Quiet within himself while screaming for attention.

An enigma.

"The Yoongi you see now is who he was really meant to be, but he hates how he became him," Namjoon muses. "Reminds me of a quote I once read— 'Nothing in the world is more distasteful to a man than to take the path that leads to himself'. I think for him, the accident served as an act of god, a salvation, if you will."

Taehyung hums in consideration. He may not be as worldly as Namjoon, but he can understand the sentiment. "That's deep," he replies. "Do you think he misses it, though? The partying? The uh... one night stands?"

"Definitely," Namjoon answers without a hint of hesitation. "For him, it symbolizes freedom of choice, everything he doesn't have now. It's the only familiarity he has left of his life before the accident. I think he figures that if he can't walk, then at least he can still make those choices, you know?"

"But he doesn't do those things now, right?" Taehyung hasn't seen any evidence of such, but he's only been working with the elder for a short amount of time.

Namjoon hesitates again before looking the nurse directly in the eye. He swallows hard. "He drinks occasionally. Sometimes he'll sneak in an extra pill or two of his pain medication," he relays. "I can always tell when he does. It's only on his bad days, though. Jimin really keeps him in check. If it wasn't for the constant support, Yoongi-hyung would find a way to ruin himself. Sometimes I think he would rather endure that kind of pain than this current one."

Taehyung sips at his tea as he contemplates this information. Could Yoongi really resent himself this much? "Wow, I just— I thought he was just angry at his situation, but it sounds like this started even before the accident."

"Some people just spend their lives wandering around and there's nothing anyone can do for them except try to point them in the right direction." Namjoon seems so forlorn as he says this, as if he's told himself this far too many times before.

"I hope I can do that— point him in the right direction," Taehyung admits on a whim. "I don't— I guess I don't want him to think I don't care about him."

Namjoon quirks a brow, looking him over curiously. "Do you? Do you really care about him? You barely know him."

"I care for people and he's a person, so I care," Taehyung answers without hesitation. He too, has sentiments that he's told himself many times. This particular one has been repeated everyday since he decided to pursue this career.

Taehyung gives the other man a tight smile, not because he doesn't mean what he said, but because he truly does. He wants so badly to mean something to someone again, to be able to ease their pain the way he couldn't for Yoonji and Yoongi is just so.... different than anybody he's met before. It's a unique and perplexing challenge fueled by a curiosity that he can't quite quench.

"That's very kind of you," Namjoon muses, his cheeks dimpling up again when he smiles. "So, have you always been a nurse?"

"Yeah, I went straight to university right after I graduated high school," Taehyung explains. "Worked hard to take on the maximum load each semester just so I could complete the program a littler faster. This is something I knew I had to do."

Namjoon really grins at this, his eyes glinting with appreciation. "Wow, that's just so... I've always considered those in the medical field really great people— people with big hearts, you know?" He blushes then and Taehyung thinks it must be because Namjoon isn't used to giving complements. "You seem really sweet, Taehyung-ssi."

Feeling his cheeks heat up at the choice of words, Taehyung sips at his tea. It's been awhile since he's had acquaintances, and it's nice to have someone so readily interested in his work, let alone compliment him so quickly. He also appreciates Namjoon's trust in him, sharing these things about Yoongi.

It's nice.

"Thank you, Namjoon-ssi."

"You can call me hyung," Namjoon assures with a sweet little smirk.

Taehyung giggles. "That's what Jimin-hyung told me when I first met him."

"Probably because you're so charming. Who could say no to that face?"

The nurse grins at this, laughing into his tea once more. Namjoon stares back at him with a goofy grin and Taehyung thinks about how he wishes he had someone like the elder around to hang out with, to go out for coffee and tea just like now.

"Seriously, you're a really cool guy. I bet everyone wants to be in a relationship with you."

"Oh, I'm not seeing anyone right now," Taehyung clarifies. At Namjoon's puzzled look, he continues, "my last relationship ended... not well, so I really haven't been dating much."

The producer frowns. "I'm sorry to hear that. I understand though. Broken hearts take time to heal. My last heartache lasted almost a whole year and even now, it's hard some days."

"It's been three years."

Taehyung has no idea why he offered this information.

Namjoon blinks repeatedly at him over the rim of his coffee cup so Taehyung feels the need to fill in the awkward silence.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this, but yeah, it's been three years," he rambles, blushing in embarrassment. "I just can't move on, you know? The way it ended.... I feel like I can't give someone else all of my affection, because a part of it will always be left in the past. I'm not— I don't have a whole heart to give."

Namjoon nods slowly in understanding. "Well, if it helps, there is someone out there that won't expect you to be perfect. No one is, and instead of giving what you gave your last relationship, maybe you can try giving the parts of yourself that are new, the parts that are constantly learning and changing, so that person can grow and change with you."

"You really think someone would want that?" Taehyung questions softly. "You don't think they would wonder why I don't love them the same way I loved—" he cuts himself off and frowns at the table. Seconds later, he feels a warm hand rest atop his own.

Namjoon is caressing his knuckles gently. "Just try, Taehyung-ah. You would be surprised at how accepting people are if they really care about you."

Taehyung smiles at this just as his phone buzzes. He checks it quickly to find his usual alarm. "Ah, it's almost time for Yoongi-ssi's therapy session to be over, so we better head back so I can walk Yeontan really quick."

Once outside, the two began strolling back to the apartment complex, their faces turned towards the sun, enjoying the amiable weather. For most of the walk, they remain quiet until the building comes into view. It's then that Namjoon breaks the silence.

"So the Pomeranian that greeted me at the door is yours?" He's stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and is shifting on his feet anxiously.

"Yeah, he's my child basically," Taehyung jokes.

Namjoon grins. "Cute," he says before moving a little closer. "So... I had a good time with you at the cafe."

"Me too," Taehyung chirps. "I really need to get out and do things like that more often."

This seems to make Namjoon relax. "I agree, which is why I wanted to know if maybe we could get dinner sometime? That is, if your schedule allows it."

Taehyung cocks his head. "Dinner?"

"Or maybe catch a movie?" Namjoon counters, shoving his hands into the pockets of his dark washed denim. "It's up to you— I'm terrible at dates." He chuckles awkwardly.

"Dates?"

Taehyung doesn't understand.

Namjoon laughs again until he notices the confusion on the nurse's face. "Oh, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. We can just be friends. I just thought that since we had such a good time at the cafe, and you're really sweet and funny, and... cute..."

Taehyung blinks. "Cute? But I'm a guy." He knows he sounds stupid, he understands exactly what is going on here, but him? He just never thought any guy found him attractive, never even considered it.

"You're not gay?" Namjoon questions, looking just as bewildered at Taehyung feels. "But the fashion... and the fruity tea... and the fluffy dog ... and you're just so sweet..."

Before Taehyung can even reply, Namjoon slaps a palm over his forehead in sheer horror. "Oh my god, I just stereotyped you! I'm so sorry! I should've asked, stupid move Joon, you should've asked—"

Watching the man struggle, Taehyung feels himself relax. It was an honest mistake, and it's not like it's a bad thing, just perplexing...

"It's ok, hyung," he assures. "It's ok. I'm not mad, just surprised. But just to clarify, I like women, but you're a really cool guy too and I'm... flattered. Really, it's ok."

"This is honestly why Yoongi-hyung never invites me over," Namjoon jokes, still cradling his temples and Taehyung chuckles at this, motioning for them to continue walking.

"Yeah, well I'm sure he feels the same way about me but I'm contractually allowed to embarrass him."

Namjoon produces another dimpled grin and all grievances are forgiven.

————-

KangByun127: Can't wait to pick you up for dinner tomorrow ❤️ Not to be weird or anything, but I looked up the address you sent me and wow.... those secret projects of yours must pay a lot, which means you better dress up nice for me 😉

MinMin93: And if I don't? 😏

KangByun127: Then I won't eat dessert. Which is a shame, because you look too sweet not to taste 😉

"Yoongi-ssi?"

Yoongi snaps his head up from his phone to find Taehyung staring at him awkwardly from the bathroom doorway.

"Everything is ready for your shower. Are you ready?"

"Uh, yeah." Yoongi locks his phone and places it on the nightstand before rolling into the bathroom after his nurse.

It's strange how calm Yoongi is now when it comes to Taehyung undressing him; something had shifted over the last few days and he's thankful for it, but there's still something about the nurse that has him on edge. He tries to tell himself that it's because he can never be comfortable with anyone the way he is with Jimin, but to be honest, he knows it's deeper than that.

His little crush has morphed into something more than curiosity. This morning's annoyance with Namjoon only proved this.

Why did he care so much if Taehyung made new friends or even dated? He barely even knew this guy, but he had him all to himself, much like Jimin, and it was difficult to let go. That's all. There is nothing more to it.

He's just starved for attention and lonely.

That's all.

Besides, Yoongi was actively seeking out the company of others aside from his employees and best friend, so didn't that make him a hypocrite? Shouldn't he want this work relationship to remain strictly professional and not bleed over into friendly territory? After all, Taehyung is only here for two months....

When Taehyung kneels down to begin undressing him, Yoongi takes the time to look the other man over. Of course, he's wearing a pair of scrubs— today's outfit navy blue— and his gray converse with the laces that are stained a dingy beige from constant wear. His hair is still bleached to shit and shaggy, but it curls around his face in a way that's almost purposeful even though Yoongi knows the man doesn't even bother with a beauty routine like Jimin does.

And then those lips—

Slicked with cherry red lip balm and looking so soft....

"Yoongi-ssi, can I ask you a question?" Taehyung is looking up at him now with wide chocolate eyes, his hands stilled on his patient's basketball short-clad legs; Yoongi wishes he could feel the warmth of the palms splayed across his knees.

"Sure."

Taehyung furrows his thick brows and casts his gaze to the floor. "I'm not trying to offend you," he begins and Yoongi grits his teeth in anticipation, "but I really want to understand better. Um, how did you know you were gay?"

Well, that's not the question he was expecting. Yoongi blinks once, twice, and then replies, "Uh, I guess I always sort of knew, but then one day I looked at a boy and I realized that I really wanted to kiss him," he admits, ashamed at letting the confession out so easily, as if Taehyung was truly a friend and not a stranger.

He remembers that day.

Walking home from high school with Jimin, both of them cracking up over something ridiculous that had happened in class, and he remembers looking over to find Jimin's face scrunched up in glee, his eyes nearly disappearing into crescent moons and Yoongi had felt like he had run right into a brick wall.

The realization nearly floored him, but it made sense. Oh, it made so much sense and then he pulled Jimin into a sweet kiss— his first kiss— and reveled in the way his best friend just let him taste before they broke apart with startled gasps.

Jimin wasn't upset; he just started laughing and murmured "I knew it" under his breath until Yoongi started laughing too because he knew Jimin was very much into girls if his string of one night stands and sloppy blowjobs in the old science building were any indication. It was honestly ridiculous, but it had felt so freeing in that moment, to finally put a name to what he had been feeling.

"Did you?" Taehyung asks, pulling Yoongi into the present. "Did you kiss him?"

Smirking wistfully, Yoongi nods. "Yeah, it was... nice."

Taehyung simply nods at this and moves to take off Yoongi's shorts, and Yoongi clings to the nurse's broad shoulders as the act is completed. Next comes his underwear and shirt and then it's time or him to get into the shower, except—

Except Taehyung is stalling, looking up at Yoongi from his place on the floor, chewing at his bottom lip. "I have another question."

Yoongi tenses, feeling completely vulnerable in his chair, nude, with this man at his feet.

"When Namjoon-hyung asked me to go get coffee with him, did you know that he was asking me out on a date?" Taehyung doesn't look angry, just confused, and something flashes in his eyes that Yoongi wishes he could decipher.

Suddenly, he wants nothing to do with this conversation. Was Taehyung asking about being gay because he realized he liked Namjoon? Did he want Yoongi's advice on how to win the other over?

"Why the fuck are you asking me this right now?" Yoongi snaps, grabbing onto the wheels of his chair to roll closer to the shower stall. Something stops him from moving forward and it's only when he looks down does he notice Taehyung's hand gripping his thigh in an effort to pull him back. He looks up to the nurse. "I can't feel that, you know."

His voice is dripping in acid and contempt; Taehyung knows better than to touch him like this without permission, especially when he's in such a vulnerable state, but the strange spark in the nurse's eyes momentarily quells his anger.

The hand moves up his thigh, just barely, but enough. Enough for Yoongi to feel something— the slight sensation of pressure that he's worked so hard to regain. And he never thought he would feel another's hand on him again, not in this manner, and it takes everything within him not to cry.

It takes everything within him to remain straight-faced and say, "I can't feel that either."

Taehyung seems to snap out of whatever weird trance has enraptured him and then the nurse rises from the floor to pick Yoongi up and place him in his shower chair. As soon as he's settled, Yoongi unwinds his hands from the nurse's neck but doesn't let Taehyung move too far.

"I knew that Namjoon thought it was a date," he admits, watching Taehyung turn red, his brows shooting up in surprise. "But it wasn't my place to correct him because I wasn't sure about—"

"I like women," Taehyung blurts out suddenly, almost panicked, and it would really piss Yoongi off if he didn't recognize the look, the same look he often stared at in the mirror when the kids at school would mockingly ask why he was never at the parties, why no girl in school seemed to catch his attention.

Confusion. Terror. Denial.

"Ok," Yoongi drawls out as Taehyung pulls away to hand him a washcloth and his body brush. He clears his throat. "So why did you ask me about being gay earlier then?"

"I told you, I just wanted to understand," the nurse snaps then his face softens considerably. "I'm sorry, that was rude. I was just startled, that's all. It's not that I don't understand how a guy could be attracted to another guy's personality, but what about... sexually? How could you want another man's... you know...."

Yoongi has to laugh. He just does. There was a time when he acted exactly like this, when he was so fucking confused about physiology and the logistics of it all but then—

Then he fell in love with Jimin, with the way he spoke, the way he thought, the way he filled in the cracks in Yoongi's quickly shattering heart. It was only then that he understood true attraction, a desire so strong that you gave up your pre-conceived notions about gender and sexuality and you just wanted to feel that love manifested physically. It didn't matter what the other person had in their pants.

"Taehyung," Yoongi begins, his voice soft and reserved like it always is with Jimin and the nurse snaps his head up in shock. "You fall in love with someone based on what's in their heart, not anything else, and yeah, everyone has preferences— Some people only want a certain kind of person, but it's different for everyone. I'm gay, because I find that I really only want to be in relationships with men, but I've fallen for girls before. They're nice and genuinely sweet in a way that most men aren't. It just happens that my first love was a guy, so...."

"What happened to him?" Taehyung questions, eyes wide in genuine curiosity. "Why did it end, if you don't mind me asking..."

"We decided it was better to be friends since he didn't think of me that way." Yoongi hates the way this truth comes so easily.

"Do you think he will ever change his mind?"

Yoongi looks into Taehyung's curious and sweet eyes and nearly loses himself there. "No, he's straight. So we can never be together."

Taehyung is confused. "But you said that people fall in love with someone's heart—"

"Well I guess my heart wasn't good enough," Yoongi finds himself biting back, a scowl forming on his lips. So much for this seemingly tender moment.

Instead of taking offense, Taehyung merely frowns, looking down to the floor before his gaze finds Yoongi again. "There's nothing wrong with you," the nurse says, breathless, and Yoongi feels himself slipping away even though his body is firmly planted in the shower chair. That's what Taehyung's stare is doing to him right now, the way the man's eyes drift from his face down to his neck, then his chest, his stomach, further, further, and then—

"I have a date tomorrow," Yoongi blurts out and Taehyung's gaze is back on his face.

"What?"

Yoongi swallows hard. "I have a date tomorrow night, so we won't be eating dinner together. Also, can you cancel my therapy session? I need extra time to get ready."

"Oh... oh, ok." It takes the nurse a while to gather his words. "Um, I can do that. How late will you be out? I can wait up for you."

Glancing away, Yoongi burns with shame as the next words come tumbling out of his mouth. "He will bring me back in the morning, so don't worry about it."

"Oh," Taehyung's voice sounds so small. He looks even more so, curling in on himself in what appears to be disappointment but Yoongi knows better. "Ok..."

The nurse's gaze hardens, just a little bit, and then he's turning on the water, scolding hot at first, hitting Yoongi's body with force. Then he's gone, leaving his patient alone in the stall to stare down at himself just as he does every damn day.

The only thought he can produce as his heart pangs in his chest:

"I can feel that."