"I think I left my toothbrush," Jimin proclaims right after he gets Yoongi settled in the handicap accessible seat on the airplane.

Yoongi just glares at him, too fucking tired to even function. It's way too early in the morning and they have an ungodly amount of hours on this plane until they reach Sweden, where his surgery is to take place. "We'll buy you a toothbrush," he tells the younger with a roll of his eyes.

"A Swedish toothbrush?" Jimin considers this. "It could double as a souvenir." He breaks out into a smile too wide for the circumstance and the early hour and Yoongi has the sudden urge to slap him.

But he doesn't. He just sits there and tries to keep his eyes open. He hasn't even had the luxury of coffee yet.

When Jimin moves to the aisle, Yoongi frowns. "Where are you going? Aren't you sitting with me?"

His friend flushes at the question before rubbing his neck sheepishly. "Actually, no. I've got a surprise for you..."

Yoongi's stomach drops. For a moment, he thinks that Taehyung may be here. He has no idea why he hopes for such a ridiculous thing, but he does. Even though the man practically betrayed him, he still misses him.

Not a day or night goes by without Yoongi desperately hoping that the connection they shared was real even though he knows it wasn't. Taehyung was just projecting his feelings for his girlfriend onto Yoongi, but a man can dream.

And dream he does, late at night when he's exhausted himself by asking Jungkook to work him harder in therapy. He dreams of Taehyung in the park, holding his hand as they share some street food. He dreams of sweet kisses tangled up in the nurse's bed, listening to the soft melodies coming through the speaker on his desk. But perhaps the most potent dreams are the ones where Taehyung stands in the doorway of his bedroom, and Yoongi goes to him— actually stands up and walks to him.

When he wakes from those, he is always sobbing from the cruelty of reality.

And life truly is cruel, because even though Yoongi hopes Taehyung is here, coming to support him during the surgery, he knows this is not the case.

But that doesn't stop him from breaking out into a smile upon seeing Jun Ki stepping through the plane doorway and striding up to where Yoongi is seated. Jimin grins, proud of himself.

"I heard my badass baby brother is getting surgery," Jun Ki states, rubbing his head of cropped hair. The military has definitely changed his style.

Yoongi can't help but laugh. "Didn't think they let idiots like you out into the wild," he teases. "How did you get them to approve your leave?"

"Ah, the Min name helps out a lot. That and Appa actually called my superiors and bitched at them. Sometimes I think that man is capable of getting me acquitted for murder, I swear." His brother pauses and looks around. "Where is Appa anyway?"

"He'll be on the next flight," Jimin explains with a shrug. His face gives away his obvious annoyance.

Jun Ki rolls his eyes. "Sounds like him. Jimin-ah, you'll be in the back, right?"

"Yep!" Jimin chirps and then waves. "Have a good flight. Hyung, don't be an ass to your brother."

Yoongi can't help but stick his tongue out at his best friend and his brother laughs.

"I always liked that kid. Glad to see you two together." Jun Ki stows his carry on away in the bin overhead and then takes the seat next to Yoongi.

"Together?"

Jun Ki nods, smiling. "Yeah, you know, together. I mean, Appa never approved of it, but you know I don't care about who you love. Besides, Jimin-ah is really nice and he takes such good care of you. I wouldn't mind having a brother-in-law like that." He winks for effect.

"I— We— We aren't together, hyung." Yoongi stares at his brother, whose face scrunches up in confusion. "Why do you think that? We've been friends for years—"

"Your texts," Jun Ki explains, gesturing to the phone in his hand. "I know we don't talk much, but during the last month or so, you've seemed so happy when you text me. You've been adding hearts and shit."

Yoongi blanches and smacks his brother's arm playfully. "I have not!" he protests, but now that he thinks about it, maybe he has been... But why? He never does stuff like that unless he's overly happy, which he supposes Taehyung made him.

"You have. Now, little baby brother, are you going to tell me who it is if it's not Jimin?"

"It's no one," Yoongi bites out a little too quickly. "Doesn't even matter anymore."

Instead of replying right away and pestering Yoongi even further, Jun Ki just sits in silence and stares at him for a few moments.

"It does matter, Yoongi."

"Why do you say it like that?" His brother is looking at him with eyes filled with concern, something he hadn't shown much of since they were younger and he would come home from university to find Yoongi with a new blackening bruise.

"Because you're crying," Jun Ki states, reaching over to wipe away a single tear cresting over Yoongi's cheek. "I've only ever seen you cry twice in my life. Once, when I left for college, and the other when they told you about your legs. Yoongi, you only cry when you lose things that are incredibly important to you."

The words hit like a punch to the gut and Yoongi has to look away before the grief consumes him.

Yes, he loved Taehyung.

It's just too bad that Taehyung really never loved him.

—————-

Daegu is exactly how he remembers it even though it's been three whole years.

The drive out to the farm is the exact same, all rough roads and overgrown trees, but Taehyung loves it. In his haste to get out of town and escape the grief over Yoonji, he had forgotten how much he loved the simple life he led here.

He forgot what it feels like to be home.

It's his first day back, and his mother has to work, and his grandparents are at the farm arranging for the slew of farmhands they recently hired to be trained. Even in his old age, Taehyung's grandfather is a strict and precise man and he still tries to maintain as much control as he can over his business. His grandmother, on the other hand, can't wait for retirement. She says she wants to be on the beach with a fruity drink in both of her hands.

So Taehyung unpacks his bag in his childhood room, stopping every now and then to pout over the fact that Yeontan isn't with him. He didn't want to drag the dog onto the train for several hours and then be forced to leave him at an unfamiliar house while he attended the memorial and caught up with his family.

So naturally, he needed someone to watch his pet and both Hobi and Seokjin had fought over the opportunity. In the end, both men decided to share "custody" since Taehyung couldn't bring himself to choose between his friends. Jungkook had simply laughed and called them all idiots, but secretly Taehyung thinks the therapist may have wanted Yeontan all to himself.

At least the dog is in good hands, which makes things a little easier on Taehyung. Not much though, because he's still upset.

Yoongi broke up with him.

That's the best way to describe it despite them never having made their relationship official— it may as well been. They were crazy for each other and being with Yoongi had felt so natural, so easy, that the nurse never had to sit back and ponder over his sudden change in his sexual preferences or his life path. He just fell in love, pure and simple. Yoongi had made it easy for him by being him and if that wasn't an indication that they belonged together, then Taehyung doesn't know what is.

But of course, love is fragile and he doesn't blame Yoongi for being upset. He has every right to be mad that Taehyung wasn't upfront with him about why he took the job and about Yoonji, but does it really matter?

What was he supposed to do? Blurt out as soon as he accepted the job that he was only doing it because Yoongi looked like first love? It wasn't important at the time and not relevant in the slightest. His intention wasn't to trick Yoongi and of course he hadn't even planned on falling in love with him. He had just been curious.

Those may have been the circumstances that brought them together but it's not the reason why they decided to stay together. It wasn't Yoonji that Taehyung rushed to the hospital. It wasn't Yoonji that he defended against the dating app asshole. It wasn't Yoonji that he held in his arms sobbing. It wasn't Yoonji that he listened to and felt empathy for.

It wasn't Yoonji he fell in love with.

It was only Yoongi.

Taehyung feels like such an idiot. He should've done more to prove to Yoongi that he cared about him as person before he ever even broached the subject of Yoonji. That way, maybe the elder would've been secure enough to see the situation for what is was, which is a crazy coincidence.

But he can't go back now and fix it, and besides that, Yoongi seemed to only care about one thing— whether Taehyung intended to leave Yoonji in his past, which truthfully, the nurse isn't ready to do.

How can he when he never got any closure? When her death was the single most painful thing he's ever experienced in his life? The teenage years are already hard enough, but Taehyung had found someone to confide in, to grow with, and to support him, and then she was just.... gone.

Of course he can't let her go. He's lived for so long dependent on the memory of her, using her as motivation to pursue his career. Letting Yoonji go is terrifying, because if he's not Taehyung, the boy grieving over his lost love, then who is he?

He had plenty of time on the train to think about why he can't move on, why Yoongi was right when he said that the nurse was the one acting like he was disabled and it's because he doesn't know who he really is. Yoonji was there when he was growing into himself and she helped shape and mold him into the person he is today. She was his hands and feet, his reason and rhyme, and he lost a part of himself the day she died.

In reality, Taehyung is the one who is handicapped and he's doing it to himself because he's too afraid to move on, too guilty to just let himself live.

Now that he's not in Yoongi's presence, he realizes what he's done, which is replace Yoonji. And he hates himself for it, yet he's supposed to stand in front of dozens of people and talk about her like she's the sun in his universe, like he didn't just erase her from his life mere days ago.

And just as he takes out the final piece of clothing from his luggage and puts it into a drawer, Taehyung realizes then how lonely he actually is, chasing the ghost of something that once was and pining after the shadow of something he never truly let himself have.

——————

It's two days until the surgery and Yoongi has been trying to adhere to the pre-op instructions but it's hard to quell the rising tide of anxiety threatening to consume him. He's clammy and restless; his throat feels like sandpaper and the hospital air is stale and smells of chemicals. Luckily, he has both his best friend and brother to distract him.

"That's bullshit," Jimin is saying, pointing a finger directly at Jun Ki as they both lounge on the sofa across from Yoongi's bed. "That movie is a classic and you're insane."

Jun Ki scoffs. "It made no sense! No one can figure out if he was a human or an android by the end! If you have to google a movie to understand it, then it's trash."

"I— I cannot believe Yoongi is related to you." Jimin looks thoroughly exasperated. "You have such terrible taste in everything."

"Everything?" Jun Ki fires back with an arched brow. "I used to think you were cute. So do I still have terrible taste?"

Jimin's face could rival a tomato in its redness. "A-Are you serious?" he squeaks out before turning to look at Yoongi in disbelief. "Am I some kind of fetish for the men in your family?"

"He's just bullshitting you," Yoongi replies dryly, though the look on his best friend's face is quickly challenging his composure. "And the way you said that implied that my father might have a thing for you too which is—"

"Disgusting," Jun Ki finishes with a dramatic dry retch.

They all burst into laughter.

"Speaking of your father," Jimin begins, "where is he anyway? He said he would call either one of you when he landed but he's definitely supposed to be here right now."

Jun Ki sighs and Yoongi grimaces. He has a feeling about what happened to his father, but he hopes he's wrong. The main reason he's even doing this is because the man had seemed so supportive and Yoongi is such a sucker for pandering for his father's approval. But now that he's here and he's so close to getting this risky, life-changing surgery, he's feeling incredibly apprehensive and concerned that his father doesn't intend to show up at all.

"Speak of the devil," Jun Ki says as he checks his phone. "It's an email from his secretary, of course. It says that his flight was delayed but that he should be here tomorrow morning. If not, hopefully he'll make it in time for the surgery."

"Hopefully?" Yoongi feels his throat constrict. What if his father doesn't show up in time? Everything is arranged and ready to go, but somehow he envisioned that he would have the man's support right before they took him into the operating room.

"Hyung, maybe— Maybe we should rethink this," Jimin suggests softly, peering up at Yoongi from across the room. "If you don't feel comfortable..."

Yoongi definitely wants to run. He's steadily becoming more anxious, more terrified with each passing moment. He looks over to his brother and Jun Ki wears the same concerned expression.

He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't. He doesn't need this surgery.... He doesn't...

He's happy the way he is...

"Surely you can't be happy like this," He remembers his father saying. Yoongi had wanted to refute this so badly but the truth had trapped his tongue.

His father had been right.

Maybe Taehyung would have stayed if Yoongi could offer him more. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered if he looked like Yoonji. Maybe in another lifetime, Yoongi would've still had his legs and Taehyung would've seen him as worthy from the beginning and not just some placeholder for what he couldn't have.

But maybe this isn't even about the nurse at all.

The truth is, Yoongi wouldn't have felt so jealous of Yoonji if he wasn't so insecure about himself. Maybe it really was a coincidence just like Taehyung said, but Yoongi can't even find confidence in himself, so how could he possibly put aside his feelings and look at the situation rationally?

Things would be different if he could walk, if he felt like he was enough. It's not the nurse's view he has to fix, it's the view of himself, but he doesn't know how to accept himself the way he is, so he wants to change.

"Abeoji will be here," Yoongi blurts out, staring down at his hands splayed over the scratchy hospital blanket. "Everything will be ok."

No one dares to correct him.

————-

The memorial begins in the simplest of ways, with a video of Yoonji playing piano.

Taehyung remembers this day. A classmate had asked Yoonji to play for her recital and being the person she was, Yoonji had agreed sweetly.

The song was simple, something in English, and the girl had done a spectacular job singing it, but all Taehyung could focus on was the way Yoonji was so involved in her work, those small fingers moving over the piano with ease.

Right now, that's all he can see as well, her face impassive while she plays on the footage, the melody a beautiful accompaniment to the song her classmate had chosen.

"Come on, skinny love, just last the year..."

He watches intently, shifting in his seat inside the large church, one of the few on the outskirts of town. All around him are friends and family, some who most likely hadn't attended the first service, much like Taehyung.

But he's here now.

The video comes to an end and when the screen fades to black, there is nothing but silence. At the front of the room stands a podium and an elaborate display of flowers with Yoonji's picture in the middle. She's smiling so brightly, her eyes aglow with wonder.

Taehyung had taken that picture.

After a few moments, Yoonji's father comes to stand at the podium and he clears his throat. "Thank you for joining us today. It means a lot to our family that you would let us into your hearts again to celebrate our daughter's life." He pauses to suck in a deep breath. "As you know, Yoonji touched the lives of many people, but it was those that had the privilege of loving her that truly were blessed. That's why at this time, I would like to invite her boyfriend, Kim Taehyung, to speak."

Taehyung had arrived only five minutes before the service began so he wouldn't have to speak to many of her family. He was just too nervous. His mother and grandmother had wanted to come support him, but he could tell that they were distressed about seeing Yoonji's parents, still harboring resentment for them treating Taehyung so badly.

So the nurse is all alone as he stands to walk to the front. His heart is racing in his chest and he isn't sure he even really knows what to say, but he needs to do this. He needs the closure.

Once in front of the crowd, he clears his throat and dares a look around the room. Everyone is watching him with expectation and he recognizes some familiar faces. He wonders what he looks like to them, how much he's changed, if they pity him or had forgotten that he even once belonged in Yoonji's life.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Taehyung takes a deep breath. Where does he begin? What does he even say?

His mother used to tell him that any great story starts with a simple beginning, so here he goes....

"I met Yoonji for the first time in the hallway at school," he begins. "She was being harassed by this guy who was trying to get a date out of her and just when I decided to swoop in and save her, she slapped him and told him to get lost." The crowd laughs awkwardly. Taehyung adjusts his tie. "She didn't need my help. She really didn't need anyone's help, but she always welcomed it."

Taehyung takes a calming breath and looks down at his hands. His voice may be steady but he feels like he's going to pass out. "I never knew anyone like her. She was just so loving and kind. She never made me feel bad about myself, but I always wondered if she could do better, if she deserved someone better. But that's the thing about her— she thought the world could do better than her. She was quick to love everybody else, but she didn't love herself."

At this, some of the people in the crowd begin to frown. This isn't what people come to memorials to hear, but Taehyung wants them to see Yoonji through his eyes, flaws and all.

"Sometimes she would cry at night and call me. We would talk for hours about life and what it meant. She was just so scared that she would leave this world and no one would care and that she wouldn't change anyone's life. So when she found out about the cancer, she became even more scared. Because then she realized she would change everyone's lives, but for the worse. She was going to leave us behind, and for her that was a nightmare come true."

He decides to pause then and look down at the solid wood of the podium. He's beginning to sweat beneath his suit as he struggles for his next words. Isn't this the part where he turns things around, where he talks about how Yoonji pulled it together and was the shining example of positivity until the very end? Something inspirational?

Except that would be a lie. In actuality, she sort of gave up, or at least made peace with it, and there's something about this that really bothers Taehyung, always had.

He remembers telling Yoongi about her, and his patient immediately understanding.

"She just kind of stopped caring, you know? It's like she knew there wasn't any way to survive it, so she just... shutdown. She tried everything to push me away, push her parents away. I think she thought that if we hated her, it would hurt less but—"

"It hurts more," Yoongi finishes and Taehyung just stares at him. "It's like, they're already dead but they're still there, and you can't get any peace."

For the first time, Taehyung wonders how Yoongi knows this. Who had he been referring to? Himself? He thinks it over, thinks about the people in Yoongi's life but still doesn't understand....

"I can still remember her apologizing to me for being sick, like somehow it was her fault," the nurse continues, looking back up. "I would tell her not to worry about it, that we would get through this, but she wasn't convinced. I think a part of her knew from the very beginning, and she was just trying to get the rest of used to it."

Letting out a little dark laugh, Taehyung sweeps his gaze over the crowd. "That's the best way to describe her. She was facing death, but she was more concerned about the rest of us that it ate her up inside. Even though she was terrified of leaving, she was even more scared that we would suffer when she was gone."

How selfless, Taehyung thinks. Yoonji had always been near perfect and back then it had seemed normal to him, that his first love would be so effortless, but standing here, recalling every moment with her, Taehyung realizes something.

Yoonji didn't have time to be anything but perfect. She was so young, barely an adult, and at that age you haven't yet stepped out into the world. You simply don't have the time or resources to develop huge, incidental flaws, the kind you get from trauma and reckless mistakes and the world spitting you out...

Of course everything had seemed like a fairytale, because it was.

Real life is messy, time complicates things, and people aren't saints.

Real life turns men into wandering drunks, craving attention in all the wrong places. Time takes young boys and teaches them to resent themselves. Yoongi isn't a saint like the memory of Yoonji that Taehyung holds in his heart.

Yoongi isn't Yoonji.

He has no idea why he's thinking about this, all these thoughts running through his brain as he stands in front of these people but it's startling to realize that a Taehyung never really knew his girlfriend. They were both too young— all they knew was school and home. Yoonji probably didn't even know herself at that young. Who knows who she would've grown into, what kind of quirks and insecurities she would've developed. If that bright-eyed girl would've lost the shine in her gaze. If they would've looked at each other one day and not recognized who they saw reflected in each other's eyes.

It nearly floors Taehyung, in this moment, to realize that the love he never truly had was Yoonji's. And here he thought he didn't know Yoongi well-enough to love him, that he was too hung up on his past to let him in completely, but no.

He had latched onto his memory of Yoonji and used that as an excuse to stop living. Maybe deep down inside he knew that their connection had been a product of the environment, of the fragile time in their development as human beings, and that's why he felt guilty.

Because Yoonji didn't deserve to be an afterthought. She was a beautiful, sweet girl and it's not her fault that they weren't mature enough to truly be in love. It was just the wrong time, right people.

But none of this takes away from her impact on him; Taehyung is just starting to realize her role in his life.

He focuses himself once more and moves closer to the mic. "Yoonji cared so much for someone so young. I was always amazed by that. Not a day goes by when I don't remember something she said or did that helped me grow as a person. I don't know what we did to deserve her in our lives, but I know what we can do to continue to honor her— We can.... move on. We can stop living like we're scared, like we can't breathe without her because that's what she was scared of. That's what she didn't want.

"I say this, because I'm guilty of doing exactly what she told me not to. I've been waiting for her to come back, been putting my life on hold because somehow moving on feels like I'm forgetting her, like I'm admitting it was ok for her to.. die. But it's not like that. It's really not. Sometimes things happen to people and it's not about whether or not they derserved it or whether it was fair. It's about losing something and realizing that's ok to live without it."

He knows he's rambling, that his heart is bleeding out on his sleeve, but it feels so cathartic just to be admitting these words out loud. It isn't until tears sting the corner of his eyes that he realizes how much he's been holding inside, how much all of this chaos has been poisoning him slowly from the inside out.

"This may sound weird, but it's like losing your ability to walk. It's not fair and everyone else may never experience what you're going through, but it doesn't change anything. This is your life now and just because you're missing something doesn't mean you're not complete. It just means that it's time for you to learn a different way to move around. A different way to see things. That's what I've been trying to do, and that's why I'm here today.

"Because the last thing she told me before I left the hospital that day, was that I couldn't stop my life for her. Yes, I loved her, but just because you love someone doesn't mean you should make them your crutch. She was trying to tell me that life has so many different paths for us to take, and you can take someone with you, but you shouldn't take a particular path because of someone else. You also shouldn't avoid a path because of someone either."

He sighs. Takes another calming breath. Spits out his feelings before his brain can deny him the opportunity.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that she wouldn't want us to be here today to mourn her. It's been three years and we all have just been.... sad. That's exactly what she was afraid of. That's what she didn't want. But we chose that for her, didn't we? We chose the end of her life to be seen as something tragic when all she lived for was to be happy.

"I came today to say goodbye but as I'm standing here, I think that instead, I should say hello. Hello to Yoonji as she is, wherever she is. Hello to a new life filled with her memory in a positive way, in a way that makes her an important part of our lives, but not our reason for them. Hello, to a new beginning."

Taehyung opens his mouth to continue, but nothing comes out. It seems that he's spoken everything in his mind, everything in his heart. He feels stupid having rambled on and the silence from the crowd only amplifies this fact. But he feels so much better, like he can finally breathe again after drowning for three years.

He's just about to run off the stage when Yoonji's father stands up and begins clapping. Her mother joins him. Soon, everyone is standing for Taehyung, clapping and smiling warmly. Nearly everyone is in tears and Taehyung—

Taehyung looks up and closes his eyes, finally content. Finally at peace. Above, somewhere, he knows that Yoonji sees him and she's shaking her head at his antics, but she's smiling.

"Hello," he says, standing in front of Yoonji's locker. It's been two days since she first smiled at him in the hallway.

Yoonji looks him over with a glint in her eye. "Sorry, but I've got class now. Maybe we can talk later...." she trails off expectantly.

"Kim Taehyung," he introduces himself with a slight bow.

She smiles. "Ah... maybe we can talk later, Kim Taehyung?"

"Sure!"

Yoonji giggles at his enthusiasm as she turns away. She looks at him then, over her shoulder and frowns. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to me?"

"No," Taehyung chirps. "I don't believe in goodbyes, only hello."

Nodding to herself, Yoonji slings her backpack over her shoulder. "Well in that case.... Hello, Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung opens his eyes.

"Hello."

——————

His father still hasn't shown up.

It's around nine in the morning and Yoongi is trying to remain calm. They've begun preparations for the surgery tomorrow and things are starting to blur together out of anxiety. He's just been visited by the head surgeon who explained to him the risks of the procedure with the help of a translator. The consent and release forms were signed and all that's left is waiting..... because Yoongi is waiting on his father. He doesn't want to do this without him.

It's strange how twenty-five years of struggling to find a place in this world can all be reduced down to this moment, him lying in the hospital bed while Jimin and his brother just watch him from across the room, their faces grim despite their attempts to cheer him up. Yoongi has been scared of things before, as any human being naturally is, but there's something about this surgery that reminds him of that day, the day he woke up and his life was changed forever.

Would this be the same? Would he wake up and find Jimin by his side telling him that it was a success, that he had his legs back and could one day walk again? Or would he not even wake up at all?

Yoongi wishes he was scared of the possibility of dying. But the truth is, after you've wished for it to end once, you don't ever really regain that healthy respect of death. What he's more afraid of is waking up the exact same, like some cruel sign from the universe that this is how it's meant to be, that Yoongi is supposed to be this way.

That would be a hard pill to swallow.

But as much as he fears this outcome, he's absolutely terrified of something quite different.

What if the surgery is successful and he can walk again, but nothing else changes? What if he still feels empty inside, chasing after his father's attention? What if he still feels just as aimless and lost as before? What if he still feels trapped in his apartment receiving only affection from his best friend, doomed to never know love? What if he's still not good enough for someone like Taehyung? What if he's always the second choice, the replacement?

This surgery could give him back his mobility, but could it give him back his life?

"I'm sorry that I'm late."

Yoongi snaps his head up from where he has been playing with the hospital band around his wrist to find his father standing in the doorway.

He came.

He actually came.

"Jimin-ah.... Oh, Jun Ki.... I didn't know you would be here," the man addresses the two others in the room before striding in and looking Yoongi over. "How are we feeling today, Songwol-ah?"

"Appa," Jun Ki begins, the word sounding much like a warning.

Yoongi looks between his family members and swallows hard. "Tired and hungry," he admits, feeling so small under his father's gaze. "But I'm glad you're here."

"Yes, well I promised I would be here, so here I am." The man straightens his suit— he's always in a suit— and clears his throat. "I also had the opportunity to speak with the surgeon and I think it's best if we also pursue the option of straightening out your legs a little more while we are here. They said it was possible to do that procedure as well if the first surgery goes as planned, so I went ahead and confirmed the decision. They should be bringing you the papers to sign shortly."

A second surgery? Why?

"B-But my legs are already—"

"Yoongi, please. I've had a long flight and we both know you're in need of this."

"Abeonim—"

Yoongi is silenced by the sight of Jun Ki rocketing off the couch and quickly crowding his father's space. "Are you insane? Isn't one risky surgery enough for you?"

"The second procedure is actually rather routine. They will just re-break his legs where they have begun to bow out and then—"

"What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you manipulate him into this?" Jun Ki spits, gesturing to Yoongi gaping on the bed. "When will it end? When you first told me about this surgery, you made it sound like you were actually concerned about his quality of life, but I knew better and I should've listened to my gut and told Yoongi not to trust a damn thing you say."

Yoongi's father bristles at this, eyeing his eldest son with contempt. "Jun Ki, you will not speak to me that way. And I do have Yoongi's best interest at heart. I'm trying to make him into the man he was supposed to be before that god forsaken accident."

Furious, Jun Ki points a finger into his father's face. "You're such a lying bastard! So he gets this surgery for you, and then what? After you have him cut open and rearranged to your liking, then what? He will still be Yoongi. You still won't like who he dates. He will still want to pursue the things he actually cares about. You can't just fucking play with a person like a doll."

"Yoongi and I have discussed this already and we've agreed on some things," his father retorts coolly, looking over to his son on the bed. Yoongi is too stunned to react. "We also agreed that the surgery is in his best interest in order to improve his quality of life, which is why your brother is here. I'm not forcing anything on him."

Sitting in his bed, Yoongi watches the exchange with wide eyes. He can't believe that his father is acting so cool and indifferent and that his brother is taking up for him after years of just letting Yoongi be. Sure, they retained their closeness from childhood, but he never knew Jun Ki cared about him this much— or maybe he just cares about what his father does. Either way, he's stunned, and Jimin, sitting in the corner of the room, isn't faring much better. His best friend looks both alarmed and fascinated.

"Not forcing anything on him? You come in here with your pet names and your 'good intentions' but what did you really tell him to get him here, Appa? That you would make him your heir?"

Yoongi takes note of this, because that's exactly what his father had promised him.

"Did you promise him some bullshit about him being able to continue music production under the company or something?"

He was promised that too.

"Did you brush over the fact that you hate his sexuality and made it seem like you were willing to overlook it?"

Now that Yoongi thinks about it, that's exactly what happened....

"Jun Ki," Yoongi's father intones, face stern. "You better watch your mouth—"

"Or what? Are you going to disown me like you tried to do with him? Are you going to humiliate and shame me? Are you going to force me into surgery or conversion therapy for the things you don't like about me?"

Yoongi blinks.

Conversion therapy? Was his father planning on talking him into that too? Was that the next step after this?

"Jun Ki—"

"No, Appa, answer me!" Yoongi's brother demands hotly. "Are you going to hit me like you used to do to Yoongi? Going to beat me and then pat my head and say 'Songwol-ah, you know I only do this because I love you'—"

Jimin jumps up and is immediately at Yoongi's side, trying to protect him from the harsh words, the memories, but Yoongi wants to watch this. He wants to know the answer.

"That's quite enough!" His father bellows. "I will not stand here and have you disrespect me and your brother like this."

Jun Ki blanches. "Me? Disrespect Yoongi? I would never! I'm here today because I've failed him and I'm here to make it up to him. I left him with you all those years ago and I hoped that he was strong enough to survive but I should've done the right thing and reported you years ago. I should've spoken up but you always threatened to ruin me and make my life hell. But I can't stand to watch you tear him apart anymore."

For a minute, the bottom falls out of the storm and everything is silent. Jimin grabs Yoongi's hand and squeezes. His heart is racing, his head is light. He doesn't know what to think. He doesn't understand how things got to this point, why he's here.

His father breaks the silence.

"Jun Ki, you know I love you, but I will not let you sit here and throw a tantrum like this. If you speak one more word, you know what will happen."

Jun Ki clenches his jaw and nods. "Yeah, I know. You'll disown me and all the money I've saved up to start my family will be gone," he states. "I get that. You'll probably have me dishonorably discharged from the service. You will do what you do to everyone that dares to defy you and you'll just have me erased. I'll never see mom again. She will never hold her grandchild. I know. But it's not just me you're hurting anymore. You're killing Yoongi and...." He trails off then and looks to the bedside, past Yoongi and right at Jimin.

"Jun Ki," Yoongi's father drawls, a warning in his voice. "If you know what's good for you, you won't do this."

Jun Ki closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again, Yoongi swears that he's never seen a fire so hot raging in his brother's eyes. "Are you going to tell them, or should I?"

——————-

Taehyung doesn't know why, but after the memorial, he doesn't go home. Instead, he walks the familiar route through his neighborhood until his feet bring him to the one place he hoped he would never see again— the train tracks.

It's a wet and rainy today, a far cry from the cold, snow-covered scene he last witnessed here, but it's oddly nice. Like somehow this place has also evolved with him, let go of a past that it had no right to hold onto. He stands there and soaks it all in, watching the birds perch on the metal railings without a care in the world.

He's probably there for half an hour when he feels it— the sensation that someone is watching him. He turns to find Yoonji's father loitering at the edge of the treeline near the old station platform.

"Are you following me?" Taehyung asks, picking up a rock and throwing it into the distance to watch it skip.

"I didn't get the opportunity to speak to you afterwards," the man explains. "That was... quite a speech."

Taehyung opens his mouth to retort, but all that comes out is an anxious huff of air. "Thanks," he says after awhile.

The silence that follows is ripe with so many things: frustration, resentment, anger, but underneath the surface there's a current of possible closure.

"She really did love you, you know."

"I know. She told me all the time."

Yoonji's father sighs. "I meant what I said when I told you that I was scared of losing her to you. And I know that's no excuse for how we treated you but..... We're sorry."

"I know," Taehyung repeats, toeing a dead branch with his converse. He feels like he should apologize too, but for what? He wasn't the one at fault here. He did nothing but love Yoonji until her last breath and yet he had been treated like trash.

Yoonji's father sighs again and walks onto the train platform, hands in the pocket of his jacket. He's still dressed from the memorial but he looks uncomfortable in such attire. Taehyung supposes he is too. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but maybe I feel like I need to confess this to you because I couldn't tell her."

Taehyung falls still at this, watching the man struggle to hold his emotions together.

"You weren't the only one we wronged, Taehyung-ah. We aren't perfect people, but the one thing we wanted was a child. When we couldn't conceive after years of trying, we decided to adopt."

Curious, Taehyung steps closer to the platform and just watches as Yoonji's father begins to sob quietly.

"There was this woman who was desperate for someone to take care of her baby. She had an affair with a businessman and she didn't want her family to know. So she told them that she was going to study overseas but she came to live with us instead.

"I've never seen anyone more terrified of what they had done in their entire life, but she wanted to carry the baby to full term, said that she didn't want it to suffer for her indiscretion. When Yoonji was born, I understood what it meant to love someone like that— unconditionally— to make them your whole world. And when she first smiled up at me, wrapped in a blanket in my arms, I fell in love."

Taehyung has to take a few minutes to collect himself. He stares down at the metal train tracks, at the grass growing wild over them. He looks at his feet, at the forest, at the sky— anywhere but at Yoonji's father.

"So she was adopted," he states. "And you never told her."

"At first, we didn't want to confuse her when she was so young. We decided to tell her when she was a little older and could handle it better, but then things got difficult for her mother and I," the main explains. "Financially, we weren't doing the best, and the stress of not letting Yoonji know was starting to wear on us. We just wanted her to be happy and pursue her dreams, but we didn't have the money to send her to university. That's why we pushed for her to get a scholarship for her music, because it was the only way she could get out of this town."

Recognition dawns on Taehyung. "That's why you felt so threatened by me, isn't it? Because you thought I would distract her from college." Yoonji's father nods. "For the record, I wanted her to go to Seoul. I drove her to practice and went to every recital. I would've never gotten in the way of her dream."

"We know that now, but back then... it was easier to blame you for our guilt."

"Guilt? About not telling her that she was adopted?"

At this, the man's face falls and Taehyung is confused at the absolute anguish he sees there.

"It's more than that. In an effort to try to keep our house, I got into a lot of debt with the wrong people. So when— When we were contacted by the adoption agency and they told us that Yoonji's biological father, the rich businessman, had named her as heir to his fortune, we were desperate. They said he had recently found out Yoonji was his daughter and that he wanted us to take care of her until the time that she graduated and could finally meet him. He began to send us money for her but—"

"She didn't know, so she didn't get the money." Taehyung levels a stern gaze on the man. He can't believe what he's hearing. "So you took it for yourself."

Yoonji's father blanches, obviously ashamed. "We had to pay off our debts otherwise she wouldn't even have a place to live."

"And when she died? Did you tell her real family? Do they know?"

"Her mother does— did. She recently passed away," the man explains. "But her father..."

Taehyung feels fury burning in his veins. The audacity of this man to lie to his daughter, to claim he loved her, yet take what's rightfully hers... "He's still sending you money, isn't he? You're still taking Yoonji's money for yourself! What's wrong with you?"

"Taehyung, you don't understand. Do you know how expensive cancer treatment is? We are still paying her medical bills everyday and without this money—"

"Is it worth it?" Taehyung snaps. His whole body is shaking with anger. "To give someone hope that she's still alive just so you don't have to struggle? What happens when he finds out? If he's so rich and powerful, he won't just let this go."

"He wouldn't do anything. He doesn't want the public to know about his indiscretion until absolutely necessary. So he would probably just continue to give us hush money."

Taehyung furrows his brows. Hush money? It's not like a businessman has much of a reputation to uphold. It's not like he's an actor or musician, so why care so much about secrecy? Money talks more than gossip.

"I know what you're thinking," Yoonji's father continues, "but he wouldn't dare come after us. He doesn't want his family to know. Yoonji's mother was the wife of his best friend and business partner. If this were to be revealed, it could destroy his whole company and that in turn would cause economic chaos, seeing as how it's the largest technology corporation in all of Korea."

At this, Taehyung snaps to attention. "What did you just say?" But before the man can even reply, Taehyung is rapidly approaching him. "What's the name of the company?" he demands.

Yoonji's father steps back, obviously frightened. "I-I shouldn't say—"

"What is it?" Taehyung demands once more, grasping the man by the shoulders.

"M-Min Incorporated."

Taehyung nearly falls on his ass in shock. Yoongi's father..... had an affair with the wife of his business partner.... who is Jimin's father...

Yoonji....

Yoonji is Jimin's half-sister.

Yoonji is—

Yoongi's half-sister.

Taehyung sees spots in his vision from how hard his heart is racing and he has to sit down. Down on the grass, he holds his head in his hands and just tries to breathe through it. "W-Why are you telling me this? Why now?"

"Because—" Yoonji's father pauses and then begins to cry, "because he wants her share of the rights to the company. He just found out that her mother tricked him into signing an agreement saying that in the case of her death and Yoonji's death, then Yoonji's share would go to the woman's son. He wanted to meet with Yoonji and have her sign her rights over but now..."

Taehyung nearly chokes on a gasp. "Jimin...."

"He keeps calling saying that he needs her share signed over as soon as possible because he's concerned that the investment he's made into his current heir won't hold up and the company will lose money if they were to find out..."

Investment? What the hell does that mean? Taehyung wracks his brain for something Yoongi might've mentined about business opportunities or investments but they hardly ever talked about his father.

The only time they did was when—

Taehyung's blood runs cold.

The surgery.

The surgery that— Taehyung checks his phone and thinks about the time difference— that Yoongi should be preparing for right as they speak.

His father doesn't care about Yoongi. He's trying to secure his own future and he's willing to toss aside his own child if Yoongi can't live up to expectations.

"No!" he shouts, frantically rising from the forest floor. His fingers dial on their own accord and soon he's pressing his ear to his phone as he practically chews off his thumb.

Jimin picks up on the fifth ring.

"Oh thank god. Jimin-hyung, you have to tell Yoongi that—" Taehyung cuts himself off when he hears Jimin's pained sobs. "Jimin-hyung? Jimin-hyung, what's wrong?"

"I didn't think he would do it, Tae. I didn't think he would actually do it." Jimin's voice is so strained with grief that Taehyung feels his legs give out and he falls onto the grass.

"Do what? Hyung, what did he do? Is he ok? Please tell me he didn't go through with it."

Taehyung can't lose Yoongi. He just can't. He's realized that this whole stupid misunderstanding has cost him his best friend, his lover, the only person to have ever moved his soul.

When Jimin finally replies, his words are trembling. "He's being prepped right now and he won't let us see him. Tomorrow he'll— After everything, He still decided to do it."

Taehyung feels himself growing faint. "Jimin," he cries out, dropping any formalities. "Jimin— Yoonji, my girlfriend, she is—"

"I know. We found out.... but his father still convinced him to go through with it. He's such a manipulative bastard and he doesn't give a fuck about Hyung. Taehyung, I'm scared for him."

"What are the odds of him surviving?" Taehyung has to know. He has to wrap his mind around the situation.

Jimin lets out a shuddering breath. "I overheard the surgeon.... The consent forms they had him sign.... It's not good, Tae. I think— I think I just saw him for the last time."

The world tilts as Taehyung finally gives into a grief so overwhelming that he can no longer stay conscious.