03:06 a.m

to: kenma♡
im so selfish

sorry i didnt talk to you for a few days

i was

kinda beating myself up for the wrong words i said to you

for things i assumed about you

i

i read back our conversations again

looking for anything that would make your memory in my head more vivid

and i realized

that all i have done is speculate

all i did was think about myself

i chose to harbour all the feelings myself

i chose to endure pain myself

and i always used you as an excuse

but...

you never wanted that

if anything you always wanted me to be open and strong

to never suffer by myself

because that's what you went through

and you wouldn't have wished it on your worst enemy

let alone someone you love

i kept blaming myself for the things that i did

and i still do

but at least now i can start thinking about other things

realize that ive been acting the wrong way

you wouldn't want me to suffer

you would want me to keep going

as i began realizing that

i started focusing on myself

doing more research on my future ideas

and kenma

i finally lived a day

where i had no thought of you

ofc you are always here with me

but i didn't think once about anything negative

and that's...a relief.

i

im doing this for us kenma.

for you.

so that one day

you can be proud of me

wherever you are.

delivered.