HIRAETH.
a homesickness for a home you can't
return to, or that never was

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

THE BLARING WAILS of the deafening siren pierced through his soul.

"D-Donghyuck-ah..."

Mark's breath hitched when he saw another tear fall on Donghyuck's lifeless cheek, bringing his hand up to wipe away his puffy eyes that ceaselessly let tears and tears stream down his flushed cheeks.

His back ached whilst he's crouched down at the edge of the pool, when he carefully lifted Donghyuck off the floatie, in which they shared their last smiles.

"Hyuckie..." Mark trailed off silently, his hand catching the younger's, holding it tenderly, as if it's the last time he'll ever feel his touch.

And what if it was?

"Love, the joke's not funny anymore..." And Mark choked out a sob when he realized he's being so pathetic.

So pathetic, so in denial, so blind to even see the truth that's, frankly, so obvious.

He's unable to accept because he's too afraid to face the truth.

Because the truth hurts. And it always has.

"Hyuck-"

"Sir, I'm afraid you have to step away-"

But Mark shrieked upon hearing the voice.

"PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS JUST A JOKE!"

Mark's chest heaved fast, erratic breaths, and his hands are balled into fists as he stares at the innocent paramedic, and he's sure he's gone totally insane. He sent him a small apologetic bow but before he could do anything else, a voice called out his name.

"MARK-HYUNG!"

The brunette shut his eyes tight.

Hyung?

What an irrelevant name. A misconceived judgment. Because if he were their hyung, shouldn't he be responsible?

Shouldn't he be strong?

Not like him, crying, welling in his self-pity.

"M-Mark-hyung..."

Chenle's soft, melodic voice broke him into another fit of sobs, sobs with an unspoken message of, sorry, I'm sorry, and, I didn't mean it, I promise.

"H-Hyung, what happened?"

I hurt someone I love, that's the answer.

Mark couldn't help but cry when the younger snaked his arms around the older, and he's bawling, letting his tears fall to his cheeks, and his heart is crushed once again as he sees the paramedic giving Donghyuck CPR.

"Chenle..." Mark whispered in between his broken cries, and the younger responds with a hum.

"This isn't real right, Chenle? This is just a joke-"

"No, this isn't a joke."

        Mark quickly wipes away the tears forming on the brim of his lashes when he hears Jaemin's voice, and a chill ran down his spine because of his threatening tone.

        The older tilts his head up to see Jaemin, his arms crossed on his chest, and his lips in an unamused frown.

        "Do you think this is just a joke?"

       Mark winced, "Jaemin that's not what I mean-"

        "You're meaning to say this is all a joke to you after you fail to ensure Donghyuck's safety?!" Jaemin spat, hard, and Mark's silent sobs choke him to the core.

        "Jaemin that's enough!" Renjun injected, running to the said boy and grasping his hands. "Please, Mark didn't mean it-"

        "BUT HE HURT DONGHYUCK!"

        The profound silence that followed Jaemin's bellow was filled in with Mark's sobs, and everyone else turned to the older.

        "I-I'm sorry..." Mark trailer off in a whisper, and he's hurting, hurting so much because it's his fault—all his fault.

        "Well guess what, your sorry's aren't gonna bring Donghyuck back," Jaemin hissed, and just as he was about to walk away, Mrs. Oh and Mrs. Park approached the group of afflicted boys.

        "Mark dear-" Mrs. Park said calmly but was taken aback when he saw the said boy in tears. "O-Oh— what happened?"

       "Dear, don't cry," she affectionately pat the boy's damp locks in an attempt to comfort the boy— to no avail.

Mark was trembling under their touch. He was shivering, lips quivering, and despite that he can't seem to move his limbs.

        Mrs. Oh turned to the other six boys and looked at them sternly, "We need someone to accompany Mrs. Park in the ambulance, and to the hospital— someone who's close to Donghyuck."

        "Mrs. Oh—" Mark replied in a weak voice, but was cut off shortly when Jaemin suddenly spoke.

        "Mrs. Oh, please let me go with Mrs. Park-"

        But Mark suddenly contradicted. "No, please-" he spoke in a breathy voice, unable to speak straight because he's too exhausted and lethargic, both physically and mentally.

        "Please, I need to take responsibility of what I've done," Mark tried to explain in between his sobs, in between his short and heavy pants.

        But Jaemin scoffed at his remark. "Take responsibility?" he snickered, "What, are you going to do manual hard labor for the rest of your life and magically bring Donghyuck's consciousness back?"

        Jaemin let out a dry, bitter laugh, "Pathetic."

        "Y-Yes, I am pathetic," Mark breathed in, "Because I love him. So much."

        Jaemin clicked his tongue, and it's as if he's making fun of the crying boy. "If you loved him, you should've taken care of him."

        Mark's breath hitched. "I did. I tried-"

        "You're so selfish that you wanted to go to that stupid waterslide, knowing Donghyuck's weak hard and knowing the consequences and what could go wrong!"

        "J-Jaemin I'm sorry-"

        "Mark Lee," and he pulled the full name, "If you're hurt, what about me?"

        Jaemin looked directly into Mark's red, swollen eyes with no pity whatsoever. "Donghyuck is my only remaining family. Throughout my whole life, he was the only person I could ever lean my head on."

        A tear ran past his cheeks and he sniffled quietly.

        "All my life, I suffered loss. All kinds of loss— family, friends, and the affection I always longed for."

        One and two and three tears slowly trickled down his flushed cheeks.

        "But you see, Donghyuck and I stuck through it, together."

        Tears streamed ceaselessly down his cheeks and each and every time he tries to wipe them away, new ones form on the brim of his eyes and he's bawling again.

        "We had each other, through thick and thin, in times of dread and happiness."

        "How do you think I feel, with my happiness, my friend since diapers, my only family left, straying from my arms?"

        "J-Jaemin, I-"

        "I don't need to hear your bullshit."

        And with that, Jaemin walks away, and into the ambulance in which Donghyuck was carried onto in a stretcher, and he disappears in a twinkling on an eye, on that very day Mark will soon call the worst day of his life.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

❀ | a/n !
— oh my god aNGST i'm so sorry, but it had to be done
— literally broke my heart while i was writing this, because i kept imagining a crying mark like hOLY SHIT NO
— hope this chapter was good enough
— HYUCKHAN !