8am

changbin's house wasn't far out of town and so san arrived much earlier than he expected to.

he hoped against hope that hyunjin wouldn't be round at his boyfriend's and that he would be able to speak to changbin alone. he also thought about how early it was in the morning, but he hoped this would mean that changbin hadn't left the house yet.

and either way, he needed to get it over and done with.

so he knocked at the door.

it took a little while for changbin to come to the door. in fact, san began to think he wasn't going to answer - but then he did.

"yes?... wait..."

"hi changbin"

"aren't you... wooyoung's-"

"yes. can I come in?" san wasn't about to be wasting any time, he wanted to get back to wooyoung's side as soon as possible.

"urm, sure..."

as san walked into the house he listened for any sign of anyone else around. "is anyone else here?"

"no" changbin replied.

"good, cos its about your boyfriend"

"what about him?" changbin began to look a little irritated. "what's so important that you had to come here this early?" he paused, "how do you even know where I live?"

"wooyoung told me. thankfully he can still talk"

changbin furrowed his eyebrows, "what are you talking about?"

san sighed and tried to calm himself down. "changbin, did you see hyunjin last night?"

"no, he was with his friends, why?"

"did you speak to him?"

"no, why? can you get to the point?"

"I've just come from the hospital"

changbin looked puzzled - here clearly wasn't piecing all this information together.

"wooyoung got attacked last night"

"what's that got to do with hyunjin?"

san just stared at him hoping he wouldn't have to spell it out.

"are you trying to say hyunjin did it?"

"he did do it"

changbin just continued staring at the other, "well... did wooyoung see the person properly? wasn't it dark?

"changbin, it was him"

changbin pondered this for a second before he spoke again; "it can't have been hyunjin"

"chang-"

"-he's not strong enough. it must have been his friend - he has this friend, chris"

san was surprised at this response to say the least. "so, you believe me?"

changbin hung his head, "yeah, I do"

there was a few minutes of silence before either boy said anything else.

"is... is he okay?" changbin finally enquired. "can I see him?"

"I don't think that's a good idea"

changbin sighed, "I understand. I have to leave soon but I'll deal with this later"

changbin was stone-faced but san could tell deep down that he was hurt and that he still cared if wooyoung was okay.

"what are you gonna do?" san wanted to know.

"I don't know yet. I can't think about it now. I'm sorry, san, but I need to get ready"

san stood up at this queue to leave, "I just thought you should know" he said before he turned and made his way to the door.

as san was almost out of sight, changbin called his name, "san?"

"yes"

"will you tell him... I'm thinking about him... and that... I'm sorry"

-----

10am

when san arrived back at the hospital he found wooyoung up and out of bed, much to his surprise. he was dressed back into his clothes and the doctors were helping him walk up and down the ward.

"woo" san spoke as he went and tapped wooyoung on the shoulder.

the younger smiled in his direction but san noticed it seemed a little forced.

"they said I can go home" he informed the older.

"that's great, woo. are you ready to leave now?

"please"

san smiled and helped him back to his bed to collect his belongings. "let's get you signed out then" san smiled.

"did... did you see him?" wooyoung asked nervously.

"yes, I spoke to him"

"a-and?"

"I don't know what's going to happen, woo. but at least he knows. he told me to tell you that he's thinking about you and that he's sorry"

"why is he sorry?" wooyoung asked.

"I don't think he means about this, woo..."

wooyoung nodded to show he understood.

"come on then, let's get out of here"

-----

"can I go rest for a little while, sannie?" wooyoung asked when they arrived back at san's house.

"you want to be alone, or...?"

"just for a little while"

san hesitated for a second. should he really let wooyoung go upstairs alone after what had just happened? but he grimly conceded that wooyoung would surely be too weak to do anything other than sleep.

and he had been clean for a month, right?

"okay baby, I'll be right down here waiting" he agreed.

wooyoung gave san a small smile before dragging his aching body up the stairs to san's room.

he planned to sleep; he was so incredibly tired, achy, and in so much pain. but as he sat there he couldn't help but relapse into an earlier train of thought.

anyone who could be so callous as to beat a guy up must have thought he had a really good reason. he must really have thought it was what the guy deserved. god, he was such a waste of space. he would always be nothing more than a murderer. he didn't deserve this care and attention from san. he didn't deserve to have been cared for in the hospital; he deserved to be left to die behind the bookstore.

yes, that's what he ultimately deserved - to die.

and with that, he began to search the room for something to scratch a familiar itch. there was nothing in san's room, so he ventured to the bathroom where there were sure to be razor blades. and there was, right in the bathroom cabinet. he lifted it and went to break away one of the blades.

"wooyoung" came a monotone voice from the doorway. there were a few moments of silence.

"wooyoung - please, no"

san stood on the threshold, looking utterly broken. tears swam in his eyes as he looked to the blade in wooyoung's hand. how could he have been so stupid? if he hadn't have thought better of himself and come to check on wooyoung at just that moment...

wooyoung took one look at the pain he was causing the other and returned the blade to the bathroom cabinet.

"I-I'm sorry" he stuttered. and then, "I'm so sorry, san" right before he fell to his knees on the bathroom floor.

san ran straight to his side and lowered himself to be at wooyoung's height. he wrapped his arms around the shaking boy and hushed him as he finally let all his emotions out.

"my baby, don't cry. everything is okay now. I'll never leave you alone again, you don't need to cry... or do that"

"I'm sorry, san" wooyoung cried, "I just..
feel... so... worthless" he continued as he hyperventilated in san's arms.

"you're not worthless baby, especially not to me. I l-"

"I'm just sorry. sorry to you, sorry to them, sorry to everyone. sorry for all the heartbreak I caused" wooyoung felt himself gag from the amount that he was crying there on the bathroom floor.

"wooyoung, please stop this. I know you're sorry. you made a mistake - we've been through this, remember?"

"why am I alive?!"

at this, tears began to fall down san's own cheeks. he never, ever wanted to here wooyoung say those words again. he couldn't live without wooyoung, he was so scared to lose him.

and it just came out.

"wooyoung, don't you ever say that again, do you understand? fuck, I couldn't live without you. I need you, wooyoung...

I... I-I love you"