🔪》Title, Cover, & Blurb

The title fits the story, however, "in" shouldn't be capitalized. The cover fits the story, however, it could be improved. The text is hard to read on the cover, especially the subtitle at the top. The blurb could introduce the characters and the plot of the story better. It's not very clear what the plot of the story is. The blurb is quite long and the long excerpt from the story isn't needed. The blurb doesn't flow very well and some parts of it are a little hard to understand. Andrei's name is also spelled with and without an 'I' in the blurb.

🔪》Plot

The plot of the story isn't very clear, however, the story seems to be progressing at a good pace. I'm not sure where the story is heading, other than Eleanora and Andrei end up together I'm sure, and I have a lot of questions about the story. How did Eleanora know the man who her father arranged the marriage with is named Aaron Clark? Her father never said his name and she didn't seem to know Aaron when he first came up to her. The part with Eleanora being accused of stealing information about Andrei's company was a little confusing. The exposition introduces the characters pretty well, however, the world needs to be introduced.

🔪》Characters

The characters are described and introduced well. The characters' personalities are shown well throughout the chapters. The characters seem one-dimensional though as the readers really only see one side of the personalities. Edmund is cruel, Eleanora is sassy, and Andrei is angry. Be sure to show other sides of their personalities in the chapters.

🔪》Grammar/Spelling

There were a lot of grammar errors and quite a few spelling errors throughout the chapters.

I noticed you tend to only use commas at the end of the dialogue or at the end of an action before dialogue when a comma shouldn't be used.

For example, you have this dialogue in chapter 2:

He was quick to turn around, something that I had not anticipated, "what do you want?" His thick voice carried his annoyance.

It should be like this:

He was quick to turn around, something that I had not anticipated. "What do you want?" His thick voice carried his annoyance.

Another example, from chapter 2:

"Let me rephrase that," I don't think he took me seriously or ever will but I was already tired of him, "what the fuck?" I held the helmet up to his face.

It should be like this:

"Let me rephrase that." I don't think he took me seriously or ever will but I was already tired of him. "What the fuck?" I held the helmet up to his face.

🔪》Writing Style

The writing style was consistent throughout the chapters, however, it needs work. Spread out the descriptions and information in the chapters a bit so everything isn't dumped on readers at once. Some of the phrasing was hard to understand so make sure the phrasing you use is clear so the readers can easily understand what's happening.

🔪》Enjoyment

The story was alright, I'm not sure if I would read on though. As mentioned, the plot wasn't very clear and I'm not sure what's happening in the story. The characters didn't really draw me in and make me want to keep reading.

🔪》Overall

Overall, the story needs to be thought-out and developed more. The plot of the story wasn't clear. Since the plot isn't clear, the readers have a hard time being drawn into the story and wanting to keep reading. The descriptions in the story are done well, however, be sure to spread them out so they're not dumped on the readers at once. The story also needs an edit to fix the spelling and grammar errors as well as the phrasing that is hard to understand. Good luck with your story!