"MATILDA, YOU TALK OF THE
PAIN LIKE IT'S ALL ALRIGHT,
BUT I KNOW THAT YOU FEEL
LIKE A PIECE OF YOU'S DEAD INSIDE"
- harry styles, matilda

Avery felt empty as she walked towards her house. Kiara and Pope were supposed to pick her up later in the night to help set up the winch and pulley setup at the Chateau, but for now, she was left to go to her own house and worry about if JJ was going to be okay.

Surely he wouldn't go home, right?

Avery knew she was stupid to think for a minute that JJ wouldn't immediately run to his dad's house, triumphant and proud of himself that he earned the money to pay off his restitution all by himself, without the help of his dad. He would prove to his father that he was able to do these things himself, that he was capable of being strong and, despite his father's constant attempts at making him feel worthless and lesser than human, he was still able to rise above it.

So, sitting on her couch, staring blankly at the black screen of the TV with hours before Kiara and Pope pick her up, and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, her finger hovers over her mother's contact. She doesn't- no, can't- tell Talia what happened on the side of the road. But at the same time, she really, really needs her mother right now.

Avery finally bites the bullet, calling her mother. Her breath immediately picks up and her stomach churns with nausea, listening as the second ring of the call is cut short and her mother's thick Brazilian accent playing.

"Hey, baby. How are you?"

"Not good." Avery mumbled.

"What? What happened?" Talia asked, concern in her voice.

"I just really need my mommy right now..." Avery whispered, tears she didn't even know she was holding back falling freely down her face as sobs escaped her throat. She was scared. She was really fucking scared. She was scared for JJ. She was scared because she had been held at gunpoint on the side of the road. She was scared because someone was actively stalking her. She was scared because a blind old woman had shot at her with a shotgun in a basement. She was scared because she was back to buying pills. She was scared because she felt like she needed meds to function.

No, she wasn't scared.

She was absolutely terrified.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong?" Talia questioned further. "Are you hurt? Did you relapse?"

"No, no, I'm not hurt and I didn't relapse- I just need you to talk to me, please..." Avery pleaded, sobs still escaping her throat. "I just really want my mom right now..."

"Hey, hey- this doesn't sound like my strong, independent girl who across the country herself." Talia said, clearly trying to make a joke to soothe her daughter. She could practically hear how shot Avery's nerves were over the phone, and it tore her apart to hear such fear in her only child's voice. "What's going on, A? What happened?"

"I just feel so... off lately." Avery said, breathing deeply to stop herself from full-on falling apart while on the phone with her mother. "And... JJ..."

Talia let out a small gasp as she heard her daughter sob immediately after speaking JJ's name. "Who's JJ? Is he one of your friends? What did he do?"

"I don't know where he is..." Avery sobbed helplessly. It was half true. She had a good idea of where he was, but there was no guarantee of the boy's whereabouts. For all she knew, he had taken the HMS Pogue and gone to Mexico like he talked about all the time. "He got mad at me today and he called me a Kook and I think he broke up with me and -"

"Woah, woah- you have a boyfriend?" Talia questioned. "And what's a Kook?"

"That's not important right now-" Avery choked out. "Ma, his dad isn't a good person and I'm scared that he went home- his dad's abusive and I'm really, really worried because he isn't responding to my texts, he's just reading them- and I haven't heard from him in like six hours which really isn't normal-"

"Avery, Avery, slow down." Talia instructed. "You have to breathe, baby. I take it JJ is your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he's my boyfriend." Avery answered, wiping her eyes with the palm of her hand.

"Are you friends with the same people as him? Have you talked to any of his friends, do they know where he is?"

"No- he's ghosted all of us and he doesn't ever do that unless something goes wrong with his dad- I don't want to go to his house but I'm really worried and I think I need to- he just lives next door-" Avery started, her breathing becoming heavy as more tears welled in her eyes.

"No, no- if his dad is as bad of a person as you are making him out to be you do not go to that house." Talia told her daughter firmly. "You can hang out with your other friends and wait for him to show up, but you do not go to his house, sim?"

Her mother speaking Portuguese was never good, it was a sign she was firm in whatever decision she was speaking on. Avery had only briefly considered going to JJ's house, just to see if he was there and- more importantly- if he was unscathed. She knew shed see the boy eventually, but by this point, he had usually come to her house looking for her to hug him and tell him everything would be okay.

But he hadn't shown up yet.

"Okay... but I'm still really worried about him, Ma ..." Avery spoke quietly, her voice breaking slightly as she did.

"Why did he go there in the first place, baby?" Talia questioned further, the weight of the truth practically crushing Avery's chest as she bit back the urge to break down in sobs and tell her mother everything.

"He said he had to sort something out... he said he needed to go off by himself... I don't know, ma, but there's only so many places he can be..." Avery mumbled, slumping on the couch, laying her head on the armrest as tears flowed freely down her face, pooling on the white material of the couch.

"Are you sure there's nothing else you need to tell me?"

Fuck.

Was Talia catching onto the fact Avery was lying? Could she sense the dishonesty radiating off her teenage daughter through the phone as the girl repeatedly insisted that JJ had merely gone home on a whim. No, no, there was no way.

"I just miss you, Ma..." Avery voiced weakly. It wasn't entirely a lie. She did miss her mother, for the first time in a year, she missed her mother. She wanted her mom for the first time in three-hundred and sixty-five days. And she hated that the older woman was in Texas, that she wasn't down the hall waiting for Avery to collapse into her arms and hug her until she felt okay again.

"Oh, A, I miss you too." Talia voiced sympathetically. "Do you want me to come visit?"

"No." Avery answered a little too quickly. "No, no- you have so much on your plate with dad and the lawyers and the divorce- I can't ask you to come listen to me bawl over some stupid teenage love drama. No, no, stay in Texas, Ma, I'll be okay here. I promise." Avery assured her mother, still talking a little too fast to be all that convincing when she said everything was okay. But, nonetheless, her mother seemed to believe her. For now.

"Okay." She spoke, though she sounded reluctant. "If you change your mind though, you tell me. And I'll be there, okay? Promise."

The promise from her mother made Avery's chest feel slightly warm. Though part of her had an issue believing her. Her mother was notorious for lying to Avery, especially when she was most vulnerable. This was almost always done in an attempt to make her daughter feel more dependent on her, to make herself feel more needed in the teen's life.

"Thank you, Ma. I love you. Thanks for the talk." Avery spoke quietly, a small smile on her face.

"You're welcome, baby. I love you too." Talia said, the line dropping immediately after. Avery went to her messages, the small 'Read' below all of her messages to JJ speaking more than an actual reply would have.

She just hoped he was okay, even if he hated her now. Because Avery Decker would always care about JJ Maybank, even when everyone thought she was crazy for doing so.

As promised, Pope and Kiara picked Avery up a bit past eleven. The Decker sat in the back of Heyward's truck, her zip-up sweatshirt zipped to the top and her hood up, a bottle of Coors: Banquet clutched inside the grasp of her manicured hands as she stared blankly forward, the night air slightly chilly as it blew her hair around. She hadn't spoken to either of them before stepping up onto the back passenger wheel of the truck, sitting in the bed of the truck, leaned up against the tailgate lazily.

When the truck stopped at the Chateau, Avery jumped out of the back and pulled the tailgate down, taking a sip of her beer as she watched Pope and Kiara start to get everything out of the back of the truck, the brunette just going through the motions.

"So we gotta be done before my scholarship interview in the morning." Pope explained. Avery felt a small pang of guilt. She felt bad for forgetting all about Pope's scholarship until now, and she hated that she had done that to her friend in a time he probably could have used her help practicing answering the interview questions- she was all too aware of his social anxiety, especially when it came to answering questions in front of big groups of people.

"Okay, but we gotta focus." Kiara stated with a nod.

"I know, I know, it's gonna be fine." Pope assured. "We got John B and JJ inside the well, me and Avery up top, and you and Sarah will be outside transporting."

"Yeah, we got this." Kiara repeated herself.

"Cool." Pope said awkwardly. The two looked at Avery, who was spacing out as she stared over the marsh, taking occasional sips from her Banquet, not talking to Pope or Kie as they went through the plan. "Uh, I got a winch."

"Yeah." Kiara said, trying to make the conversation more normal.

"That thin can hold like... two hundred? Three hundred pounds?"

Avery continued to stare blankly out into the distance, not moving to help her friends as they started to unload the truck. In all honesty, Kiara had had to practically drag her out of her bed to get her to come with them to the Chateau, Avery didn't want to be here right now. She wanted to be at home so she could be there for JJ when he showed up looking for her to help him, not at the Chateau with other people who the Maybank wouldn't want to be around.

Suddenly, colorful Christmas lights illuminated the backyard in an almost intoxicating glow of assorted rainbow colors. Avery's gaze was pulled away from the marsh as she looked around at the colors illuminating the trees around her, her mouth slightly agape in awe of how beautiful it was. The whirring of a generator acted as white noise in the background of the absolutely spectacular display of vibrant blues and reds the trees around her were practically glowing with.

However, her astigmatism and the three beers she had had before the one she was currently nursing could have had an impact on that viewpoint.

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she looked at the lights. They looked almost identical to the ones JJ had picked out for her living room.

"What the hell?" Pope questioned.

"Who the hell is that?" Kiara asked further, the sound of a champagne cork popping vaguely being heard in the distance. Pope and Kiara were the first to walk towards the noise, Avery following behind them slowly, still gawking at the lights like a child.

"What did you do, JJ?"

Pope's voice tore Avery's focus entirely away from the lights and towards the sight in the middle of the backyard.

An elaborate hot tub, surrounded with more colorful lights and filled with little flamingo drink holder floaties. The water in the hot tub itself was illuminated with colorful LED lights, and JJ had taken off his usual shark-tooth necklace and replaced it with an elaborate gold chain, a new pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose as he looked over the top of them at Kiara and Pope, seemingly not noticing Avery yet.

"I got a jet goin' straight in my butt right now." JJ told his friends in a slurred voice. "Y'all should get in immediately, you hear me? Salud!" He cheered, pouring a couple more of the champagne flutes stuck in the floating flamingos full of champagne, sloshing it in the water in the process.

"How much did this cost?" Pope immediately questioned.

"Uh... with the generator, the petrol, and- oh, hey, express delivery..." JJ trailed off as though he was thinking deeply about his answer, "... pretty much all of it, yeah."

"All of it?" Pope questioned further.

"Yeah, all of it." JJ confirmed.

"You spent all the money in one day?"

"Yeah, burned a hole right through my pocket- but, I mean, come on, guys- like, look at this!" JJ exclaimed as though he was proud. "Finest in jet based massage therapy, that's what they told me."

Kie turned her head towards where Avery was standing about thirty feet away from the hot tub, her gaze fixed on the blonde boy inside. She had dropped her beer in shock, the foamy liquid now forming a puddle on the ground by her feet. JJ followed the Carerra's gaze, his face immediately falling, the smirk wiped off his face as soon as he saw Avery.

God, she looked like a mess.

"Avery." The Maybank spoke quietly. He took a minute to stare, to process that Avery was there right now, that she was looking at him with tear-tracks on her tan skin and the usual light in her brown eyes completely snuffed out as though someone had dumped water all over it.

Which, in a way, he had.

"Kie, what?" JJ questioned, attempting to regain his previous confidence and swagger, but it had deteriorated slightly. "Can't a man have a little luxury in life? I mean, like- we- you only live once, right? Enough of this emotional shit, get in the Cats Ass, come on." JJ demanded, attempting to put a smile back on his face despite the fact he couldn't even speak coherently.

"The what?" Kiara practically whispered.

"The Cat's Ass." JJ said proudly. "That's what I named her."

Avery saw directly through his facade. JJ was so not okay right now.

"Oh, hey, yo, I almost forgot." JJ added, reaching over and pressing a button on the hot tub which illuminated a small disco ball and caused the jets to kick into overdrive. "Disco mode! That's right, baby!"

"Are you kidding me?" Pope exclaimed angrily, Avery slowly stepping closer to the hot tub. She watched as the smile JJ had tried so desperately to put back on his face falling as the Heyward began yelling at him. "You could have paid for restitution!"

"Or literally given it to any charity." Kiara said bluntly. Avery had made it to the hot tub.

"JJ, please... just take a breather and we can sort this out, I promise." The Decker pleaded, but Pope continued.

"Or better yet, you could've helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!" The dark-haired boy shouted, Avery's head snapping towards him, glaring at him icily.

"Shut up!" She shouted, but it was too late.

JJ rose from the water, revealing what Avery had feared the entire time. His torso was completely covered with bruises, and the bright lights around the backyard and in the hot tub illuminated the rest of his body, showing the ones on his sides that went around to his back.

Avery felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked at JJ. She felt sick. She wanted to throw up. How could she have let him go home?

"Okay, well, you know what? I didn't do that!" JJ shouted back angrily. "I got a hot tub! For my friends! I got a hot tub for my friends. No, you know what, screw friends, I got a hot tub for my family! For my girlfriend who I totally fucked things up with- I did this for you guys!"

Avery gasped slightly. She knew, she knew deep down that JJ hadn't meant it when he called her a Kook. But JJ admitting he had messed up was so rare that it literally never happened.

"JJ, baby, please, let's just go to my house and we can sort all this out, please..." Avery pleaded, but JJ shook his head, looking at her and desperately trying to hold back tears.

"No- because I treated you like shit, you didn't deserve that. You're not a Kook, you aren't a Kook, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me- you're not a Kook-" He repeated over and over like a mantra as though he was desperate for Avery to believe him, now unable to hold the tears back.

Avery climbed over the side of the hot tub, the hot water soaking her jean shorts and the bottom of her sweatshirt as she hugged JJ around the shoulders to try and avoid putting pressure on his stomach, but it was no use and JJ pulled her flush against his body anyways.

The blonde gripped his girlfriend's sweatshirt with such desperation Avery felt like you couldn't beat his hands enough to get him to let go. His face was nestled into the crook of her neck as he let out heartbreaking sobs against her skin, the girl rubbing his back gently in a desperate attempt to soothe him as JJ spoke between sobs and cries.

"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry- I fucked up really bad, didn't I?" He asked, his voice absolutely shattered. Avery shushed him gently, tears welling in her own eyes as she tried to calm him.

"We'll figure this out, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be alright, I promise..." Avery mumbled.

"I just couldn't do it..." JJ sobbed. "I can't take him anymore!"

This was the same boy who broke his arm one time and never shed a tear. This was the same boy who had legs covered constantly and scrapes and scratches and never let it affect him. This person who Avery had always known to be confident and nonchalant, this boy who Avery had known to never let anything get to him- this was the same boy currently bawling his eyes out on her shoulder.

"I know... I know, baby..." Avery assured, continuing to shush him gently.

"I was gonna kill him." JJ whimpered out, and Avery immediately knew he wasn't talking about when he had held a gun to his father's head on on Midsummers. "I just wanna do the right thing."

"I know you do, and I'll help you do that. You're gonna be okay, I've got you..." Avery assured, JJ crumbling on her shoulder as she continued to whisper to him gently and reassure him though kisses on his shoulder and the base of his neck while also whispering to him that he was going to be okay, that he was safe, that his father couldn't hurt him as long as she was there.

Because JJ Maybank deserved to feel safe.

JJ Maybank deserved the world, and then some.

— || 🪼 || KENSIE'S YAP !!

i see any of you romanticize this and it's on sight

i go back to school next tuesday and im so so so sad

publishing this now to allow more time to write the next chapter, brace yourselves, it's a rough one