𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐏. 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐄, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑, 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐈 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐔𝐏 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐓

tiger, that's a hot guy with a book. do you know how rare that is?  i don't think i've ever seen you read a ladbible post with more than three slides, plus the title.

TOLD OVER THE SPAN OF THREE LEGENDARY BENIDORM SUMMERS, COLLEGE KIDS BLAIR HAMMETT AND ROB DAWSON FIND OUT WHAT IT TRULY MEANS TO FALL MADLY IN LOVE IN THIS CHARMING, OFTEN CHAOTIC 'TRILOGY'.

IN THE EARLY TWO THOUSANDS, CLIVE DIKE AND DAVID HAMMETT STARTED DAVID&DIKE CONTRACTING. Months later, their wives gave birth two months apart. Tiger Dike and Blair Hammett would be inseparable ever since. God help us all.

TIGER AND BLAIR ARE EACH OTHER'S OPPOSITES. Tiger is impulsive and reckless while Blair is cool and calculating. So the first time the two of them take a holiday together, parents-free, things go about as bad as you'd expect. Especially since Tiger's dumbass best friend Joey Ellis decides to tag along. Don't get her wrong, Blair adores Joey to bits, but spending everyday with him at a three-star all-inclusive Spanish resort doesn't sound like her idea of a good time. Blair wants to sit by the pool with her copy of Gone Girl and catch up on some much needed relaxation she definitely doesn't get from her first year at college, and Tiger wants to hit the Benidorm club scene.

TIGER GETS THIS DUMBASS IDEA IN HIS HEAD THAT BLAIR NEEDS TO GET LAID. IN FACT, HE MAKES IT HIS PERSONAL MISSION. Enter Rob Dawson. The eldest child in a messy, chaotic family he's glad to be leaving behind when he goes to Oxford in October. From the first time Blair Hammett sees the charming, witty blond boy lying on a sunbed with a copy of Animal Farm in his hands, she's mesmerized. And Tiger and Joey make it their mission to get Blair and Rob to bang each other senseless.

BLAIR REALLY LIKES ROB DAWSON. Like, reeeaaalllly likes Rob Dawson. But they're from two different worlds, it would ever work! Rob is an English literature major at Oxford, and Blair is studying legal admin at community college, with an acceptance rate of 95%. 

ROB REALLY LIKES BLAIR HAMMETT. Her spunky attitude, her laugh. Her annoying as shit best friend Tiger, and loveable but misguided pal Joey. He doesn't care that Blair goes to community college. In fact, he's not too sure he wants to stick around Oxford very much himself. He's never felt like this before, and that though scares him.

A STORY TOLD THROUGH SOME OF THE BIGGEST SONGS OF THE EIGHTIES

THE FIRST SUMMER: DON'T YOU ( FORGET ABOUT ME ) - SIMPLE MINDS

                        in which tiger dike and joey ellis make it their mission to get rob dawson and blair hammett to bang each other, with unintended consequences. like blair falling madly in love with a boy she's not too sure she's ever going to see again.

"hey, rob?"

                                      {distracted mumbling as he kisses blair's shoulder, his hands definitely some place they probably shouldn't be} "your shirt got a little dirty, why don't we take it off?"

{giggles} "first of all, that's water. second of all, tiger and joey won't miss us for a couple hours, we should take advantage of that. i actually think that was their plan." {faint moaning}  "let's go before we cause a scandal."

or, alternately, when billy dawson is incapable of realizing that his son's holiday romance might be a bit more than that

"rob, i don't want you to get attached. what are the chances you're ever going to see blair again?"

                               "she lives  with her roommates near oxford, dad! i really like her and i want to try and make this work!"

"oh for the love of god, blair! the walls are thin and i for one, don't want to listen to you and nerd boy bangin' away at each other all night. i can only hear my best friend moan like shes in a porno so many times before i want to hurl myself off a building!"

THE SECOND SUMMER: IT'S ONLY LOVE - BRYAN ADAMS AND TINA TURNER

               it's a benidorm reunion when tiger, joey, and newly moved-in-with-each-other-in-oxfordshire-england rob and blair meet up again for another week of antics in sunny benidorm, spain! it's their first trip as a couple, and rob is determined to make it special for blair. including stealing his grandmother's reservation at the exclusive hotel beltoro to celebrate their one-year anniversary with a night of champagne and sex. of course, things never go according to plan in benidorm, and rob's exam results are indicative of that. now, rob dawson has a choice: drop out of oxford and start working, or keep pushing himself through a major he really doesn't want all that much anymore. there are pros and cons to both, but he doesn't want to let blair down, especially since the two still need to pay off his student debt. but blair has problems of her own. after bumping into one of her old roomates at the hotel beltoro, a roommate who is now wildly successful and makes more money than blair could ever dream f, she's left feeling insecure about the choices she has made.

"what's troubling you, pet?"

                                          { sighing } "hey, les. i, uh, i bumped into one of my old roommates at the beltoro when i was leaving with rob this morning, and i saw how brilliantly successful she is. she's this hot shot accountant with more money than my fucking courthouse job is ever going to make me. i'm just a girl who went to community college and moved in with a potential oxford dropout."

"but you seem happy with young robert?"

                                                                           "it's not about rob, les. it's about me. all day i've been wondering if my life could have been different if i had tried a little harder in school. if i'd gotten my A levels and applied for uni."

"but you probably wouldn't have come on holiday with tiger, and you wouldn't have met robert"

                                                                            "i wouldn't trade him for the world, masters degree in english or not."

THE THIRD SUMMER: BAD MEDICINE - BON JOVI

back for one last benidorm summer with joey and tiger, rob and blair are feeling very secure in their relationship following rob's decision to have a gap year, and blair's crisis of faith.  this last summer is looking calmer and less hectic than previous trips to the solana, and blair is ready for a break. both she and rob have been working full time, with very little downtime in dreary watford. blair is looking forward to spending a week in the sun with the love of of her life, and a great book in her hands. of course, that might be hard when all the food seems to make her nauseous, she's constantly being sick and seems to have no energy. an offhanded, dumb suggestion from tiger results in blair being faced with a situation she thought she still had a few years before she's ever even need to think about it: she was pregnant.

"are you okay, blair? tiger said you weren't feeling well this morning, so i thought i'd come and check up on you."

                                                {smiling sadly} "thanks joey. i, uh, i actually just found out something that could turn my life upside down. i'm pregnant, and i have no idea how to tell rob."

or, alternately, in which eddie dawson, still mourning the loss of his best friend ron pickford, finds out that he's going to be a great grandfather.

"hey, rob, i hope this isn't a bad time, but i need to tell you something."

                                                                                        "blair, sweetie, are you okay?"

"rob, you're gonna be a dad. i'm pregnant."

{stunned silence}

                                                  "holy shit! i'm gonna be a dad! granddad, did you hear that?"

                                                                             "i'm not old enough to be a great granddad!"

starring amy leigh hickman as blair hammett

and josh bolt as rob dawson

(if i'd messed around a bit with the coloring, they could have looked like a matching set)

NOTES!!

-this is for me and the like three other people in the entire world who have seen benidorm

- i love rob. hes literally the perfect man

- this plot ha a very special place in my heart, mainly because it's so fucking ambitious

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐏. 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐄, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑, 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐈 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐔𝐏 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐓