〖now we're separated by oceans vast, couldn't make this last..〗

♬ 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘺𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘥 ~ 𝘭𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘭𝘥𝘪 ♬

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He was supposed to have everything he could ever want. A platinum album; countless top 40 singles; sold out arena tours; and millions of adoring fans.
To most people, that was impossible to comprehend, to most people, that was more than enough. But to James there would always be something missing. Because he might have everything, but he would never have her...

"Jamie, stop it!" She marched up to him, a frown plastered on her small, furious, pink cheeks. "We're not supposed to touch the fence, Miss Gallagher said it was dangerous!"

Small-James looked at the smaller girl and tried to give her a look that was supposed to be threatening. But he was five years old. He just looked constipated.
"Miss G isn't here, Lily!"

"Jamie! No."

James stilled. He was still five, so was she, but somehow he didn't want her to be angry anymore. It was only Lily that was allowed to call him Jamie. The rest of the class called him James, but Lily had called him Jamie by accident one day and she'd been so embarrassed that he'd told her that he liked Jamie better anyway.

"Ugh! You spoil all my fun!" He huffed, stomping away from the playground fence and feeling stupid.

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"Prongs, we need to start soundcheck– be there in ten?"

James looked up to see Sirius, the drummer of their band Marauders and his best mate. Sirius swallowed as he assessed the brooding manner in which James sat in their hotel room, on the window ledge and watching London bustle below him.

"I'll be there."

Sirius grinned, patting James on the back before bidding out the room. Now he was alone. He would not check his phone...

"Jamie, you need to cut it out, you know the answer is no!"

James laughed, catching up with Lily in the corridor and throwing his arm around her shoulders.
"All I'm saying is, I could take you on a brilliant date– it might be the best date ever– and you'd have no idea until you've been out with me!"

"You really are terrible at chat-up lines. Let's hope you're better at singing." Lily went first through the door to the high school's music studio where the other boys were already waiting.

"Let's hear what's so special about you lot together then." Lily barrelled in the room –she barrelled into most rooms– with James in tow, honing the sort of sixteen year old positivity that hadn't yet been tainted by the reality of what fame really was.

So they played for her. The group of boys (a nameless band at that point in time) played their first ever song to Lily Evans and it was the moment that James knew this is what he wanted to do this for the rest of his life. She'd helped him realise his dream, but that was as far as they'd get...

James swore he wouldn't check his phone...
So, naturally, he checked his phone.
Nothing. At least nothing from her.

He might have been grasping at straws, he probably should have given up hope the last time... or the time before... or perhaps the one before that? But something told him he couldn't let this go. She'd be here. One day.

James was twenty minutes late for the soundcheck but Remus assured him it was fine because Sirius had insisted on teaching him the drum solo to their encore song which passed most of the time.

However their manager, Alice, was distraught. She practically slammed his guitar at his chest, one hand sharply tugged at his hair while the other was clamped round a phone, pressed on her ear (probably going over their security detail). James grinned, pecking her cheek and strapping the guitar round his neck...

On the days the other boys didn't join James in the music room, Lily would be there instead. They might spend hours there, just the two of them. Sometimes they would try and write a song, other times Lily would lie on the edge of the piano while James perched on the step and played whatever came to mind, singing along.

"This is what I want." James said, one evening as they sat together, scribbling down melodies and lyrics on a scrap piece of paper.

"What is?"

James turned to look at Lily, his eyes transfixed on how celestially beautiful she was in that moment; red hair falling in waves off the edge of the piano, like rolling tides of the ocean. She was watching him with a look he couldn't quite place but quite enjoyed the mystery of regardless.
"I want to make a living doing music. I want to travel the world, singing whatever I can dream up."

Lily smiled, captivating him even more, pushing him further in his dream. Her smile made him believe he could change the world.

"You'll come with me, won't you?"

Lily didn't answer, but she laughed and James didn't pay much attention to her lack of answer because her laugh was a thousand times better than her smile...

There was something about seeing an empty arena during a soundcheck. It was like being in the eye of a storm. In less than three hours, this whole room would be filled to the maximum with adoring fans, singing along to all their songs; dancing to the upbeat ones; and waving glowsticks to the ballads. And while the idea filled James with adrenaline, there was fear there too. Because she might not come. She probably wouldn't come.

She wasn't there the last time, or the time before that. This wasn't any different. But still he continued to invite her, just in case.

"From the first chorus?" James called, one hand on his earpiece, the other on the neck of his guitar.

Sirius nodded and counted them in with his drumsticks.
"Two, three and..."

They played a line or two before James motioned with his hand, "check?"

Remus seemed to be having the same problem on bass at the other end of the stage. Sirius however had sorted his setup before James even arrived and so took the time to practice flipping his drumsticks in all sorts of impressive manners.

James tried not to think about how she would roll her eyes if she were here, how she'd snatch the sticks right out his hands and tell him to quit showing off and save it for the performance. He always tried not to think about her...

Remus and Sirius had gone home, leaving just James and Lily in the music room, alone. Lily sat on top of the piano, her head lolling off the side, sending her hair cascading too, and making it extremely hard for James not to look.

"Jamie?" She asked him, in that flippant tone she used when whatever she was about to say was about as far from flippant as one could ever be.

"Lily?"

"We should write a song– a real one– not just the rubbish we end up throwing in the bin. We should write a song that you can use when you and the boys become famous."

James was too taken with the idea, and with Lily herself, that he barley even noticed that she didn't include herself in that future tense.

"Let's do it then, Lils..."

After a soundcheck, Alice would always put James on vocal rest. Sometimes she would order Remus and Sirius on one as well, but that usually involved a lot of complaining afterwards from Sirius which the whole team really could do without. Emmeline, their supporting act, however, had no qualms with being put on vocal rest and Sirius had always been so competitive with the poor girl that he couldn't resist making it a competition.
That left James alone again, this time in his dressing room, aimlessly strumming his guitar.

Whenever he was like this, just playing whatever came to mind, he found himself strumming their song. Over the years he'd accidentally changed a few chords, and the strumming pattern couldn't have been the same but it still sounded like theirs. It has become something of a ritual for him to play that song before shows but somehow it felt different still. Somehow, because it was London, the last date on their tour, and it was home. And there was a fleeting chance that she would break her promise and show up. Oh, how he wished she would show up...

They worked on that song for weeks on end. Tirelessly perfecting the melody, trying all sorts of styles, different capos, different plucking orders, until it felt absolutely right.
There was never enough to do, never enough done. Those yellow music sheets saw no end of strain as things were crossed out and rewritten.

But it wasn't about the music, not really. It hadn't been for a while. It was about an excuse to spend time together and for it not to mean as much as both wished it could. Even if neither had said it yet, their relationship, whatever the nature may be, had an expiry date, and it was coming soon. So they played music instead...

"Nearly time," the voice behind the dressing room door said, "about forty minutes." The voice was Alice's and it was laced with some sort of worry. Usually the last tour date was a cause for celebration –involving party plans and copious amounts of alcohol– but somehow James found himself alone in his dressing room. Wishing he wasn't.

Alice left without coming in (which he was grateful for because communicating on vocal rest was just about as difficult as pulling teeth). There was a trickling of noise that followed in the next ten minutes, as the crowds started to arrive. The crowds that would soon be cheering his name and filling every pore in his body with adrenaline.

Emmeline would perform first, he might watch from the sidelines to support her, it was the decent thing to do, and yet this was what he always did when playing a London show: sit in his dressing room until the last possible minute, just in case she showed up.

Not long now...

After they graduated, it wasn't long because the Marauders got their big break; a recognised label had offered to sign them just after Remus' nineteenth birthday.
When James told Lily she had thrown her arms around him, squeezing tightly and gushed about how proud she was.
But as she held him it was as if he could feel the next part coming...

Two months later, and he had a bag packed, ready to fly out to LA with the Marauders, armed with nothing but a guitar and the song he'd written with Lily on yellow music sheets.

"You know I love you, right?" Lily inquired, searching his eyes with hers, combing them for understanding, as they stood just outside the airport.

"Of course I do." He did. They'd been friends as long as he could remember, life wouldn't be the same without her.

"Good, because I need to tell you something and I need you to understand why I'm saying it."

"You're scaring me, Lil."

Thus followed the words he would never forget. The words that would follow him everywhere he went.
"Jamie, the thing is, this life you're about to start– this one I'm so proud of you for finally achieving– I can't be a part of it."

His world fell apart at her feet in that moment, because that very second was the one he realised he was in love with her. Just as she was about to walk away. And he was going to let her...

"I've never wanted a fast, all-go life. I've always dreamt of something simple, domestic, calm. Jamie, you know I like you more than I should, but we can't be anything more than friends. We just don't match," there were tears in her eyes but James hardly noticed, he was too busy wiping away his own. He was about to lose something he didn't even know he wanted. How tragically cliche.

"I want to meet someone quaint and live a normal life, away from the spotlight you're chasing. So I'll call you as often as I can, and I'll follow you in the news. I'll listen to all your songs but that's all."

He nodded, words seemed to die in his throat.

"Okay."
She reached up and kissed his lips. A soft kiss, mourning what could have been but never would.
"Sorry, I had to do it just once before I lose the chance for good."

When she pulled away, James looked into her tear filled eyes and felt himself slipping away. He'd learn to live without her. Just not today.
Without thinking, he handed her the music sheet, rumbled round the edges from where he'd gripped it so tightly.

"Thank you, Jamie," Lily whispered and James nodded again, wishing he hadn't made the mistake of looking into her eyes because now all he wanted was to wrap her up in his arms when he really should be getting on a plane...

That was years ago and but it still hurt like yesterday. Losing Lily was something fresh, a wound that would never close.

They had remained friends but it wasn't like it used to be, back in the days when they'd spend hours writing their song, just looking for an excuse to spend time together. Now she called him after shows, but always refused to attend them. Now she was engaged to a man named Benjy that James had never met. Now she was living her quiet, domestic life, the life he could never offer her.

He'd invited her to this show, it wasn't far from her homely little apartment with Benjy in the outskirts of the city, but still he doubted she would come. She never did, no matter how many times he would try to convince her.

He was so busy in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the door open and Emmeline walk in. He didn't even notice her until she was behind him in the mirror as he fixed his hair.

"Nervous? Home city." Emmy asked (he assumed vocal rest was over).

"A little. Is this how you felt in Dublin?"

"Yeah, and I'm not even who they came to see!"

"Thanks for the confidence boost, Em. Really delightful."

The blonde grinned, he saw her wink in the mirror.
"Oh– I nearly forgot. There's a redhead in the green room, she said she knows you guys and asked me to tell you she's here."

James' heart stopped dead.

No way...

Years after that day in the airport, James found himself in a hotel room on the first stop of the Marauders world tour.

"The suite is bloody awesome, I'll tell you that for free, it's worth more than my guitar collection put together!" James exclaimed into his phone as he lay on the king sized bed the hotel offered.

"Well it must be worth a shit tonne because you have more guitars than you have friends."
The phone replied, carrying her soft voice.

"Evans, you are brutal. Absolutely cold blooded."

"Tell me I'm wrong."

"I cannot."

A laugh rang down the phone, "then I win."

James huffed and the laugh rang out again, making James defenceless to his own smile.
"Fine. You win, Evans."

"Anyway, how's the tour going?"

"Amazing, the hotels are swanky as fuck!"

"You said as much already."

"I know but I was worried you'd forgotten so now I've reminded you."

As he lay on the phone to the only person he'd ever really wanted to talk to, James was hit with how much he really missed Lily. They phoned as much as they could, and FaceTimed all night sometimes, but she needed to spend time with Benjy which left him with nights alone with his thoughts. Or playing their song.

"So, how long till you're back in London?"

"A few months I think?"

"Wow, you're a real rockstar now!"

"You should come." The words were out before he realised what her answer would likely be.

"What?"

"The London date is the last one on the schedule. You should come."

"James..."

"I know– it's not you. But... it would mean a lot."

There was a pause. It might have been lagging from across the world, or it might have been her thinking.
"I know, Jamie, I—"

"—it's alright. Never mind."

He hung up quickly after that, not giving her time to really answer. He certainly didn't expect to see her a month later...

"Lily's here?"

Emmeline shrugged, "I don't know man, who's Lily? Why don't you go and check?"

James did just that, leaping out his chair, one arm in his jacket, the other swinging off his shoulder in his haste.

He found her standing in the middle of the main green room, looking sheepish. She'd had bangs cut since the last time he saw her, they made her look even more beautiful. All of a sudden he found it easier to breathe.

"I was wrong," she said, a certain definiteness in her voice that James had never heard before, even in all the years he'd spent knowing her. She'd never admitted she was wrong. Ever.

"Lily—"

"—Jamie," (he would never get tired of the way she said his name, even if he was five the first time she'd said it) "I'm telling you I was wrong."

That was when he noticed: she wasn't wearing her engagement ring...

"Benjy says hi," she was smiling into the computer, a rather hefty lag from his hotel room in Melbourne.

James highly doubted that Benjy did say 'hi.' He'd never even seen the guy, not on a FaceTime call with Lily, or in real life. But she wore that engagement ring like a badge of honour every time he saw her, and it filled him with jealousy.

"Well I'm saying 'hi' back."
In reality, James couldn't really be jealous of Benjy. He was an Ethics professor at London City University, he lived a quiet life, the kind she closed the door on any future they might have had for. The quiet life she wanted was one that James could never offer her. And so, in theory, he couldn't really be jealous.

"Good—...James–"
The FaceTime call began to glitch.

"Shit, Lily, I'll call you back, okay?"

"Jame—"

The call ended before the end of her sentence, leaving him alone once again...

Lily looked at him now, as beautiful as she'd always been, but this time with something new in her eyes. Something he couldn't decipher.

"I was wrong. This whole 'quiet life' I thought I wanted? I don't. I really don't. It kills me, James, it makes me trapped."

"Li—"

"No, just..." Lily held up a silencing hand, "just let me finish please? Before you say anything?"
He nodded and she continued: "Benjy was nice to me, but I think he always knew that he was second best to you. And it wasn't fair of me to try and pretend he wasn't. James, it's always been you."
Lily reached into the pocket of her jeans and handed him a sheet of crumbled yellow paper.

It was a music sheet.

"Lily... is this?..."

"It's the song we wrote together. Whenever I couldn't sleep, I'd try and finish it. I wrote other songs too, but this one was the most important. I know how much it frustrated you that we could never get the right lyrics..."

It was the same sheet he'd given her in the airport, on his way to leave her behind to a quiet life.
"What about Benjy? What about the life you wanted?" James looked up at her, really at her, almost into her. "What about the life you want now?"

"I want this one. With you. I want to write songs and travel on tours. I don't want a quiet life, I just want to be a part of yours."

There were about a million other things to say to one another but everything could wait. When James stepped forward it was like everything slowed down. Suddenly it was just the two of them, the rest of the world be damned.

He swept her off her feet in a hug, spinning her in circles, just elated at the prospect of having her here again, by his side. Because it had always been her. From the very beginning.

"Do you remember that day when we were kids?" Lily murmured into his ear, still encased in his arms, "you were trying to escape over the fence."

"And you came and told me 'no' and I was in such awe of you that I actually listened."

Lily smiled into the crook of his neck, "that's the day. I think that was the day the universe decided I would grow to love you."

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious. I can't ever remember not knowing it was you, Jamie."

"Me neither."

When they finally pulled back there was a sparkle in James' eye that hadn't been there since the airport.

"What?" Lily asked him, seeing the adoration in his eyes as he gazed into hers.

"I just can't believe you're here. I need to change the set list now."

"Why?"

He flashed the yellow music sheet in front of her face, "I've got a new song to add."

James stood on centre stage, looking over thousands of adoring fans, screaming the names of him and his friends. He grinned.
"This next song isn't one you've heard before –the boys haven't even heard it before– but I'm going to play it on my guitar, so, if it goes wrong– don't put it on Twitter."

The crowd went wild with excitement, laughing as James motioned behind him for the crew to turn up his guitar amp.
"One more thing about this song. I've got someone to dedicate it to."

Through tens of thousands of screams, James swore he could feel hers join the crowd. He glanced over to the sidelines and caught her eye. She was waving at him, tears in her eyes, and smiling so much her cheeks must ache.

"She's a very special person to me and I'm so glad she could be here tonight, to hear me sing this song, finally. I've played it to myself for years, and now I can put words to the melody, to show her how much I love her, and how much I always have."

A hush had fallen over the arena, everyone entranced as he played the opening chords, eyes fixed on the girl he loves, barley even having to glance down at his guitar to play the right notes, he knew them well enough...

The song would go on to spend three weeks at number one on the global charts but it hardly mattered anymore.
Most people thought that James Potter had everything. He was supposed to have everything he could ever want. A platinum album, countless top 40 singles, sold out arena tours, and now a three week chart topper. To most people, that seemed like more than enough. But it never was quite. Though now, with this, James Potter finally had everything he could ever want. Because now he had her...

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bit of a long one but I quite like it?