〖singing our hearts out standing on chairs, spending our time like we were millionaires...〗

♬ 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘴 ~ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘵 ♬

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James Potter had a bucket list, as ridiculous as it may sound. It had started when he was young, only about ten, when he'd found out that life was not infinite. His parents sat him down, in their stupidly large kitchen, at the stupidly large table. They told him that as far as parents go, they weren't young. They explained, in a calm and healthy manner that this meant at some point he was going to have to expect to be younger than most when he lost his parents.

Of course James was a sensitive boy, but he was also far too brave to cry. He didn't want his parents to worry about him, even if they persisted that it was their job. James told his mother and father that when the time came, he'd be able to live with it, because he was ten years old now, and he knew that being ten years old meant that he was growing up.

"Remember when the time comes, it's not about being gone: it's about what happened when you were alive," his mother told him, and to this day, he would never forget it...

Over the years he had thought on his mother's words, and his own promise to live with it; in order to do that he would live with no regrets. Hence, the bucket list was born.

He'd been in his bedroom with Sirius when he'd first thought it up. They were lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and putting off life when Sirius said something that James would later add to his repertoire:

"If you could do anything before you die. What would it be?"

James had turned to look at him, he'd said it sincerely but now eyes were on him a smile played on his lips. That was a common side effect of having a best friend, nothing was serious. (Or Sirius, as he might say.)

"I'm not sure. I wish I knew."

They were fifteen at the time.
"Well you should find out. Because you live then you die. And if you can't find something to do in between, there'll come a day where you'll want to be back here, in this shitty room, and start again."

James laughed at his best friend's words. Not because they were absurd, or amusing, but because they were so horrifically grounding and terrifyingly correct, and if he didn't laugh then he might feel the need to walk as far into the ocean as humanly possible.

"Okay," he managed to say after a pregnant pause, his voice thick, "so what are we going to do about it?"

Sirius looked at him again and they both smiled.
"We make a list of everything we want to do in life, so that when our life flashes before our eyes, we know that we would rather be there than back here, starting again."

James sat up, glancing back at his best friend, feeling a swell of affection for him.
"A bucket list."

James' list had a only 5 things on it. A few were big, others were small, but each were equally as important. In order to be content with his life when it flashed before his eyes, he needed:
1. To get kicked out a bar with his friends
2. To become a successful photographer
3. To dance in the rain with someone he loves
4. To fly on a plane without freaking out
5. To marry Lily Evans

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Lily Evans was worth ten of James and he knew it. She was a genius, she was brutally honest, she was extremely generous, she was cuttingly spiteful, she was sidesplittingly hilarious, and heartbreakingly beautiful. Lily Evans was better than him in every single conceivable way. But he still thought she was wonderful.

Lily Evans and James Potter had never gotten along. He knew all too well just how brutally honest and cuttingly spiteful she could be. Lily Evans took no shit, and that included in the form of lovesick, pain-in-the-ass James Potters. And so they fought. All the time they fought, about ludicrous things that should have been unimportant, and about bigger things that carried more weight than the insults thrown.

By the time James reached sixteen, he considered taking her name off his bucket list. They had had a painful argument, an argument that made James reassess his bucket list, that had been unedited since the day he'd written them with Sirius when they were fifteen.

When Lily had shouted at him, the entire school watched, James had shouted back but he knew he was wrong, eventually he gave up and allowed Lily to berate him, and he'd never felt anything like it. Yet he stared at that bucket list for a very long time, longer than he'd openly admit to looking at a piece of paper, but in the end he couldn't take it off. Because as much as Lily hated him how, as vicious as she could be; he knew how compassionate she was too, how trusting and kind she was. He knew that the things she said weren't true, not really. Deep down she'd only seen the best in him, and he'd disappointed her when he didn't try harder to prove her right.

He didn't take her name his bucket list. But he did tuck his tail between his legs and apologise to her, because that was the least she deserved, and because she was so achingly willing to see the best in him, she'd forgiven him. Things between the two were still tense, she largely ignored him for the rest of the year.

But when they were seventeen, something seemed to shift. Or rather things had shifted a long time ago, but now the world was only just beginning to realise. The realisation was akin waking up late and wondering why the sun was already high in the sky.

Over their final year in school James became increasingly more glad he hadn't taken number five off his bucket list. Because the more they worked together that year, as head students, the more he began to realise that he'd always sort of been in love with her, in his own peculiar way. Lily Evans wasn't only a genius, but she was willing to share it with others. She always bought coffee for her friends before school, she usually always did her homework days before it was due (although he adored watching her frantic expression as she scribbled the last lines of an essay just as the teacher was collecting them). But it was other things that made him realise he'd never really given up on Lily Evans. There were things about her, just tiny things, that he loved more than the wild and important parts:

He loved the small dip above her collarbone that he only saw when they did homework together outside of school, sometimes a necklace would sit there, other times it was just an inconsequential plane of freckled skin.
He loved the way her eyes lit up when she laughed, sparkling like constellations, and he loved the way she sounded when she laughed. She had a stupid laugh but he fucking loved it.
Every new thing he learned about Lily Evans seemed to make him more sure, more in love.

He never planned on telling her, then. But they were on a school trip, going to New York and James hated flying but number three on his bucket list was not to freak out on a flight so he made himself go.

Conveniently, Sirius had sat next to Remus and Marlene had sat next to Dorcas, leaving Lily and James without a friend to sit next to. Neither minded very much, having become almost as close as any two people could be.
James hadn't told Lily of his fear of flying, and yet she could sense it. She sensed it in the way he held onto his armrest until his knuckles went white, until sweat beaded on his forehead. But he promised himself he wouldn't freak out, not when they were climbing ridiculous amounts into the air.

"You're scared," she'd whispered in his ear. Not accusatory, not judgemental, merely curious.

He'd nodded, feeling considerably less embarrassed as he thought he might and when she smiled everything slipped out of focus for a second, everything but her.

When the plane went into turbulence, she held his hand fast, and shifted as close to him as she could.

"Lily—"

But she shushed him, hesitantly pressing her lips to his. Their kiss was innocent, honest. The hand that wasn't gripping his was placed gingerly on his jaw, as if she were keeping it in place (perhaps she was, because James felt like if she let go, he might come apart).

"Sorry, I just... thought you needed a distraction."

She was right.

"I... maybe if you did it again just to make sure?..."

Lily laughed and James felt drunk. This time their kiss was a little more sure, a little bit more confident, but it still consumed him from head to toe with indescribable feeling.

"Better?"

He nodded breathlessly, gazing into her eyes and wondering how deep they went. James didn't even notice he'd told her he loved her until her eyes went wide in surprise.

"Did I say that out loud? Oh shit, Lily, I—"

She kissed him again. He would talk forever if this was how she settled him.

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James and Lily shouldn't be trusted in pubs. That was definitely the moral of the story that they learned one night nearly two years later. It was late summer and they were desperately in love, nothing wasn't romantic, nothing wasn't glorious.

It was well past midnight when they'd made a scene in the London pub, nearly pulling down a picture frame as well as a set of dining chairs. They'd been kicked out just as it began to rain.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you thought you'd get away with that?!" Lily laughed as they escaped into the street, pummelled with rain.

"Well, in my defence it was a dare, and you know I can't back away from those!"

They were soaked with rain in seconds, there wasn't much use in finding shelter, it seemed to be a non-verbal agreement to give up on staying dry as neither made a move to hide from the storm.

"You know I've never danced in the rain?" Lily spoke quietly, so quietly that James almost didn't hear her.

"Really?"

"Nope," she said, popping the 'p' sound and grinning deliciously.

James offered his hand, bowing and letting the rain bounce off the street and into his face, "well, why don't we correct the issue?"

Lily laughed, tipping her head back to the ominous clouds above, as if she were laughing at their broodiness, dismissing their threat with a giggle. Their laughing only intensified as they spun around together, no particular rhythm, no music to model their steps to. Just pure and mindless frolicking.

James had no idea how long they were out there like that, he imagined they looked like idiots, alone in a street flooded by rain, soaked to the bone. When they finally came to a stop, Lily's hair was matted to her sides, her clothes were drab but her eyes were brighter than he'd ever seen them.

He grinned at her, and she grinned back. A familiar but delightful swooping feeling in his stomach nearly caught him off balance.
"That's two things off my bucket list in one night."

"Really?! You have a bucket list?"

He nodded, "I do. Sirius and I had the idea when we were about fifteen, before my parents died."

Lily nodded, she understood, her parents didn't outlive his long. It was comforting in a sense, knowing that whatever he said, she would understand better than anyone.

"Mine wasn't that long, I think I took it more seriously than him– excuse the pun."

"How many have you ticked off now?"

"Well, I've been on a flight without flaking; I've been kicked out a bar; and I've danced in the rain with someone I love," he smiled at her blush, "so I've only got two left."

"What are they?"

He chuckled, "maybe I'll tell you when they come around."

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In all honesty he should have known that it would be a picture of Lily that changed his career. He was twenty when his shoot with Lily got noticed by a cinematography agency and offered him a job behind the scenes of movie productions.
The picture was probably his favourite of Lily, her sat on the pier, legs dangling off the side and her hair caught at just the right moment as it billowed in the wind. The sun was setting over the ocean and her hand was up to shield her eyes, framing the sun in the dwindling light. He knew it was special as soon as he clicked the shutter.

"Look at you!" Lily grinned, her arm looped through his as they progressed around the red carpet premiere. Press and talent alike surrounded them from all corners, smiling at James and Lily as they went, his camera looped confidently around his neck.
"I think we know who's to thank for all this," she smirked, nudging him playfully.

"Yep," James said puckishly, "my 85mm lens. The real MVP."

"What?!"

"Well if I hadn't bought that lens then I wouldn't be here! I couldn't have got the shot that got me noticed with my 50mm."

"And who was in the shot that got you noticed?"

James hummed, "well I suppose you get a little bit of credit."

"Oh, piss off!"

They laughed for the press cameras, some asked James what it was like working with the celebrities in the movie, others asked where he thought his career would go next...

The sun was nearly up by the time they got home.
"Well, this is the second last thing off my bucket list."

"Really?"

"Yep. Be a successful photographer," James smiled as they got in the door of their apartment after the premiere.

"Does that mean you'll tell me what the last thing is?"

James shrugged off his suit jacket and grinned, something mischievous in his eyes.
"Maybe. You really want to know, Evans?"

Lily got closer, tilting her head up to gaze at him, "yeah I do."

James held his breath as he regarded her for a moment, wondering if he should just tell her another time, play the card of mystery and leave it there. But now everything on his list was checked off, all apart from one.

"It was to marry you. 'Marry Lily Evans' it said."

For a moment James though she'd been shocked into silence. A thousand images of varying outcomes came to mind, not all good, but when she finally did answer, he didn't know it was possible to be so shocked by a single syllable.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Yes. Yes I'll marry you."

His jaw dropped, possibly hitting the floor. Lily was smiling ear to ear, looking up at him expectantly. He got the idea she relished his surprise but he didn't try to hide it.

"You'll—"

"Of course I'll marry you, Potter! What did you expect me to say?"

He shrugged, still clouded with shock as he pulled her into him as she laughed.

"We're getting married?"

"We're getting married!"

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Years down the line, when the time came for James to die, the words of his mother returned to him. Remember when the time comes, it's not about being gone; it's about what happened when you were alive.

James knew she was right the first time he'd heard her speak at ten years old, but now, old himself, the words held a new meaning.

When the time came for James to die the words of Sirius echoed in his mind. You live then you die. And if you can't find something to do in between, there'll come a day where you'll want to be back here, in this shitty room, and start again.
James knew in that moment, as he saw his life flash before his eyes, that the last place he wanted to be was back in that bedroom, at fifteen years old with Sirius. Because every single thing he'd done since then had led him here, to his family, to Lily.

When the time came for James to die, and his life flashed before his eyes he realised that it didn't come in little moments like a video camera cutting in and out. It wasn't like the movies he captured the behind-the-scenes for; it was just life.

Life went by so quickly that when he looked back to consider it, he realised that life really did flash before his eyes.

But he didn't regret a moment. He'd ticked off his bucket list, and he'd lived to the full.
Years down the line, when the time came for James to die, he went with a smile.

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bit rushed at the end but I quite like it as far as the car crash that was my last oneshot went, hope you liked it!