chapter two

this life i have

When I woke up, my entire body hurt. My phone was charging on the carpeted floor, the morning alarm muffled by the grey fabric. Groaning, I rolled over and pulled myself out of Yasushi's bed. Unsurprisingly, I was the only one still asleep, aside from his mother. Though he looked like the kind of person who would gladly sleep until noon if given the chance ( which he was if he was hungover ), Yasushi Nishikawa usually go up when the sun did, regardless of when he went to bed the night before. This was for one person, and one person only: Sei Nishikawa.

I pulled my hoodie over my head and grabbed my checkered Vans from the foot of the bed before heading out into the living room. Mrs. Nishikawa had moved form the couch to her room sometime in the middle of the night. The stove was on, and I could smell toast burning. Sei looked over from the kitchen table, and her face brightened when she saw me.

"Auntie Kiri!" She shouted, jumping down from the wooden chair and rushing over to throw her little arms around me. Sei Nishikawa was the Murder Tower's youngest resident, beating Bianca Tsumeragi's younger sister by six months. After what happened to their father, Yasushi had to step up and become the man of the house, and when their mother fell of the rails, he had to become a full time parent for Sei as well.

To outsiders, we looked like the picture of domestic bliss as I picked Sei up and spun her around before setting her back on the chair and giving Yasushi a quick hug. But 'Sushi and I were too close to ever have romantic feelings about each other. We had known each other for so long that nothing the other person did could ever be construed as attractive.

"Don't even think about leaving!" Yasushi commanded as I turned towards the door. "I made you breakfast."

I rolled my eyes, backtracking to the kitchen table. "'Sushi, you know that because of my anxiety-"

"You're often too nauseous to eat in the morning, I know." He spun around, grabbing a chipped ceramic plate off the counter. "But I made pancakes."

"Fine." I relented, knowing that I probably wouldn't eat all of them.

Yasushi had an instinct to protect the people he cared about. The people who knew him at Oya High didn't get to see that side of him, but I saw it every day in the way he looked out for his sister, and the way he looked out for me.

The pancakes were actually pretty good. Since he took over most of the household chores, Yaushi had actually become a decent cook. It didn't stop him from burning the toast though. It wasn't his fault, something was wrong with the ancient toaster he bought at a charity shop after the old one exploded and almost burnt Murder Tower down.

"Hey, I'm going to Yui's tonight. Don't wait for me." I said as I got up to put my now almost empty plate in the sink.

Yasushi snorted, almost choking on a bite of string bacon."Wasn't going to. It's Beer Pong Night over at Oya, and I am aching for a chance to kick Fujio Hanoaka's ass."

Everybody in Hope Hills knew about Fujio Hanoaka. I'd only heard stories, but I knew he was friends with Madoka. In all honesty, Hope Hills kids scared me, and I did my est to avoid anybody associated with Oya High's Faction Wars.

"What about Sei?" I asked quietly. "Do you have a sitter, or is your mom looking after her tonight?"

"Mom was supposed to take her to see Howl's Moving Castle in Sannoh tonight." Yasushi said mournfully. "I hope she's up to it. I know it's been rough since dad went away, but she needs to pull herself out of this. Sei needs her, and so do I."

I smiled sadly, patting his shoulder. "She's a good mother. Trust the process."

The kitchen went quiet for a minute, that silence broken when Yasushi spoke next. "If you see Sachio tonight, give him a big 'fuck you' for me, will you?"

I chuckled heartily. Yui Ueda was the last person in our circle of three. It had been me, Madoka and Yui since the beginning of our time at Seiho-Hope Hills. Yui's older brother was one of the Four Kings at the Housen Academy, who had been involved in a dust up with Oya last summer, just before the big fight against Kidra.

"That was Kenzo's fault."

"Same bloody difference."

"You shouldn't have been fighting."

"Don't you have to get to school?"

I checked my phone, anxious that I would be late for some reason that my literature teacher wouldn't want to hear. "Shit, you're right. I've got to go."

I leaned over the wooden kitchen chair, giving Yasushi a quick hug from behind before ruffling his bleached hair. "There's a to-go cup of hot chocolate on the counter, two shots of caramel."

"You're an angel!" I shouted, crossing the table to give Sei a quick hug before also ruffling her chestnut colored hair. "Have a good day, kiddo."

"Bye, Auntie Kiri!"

Grabbing the to-go cup, I hurried outside and across the outdoor hallway, al the way over to the staircase, where I slowed down again. No matter how much of a hurry I was in, I always had to take it slow on staircases as an abundance of caution. The way the individual stairs were, I could see down six floors the courtyard of the Murder Block and it set my vertigo on fire. I took the stairs down to my level slow and steady, terrified that I'd miss a step and go sprawling to my doom, or that I'd tumble down the rickety metal steps and break my neck.

When I made it down to the fourth floor, I started running again, bumping shoulders with an older man from Oya High wearing a floral shirt, his hair styled in a way that made it look like someone had set a croissant on his head.

"Kiyoshi!" I shouted, turning to face him, heart pounding in my chest at the idea of talking to a faction leader. "Yasushi's still upstairs, give him like twenty minutes, he still needs to make sure Sei gets ready for school on time."

Kiyoshi nodded. Or at least, I think he did. As soon as the words rushed out of my body, I spun around and started running again, heart pounding in my chest.

Bianca Tsumeragi was leaning against the metal railing, head tilted back and eyes closed as she took a drag from a cigarette. Today, the Murder Block's fashion icon was wearing a Sailor Moon t-shirt and the pleated Sato uniform skirt with distressed tights and Doc Martens. Taking the cigarette out of her mouth with a smokey exhale, she nodded in my direction, and I meekly waved back, taking a sip of my scalding hot chocolate.It had been the seventh grade when she left for Sato, and we sort of drifted apart.

"Yupina, let's go!" Bianca shouted into the open doorway of the Tsumeragi apartment as I hurried along, anxious to get home.

I turned a sharp corner where the balcony-like hallway ended, counting doors until I found the apartment that I had lived in since, well, forever. Digging my tangled keyring out of my hoodie pocket, I struggled with one hand to open the grey, steel door without  dropping my hot chocolate.

I was very cautious trying to get into the apartment, conscious of all the noise I was probably making. My mom had worked a swing shift at the hospital in Oya the night before, and by all accounts, she should have been asleep.  It was likely that she hadn't gotten home until about five or six in the morning.

So imagine my surprise when I finally get the heavy door open and my mother is standing at the kitchen island in her flannel pajamas, dishing out a pot of vegetable ramen.

"Oka-san?" I said, voice laced with concern. "You should rest. You've been working for twelve hours."

"Plus overtime." She reminded me, placing the cast iron pot in the sink. "I'll go back to bed in a minute. I haven't eaten anything since the donuts out shift manager brought in ten hours ago."

"Jesus." I muttered, walking over to the kitchen and taking the dishes from her. Much like me, Tao Kobayashi was a very stubborn woman. "Mom, go sit down. I can make my own bento for lunch."

Mom waved me away. "Already done. It's the blue container in the fridge." She looked at her watch. It was one of those fitness-tracking watches, a gift from my father. After all these years, they still kept in touch, but didn't really seem to care too much about what was going on with the other person. They still acted like friends, but sometimes I did still wonder if it was an act. "Sakura, you should go and get ready. Madoka-chan is probably waiting for you."

I looked at the time on my phone. Mom was right. It had taken me less than ten minutes to get from Yasushi's apartment back to mine, but there was still only about twenty minutes until I needed to meet Madoka at the complex's front gates.

It wasn't often that getting ready for school in the morning caused me this much anxiety, but when it did, I was inconsolable. It was another morning of staring at myself in the mirror, criticizing every aspect of my personal appearance. 

These knee socks make my legs look tubby. This collared shirt makes my boobs look big. This skirt is just flat-out unappealing.

Taking a deep breath, I ran my hairbrush through my chestnut locks, hoping that if I was able to fix my bedhead, I'd be able to like my appearance a little more. It was a routine I knew well, Seiho's school uniforms not intended to make any one student look particularly good on any given day. I usually fared much better when I was able to wear my own wardrobe, but luckily for me, Seiho has a pretty relaxed policy on accessories, much less strict than many other all-girls schools in the region.

I did my hair in what I hoped came off to others as a playful and relaxed half-up half-down style, two small pigtails on the top of my head, with the rest of my hair falling freely over my shoulders. The golden chain  that I usually wore hung daintily around my neck, the small fairy pendant resting in between the top two buttons of my uniform shirt. My earrings looked like little clay frogs, hugging small ukuleles. What little personal expression I got with my uniform, I usually liked to take.

Somewhat out of self pity, I stood at my window and looked out at the other Hope Hills kids playing around in the sandy courtyard. Ryokou, the smartest girl at Katsunari Industrial, the silver piercings on her face shining in the morning sun, slid across the sand and gravel, kicking the soccer ball away from one of the leaders of the NakaNaka Faction at Oya while Takahide cheered for the Hanging District's team from the goal post. Morning soccer games were somewhat of a tradition at Hope Hills, one that I usually watched from afar. I'd never felt like I truly belonged amongst the other Hope Hills kids, let alone the ones who lived in Murder Tower.

"Sakura!" My mom called form the other room. "Let's go, you're going to be late."

"Coming!"

I rushed out of my room, throwing a shirt and jeans into another bag for when I went to Yui's later that night. Grabbing my bento box from the counter, I gave my mom a quick hug before throwing my backpack over my shoulder, plastic keychains clacking together before turning to rush out the door.

"Have a good day at school, sweetheart!"

Spoiler alert: I wouldn't.

NOTES!

guys, i think the chapters for this book will be the longest ones i've ever written and i think that's pretty cool