chapter twenty-six

i wanna dance with somebody

Driving with Tsukasa Takajo was a vastly different experience than being in the car with Madoka Ishii. The Scion was lower to the ground, painted a bold royal blue and souped out the way that most teenage boys in Japan did once they got a car. Fujio and Tsukasa had become car guys over the last few months, and it was a miracle that Fujio's car was still running.

A One Ok Rock album played softly on the stereo, Tsukasa's hand resting comfortably on my thigh. I rested my head against the window, thumb tracing gentle shapes over his skin as we drove from Ebara back to Hope Hills, my social battery well and truly drained.

He pulled into Hope Hills, the ominous front gates welcoming us to Hell in the darkness as the Scion slowed to a stop in front of the Ghost Block, sliding deftly into a parking space marked for visitors, although Hope Hills got so few visitors that residents who didn't want to use the underground found themselves overflowing into the visitor lots.

I stifled a yawn as the blond cut the engine, undoing my seatbelt and reaching for my purse, which was lying on the floor by my feet.

"Wait, Kiri, I've got something for you before you leave." Tsukasa said gently, undoing his seatbelt before opening the center console, a mess of CD cases, chargers and ballpoint pens. He rooted around for a minute, finding a small wrapped box behind an overdue Doberman Infinity CD from the Oya library. "Here. Happy birthday, Sakura-chan."

The box was wrapped in lavender tissue paper, lit up by the interior lights in the car, a small newsprint tag with my name written in delicate Kanji letters and secured with shiny, white coiled ribbon.

I couldn't hide my smile as I used my thumbnail to tear open the tissue paper, revealing a white gift box underneath. I gently took the lid off, my smile widening and warmth seeping into my bones as I took in the like dangly earrings, shaped like small modelling clay Formula cars.

"I was going to get you Mercedes ones, but the lady didn't have any. I figured Ferrari was the next best thing, you know. Wasn't it Sebastian Vettel who said-"

"Everybody is a Ferrari fan, even if they say they're not." I finished with a laugh. "These are incredible, Tsukasa. Thank you so much."

I closed the box, slipping it into my purse before I leaned over the console, kissing him softly, my hand coming up to slip into the strands of his hair. He smiled against my lips, whispering a soft 'I love you' before he slipped his tongue into my mouth, the kiss picking up pace as he slipped one chilled hand up the front of my shirt.

It started out as nothing more than things we had done already, until his thumb ran along the front of my bra, the pads of his fingertip slipping underneath the underwire, sending sparks of panic coursing through my body.

I wasn't ready.

"Tsukasa." I said, softly but firmly as I pulled away from him. "I want so badly to be ready to go there with you, I really do. But I'm not. I can't. And I promise that it has nothing to do with you- "

"Sakura." He said calmly, his voice bringing me back down to earth as my anxiety spiralled, my mind filled with worst-case scenarios of break ups and negative self-talk and the fear of abandonment and humiliation. "It's okay. We don't have to have sex yet if you aren't ready. I promise you, I'm never going to make you do anything you aren't ready for, okay? We'll work through this together, at your pace."

I nodded, allowing him to pull me into a soft hug, his lips against my forehead, parking brake nudging at my stomach as I fought the urge to apologise again, knowing it would make the situation worse, and the last thing I wanted was for Tsukasa to feel any sort of negative way about this interaction.

"I want you to be my first, Tsukasa. Just not yet, not right now." I said again, pulling back to lean against the seat, my hand still in his.

He reached over, a thoughtful expression on his face as he brushed a section of my hair behind my ear. "I would be honored if you let me be your first, Kiri-chan. And, uh, you'd be mine too." His cheeks were dusted pink as he made his own admission. "But we'll do this at your pace, okay?"

"Okay." I nodded, a small smile blooming on my face, my heart swelling with love and admiration for the boy sitting across from me.

"So, what do you like? You know, so I can prepare, make sure that you enjoy yourself when we do get around to..." he paused, searching for a word. "this."

I was pretty sure I was as red as a tomato, averting my eyes and trying to hide behind my hands as I groaned. "I have no goddamn idea."

"That's okay, pretty girl. We'll figure that out together, yeah?"

"Yeah." I nodded, the blush fading from my face as Tsukasa kissed my knuckles. "I love you." 

We got out of the car, goosebumps rising on my arms as the wind whipped across the desolate apartment complex, a few Katsunari boys playing pickup basketball in front of the Hanging Block. I reached for the laundry basket of gifts that I hadn't found the energy to open.

"I'll grab them, Sakura." He shook his head, stripping out of his jacket and draping it over my shoulders.

"My hero." I joked, sliding my arms through the oversized sleeves. Tsukasa knew that this was my favourite jacket of his, the plaid flannel coat that he had been wearing the night that we shared our first kiss. It smelled like his Bath and Body Works cologne, and I had a sneaking suspicion that he had started keeping it in his car for me, just in case I got cold.

He truly was the perfect man for me.

We walked across the empty courtyard to the Murder Tower together, Tsukasa extra alert as we pass the old Kidra unit. On the second floor, a group of boys from the YasuKiyo faction are sitting on the landing, exchanging vape pens and drinking cheap beer. They nod stoically at the two of us as we walk past, Tsukasa moving to stand in front of me, shielding me from some of Oyakou's rougher crowd as we made our way up the stairs to my apartment.

While I still wasn't excited about Seki Kotaro's existence, I had become more comfortable with having him around the house, enough so that I had taken off two of the locks I installed after Kidra. Seki made my mother happy, and at the end of the day, that was all I could ask for. After everything she went through with the divorce, and my behavioral problems, she deserved to be happy.

"This is me." I said softly, reaching into my purse for my keys as Tsukasa placed the gift basket on the concrete. "Thanks for today, baby. I had an incredible time. I think it's the first time I've actually enjoyed my birthday this much since I was a little kid."

"You don't have to thank me, sweetheart." Tsukasa replied, pulling me into a tight hug. I liked breathing in his scent, finding home in his arms. I felt safe, treasured. Comfortable. "Get some rest, and I'll call you in the morning. Sleep well."

"You too." I smiled, pressing up on my toes to kiss him. "Have a good time at your car thing this weekend."

Tsukasa laughed. "Well, it's in Kendou, and I know for sure that Fujio is going to try and fight a White Rascal, so if I can keep him out of trouble, the meet will be successful. Hey, if you ever want to come with us to a car meet, just say the word."

"I think I just might. Once college acceptance season is over, that way I'm not worrying about anything."

"How many colleges are you still waiting on?"

I sighed, almost deflating in his arms. "I've heard from Rasen and Ebara, I'm just waiting on the one in Tokyo." The hail Mary.

"I'm sure it will work itself out, baby." Tsukasa hummed, kissing the side of my head, and holding me just that little bit tighter. "Try not to worry too much, okay?"

"I'll do my best. But you know I can't always help it." I smiled softly, kissing him gently. I almost didn't want the night to end, didn't want to go back inside the apartment.

Because that was the night before life in Hope Hills changed for good, and not just for me, or those of us who got out of that hellhole, but for the ones who stayed behind as well.