IT'S amazing how time flies so fast. Parang kahapon lang nung una tayong nagkita at nagkakilala. Parang kahapon lang nung makita ko ang ngiti mong masaya at para sa'kin talaga. Parang kahapon lang nung tayo pa ang magkasama.

Parang kahapon lang nung ako pa.

Ngayon... iba na.

Siya na ang kasama mo. Siya na ang dahilan ng pag-ngiti mo at kung bakit ka masaya.

Sana ako din masaya.

Kasi o, ang tagal na. Ilang taon na ang lumipas pero hanggang ngayon bumabalik pa rin ako sa nakaraan. Naalala ko pa rin kung paano tayo nagsimula.

Fourth-year highschool tayo no'n nang mangyari ang insidenteng 'yun. Umuulan ng malakas. Wala akong dalang payong at sa kamalas-malasan, naubusan pa 'ko ng tricycle na masasakyan. Mula sa school tumakbo ako sa malapit na coffee shop para sumilong.

And then right there... a coincidental shoulder bump happened.

Naaalala mo pa ba nung nagkasabay tayong dalawa sa pinto? Tapos nagkatinginan tayo. Tumitig sa mata ng isa't-isa, katulad sa isang eksena ng pelikula. Inaasahang magngingitian at may magpapaubayang isa. Pero imbes na magkasundo kung sino sa'tin ang mauuna, nagsiringan pa tayong dalawa. Masamang tingin ang ipinukol natin sa isa't-isa at wala sa'tin ang gustong magpaubaya.

Kaya ang ending, nagkatulakan tayo at ako ang natumba. Ngumisi ka at sinabi mong, “Nasalo sana kita kung pinauna mo ako.”

Antipatiko!

Ikaw na yata ang pinaka-nakakainis na lalaki sa balat ng lupa, sa balat ng earth, pati na rin sa buong universe!

Days passed after that incident, our friends and classmates started to tease us which I don't really get why. Inis na inis na nga ako sayo, sabihan pa akong bagay daw tayo. May chemistry daw tayo at sa hate daw mag-uumpisa ang love story nating dalawa.

May mai-link lang sila sa'kin, ikaw pa talaga!

“Never akong magkakagusto sa antipatikong lalaki na 'yon!” Sinabi ko 'yon sa paraang sure na sure talaga ako na hindi ako magkakagusto sayo.

THEN, you started greeting me. Binabati mo ako't nginingitian sa t'wing nakikita mo ako. Hinayaan kita kasi baka nagpapa-pansin ka lang. Until days went by and we started to talk like normal friends.

Ang dating kinaiinisan at iniiwasan ko noon, lagi ko nang kasama. We got comfortable with each other and end up being friends and inseparable.

I got the chance to know you better. Hindi ka lang basta gwapo lang. Hindi ka lang pala si prankster guy na mahilig mang-inis at mang-asar.

You were more than that.

You may be the most annoying guy I know but you never failed to make me smile. You may be the bad boy na laging maangas at pasaway pero you're sweet and caring, you made me feel special.

We're friends and I should never assume anything from you, but somehow you give me hints and signs that made me think that maybe... you like me more than a friend.

At nangyari nga...

“Shine... I like you.”

Tumawa ako. “Like lang? Hindi love?” biro ko sayo.

Sumeryoso ang tingin mo at hinawakan mo ang mga kamay ko. Tapos sabi mo, “Mahal na nga siguro kita, Sunshine.”

I was left dumbfounded.

Hindi ako sigurado noon kung totoo ba 'yung sinasabi mo o nagbibiro ka lang. Hinintay kong tumawa ka at sabihin mong, it's a prank!  Pero hindi mo ginawa.

We stood there, you were staring at me intently while I can't even look at you. Well, what am I supposed to say? Should I told you the same thing?

But then you smiled at me. “It's okay. You don't have to say anything.”

I felt guilty. Yes, I felt happy and thankful knowing that someone admires me, but I don't feel the same that you do.

Or so I thought...

WE CONTINUED being friends after what happened. Kung may nagbago man, siguro yung pagiging sweet mo. Hindi nalang sweet --- you're the sweetest. You showed me and gave me so much with the way you treated me... that I forgot and lost my heart to you along the way.

I started to like you. I think I'm falling in love with you too.

No. I think I am in love with you.

But, I didn't say anything to you. I was contented with what we have, I felt confident knowing that you like me.

We're friends and okay.

Hanggang sa naging malimit na ang pagkikita nating dalawa. Wala na tayong naging oras para sa isa't-isa. Parehas tayong naging busy sa kanya-kanya nating pinagkaka-abalahan. Nagkaroon tayo ng mga bagong kakilala at mga kaibigan.

We both understand that.

Kaya nang tumawag ka at inimbitahan mo akong lumabas, pumayag ako. I got excited with the idea of us finally spending time together.

Sinundo mo ako sa bahay at ipinag-paalam sa mga magulang ko tulad ng lagi mong ginagawa. Hindi talaga nila ako pinapayagan na lumabas pa sa gabi, but they let me kasi alam nila na ikaw ang kasama ko. Maybe they trusted you enough the way I trusted you.

We had a good and fun time together. I thought I was the happiest girl that night.

Pero akala ko lang pala 'yon. Because you introduced me with her.

I was stunned. I wanted to ask you why.

Bakit biglang nagbago? Paano naman ako?

You told me you like me, right? Love even, but why? What happened? Do you really mean it? Ano 'yon? Slip of the tongue? Spur of the moment?

May totoo ba sa mga sinabi mo noon? Talaga 'bang nagustuhan mo ako? Kasi, kung oo, bakit napakadali sayo na kalimutan ang nararamdaman mo? Bakit ang bilis namang magbago? Hindi naman kasi ako bulag at manhid para hindi makita at maramdaman kung gaano mo siya kagusto. The way you treated her, it makes me wonder if all the moments we shared even mattered to you?

I even questioned myself if there was something wrong with me? What did I do wrong?

I know that I'm not perfect, but I've never been insecure in my whole life, noon lang nang makilala ko siya. She's lovely. She's got all the qualities of the ideal girl. She's something... I'm not. Maybe way better than I am?

Is that the reason why you like her?

Gusto kong magalit sayo kasi hindi mo 'ko hinintay. Ngunit, hindi ko magawang magalit sayo. Instead, I aimed that anger towards myself. I was really mad at myself, kasi alam kong naging duwag ako. Maybe because, I let my guard down. I let myself get attached to you. I allowed you to have the audacity to break my heart. Akala ko kasi pareho na tayo ng nararamdaman. Or maybe I just got confused with the signs, got unusual with the way you treated me. I interpreted them the wrong way. I should've never assumed. Hindi dapat kita nagustuhan at minahal ng higit pa sa kaibigan. Hindi dapat ako nagpadala sa mga sweet gestures mo. Hindi ako dapat nagpadala sa kilig na ipinadama mo. I should have listened to my instinct.

But I didn't, kasi naniwala ako sayo, naniwala sa mga sinabi mo. Nagtiwala ako sayo.

I fell in love with the idea of you and me together - that there was a possibility that was nearly there and yet wasn't close enough.

Sana... sana pala hindi mo nalang sinabi.

Kasi ang sakit... sobra. It felt so bad but who am I to stop you?

Magkaibigan tayo. Kaibigan mo nga lang pala ako.

Nanatili tayong magkaibigan. Sinuportahan kita, itinago ko at kinalimutan ang nararamdaman ko sayo. Pinili kong maging masaya para sayo, sa inyong dalawa. I tried my best to ignore the pain and treat you the way you treated me like nothing happened.

WHEN SUMMER vacation came, I tried my best to forget you. Inisip ko na mas mapapadali para sakin na gawin yo'n, kasi hindi kita makikita at makakasama. I ignored and rejected your calls, kahit na gustong-gusto ko na marinig ang boses mo at makausap ka. Iniwasan kita kahit na gustong-gusto ko na makita at makasama ka.

Within a couple of months, I tried to move on.

Move on. Nakakatawa lang isipin na kailangan ko talagang magmove- on. Feeling ko tuloy naging tayo kahit hindi naman. I tried my very best to forget what I feel for you because I want us to be friends, and stay as friends like what it's supposed to.

But how am I supposed to do that, when I don't even know how to? How can I let you go when you were never mine to begin with?

“Hi, Sunshine...”

It's been years now since the last time I heard your voice that made me sigh blissfully. It's been years since I've been this close to you.

“Thunder...”

I gave you a smile and you smiled back at me.

I miss that smile.

Lumapit ka sa akin at niyakap mo ako. “I missed you, Shine,” you whispered.

I stiffined. Para akong mauubusan ng hangin at hindi makahinga. Nagiging-oa na naman ang heartbeat ko na parang gustong tumalon sa tuwa.

Na-miss din kita.

I wanted to tell you how much I missed you too, pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.

Napangiti nalang ako at napatitig sayo.

What if naging mas matapang lang ako noon at nasabi ko sayo ang nararamdaman ko nang mas maaga? Magiging tayo kaya? Paano kung naging tayo? Magiging masaya kaya tayong dalawa? Tayong dalawa pa kaya ngayon?

Maybe we could happen. But we never happened because I chose to hide what I feel for you. You let me go and chose her before I had a chance to say it back. Maybe we weren't meant for each other. Maybe it was wrong timing. Or maybe it was happened for a reason.

Whatever it is, ang importante alam ko na masaya ka.

"I'm happy for you.”

I'm glad that you found someone who can make your heart jump and feel giddy inside like how you did with mine. Hindi man ako 'yon, masaya ako para sayo.

After all that happened, sadly, after all those years of moving on, I know that I'm still in love with you. Kung umaasa pa ba ako? Hindi ko alam. One thing is for sure, I failed but I learned my lesson.

Maybe love is a challenge for all of us. Sometimes love can make you either fall hard or break hard.

I wouldn't deny that I got hurt because I'd be lying to myself if I did. Now I took the courage to talk to you because I want to end this pain already. It's time for me to give up and say good bye to the past.

Its time for me to let you go... finally.

I'll be fine. I'm going to be heal and be happy like you do. Today is the new day for me — a time to let go of the old, and move into the new things God has in store for me. But this time, let me be the first one to say...

"Goodbye, Thunder."

...

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Thank you for reading, chingus!

God bless! ❤