chapter twenty-one

the callous heart

Tetsu stayed in the room long after Cobra, Hyuga and Gillian had cleared out, staring at the spot where his lover once sat, trying to comprehend to conversation that the blonde had with Hyuga before she ran off. He mentally applauded Gillian for her strength in resisting the glass of sake, and wondered how long to give the Canadian before he ran out and tried to find her.

"You have no idea what she's going through." Shu Kato spoke softly. "Hold her close tonight, be her strength when she isn't sure she has any. I know the signs when I see them: her hands were shaking, she was dying for a drink."

Tetsu turned to look at the Daruma's second in command. "You don't know anything about Gilly Wagner, Kato." He scoffed

"I know more than you think." Shu pushed, reaching inside his jacket pocket for his phone. He clicked it on, showing Tetsu the picture frozen as his home screen: Shu's red hair falling freely around his face, the arms of a pale brunette wrapped around his neck as she placed a kiss to Shu's cheek. "Her name was Fuyu. We were supposed to get married. She was an alcoholic as well. Fuyu's second relapse killed her."

Tetsu took the phone from Shu's hand, uncertainty in his movements as he wondered where this conversation could be heading. Shu's phone screen had gone dark, and the younger man clicked the button on the side to light up the device, the screensaver shifted to another picture of Fuyu. The brunette was leaing against the side of a red motorbike, her black uniform spotless, hair in a prim bun. A silver badge glistened on her chest.

"Fuyu was a beat cop, the best one Daruma territory had ever seen." Shu smiled fondly, thinking of the woman he had once loved, a fondness in his voice that told Tetsu that he still loved her. "I was twenty years old, I just got out of Rasen for assault and battery. My first night free of that place, and I got into a stupid bar fight over at Bar Odake in Sannoh, you know the place." Shu grinned. "I violated my parole after being on the outside for two hours. Fuyu was the cop that responded to the call. I think she took pity on me, told me she thought I was cute and she wouldn't report me if I'd go to dinner with her. I said yes, and I never imagined that I was going to fall in love with her."

Tetsu's face softened as he passed Shu the phone, both men taking seats on either side of the low table. Tetsu reached for Gillian's untouched glass of sake, uncomfortable having this conversation while sober.

"God, Fuyumi was the light of my life. Kept me out of trouble, she did. So imagine my surprise when I found out Ukyo was her father." Shu laughed grimly, downing a freshly-poured glass of sake. "I nearly pissed myself. But he's a decent guy, her mother is the emotional wreck." His eyes began to well with tears. "I loved her so much, god damn it. She was it for me: funny, beautiful, smart. She knew how to kick ass if she needed to. I was going to marry her."

When Tetsu finally spoke, his voice was quiet, mind filled with thoughts of his sister and Hans Chen, her new French boyfriend, as well as his parents- two of the most in-love people he had ever seen. "I'm so sorry, man."

"I should have paid more attention, all of the warning signs were there. But I was so busy working nights at Sakyo and Ukyo's security business to pay off the dress and the tux, her salary covered the banquet hall. Fuyu was stressed beyond belief, but I thought she'd be fine once the wedding was over." Salty tears streamed down Shu's face, dripping into his lips as he talked, consumed with grief. "I came home one night and she was lying face down on the couch, and empty bottle of soju in her hand. She wasn't breathing. Four hours later, the love of my life was dead."

The room was silent. Tetsu didn't know what to say. Watching the man in front of him drop the tough-guy act for this moment of vulnerability was unnerving.

"Go find Gillian." Shu finally said, voice thick with resolve. "Hold her close, make sure she never feels like she needs to touch another drop of alcohol. Don't make the same mistakes with her that I made with Fuyu."

___

I sat at the edge of the Daruma Temple's wraparound porch, watching the remainder of the gang members disperse, zipping away in their classic American cars. My chest hurt, and my eyes were stained red from crying. I didn't know who Yuki really was anymore.

The wooden planks creaked behind me, and I could hear heavy footsteps, but I didn't bother turning around. One of Hyuga's guys, the older ones that followed him around, sat down next to me, a Cuban cigar dangling from one hand. Ukyo, I thought his name was.

"You remind me of somebody, Gillian Wagner." The older man began. "You remind me a lot of my daughter, Fuyumi."

I frowned. "So what?"

Ukyo reached for his phone, and turned it around to show me a picture of a young woman in a flowing, white dress, light from the chandelier on the ceiling reflecting off of hundreds of glittering beads. "I know what you must be going through, Gillian. I watched Fuyumi go through all of the motions before she died."

"You don't know shit."

"I know more than you think. That guy in there, the redhead? That's Shu Kato, he was Fuyumi's fiancee. She died two weeks before they were supposed to get married. About a month before that, my oka-san died, Fuyumi's grandmother. She had dementia, and she'd always been in poor health, but she was barely eighty. She should have had more time. Fuyu was crushed. Shu suggested moving the wedding back, but she insisted that the wedding go forward as initially planned." Ukyo smiled grimly. "You know, I was nineteen when Fuyumi was born. For those first few years, those first important ones, all I wanted to do was run around with the boys, I wasn't interested in slowing down even though I was getting married and I had a daughter of my own. Fuyu must have gotten her rebellious streak from me."

When I looked over, he almost looked like he was laughing. "By the time I was twenty-eight, my marriage was over. I may not have loved her mother very much anymore, but I loved Fuyumi to bits. She ended up being a patrol cop, you know? Takes after her old man, I'm in the private security business. Some of the things that Fuyumi saw, the things she was tasked to do at the precinct, the things she heard. She was exposed to some of the evils of the world and she wasn't allowed to talk about it, she couldn't. So she drank. And she got depressed when she drank."

"I can relate." I said quietly, my mind traveling back to the ivy-coated walls of the law school I'd left behind. "I was a Harvard party girl, but the buzz started to wear off quicker and quicker, until I'd find myself drunkenly sobbing in the bathtub with a cocktail in my hand. I was two years sober up until three months ago."

"Fuyu relapsed twice after she got clean. Shu and I were there to help her the first time, but the stress of the wedding, combined with losing her grandmother ruined her. She drank herself to death with potent Korean soju. Shu came home form work one day and he found her lying in the middle of the living room. Fuyumi always was a fighter, she hung on for almost five hours before her liver finally gave out and her brain stopped responding."

I sat there in silence for an eternity before I felt like I could respond without breaking into tears again. What happened to Fuyumi could easily still happen to me if I wasn't careful. Just minutes ago, I could have downed that glass of sake and thrown it all away again. You can only fall off the wagon so many times before you never get back on.

"I'm sorry about Fuyumi." I said "We probably would have gotten along well."

Ukyo smiled. "She was incredible. When we buried her, we had Kato printed on the tombstone as her last name. She was hopelessly devoted to Shu- hell, their wedding dance was going to be that damn song from Grease- , and now I'm stuck with the poor kid. Don't put up walls, Gillian. Especially after tonight, you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable, to feel things."

I nodded. "I will. Thank you for talking to me. And tell Hyuga that I'm sorry for what my father did. That wasn't the Yuki that I knew."

"When he left Japan, he left Mugen behind. I'm sure that causing Ryu Izawa's death was the last thing he wanted to share with you and your mother." Ukyo hummed

"Yuki was the only father I ever knew." I confessed. "My real father left my mother in a hotel room the morning after they met. He probably doesn't even know I existed. My mother used to joke that Yuki fell in love with me before he fell in love with her."

"Hang on to that, Gillian. Hang on the the Yuki Morizono that you and your mother knew. the one that America knew."

NOTES!

the angst is strong with this one, i am so sorry. i have, however, started planning out the last ten or so chapters (this one is likely going to be shorter than teenage dirtbag!) !!