Inspired by Community S3E3: "Remedial Chaos Theory."

Jason POV

Jason doesn't believe in that science fiction crap that Leo likes. Sure, he enjoys The Matrix and Jurassic Park, but does he think that you could use DNA from mosquitos to bring back dinosaurs? Not a chance. He gets the lesson: don't screw around with science, but honestly, how much screwing around with science is possible? There's no multiverse, no parallel universes, or any wormholes or portals that send you to them.

So it gives Jason this big headache when Leo talks about splitting timelines and other dimensions like it's something that happens daily, any time there are decisions, chances, or crossroads.

"Do you want pepperoni pizza, or should we just order all cheese?" Jason asks his best friend and roommate, Leo Valdez.

Leo ponders this question for a second as if the housewarming get-together that was his idea in the first place might matter to him. Then, he says, "Just so you know, whatever you choose will create a second timeline."

Jason rolls his eyes and answers the pizza guy on the other line. "Yeah, my situationship is vegetarian, so we better just do all cheese." He finishes the order, insisting that his guests really will go through four pizzas tonight and that yes, he does want them to be the same. He gives the man his new address, and then he hangs up.

"Pizza is officially ordered," Jason declares.

Leo tightens his suspenders. He pulled out the formal wear for this. It's just a little gathering of friends to celebrate Jason and Leo's new apartment. Then again, it's pretty nice to see him so proud of a human accomplishment and not one of his machines for once. Not that his machines aren't really interesting! Jason loves seeing things around the apartment practically fix themselves overnight, and the Roomba that Leo got out of the trash and fixed up isn't so bad either.

But it's different seeing Leo pulling out all the stops for other human beings.

He tilts the candy dish ever so slightly and looks to Jason for approval.

Jason gives a thumbs-up. "We are ready to socialize."

Buzz!

Leo jumps. "I'll get the MythoMagic game set up! You go welcome our first guests!"

"Will do." Jason opens the door and it's like a slap in the face. Really? Piper? So soon? Jason would have liked to catch Percy up on the situationship before facing... a significant person in his life.

"Hey, Jason," Frank says, unknowingly playing buffer to an awkward situation. In his big Wreck-It Ralph hands are some of the fullest grocery bags Jason's ever seen. That's what happens when your state charges for plastic bags, he supposes.

"You didn't have to bring anything," Jason says as he takes the bags from Frank. At a complete loss of confidence, he greets Piper with a nod.

Piper drapes her Deadpool Loungefly bag over a chair and helps Leo shuffle cards and set up game pieces.

Frank reaches into one of the bags and retrieves a pie crust. "Hazel said she needed more ingredients."

Oh yeah. Did Jason mention that Hazel has been baking in his and Leo's kitchen for the past three hours? Because that's a thing.

"Frank, what did I tell you about enabling her baking?"

"That it's a really bad thing to do..."

"Exactly."

Frank squirms in his place a little. "Uh, Jason..."

"What?"

"The butter is going to melt."

Jason facepalms. "Fine. Give her the ingredients, but nobody helps."

"Is that Frankie I hear with my ingredients?" Hazel calls. "Come give me a hand with these snickerdoodles! I'll let you lick the batter!"

Frank mouths a quick sorry and then responds to Hazel. "Okay! Just let me give this housewarming gift to Jason and Leo!"

Great. Now Jason is going to be stuffed to the rim with Hazel's assorted baked goods. He loves her baking. He loves her baking a little too much. That's why it needs to stop.

The door opens again, and there's Percy and Annabeth, but not in that way. Arms crossed and looking at the ground is Annabeth, and Percy honestly doesn't look any better.

"All I'm saying is that whenever she's around, you-"

"Shut up, Seaweed Brain."

Jason waves. "Hey, guys!"

Percy sets a brick on the end table. "You really shouldn't prop the door open; anybody could have gotten in!"

"Oh, like you?" Annabeth quips. She thrusts a succulent into Jason's arms. The pot says It's a boy!

Percy sets a bowl of water on the counter. "I wanted to get you a beta fish, but I can't get the water quality just right, so uh, raincheck on that. To make up for it, I compiled a list of all my favorite fish names!" He hands Jason a piece of notebook paper from his pocket.

"He realized he never bought a fish in the Uber here," Annabeth says.

"I was the Uber, Annabeth. You got in my Jeep." Percy puts his nice guy face on and turns to Jason. "I got a job as an Uber driver to pick up some extra cash. Other than my most recent passenger, I'm liking it."

Leo clears his throat. "Everybody take a seat! The MythoMagic game is about to commence!"

"I didn't know you played," Frank says.

Leo smiles. "Jason taught me some of the strategies after the game we played with Will, and now I have to master the game."

Jason takes a seat, his fellow host on his left, and his situationship, Piper, on his right. Annabeth glares at Percy from across the table, while Frank and Hazel keep making eye contact and then getting flustered.

This is one of the most uncomfortable situations Jason's ever been in, so he uses his phone to track the pizza. Box. How long does it take to box a pizza?

Buzz! Apparently, it doesn't take that long to box a pizza.

"The pizza guy can just let himself up," Leo says. "I left a brick in the door."

Percy scratches the back of his neck. "About that..."

Everyone groans. Now they have to choose a volunteer to walk down two flights of stairs to retrieve the pizzas.

Piper sticks her finger on her nose. "Not it!" she calls. The others are quick to follow.

"Wait, wait," Jason says. He grabs a die from the MythoMagic game. "We'll count starting on my left. Makes sense?"

Leo speaks up. "Just so you know, Jason, you are now creating six different timelines."

"Whatever." He rolls the die. Two. "One, two, Annabeth," he counts out loud.

"Fine, fine," Annabeth stands up.

The Bluetooth speaker plays a tone when Piper pairs her phone and then she hits play. Oh, god. Jason knows this song. He doesn't need this right now, especially since she'd probably look so pretty singing along to-

Piper starts to sing, "Rox-"

"No," says Jason.

She rolls her eyes and turns to Leo. "Do you have a bathroom?"

"Yes."

"Can I use it?" she prompts.

"Yes, just down the hall."

Piper grabs her Deadpool bag and goes to the bathroom.

"Did I tell you about my summer internship at the aquarium?" Percy asks.

The others chat amongst themselves about homework and campus gossip while Leo raises an eyebrow and addresses a completely different concern. "What do you think Annabeth's doing with a taser in her bag?"

That's weird, but considering the neighborhood that she lives in, Jason decides not to question Annabeth's self-defense mechanisms.

"Um, I brought you guys something," Frank says, setting a green gift bag on the table.

"Hold on, Frank," Leo says. "I'm not done talking about this taser." He picks up the weapon and examines it, no doubt mapping out all the different ways he can take it apart.

"Put that down," Jason insists. It's rude to go through guests' things, even if they do bring some weird shit to the table.

Ping!

"My cookies!" Hazel skips into the kitchen to retrieve her treats.

Jason addresses the guys at the table. "Remember: nobody eats those cookies."

"I want to help you out, but hers are almost as good as my mom's," Percy complains.

"That's too damn bad," Jason replies.

"Aha! Got it! She should replace the wiring in this. I think I have something that could give a potential attacker an even bigger shock..." Leo pulls a wire out of his toolbelt and starts twisting it.

That's it. "I think I'd rather enable Hazel's baking than your taser modifications," Jason announces. He stands up but then forgets about the low-hanging Phantom of the Opera-esque chandelier that Leo installed for no apparent reason, and bashes his head.

"Shoot," he swears.

"The cookies are done!" Hazel sings. "Oh-"

Piper makes a big show of eating one of the forbidden snickerdoodle cookies straight from the steaming tray while maintaining eye contact with Jason.

The door opens and Annabeth walks in, not bothering to close it. She sets the pizzas down on the table.

"What are you doing with that?" she asks Leo.

Leo screws the taser back together and tucks it away in Annabeth's bag. "Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just thinking about what happened in those other timelines."

✎✎✎

This is one of the most uncomfortable situations Jason's ever been in, so he uses his phone to track the pizza. Box. How long does it take to box a pizza?

Buzz! Apparently, it doesn't take that long to box a pizza.

"The pizza guy can just let himself up," Leo says. "I left a brick in the door."

Percy scratches the back of his neck. "About that..."

Everyone groans. Now they have to choose a volunteer to walk down two flights of stairs to retrieve the pizzas.

Piper sticks her finger on her nose. "Not it!" she calls. The others are quick to follow.

"Wait, wait," Jason says. He grabs a die from the MythoMagic game. "We'll count starting on my left. Makes sense?"

Leo speaks up. "Just so you know, Jason, you are now creating six different timelines."

"Uh, cool." He rolls the die. Four. "One, two, three, four, Hazel," he counts out loud.

"Okay!" she chirps. "But can someone please take my cookies out of the oven when they're ready?"

Everyone nods until she leaves the apartment, then Jason turns to his friends. "Nobody touches those cookies. Got it?"

"Yup."

"Okay."

"You got it, dude."

Jason clears his throat. "Percy?"

"Fine," Percy grumbles.

Piper pairs her phone with a Bluetooth speaker, but Jason's not really in a party mood.

She starts to sing, "Rox-"

"Nope. Not feeling it," Jason cuts her off.

She rolls her eyes and then turns to Leo. "You got a bathroom?"

"Down the hall," he says.

Piper throws her Deadpool Loungefly bag over her shoulder and stomps off to the bathroom.

Percy clears his throat. "Hey! Did I tell you guys about my internship at the aquarium? Because you are going to love to hear about my-"

"You talked my ear off the whole ride here," Annabeth snaps.

"And you gave me a two-star review on the Uber app, so you can hear it again."

Frank passes a green gift bag over to Leo. It says Happy Birthday on it. "Sorry, I didn't have a more appropriate bag, but I wanted to give you something."

"Thank you!" Leo says. He throws the tissue paper over his shoulder and retrieves... a box of crayons and a MythoMagic figurine of the god Hephaestus.

He gasps. "What kind of a sick joke is this? You gave me the ugly one?" He stands up so fast that his chair topples over and then runs out onto the fire escape. Before Jason can talk some sense into him, he chucks mini-Hephaestus down into the busy streets all Hera-style.

"Leo, what the heck?" Annabeth asks. "Frank got you a thoughtful gift."

Jason doesn't usually laugh at this kind of stuff, but he finds this funny. Maybe it's Leo calling the gift ugly, maybe it's the reference to Greek mythology, or maybe it's that Frank knew Hephaestus would be the god to tick off Leo.

"I need a drink," Jason says between laughs. He stands up but forgets to watch for the eccentric low-hanging chandelier Leo strung from the ceiling for some reason. "Ow!" he says upon the impact.

"Guess who has pizza?" Hazel sings. She stops in her tracks and sniffs the air. "Did someone remember my cookies?"

Leo closes the window that leads to the fire escape.

Annabeth coughs into her elbow.

Percy tries to buffer the situation. "Hey! Hazel, I have got to tell you about the octopus at the aquarium I interned at-"

"Oh my god, you forgot! You forgot my cookies!" Hazel fumes.

"Hazel," Jason says, "your need to feed us is starting to become problematic. It needs to stop."

"Think of this as a good thing!" Frank chimes in.

"A good thing?" She drops the pizzas and balls her hands into fists. "How could you?" She races to the oven and fills the room with that burnt-cookie smell nobody likes. When she rescues the snickerdoodles from the oven, they're completely charred.

The bathroom door opens and Piper comes out, giving finger guns to the whole group. "Ay! Pizza, my favorite!" She crouches to the floor and opens one of the boxes, folding a slice in half and stuffing it in her mouth.

Hazel thrusts the tray to the tile floor, sending cookies clattering all over the kitchen. Then, she storms out of the apartment in tears.

Jason and Leo's housewarming party is ruined, and all Leo can say is, "What do you think happened in the other timelines?"

✎✎✎

Buzz! Apparently, it doesn't take long to box a pizza after all.

"The pizza guy can just let himself up," Leo says. "I left a brick in the door."

Percy scratches the back of his neck. "About that..."

Everyone groans. Now someone has to trek down two flights of stairs to retrieve the pizzas.

Piper presses her finger on her nose. "Not it!" she calls. The others are quick to follow.

"Wait, wait," Jason says. He grabs a die from the MythoMagic game. "We'll count starting on my left. Makes sense?"

Leo speaks up. "Just so you know, Jason, you are now creating six different timelines."

"Sure, Leo." He rolls the die. Three. "One, two, three, Frank," he counts out loud.

"Don't open my gift yet, okay, Leo?" Frank asks. "I want to be here to see your reaction!" He zips up his New Rome hockey hoodie and rushes out the door.

The Bluetooth speaker plays a tone as Piper pairs her phone. She hits play. "Oh, I like this song!" she says as "Roxanne" by The Police starts. "Rox-"

"Please, no," says Jason. He's getting serious deja vu right now, and this stupid song isn't helping.

Piper rolls her eyes. "Leo? Bathroom?"

"Down the hall."

She storms off down the hall, taking her Loungefly bag with her.

Jason tries to play off the situation. "Girls always take their purses to the bathroom. What's up with that?"

"Screw you." Annabeth stands up and follows Piper.

"What is it with girls going to the bathroom together?" Jason asks.

Percy chimes in. "At the aquarium—that's where I interned this summer—we had these female penguins that would always go off on their own together, but then we realized they were going to the bathroom together. They're such close friends that they couldn't find male mates, so we just gave them an orphaned egg to raise together!" Percy laughs at his own story. "I wonder how they're doing..."

Jason runs his hand through his short hair, a habit he should break because it's a dead giveaway when he's trying to pretend he's not irritated. "I'm getting a drink," he declares, pushing out his chair, and bam!

"Leo, what were you thinking when you hung up this chandelier? Why do we need a chandelier? Why does any pair of broke college students need a crystal chandelier?" Jason demands.

Leo swallows. "First off, they're fake crystals. Second, you never stopped me, so I took it as a green light."

"Because I was too busy having sex with Piper in my minivan when you texted!"

"You did what?" Leo gasps, a betrayed look in his eyes.

"Pizza's here!" Frank shouts. "Don't worry, everybody! I took my Lactaid so I can eat dairy without consequences!"

Ping! "The cookies are ready!" Hazel calls. "Snickerdoodles for me and yoodles!"

Percy asks, "Was that a niche Good Luck Charlie reference?"

And if things couldn't possibly get weirder, Annabeth and Piper come stumbling out of the bathroom, arms around each other's shoulders. "Oh my god, and the way you hit your head against the sink when I... Oh, hey guys!" Piper yells.

"Jason..." Annabeth whines. "Trade me seats so I can snuggle with Piper."

Jason and Piper never made things exclusive when they had sex, but he still feels a little offended that she turned around and became... involved... with Annabeth so soon after.

He should have asked her out on a real date or something. Shoot, now she thinks he's just a one-time hookup.

Then again, she said she wanted it to happen again.

But they never made things exclusive, so he's not allowed to be mad.

But there's no way in hell he's giving his seat up to Annabeth. Annabeth isn't even out as anything!

Stop, Jason, be nice, he tells himself.

Percy locks eyes with Jason from across the table. It's like looking in a mirror. On Percy's face is the same look of confusion, hurt, and betrayal.

Hazel offers Jason a cookie.

He's lost just about every other battle this evening, so he takes the damn cookie, enabling Hazel's obsession another day.

And then there's Leo, who asks, "Do you think things were better or worse in the other timelines?"

✎✎✎

Buzz! Apparently, it doesn't take that long to box a pizza after all.

"The pizza guy can just let himself up," Leo says. "I left a brick in the door."

Percy scratches the back of his neck. "About that..."

Everyone groans. Who wants to go down two flights of stairs to pick up a couple of pizzas?

Piper presses her finger on her nose. "Not it!" she calls. The others are quick to follow.

"Wait, wait," Jason says. He grabs a die from the MythoMagic game. "We'll count starting on my left. Makes sense?"

Leo speaks up. "Just so you know, Jason, you are now creating six different timelines."

"Can you not tonight?" He rolls the die. Six. "One, two, three, four, five, six, Piper," he counts out loud.

Piper grabs her Loungefly bag and leaves the apartment.

Jason looks around the table. Hazel twitches, which must be a side effect of like, baking withdrawal or something. Annabeth stares down at a coaster stain on the old table. Frank washes a pill down with some water.

It's awfully quiet. Jason is sort of tempted to pull out his flashcards since they never get this quiet when they're studying.

But of course, all golden silences must come to an end. "At my aquarium internship this summer, there were these two female penguins-"

"Not this again, Percy," Annabeth groans.

"I need a drink," Jason declares. He stands up, only to hit his head on the chandelier Leo hung a couple of nights ago during one of his moments. "Shit," he curses. That hurts. Oh, god, that really hurts. This better not be a concussion.

"Let me take a look," Percy offers. "Is there better lighting in your bathroom?"

"Yeah, it's just this way." Jason leads Percy down the short hall and into the harsh lighting of the bathroom.

He puts the toilet lid down and takes a seat so Percy can get a good angle.

"Hmm," he says, inspecting Jason's head. "This is much easier on a humphead wrasse."

"No shit, Mr. Marine Biology Major," Jason says.

"This seems like an Annabeth thing, except I can't get Annabeth because she's mad at me."

"Why's that?" Jason asks to be polite.

Percy sighs and takes a seat on the bath mat. "Well, if I'm being completely honest, I'm not exactly happy with her either."

Jason asks again, just to be polite, "Why is that?"

"We had this huge fight about our friends-with-benefits thing. It's not my place to give details, but to water it down, I caught feelings, and I think she might be interested in someone else."

"Who do you think he is?" Jason asks. "The other guy, I mean."

Percy looks like he's going to say more, but instead, he just says, "I'm not sure."

That must suck. Jason knew since the first day of freshman year that Percy wanted to get close to Annabeth. If he were in Percy's shoes, Jason probably wouldn't have been desperate enough to compromise on sex with no-strings-attached because he knows himself well enough to know he'd catch feelings.

Then again, is Jason any better? He had sex with Piper, but he's not sure the words they exchanged count as a confession of feelings.

"I get it," Jason says.

Percy cocks an eyebrow. "Do you though?"

"Bro."

"Bro?"

"You can't tell anyone this."

Percy mimes zipping his lips shut.

"I picked Piper up when she got in trouble over the protest, and we ended up fooling around in my van."

"Bro." Percy looks shocked, and Jason swears he sees him mouth Annabeth.

"Yes?"

"Did you follow up?" Percy asks.

Jason pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Well, not exactly..."

"Bro, that's your issue! You have to tell her what you're expecting to come from it. Was it a one-time thing, or do you want to keep hooking up?" Percy asks.

"I want to take her out on a real date, man."

"Shit, really?"

Jason sighs. "Yeah."

Almost robotically, Percy says, "You can't tell the group. I mean, not right away at least."

"I wasn't exactly planning on announcing my crush to everyone in the middle of a biology project."

"Yeah, but... the dynamics of the study group are fragile."

Jason cocks an eyebrow. "We worked out okay when you and Annabeth started sleeping together."

"Just barely!" Percy lowers his voice. "What are you going to tell Leo?"

"That I'm asking Piper out?"

"But Leo loves Piper!" Percy says. "They spend almost every moment together, and they teach Hazel about grown-up things, and play funny pranks, and... Oh, I know it would mean more time for me and Leo to spend together, but I just want him to be happy."

Jason clears his throat. "Uh, Percy?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure we're talking about Leo?"

Percy doesn't get a chance to answer because of the screams. Oh, the horrible screams!

Jason jumps to his feet, despite the throbbing in his head. Thankful that the dizzy spell didn't send him into unconsciousness, he leads Percy out into the living room.

"What the hell is going on?" Percy asks.

"Frank, look at me!" Piper says. "This isn't you!"

Annabeth tries to pry the Hephaestus figurine out of Frank's hands, but it doesn't work. He just keeps waving it around at Leo, thoroughly enjoying the terror of it all.

"Get it away! Get it away!" Leo yells.

"Never!"

"Hey, guys!" Piper says, completely ignoring the scene in front of her. "I want to introduce you all to... What's your name again?"

The pizza delivery girl with faded green hair gives a shy wave. "My name is Kayla."

"Yeah, Kayla. Kayla is going to stay for dinner!" Piper declares.

Frank drops the figurine and stares.

"I wonder what happened in those other timelines," Leo asks.

✎✎✎

Buzz!

"The pizza guy can just let himself up," Leo says. "I left a brick in the door."

Percy scratches the back of his neck. "About that..."

Everyone groans because now someone has to go away from the party and retrieve dinner.

Piper presses her finger against her nose. "Not it!" she calls. The others are quick to follow.

"Wait, wait," Jason says. He grabs a die from the MythoMagic game. "We'll count starting on my left. Makes sense?"

Leo speaks up. "Just so you know, Jason, you are now creating six different timelines."

"Yeah, yeah, you know I don't believe in that multiverse stuff." He rolls the die. One. "One. Leo," he counts out loud.

"I'm going to go so fast! I don't want to miss a thing!" Leo stands up and runs full speed out the door. His footsteps are loud enough that Jason can hear him on the stairs.

Piper pairs her phone up with Jason's Bluetooth speaker while Hazel goes back into the kitchen to check on her cookies, which as Jason reminds the group, are not for eating.

The music starts to play one of those tacky sing-along-type songs that Jason can't help but feel sick of.

Piper sings along. "Rox-"

"Nope," Jason says.

"How rude." Piper takes her Deadpool backpack and says, "I'm going to find a bathroom."

"Down the hall," Jason says even though she doesn't ask for help. In an attempt to lighten the mood, he says, "Have you ever noticed how women always take purses or bags into the bathroom with them? I mean, what is up with that?"

Annabeth gets up, says, "That's sexist," and then storms off to join Piper in the bathroom.

"You know, when I was interning at the aquarium, I learned that-"

"Shut up, Percy," says Jason. "Please. I'm begging you." He's pretty sure he has some beer in the fridge so he announces to the group that he is going to indulge in some, and then promptly hits his head on the low-hanging chandelier that Leo installed a week or so ago.

The chandelier swings, then swings a little bit more, and then pulls a Phantom of the Opera and just jumps right off the ceiling. The tiny fake candles that lit it don't feel so tiny when they set the carpet on fire, flames erupting on the tassels.

"Someone get some water!" Frank yells.

Percy reaches into Annabeth's bag because she's always prepared, but instead of a water bottle, he finds a taser. "Oh my god!" he shouts in surprise. He accidentally tosses the taser into the air.

Everything happens in slow motion, starting with the taser coming down and hitting Frank in the thigh. Maybe if Leo were here, he would have put some modifications on the weapon, but he isn't here, so now Frank is in crippling pain and the taser won't stop tasing.

Percy crouches down to help him, which leaves Jason to put out the fire, and the girls are preoccupied, quite possibly with no idea of what's going on.

Piper and Annabeth rush out of the bathroom. "Oh my god!" Annabeth shouts. She runs into the kitchen. Why is she running into the kitchen?

She comes back and hands Piper a pot of water before leaving again.

Piper throws the water onto the fire, but it doesn't do all that much, so Jason runs into the kitchen to grab the pitcher of filtered water he keeps in the fridge.

"I smell something burning, but my cookies are still raw," Hazel says from the kitchen.

"No shit, Hazel! There's a fire!" Jason yells.

"What? How?" she asks.

It doesn't matter. She stops asking questions when Jason says, "Frank is hurt!"

Hazel rushes into the living room and searches Frank's bag for something, anything that could help. Jason watches as she tosses his room keys, his student ID, his snacks, his Lactaid pills, and even his gift for Leo and Jason into the air. "I can't find anything!" she yells.

"Apply pressure!" Piper says as she empties another bottle of water into the fire.

Applying pressure on Frank's leg does not seem to help the situation. It's probably because he's being electrocuted, not stabbed.

The door opens, and the smile on Leo's face fades instantly. Sure, his friends are facing imminent danger. Sure, despite declaring that he didn't want to miss anything, he missed everything. However, the bigger problem here is the Hephaestus MythoMagic figurine, the prank gift from Frank staring him down.

"This must be the darkest timeline," Leo says aloud.

✎✎✎

Buzz!

"The pizza guy can just let himself up," Leo says. "I left a brick in the door."

Percy scratches the back of his neck. "About that..."

Everyone groans because now someone has to go away from the party and retrieve dinner.

Piper presses her finger against her nose. "Not it!" she calls. The others are quick to follow.

"Wait, wait," Jason says. He grabs a die from the MythoMagic game. "We'll count starting on my left. Makes sense?"

Leo speaks up. "Just so you know, Jason, you are now creating six different timelines."

"This isn't one of your superhero movies, Leo." He rolls the die. Five. "One, two, three, four, five. Percy," he counts out loud.

"Can I have money?" Percy asks. "Normally, I'd cover it, but my most recent Uber passenger didn't tip."

"Oh my god, shut up about it already!" Annabeth groans. "You blasted Miley Cyrus the whole way!"

Jason hands a couple of wrinkled dollar bills to Percy.

Leo reaches into his toolbelt and gives Percy some money.

The others follow suit, digging through their bags to retrieve some cash, except for Piper, who promises to Venmo the money to Percy later.

He rushes out the door, not that he'll miss much at the housewarming party.

After virtually sending the money to Percy, Piper connects her phone to a Bluetooth speaker and shuffles a playlist. She smiles at the song that plays and begins to sing along. "Rox-"

"No," Jason says.

Piper sits back in her seat and pouts. "Leo? Bathroom?"

"Down the hall."

She grabs her bag and heads off to the bathroom.

Jason chuckles. "What is it with women always bringing their bags to the bathroom?"

Annabeth scoffs. "For real? You're no better than Seaweed Brain." She gets up and follows Piper down the hall.

Jason wants to crack a joke about women always using the bathroom in pairs, but then the oven timer goes off, and Hazel squeals, "Oh! My cookies!"

She fastens her apron and disappears into the kitchen.

"Nobody eats those cookies," Jason tells Frank and Leo. "I mean it."

Frank says, "But they mean so much to her."

"It's becoming an obsession, and it needs to stop," Jason hisses.

"But Jason-"

"End of story. I need a drink." He stands up only to bash his head against the dumb fake-crystal chandelier that Leo hung from the ceiling. That'll teach Jason for having sex on a school night.

He grunts from the impact.

"You okay?" Frank asks.

"Yeah, I just really need that drink now, and maybe an ice pack too," Jason says. He walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge, looking for... Ah, his favorite Landshark beer.

Hazel uses a spatula to remove her cookies from the hot tray and gently place them onto a cooling rack. Did Leo bring the baking supplies to the new apartment, or did she bring this from her place? And if it's the latter, is Nico missing his mixer?

"You look a little red," Hazel notes.

"Yeah, I'm getting some ice," Jason says. He opens the freezer, a startling but welcome chill tickling his arms. He and Leo don't have any real ice packs for Jason's constant head injuries, so in the meantime, they've been using a bag of frozen peas.

He presses the jolly Green Giant against his forehead. Hazel giggles. "Would a cookie make it better?"

"No, thanks," Jason says. Before she can insist, he turns back to the living room and witnesses Frank and Leo having a suspiciously tender moment.

Frank holds a green gift bag.

Leo can't stop fidgeting with his bracelet from Hazel. "So, uh, I just wanted to thank you for being so kind to me. I know I'm kind of a lot at times..." he trails off. "Anyway," he says, "what did you get me?"

Frank yanks the gift away. "Oh, it's nothing..."

"No, I'm sure it's great."

"I didn't have time to shop for something thoughtful-"

"That's okay!"

"Please, no-"

"I want my damn gift, Frank!" Leo takes the bag and tosses the tissue paper onto the floor. He gasps in horror and pulls a Hephaestus MythoMagic figurine out of the bag.

"How could you?" Leo cries.

"Maybe some cookies will make it better?" Hazel appears alongside Jason with some freshly baked snickerdoodles.

Jason snaps. "Nobody eat those!"

"Why not?" Hazel asks.

Frank looks at the ground. "Jason says we can't enable your problematic baking..."

"You made a pact?" Hazel says, her voice cracking. "You think my baking is problematic?"

Things look pretty bad right now, don't they? They can't get any worse, can they?

They most certainly can get so much worse.

Annabeth and Piper stumble out of the bathroom, smelling strong of lavender.

Piper pulls Annabeth tighter against her. "Y'all wouldn't believe what just happened!"

"We did like, so many essential oils. I didn't know you could even do those!" Annabeth takes a tampon from Piper's bag and sticks it between her lips like a cigarette.

"Honey, I'm home!" Percy shouts, kicking open the door and presenting the pizzas to the group. He grabs a paper plate and piles it high with cheese pizza. "Mmm..." he says as he stuffs his face, totally oblivious to the drama. "Have I told you guys about my aquarium internship yet?"

Leo looks at the Hephaestus figurine and then up at Jason. "I think I'd rather be in one of those other timelines."

✎✎✎

This is one of the most uncomfortable situations Jason's been in, what with his friends quietly crafting their MythoMagic character sheets, so he uses his phone to track the pizza. Box. How long does it take to box a pizza?

Buzz! Apparently, it doesn't take that long to box a pizza.

"The pizza guy can just let himself up," Leo says. "I left a brick in the door."

Percy scratches the back of his neck. "About that..."

Everyone groans. Now they have to choose a volunteer to walk down two flights of stairs to retrieve the pizzas.

Piper sticks her finger on her nose. "Not it!" she calls. The others are quick to follow.

"Wait, wait," Jason says. He grabs a die from the MythoMagic game. "We'll count starting on my left. Makes sense?"

Leo speaks up. "Just so you know, Jason, you are now creating six different timelines."

"Great, I've always wanted an evil twin." He tosses the die into the air, only for Annabeth to catch it before it hits the table.

She narrows her eyes. "Really, Jason?"

"What?" Frank asks.

"There are six sides on the die, and you're starting on your left with Leo, which means-"

"I'm calling a temporary truce with Wise Girl. I agree," says Percy. "That's a dick move, bro."

"Oh..." Hazel says as Jason's trick settles in.

Piper clears her throat. "So Jason gets the pizza?"

The others agree, so Jason gets up and leaves the apartment, ready to greet the pizza delivery person.

Only he bashes his head against the chandelier Leo hung from the ceiling, and it hurts bad enough that he considers putting the frozen peas from the freezer on it.

Everyone laughs, even sweet Frank.

"Karma," Percy says.

Back in Leo and Jason's apartment, Piper pairs her phone with the Bluetooth speaker and plays "Roxanne" by The Police. She sings along, "Roxanne!"

"Oh! I like this song!" Hazel says. She sings into her baking spatula, not caring that her precious cookies could be burning in the oven. "You don't have to put on the red light!"

Annabeth takes Piper's hands in hers and joins in, dancing and having a great time. "Those days are over!"

Frank tosses his green gift bag into the trash and gets up. He looks like a Peanuts character when he dances, but chooses not to care.

Percy and Annabeth have momentarily forgotten their fight, and it's just like last semester, except Jason isn't there.

Jason sets the pizzas on the coffee table, watching the fun he missed while he was away. He quietly opens the box and takes a greasy slice.

Leo is having fun. He isn't even wondering what's happening in the 'other timelines.'

Jason does. If the different timelines were based on which member of the study group gets the pizza, then why is this one so successful? Is Jason irrelevant to the group's social dynamics?

Maybe he is, but they seem to like him all the same, so he could live with that.

But maybe he isn't. Maybe he hinders the party in all those other timelines because he's such a control freak who's obsessed with Piper McLean and won't let Hazel bake even though it makes her happy, and who doesn't like it when Leo hangs chandeliers from the ceiling.

Jason takes another bite from his pizza and turns up the volume on the speaker because it doesn't matter. There's no such thing as alternate universes.