Inspired by Community S3E22: "Introduction to Finality."

Frank POV

The fraternity life isn't awful, or at least, that's what Frank keeps telling himself. Sure, his roommate Mark smells bad, and he wakes up to Clarisse yelling at him daily. Also, it constantly smells like weed and alcohol, which is weird considering the emphasis that the fraternity puts on drug and alcohol safety. He also has to complete a Wii Fitness training module every morning with the other pledges and Sherman.

The only super bad part is that he can't go back home to Canada for the summer and work at the zoo, not when the frat house requires upkeeping.

If you were to ask him—and he can only assume he will be asked—what his favorite part of living in the fraternity house is, he'd say it's probably Sherman's Dunk-A-Roo dip. Who knew raw cake batter could be so tempting?

Anyways, Frank's having a typical day—about as normal as he can get living with this crew—and then Ellis has to tell him about this thing his new pet macaw said last night.

Now, Ellis has this habit of getting high on mushrooms when his girlfriends dump him. Granted, it's his own fault, but Frank's been through this with him twice, which is enough to know that he can't trust everything Ellis thinks he hears during these trying times.

But he hears him out anyway because he's still hung up over some girl from Valhalla that dumped him the other night.

"Ella said something to me," he says.

Ella squawks from her cage. Never has Frank heard the macaw Ella say anything in his time here at the fraternity, but Ellis swears the damn bird can talk, especially when he's just come off a bad trip.

Frank sighs and fakes a smile. "What'd she say?"

Ellis takes a sip from his morning coffee and says, "She told me of a prophecy."

Great. Now the macaw can see the future.

Ellis continues as if this is completely normal. "She says that we're awaiting some sort of a savior. I think her words were messiah? Anyway, someone's going to save the fraternity."

"From?" Frank asks.

Ellis shrugs and chugs the rest of his coffee. "Put some more newspaper in her cage for me, okay?"

Frank rolls his eyes as if he's totally against the idea, and to be fair, he is, but he won't let the animal go without fresh newspaper.

"Listen up!" Clarisse shouts. "Tonight's the back-to-school mingling party with our sister sorority, the Amazons."

"I didn't know we had a sister sorority," Frank whispers to Ellis.

Clarisse continues her speech. "We're going to try and keep it outside—pool party sort of deal—but I still want to see this house spic and span. Those wonderful lesbians better feel comfortable making out on your beds if they damn please."

Frank isn't comfortable with strangers making out on his bed, but he chooses not to speak up. Besides, maybe they're nice lesbians.

"Also!" she says. "Make sure you're extra nice to their president, Hylla. I just think she's nice, and we should show her a good time."

Frank's all about hospitality, so he'll go for that.

Clarisse starts writing on the chalkboard they use to divvy out the pre-party chores. Ellis will mow the lawn, Sherman will take care of the food, Mark will clean the upstairs parts of the house, and finally, Clarisse gets to Frank's name.

FRANK: POOL DUTY

So Frank is going to clean the pool and the hot tub before the girls who will probably be too grossed out to use it get here. That's fine. That's not a waste of time at all, especially since the leaves and bugs will return by the time the sorority arrives.

✎✎✎

Since it's a closed party, and only the sister sorority is invited, Frank isn't exactly concerned with it getting out of hand. If the sorority really is related to them, the girls have probably had to undergo all sorts of alcohol and drug safety training as well.

A tall blonde girl in a black jumpsuit approaches Frank and asks him all those mandatory questions you ask another college student when you meet them for the first time: what's your name, what's your major, where are you from, the usual.

Kinzie is nice. She's a business major with a minor in sustainability and already has three or so different companies offering her positions when she graduates at the end of the spring semester. She's impressive, she's pretty, she's a little scary, and she's flirting with Frank.

He pretends not to notice, but when she asks him where his room is, he says, "I'm so sorry if you got the wrong idea; I have a girlfriend."

"Is she here?" Kinzie asks.

"Well, no, but-"

"Great. Let me get my handcuffs."

Oh, god, not handcuffs, Frank dispairs to himself.

"Hey, Frank," says Ellis. "Did you think any more about what I told you this morning?"

Frank makes sure to be obvious with his cry for help. "Okay, Ellis, let's talk in private about that really important thing you needed to talk to me about!"

Ellis shrugs, clearly not getting the point, but leading Frank off the porch and into the house anyway.

"So the prophecy-"

"Yeah, about the frat bro messiah or something," Frank finishes. "What about it?"

Ellis's expression turns grave. "He's supposed to be the ultimate frat bro. Like, the best at parties and getting girls and stuff."

"Okay?" Frank asks. "And?"

"I think you're that frat bro."

Frank can't help but laugh. "I never wanted to be a fraternity brother. I mean, you guys are great, but I don't fit in well enough for that."

"Yes, you do," says Ellis. "You're like, the ultimate frat bro."

"Dude," says Frank, "I don't think it's me. Maybe it's you. Or Clarisse. Or Sherman. He makes good bean dip. It's probably-"

"No!" says Ellis. "Ella doesn't lie."

Frank rolls his eyes. "Ella didn't tell you it was me."

Ellis opens his mouth to argue some more, but then a shout from the hot tub rings throughout the house.

"Somebody call 911!" a sorority sister calls. Frank recognizes her from earlier; she kept fetching nachos for the president of the Amazons, Hylla. Shoot, how much has she had tonight?

"I'll call 911!" Clarisse shouts. "Sherman, start CPR!"

Sherman jumps out of the pool and pushes through the crowd to get to the victim.

"What's going on?" Frank asks Kinzie, the girl he blew off.

She trembles and wrings her hands together. "It's Hylla. She..."

Alcohol poisoning. That's got to be it.

"It's the nacho cheese," she says. "Hylla had too much of the nacho cheese. I wasn't here when it happened. God, I should have been watching. I knew I shouldn't have trusted Otrera."

"Otrera?" Frank asks.

Kinzie points to the woman on the other side of Hylla's limp body.

He doesn't typically judge how other people react in crises, but she's oddly calm. He wants to talk to her and ask her about what happened, but then the sirens blare and red lights flash into the lawn as the ambulance pulls up out front.

"Out of the way!" the EMTs shout. The party breaks up, and the mood is completely gone at this point. In fact, the Olivia Rodrigo song playing over the speakers is probably a little insensitive right now.

Clarisse turns to her friends. "Everyone back inside. Let's give the professionals some space. Otrera, I assume as Hylla's vice president, you'll want to take some sisters and follow the ambulance to the hospital, but anyone who would like to spend the night here is more than welcome."

"I'm making banana pancakes for breakfast tomorrow!" Sherman says. Although the timing is inappropriate, the Amazons seem to find comfort in some homemade pancakes.

Frank could go for some of Sherman's cooking right about now, so he heads inside to set out some movies the Amazons might like while Otrera takes a car to the hospital to meet Hylla.

✎✎✎

Frank can't stop thinking about what happened. Nobody can. Last night after they got the news from the Amazons, Mark told Frank that usually, when these things happen, Greek life can go back to normal. Of course, it's more cautious than before, but it goes back to normal.

So Frank had to voice his main concern. He sat up so fast in his top bunk, he hit his head on the ceiling. "Wait, how many of these incidents have you guys had?"

Mark just mumbled, "None," and then Frank heard him roll over in his bed.

He supposes Greek life could go back to normal had Hylla simply had the nacho cheese pumped from her stomach, but nacho cheese is different than alcohol.

It's hard for Frank or any of the Mars fraternity brothers and sisters to admit it. They keep saying things like, "I should have been there" or "If only we'd called sooner."

Sherman's especially hard on himself. He made the nacho cheese in the first place. Frank keeps telling him that it's not his fault; these things happen, and the Mars Coed Fraternity is in the clear because they did the right thing and called an ambulance.

But it's not the well-being of the fraternity that Sherman's worried about. "Someone died man," he says, "and that was my food. Mine."

Frank's starting to miss homemade meals from Sherman, but it's not his place to rush the guy's grieving process. He made those pancakes for the sorority sisters and then Ellis had no choice but to use the beginning-of-the-year party budget on takeout for the rest of the week.

"Okay, everyone," Clarisse says over her breakfast of Burger King hashbrowns and french toast sticks. "Today, we're all going to take some time to complete the alcohol and drug safety training. I think most of us are due again for the school year anyway, and given recent events, it's probably best we all get a refresher. Remember that New Rome's counseling services do operate throughout the summer, and if I know you guys well enough, none of you have used your free sessions yet. Let me know if you want help arranging an appointment or something."

Sherman takes a bite of his hashbrown nugget glumly. This isn't right. He shouldn't be going into the new school year with this weight laying on him. Somehow, Frank knows that the nacho cheese had nothing to do with this.

"I'm also here if you guys need anyone to talk to," Clarisse continues. "Hylla was an awesome person. I had the pleasure of attending the SoCal sorority and fraternity convention with her last spring. Any questions?"

Mark raises his hand and asks, "What about the Amazons? Do they have a president?"

"Otrera will act as their president. I imagine she'll be officially sworn in this weekend in some kind of ceremony involving Hamburger Helper and maxi-pads."

With that, the brothers and sisters set their laptops up in different corners of the house to work on their training modules.

It's still nice outside, so Frank takes a seat on the porch. He might like to move into the yard and sit in the grass, but the WiFi doesn't reach that far, so this is the best he's got at a semi-relaxing time doing work outside.

Yet somehow, on his folding lawn chair with a burnt-out citronella candle on the ground, he can't focus on how to properly use the lines on a Solo cup or how to position a person who may be suffering from alcohol poisoning. All he can think about is that night and how poor Hylla lay there dying while everyone watched. How could it be that nobody stopped her from consuming so much nacho cheese?

Frank found her Instagram account yesterday. It's full of pictures of Hylla going to concerts and volunteering at homeless shelters with her sorority sisters. Even though her most recent post is from a trip she took in June, the comments have been completely flooded with grieving messages she'll never get to see. This girl was loved. She was a good person, and she completed the same consumption safety training that Frank is supposed to be working through now. How could the president of a sorority have overlooked something like that?

Now that he thinks of it, Frank realizes he wasn't there when it happened. Sure, he saw Hylla laying there before the EMTs carried her off, but nobody actually saw her eat that much nacho cheese. The only reason anyone knows it wasn't alcohol poisoning is that they were told by...

Otrera!

Otrera, who just so happens to be acting as interim president of the Amazon sorority. She was the only person who saw what happened, the one who called for help, and the one who rode the whole way to the hospital to see Hylla off. She probably wanted to be president of the sorority so bad, and was so jealous of Hylla because she was such an awesome person, that she... God, Frank doesn't want to think about the planning that went into that attack.

He slams his laptop shut. Marijuana laws can wait another day. Hylla deserves justice!

He marches back into the frat house, ready to report his connection of dots to Clarisse and the others.

"Oh, hey, Frank. You just missed it," says Ellis. "Otrera and the Amazons dropped off this commemorative garden gnome in honor of Hylla."

"Otrera?" Frank gasps before swatting the gnome out of Ellis's hands.

The ceramic lawn ornament lands on the kitchen floor with a crash as it shatters.

"Oops," Frank says.

"Dude, what the hell?" Mark yells.

Frank raises his hands in the air. "Guys, I didn't mean to. Listen, I just-"

Ellis shrieks when he finally registers what just happened. "Clarisse is going to be so pissed!"

Ella the macaw squawks from her perch in the corner.

"Are they still here?" Frank asks frantically.

Sherman shouts from behind his pizza box Jenga tower, "Yes! They're out in the driveway getting ready to leave!"

Frank tears through the house and out through the front door, where Otrera and the other Amazons are sitting in a minivan with the engine turned on.

Clarisse has her arm resting on the roof of the car while she talks to Otrera through the window.

"Otrera!" Frank yells from the porch. He doesn't even care that his white socks get dirty as he stomps across the lawn to get to the car. "I have a couple of questions for you."

"Yes?" she asks, looking up at him through her vintage sunglasses.

"I, uh..." How exactly does someone go about this kind of accusation? "What happened when Hylla... you know..."

"Frank!" Clarisse scolds. "That's not something we need to talk about right now!"

"If not now, then when?" Frank hollers back. "Don't you want to know what actually happened and why Otrera is so smug about everything? She gave us a garden gnome, for crying out loud!"

Clarisse turns back to the front steps of the fraternity house, where the others have gathered to watch the spectacle. "What is the meaning of this?" she asks.

Sherman clears his throat and then says, "Frank broke the gnome."

Clarisse's eyes narrow, as if being surged with electricity. "You can go, Frank. I know you never wanted the fraternity life in the first place."

"What?"

"You heard me. Go ahead. Pack up your shit and leave. I'll even call you an Uber."

✎✎✎

"Dude," Mark says without looking up from his 1981 issue of Sports Illustrated. "I have never seen Clarisse so pissed off in my entire life."

Frank sighs and ignores his roommate while he tries to jam the last of his hockey equipment into his suitcase.

Mark doesn't get the memo and continues to ramble. "I mean, she didn't even punch you. She usually punches people. Like, she was so pissed off that she couldn't even fight you."

"Bro," says Frank. "I get it. Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem," he says before tearing out a photo of a scantily clad model. He pins the image to his corkboard and lays back in his bed with his hands behind his head.

Frank struggles to zip his suitcase shut and eventually has to ask Mark to sit on it for him before finally picking up the things that wouldn't fit in his bag and ducking under the doorframe. "See you in class, Mark."

Mark grunts a goodbye of his own and with that, Frank is off. His suitcase makes an awful thudding sound as it hits each step, but most of the fraternity is awake at this time of the day. Who's he really bothering?

Where the garden gnome should be displayed in the living room is a photo of Hylla at a Waterparks concert. Damn, that girl went to a lot of concerts. Her arms are thrown around two friends on either side of her, and you can see her strain as she tries to fit another girl into her embrace.

SQUAWK! Ella the macaw croaks from the kitchen.

"See you around, Ella," Frank says to the bird.

Ellis slams his newspaper shut. What is it with these people and reading physical copies of the news? Don't most people just get that on their phones?

"You'll always be my brother," he says.

"Thank you," Frank replies.

"I mean it. I still think you're the guy in the prophecy."

"Ellis, I'm not even an official brother anymore."

"Are you?" he asks. "Otrera's swearing-in is tonight at Applebee's."

"So?" Frank asks.

Ellis rolls his eyes and opens his newspaper to the funnies section. "I just emailed you a section of the bylaws I thought you might like to take a look at."

✎✎✎

With the money he spent on the Uber away from the fraternity house and the money he spent on the Uber to the Applebee's, Frank doesn't have the money to spend on a full meal. If only he were still dining on the Mars Coed Fraternity's budget...

So he just goes for a dessert, which isn't a bad idea in itself, but getting the triple chocolate meltdown might not fare well for his stomach in an hour or so.

"Excuse me," he asks the host. "I'm looking for the Amazon sorority party."

The teenager on her phone raises an eyebrow. "You're a sorority sister?"

"They're my frat's sister sorority. It's..." Frank trails off, not sure how to explain fraternity and sorority bylaws and processes, especially since he's already lying about still being in the fraternity, so he just acts as if she should understand.

"Okay then," she says. "Right this way." She grabs a menu and leads Frank to the party room of the Applebee's, where Otrera dines alongside her sisters, who look absolutely miserable. Clarisse and the rest of the Mars Coed Fraternity look glum as well. Spending a whole summer with them makes it pretty easy to see through their poker faces.

Clarisse reads out of an old book while Kinzie sticks maxi-pads to Otrera's face.

"Do you, Otrera, promise to uphold the values of a sister of the Amazons?" Clarisse asks with no tone in her voice.

And because he knows so much about fraternities and sororities, Frank says, "I object! Otrera, I challenge you to a duel."

Jaws drop and silverware hits the floor.

Under his breath, Ellis whispers, "The prophecy..."

Kinzie chokes on her water a little and then asks, "Can men challenge the Amazons?"

"Yes," says Frank. He grabs a Natural Light and unsheaths his pocket knife. "I'm the ultimate frat bro."

Then he does something he never thought he'd do. He stabs the can open at the bottom and starts chugging from the hole. Beer dribbles down his chin as the sharp aluminum cuts his lip, but he keeps going just to prove his point—to prove that he is the prophesized frat bro.

Finally, he crushes the can in his bare hand and drops it on the floor. For a moment, he feels bad because this is a restaurant, but then he remembers that this is only an Applebee's.

Otrera stands up and says, "I accept your challenge... uh..."

"Frank," he fills in for her.

She snorts. "Okay, Frank."

Once he and Otrera are planted in separate corners of the room, they're each given a posterboard, graph paper, and some twistable crayons.

A preseason football game is queued on Sherman's laptop as Clarisse explains the rules of the duel.

"Both of you should be familiar," she says, "but I'll explain for you just to have my bases covered. You each must use the materials in front of you to plan a bomb-ass party with the distraction of this preseason football game. Whoever finishes first wins the title of President of the Amazons, while the loser faces shame and humiliation."

Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. Every frat bro's weakness is a football game, even a preseason one.

Nevertheless, Frank gets to work planning his ultimate blowout party. It'll be like Sherman's hot tub party, only better. It'll be progressive; men and women will each pay five dollars to enter so it's more economical and less sexist. He'll choose an awesome theme so everyone is motivated to dress up. Hmm... what should he choose?

Aha!

How about an old-fashioned toga party? Everyone loves a good toga party, and Frank can't say he's ever gotten the chance to wrap his old sheet around his shoulder and pretend to be some sort of Roman emperor.

There'll be a spread of delicious food, all prepared by Sherman since he's the best chef in the fraternity. This party is above takeout.

Otrera grunts from her corner and finally begins to work on her party. She was distracted by the football game. Granted, it's a fantastic game. The score keeps going back and forth between the-

Gotta focus, Frank says to himself.

He continues his planning. The guest list is come one, come all. Everyone is invited to this blowout. There's a poster at the entryway reminding the partygoers to drink responsibly and to look for signs of alcohol poisoning.

The hot tub and pool are a must, obviously, because togas make for great swim coverups.

"Ugh!" Otrera groans. "I should have never challenged Hylla to that nacho cheese chugging contest!"

Everyone gasps. "You killed Hylla?" Mark asks.

"No, you idiots!" Otrera yells. "Nacho cheese doesn't kill. She went to the music festival to see Lizzo."

Everyone gasps again because how dare she see Lizzo without the rest of them?

Ellis stands up and looks at Frank's poster board. "This is an awesome idea, man."

"Uh, thanks?"

"There's no way you aren't the ultimate frat bro," he says. "All hail Frank!"

"Oh, please don't worship me like a god..."

"ALL HAIL FRANK!" the brothers and sisters echo.

Sherman clears his throat. "Now that I know my nacho cheese didn't kill Hylla, what should we do with her?" he asks, pointing to Otrera.

"You all know what the bylaws say," Clarisse says, chugging the rest of her water and reaching for her pants.

"Hey, hey!" Frank says. "I'm the messiah or whatever, so I get to say what happens."

Everyone looks to him for an answer as if it isn't obvious.

Frank facepalms. "Prison. Prison, guys. Someone call the police."

✎✎✎

And everything pretty much goes back to normal after that. Frank gives his position as President of the Amazon sorority back to Hylla, who had a great time at the music festival. Lizzo took her phone out of the pit and took some pictures with it, so she definitely won there.

He's made some good friends, but Frank decides he can't commit to the fraternity life wholeheartedly. His brothers and sisters decide to let him be an honorary member, so he moves out of the frat house and back into a nice off-campus apartment.

Since school starts in less than a week. Most of his friends have moved back in and are getting ready for the year.

Frank made some minor repairs in Percy's room; he's excited to have a roommate this year, and from what he gathered on their last call, the feeling is mutual.

He hasn't seen Hazel much; she's been busy getting her sandwich shop ready for its grand opening on campus—finally.

Piper just got back from an obligatory visit with her parents in Oklahoma. She spent most of the summer here in Berkeley Hills with Jason learning how to drive and finally has her license. "Safe but unpleasant" were his words.

Jason, by the way, is now co-captain of the Ultimate Frisbee team and is a little too proud of the quarter-zip fleece that came with the title.

Annabeth quit her job at Auntie Anne's over at the mall and refuses to tell anyone what kind of impulsive thing she did to her body this summer, which makes Frank nervous as to what obscure place she chose for a new piercing or tattoo.

Leo finally fixed the Roomba, and the dust bunnies in his apartment miraculously disappeared.

It's safe to say the New Rome Seven might not be completely ready for their senior year at New Rome Community College, but then again, they have no idea what this year is going to throw at them.

Frank tilts the picture of his friends above the couch so it isn't crooked anymore. "Bring it on," he says to no one in particular.