քօʋ քǟȶʀɨƈɛ--റ-ང🌸

"Mummy yuh naah ansa mi?" I asked from where I sat on the steps that gave access to my apartment and the upstairs.

The line was quiet except for little bits of nondescript sound that came across to me now and then from her end.

"Alright, den mi a guh ask evrybody a wah mek the Davis dem and wi a like oil an wata," I told her as the quiet in her background became overbearing because of her lack to answer the question asked.

I got up a made my way to the kitchen my frustration with her was evident from the sound of the dutch pot cover slamming onto the pot where the rice and peas were beautiful drying on a low heat reverberated in the quiet kitchen.

"Yuh know wah yuh a mi madda a mi cyaah change dat, ah mi try mi best nuh fi hold weh yuh duh as a grudge against yuh but Patrice a mi nuh ab no daddy a wi barely know yuh," I said into the phone surprising myself at how calm I sounded knowing how much I was boiling inside.

"Mi nuh see why OD, Peggy and Deenie cyaah be a family. A time fi dah cycle yah fully bruck inna wi family. A nuh only mi a Jay deserve fi happy r yuh ova foreign wid yuh white husband and an American pickney dem."

I was burning now and I wanted to lay it all out on her.

"Look how much years Peggy suffa fra yuh absence and how much more she suffah when Mamma n Ms. Murl adamant she cyaah deh wid OD and how dem galang when him breed ar. Yuh know the reason an yet yuh siddung pan e. Yuh jus like dem. Yuh only fi yuh sef!"

I could hear her ragged breathing as if she was crying. Yet she still fail to tell what she knew.

"If only you could love mi an Peggy the way yuh love Ashalee and Liam an want d best fi wi to e wudn't suh bad yuh walking ova wi like dog puppy." I paused before I continue to speak. I really wanted what I said next to shake her.

"But jus suh yuh know OD deh yah an right now him cudda a dig out Peggy belly bottom cause she gone meet him. So whateva a kip yuh tongue-tied and speechless know seh time a d master an life lead wi nuh wi lead it."

"Petrice."

I heard my mother call my name but I wanted to rub her face in the pain she contributed to so I spoke over her letting my words come out harsh.

"A hope e breed r again an e kill e ol witch Ms. Murl when she know, an e spite yuh. It jus hat mi Mama love yuh to the moon an back to keep the real reason a secret. Mi know it's not really Peggy and OD a d problem a yuh. A yuh an yuh heartless sef!"

I hang up the phone and was surprised to realize that I was crying. I had held so much of my emotions inside over the years that at this vital moment in wanting just once to have our mother put us first and her still being inconsiderate cause me to become emotionally undone.

I bit my bottom lip as I sobbed and lean heavily against the kitchen counter. I vowed never to let Patrice suffer for the choice of our mother leaving us here in Jamaica to be nothing but barrel babies.

I put my all into seeing her become something more than just a statistic in the growing population of young children who had to find their way and become lost or misguided because parents put their well-being above that of them, the very children they brought into this world that did not ask to be here.

In my wanting to be a strong and loving sister to Patrice I had focused on ensuring that she never had to feel lacking in being emotionally supported and thanks to Mama we made sure that she knew she was loved, needed, and a valuable part of our lives.

Looking at how far she has come, a well-loved and appreciated teacher, getting her life on track being a devoted and caring mother to still have the black cloak of a secret pushing her life made me mad.

I wish I could protect her from it all.
It's just that I wanted so much for her to find the peace and happiness that I came to find with my husband. I just wish these heartless people would give her a chance.

It was not so much with OD but with any man come to think of it as it would be a stumbling block in any relationship she pursued,--I would much prefer it to be Medz,--because this secret until it comes to light will forever hold back Patrice.

With a sigh, I push it all from my mind. I knew I best let it go and let life play out as it must. They were all going to pay for what they are doing in time.

How sad to know Ms. Murl for years on her sick bed can't move kept living with a secret that was worth dieing with.

I move away from the counter and went to the stove and turn off the rice pot, add the carrots and Irish potatoes to the stew pork and then made preparation for the tossed salad. I best lose myself in getting dinner ready for my family.

The four of us were going to have a great Sunday and celebrate the love we have for each other. No need in allowing those heartless selfish brutes to rob us of our joy and blessings.

I was very much content in pushing them to the back of my mind and was frying a few pieces of chicken when I heard my Uncle calling.

"Yeeesss, mi inna kitchen!" I answered going to the back door to greet him after I wipe the tears with the back of my hands.

"Guess wha?" he said coming up on the step.

"Yuh win e lotto an a guh gi mi quarter," I joked.

"Yeah man," he laughed but it was not his usual booming cackling.

"A wah Uncle, supm appn?"

He handed me a soursop and said. "Ms. Murl dead mi nuh much long ere wen mi a come fra grung."

"Yuh stop a shop?" I found myself asking as all I could think about is Patrice and OD being together when it happened.

"A wah, why?" he asks looking at me curiously.

"Peggy dung a shop mi jus waah know if she alright." I said moving to the stove to turn the chickens.

"Yuh know seh news travel faas n fra when mi ere she dead a hospital so people goodly stop a shop an chat seh she gone a hospital fra early this mawmin," he said picking up his machete.

"Oohh, ok then," I mumbled.

"Mi a guh bathe and leave yuh fi finish cook a soon two o'clock. But wait how yuh nuh finish cook yet?"

I look to see that the pork was ready so I turn the stove off and mumbled I was talking to Mummy.

"She good?" he ask moving off.

"Yeah man," I said hoping he said nothing more on the subject of his neice and continued home. "Hey mek sure yuh come fi yuh dinnah a nuh guh next door ova Ms Murl guh drink up dem dutty rum."

"Pet chill nuh, yuh rough and Peggy miserable!" he grumbled.

"Yuh ere weh mi seh?" My warning did not fall through as he was already out the yard and out of earshot.

Now that I was once again alone my emotions took hold and my body ran cold filling my body with goose pimples. Of all the times I wish death on Ms. Murl why did it fall through the minute I curse her and my mother?

My phone ringing brought me out of my worries about the things that I said, they were just mere coincidence. I look to see that is was Patrice calling.

"Hey Peggy," I said answering on the third ring.

"When since yuh start call mi Peggy?" she asked with a questioning chuckle.

"Chro wah yuh want? A lock yuh a lock up shop a come up?"

"Yes mi a lock up but mi naah come up right a weh," she said and I heard the bolt for the shop's front door shifting in place.

I did not pause or took a beat when I immediately said my voice sounding harsher than intended. "A nuh up a Davis Town yuh a guh?"

"No!" I heard her return with vehement denial. "Wah mi a gu..."

Whatever she was about to say got cut off as if something or someone got her sudden attention and I heard a distinctive voice in her background and shortly her calling a response.

Did she say Medz?!

"Pat lata."

"Later," I responded but the phone call was already ended.

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Please👇

Nuff love 🇯🇲