trigger warnings: mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of child loss.

IT'S SAID THERE ARE five stages of grief.

Denial comes first, with feelings of numbness that couldn't be overpowered by anything, not even physical pain. It's false hope in the most potent form. You push the fast-approaching loneliness away with all of your remaining strength, denying the misery it is fated to riddle you with even if the small, rational part of your brain knows it's only a matter of time.

Anger is next. Anger at those around you, anger at yourself, and even anger at the one that you've lost. For leaving. For abandoning the plans you'd made together. The rage is misplaced, yet entirely true and wholeheartedly felt, as though there truly was someone to blame for the emptiness.

Bargaining. The third stage. It's when any glimpse of faith in a higher power comes to light, pleading for a different way ─ a different ending. Wondering if a small change, a different decision, would mean that your loved one was still standing in front of you. Questioning and begging for a way to have more time, even just an extra second to tell them you love them, or hug them, or breathe in their familiar scent just once more.

Depression creeps up on you. Lingering in the back of your mind like a dark rain cloud hovering in the distant grey sky, growing and inching closer until no rays of light can peek through, and the downpour begins. Hard, heavy, fast. No moment to breathe, or snatch your coat and umbrella ─ just drowning.

Eventually, the fifth stage will quell the sting of the previous four. Acceptance was a fickle thing; it was something that took more time than anyone could predict. Eventually, the sharp pains wouldn't hurt so much ─ they would simply fade into the background as a welcomed feeling, serving as a constant reminder of what was lost, and what was cherished.

It is often stated that the stages tended to be rigid, and clung to the order they had been assigned.

Natalie Shaw called bullshit.

Kneeling on the jagged concrete rubble of the parking garage, the first three stages battled against every inch of her being, allied in their attempts to destroy what little sanity she had left. There was no semblance of order in the way that anger tore through her battered limbs, or her mind began to bargain with the power she had long since lost faith in, and the way denial dug its claws into her skull with a grip she doubted would waver.

Her sobs and screams were beginning to die in her throat, along with the slither of hope that coursed through her veins. Natalie couldn't bear to look at the pile of debris any longer, and forced her drying eyes to close.

As soon as she did, a familiar face, covered in stubble and wearing a grin, flashed through her mind, making her eyes snap back open. It was too much.

The sirens of police vehicles and ambulances drew even closer, looming around the next corner and threatening to tear the family apart even further.

So, Jakob Toretto did what he had to do.

Pushing past Xavier and Alice, the man crouched behind his sister.

"Nat." It was a ghost of a whisper, barely grazing the outer shell of her ear, yet it spoke volumes. Jakob swallowed thickly at the Shaw woman's lack of response, knowing that she wasn't going to like what came next.

He carefully wrapped his uninjured arm around her waist, before gently trying to tug her to her feet. The man had no idea what injuries his sister had, so he did his best to keep his hold loose, but not loose enough that the grieving woman could slip from his hold.

The contact sent Natalie spiraling ─ she knew what it meant, and she didn't want to leave. Not until she saw Deckard, alive and breathing, with her own two eyes.

"NO! W-we can't leave him!" She cried in a voice so hoarse that those around her were sure that her throat was red-raw and ripped to shreds. "Why are y-you leaving him?!"

Natalie's tears returned, as though they had never dried to begin with, and clouded her view of what was left of her husband and her older brother. She began to fight against Jakob's hold, but her hits were weak and her struggle futile.

Everything ached, and everything felt pointless without Deckard Shaw by her side.

"Please don't m-make me leave him." Natalie sobbed, allowing herself to lean against her brother's chest. "I-I can't─ I don't k-know how─"

Her pleas were cut off by her own guttural cries, and Jakob had to bite back the sob that had lodged itself in his throat. Never, ever, had his heart been so violently ripped from his chest by listening to his sister lose everything.

"I'm sorry, Tal." Jakob whispered, before gritting his teeth in anticipation. Despite the bullet wound in his shoulder, the man looped that arm underneath his sister's knees and whilst the other tightened its grip around the woman's waist.

The pain increased tenfold, yet Jakob couldn't care less about the state of his injury. He hoisted Natalie up, cradling her in his arms, and rose to a stand.

The Shaw woman didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

Her head lulled to the side and rested against Jakob's chest, smearing some of the grey dust that coated her onto his black t-shirt.

The man forced his injured arm not to shake as he turned his back towards the parking garage, towards Dominic, and towards Deckard. Jakob's steps were heavy, echoing as he walked towards the car. Pieces of rubble crunched under his boots up until he reached the back passenger door, where he paused.

Jakob went to open the door, only for a hand to reach and grab the handle for him.

Brian O'Connor pulled the car door open, his blue eyes flickering between the face of an exhausted Natalie and the thankful gaze of her brother.

The O'Connor man gave a simple nod, as if to say 'of course, it's for Natalie'. Jakob had no idea that the weekly phone calls between the Shaws and the O'Connor-Torettos had led to friendship between Brian and both Natalie and Deckard. Truth be told, Brian was devastated that the only times he had seen the Shaw woman in person was when she was on death's door — Natalie had done nothing but protect his family, time and time again, and yet the world had done nothing but punish her.

Natalie's sobs had simmered down into sniffles, even though she was sure her heart was being ripped from her aching chest. Any remaining coherent thoughts blurred, muffled by the low buzz of loss that echoed in her mind. Well, all thoughts except for one.

She wanted to go home.

The Shaw woman didn't mean London, or even Los Angeles — her home wasn't a place. It was a person.

And that person, who held her heart and protected it from the cruelty of her past and the present, was gone, leaving her to pick up the pieces of her fractured self.

Natalie Shaw wanted to go home; except, for the first time in her life, he was out of reach — completely unattainable, and possibly forever gone.

Leaving the woman lost, drifting off in search of somewhere that could offer her even a glimpse of comfort. A glimpse of him.

Natalie didn't flinch when Jakob gently transferred her into the car, where she could do nothing but lay across the back seats, completely numb.

The woman didn't acknowledge the lifting of her head, or how it now rested on Bianca King's lap whilst the woman murmured soft reassurances to her. The rumble of the car engine did nothing to rouse her from her numbness, despite the fact that she could feel the hum buzzing through the leather seats beneath her.

Natalie couldn't feel anything. That simple fact should've scared her, but it didn't.

And that revelation terrified her even more.

"TALIA QUINN, THIRTY-THREE year-old female, presenting with extreme physical trauma after a building collapsed on her."

One of the many doctors called out to her colleagues as Natalie was rushed into the emergency room on a gurney.

As soon as Jakob's car pulled up to the Dignity Health Emergency Department, Alice King lept from her place in the passenger seat and ran in, yelling for someone to help her sister. A pair of surgical interns rushed out with a gurney, along with a doctor, who immediately began assessing the Shaw woman for injuries.

"So far, we have two head lacerations, a mild concussion, suspected wrist fracture, and possible internal bleeding." Doctor Alexis Feldman rattled off firmly, her tone of authority clear as day as she spoke to those around her. The group wheeled the still woman into one of the trauma bays. "Get her set up on the monitors. Run a CBC, CMP, and an ultrasound to check for any internal injuries."

The other doctors, as well as a nurse, worked quickly and efficiently to fulfill the orders, flooding the room with chatter of vitals and the sound of equipment being wheeled in.

Natalie, on the other hand, didn't blink at the feeling of needles pinching at the soft skin of her arms, or the wires being attached to her chest, nor gentle gloved fingers that prodded at her injured wrist.

She had already slipped away into that state of nothingness that consumed her when Letty 'died', and there was very little that could bring her back from it ─ one of the only constant cures was Deckard, but this time, he was the cause and had no way of retaking his place as the cure, as her anchor.

As hard as they tried to shoo the doctors away, Xavier and Jakob were whisked away to be checked out for their various injuries as soon as they walked through the double doors of the emergency room. Finnick met the same fate, leaving only a handful of people standing near Natalie's gurney.

Letty needed a moment to grieve her husband, so she hung back and stayed at the remains of the parking garage. Knowing the Ortiz woman needed a moment alone, Brian offered to take Ramsey to find wherever Tej and Roman ended up. The O'Connor man wanted to make sure that Natalie was okay, but after a quick promise from Jakob to keep him updated, Brian took off with the hacker in the passenger seat of his car.

Not wanting AJ and Oliver to see or experience more trauma than they already had, Hattie called Zoey, who was sitting in the waiting room with Nick whilst Andromeda was in surgery.

Zoey almost refused to go back upstairs when she saw the state that Natalie was in, but Hattie managed to convince her, saying that Nick needed to hear it from someone in person, instead of over the phone. After that, the King woman wrapped an arm around each of her brothers and brought them to wait for news on Andy, instead of lingering in the emergency room.

So, the only ones left standing were Alice, Bianca, and Hattie.

The blonde King woman tried to push forward, wanting answers as to what was going on, but was swiftly stopped by Doctor Feldman.

"Excuse me, Miss..." She asked, prompting Alice to fill in the gaps.

"Quinn. Rebecca Quinn." The woman lied, conjuring up the first random name that came to mind. "Talia's my sister. What's going on?"

Doctor Feldman nodded in understanding, whilst removing the blue surgical gloves from her hands. She tossed them into the bin beside her, before grabbing the chart from its slot on the wall.

"Your sister has suffered a number of injuries," She began gently explaining to the trio, "but we need to wait for the blood work and the abdominal ultrasound results to come back before establishing a treatment plan."

"Once we know what's going on, I will personally inform you.  We're transferring her to a room as soon as we finish the blood draws, alright?" Doctor Feldman finished speaking just as she finished writing in the chart, before her sharp blue eyes met Alice's. "I'm putting a rush order on the tests, so that your sister's get priority."

"Thank you." Alice's lips twitch with a small, thankful smile, which the doctor returned before moving back into Natalie's trauma bay. The three women let out collective sighs of relief, with Bianca wrapping an arm around Alice's waist and rubbing soothing circles on her hip.

Hattie's gaze was glued to the Shaw woman lying in the bed, completely still. Natalie's gaze was completely vacant; her once bright, lively eyes were now completely dulled by the turmoil that ripped through her mind.

Her usually silky, dark brown waves were tangled together, and almost entirely grey with dust. More of the minuscule debris coated her tan face, painting it that same monochromatic colour. Although, thick maroon daubed the left side of her face, like a grotesque pop of colour against the leaden background.

The blood reached the bottom of her jaw and trailed down her neck, whilst the jagged wound itself had begun to dry — it was a gruesome thing, the gash on her forehead, and Hattie was sure it would scar.

But the possibility of a scar was the last thing the Shaw sister was worried about. Hattie could see, plain as day, that her sister-in-law was different, and would never again be the same person who began the day. The change scared her; the woman had expected Natalie to continue to break down, as any person would after losing the love of their life, but instead, she was so...still. Quiet. Hollow.

"I'm fine, dammit!" A familiar, gruff voice yelled. Their frustration was no surprise, and all three women turned towards the commotion. "I just need to check on my sister—"

Jakob pushed himself off his gurney, and began making a move towards where they were standing, only to be stopped by Doctor Feldman, who had stormed over from Natalie's bay.

"Mister Quinn." She snapped, tired of the disruption to her otherwise-peaceful emergency department. The woman snatched the chart from where it had been placed on the gurney, and quickly skimmed over the list of injuries. "You were shot. You have a bad head lac, possibly a concussion. You can't just—"

"What? Like it's a big deal." Jakob scoffed, as if a gunshot wound to the shoulder was just his typical Wednesday. "He patched me up," he paused to point at the young, male doctor next to Natalie's doctor, "and I feel great — your work here is done, Doc."

The Toretto man watched as Doctor Feldman let out a huff of anger and shared an exasperated look with her colleague, who was the one to fix Jakob up.

"Look," She started again, with a firm look towards Jakob, "you need to stay here for observation. What if you have something more serious, like a brain bleed, and we miss it because you're wandering around the hospital?"

"At least he's still in a hospital, instead of wandering the streets." Hattie's voice butted in, the woman having slowly made her way over. Once again, she was clutching her necklace — the one with the grenade pin — and toying with it anxiously. She shared a pleading look with Doctor Feldman, who's determined face had softened slightly at the sight of her reddened, tear-stained cheeks. "Please, he's just worried about his sister."

Bianca joined the Shaw sister's side, her arms crossed over her chest, almost protectively.

"We all are." The woman said hoarsely, making Doctor Feldman sigh and share a look with her colleague. They held each other's gaze for a moment, before the female physician nodded, almost imperceptibly.

"Fine," she conceded, looking between the three before landing on Jakob, "but you—" the woman said pointedly, "—need to stay with Miss Quinn. We're transferring her to a private room, and then at least we'll know where you are if something happens."

"Understood." Jakob nodded once in appreciation, his tone firm, before it was filled with sincerity. "Thank you."

Doctor Feldman gave a simple, understanding nod before passing off the man's chart to her colleague and tucking her pen back into her coat breast pocket.

"Just doing my job." Her lips pulled into a tight, small smile — professional, yet genuine. The woman's blue eyes darted over Jakob's shoulder, where she could see Natalie's gurney being wheeled out of the trauma bay, prompting her to return her gaze to the Toretto man.

"If you'll come with me, I can take you to your sister and get you both set up." She explained in a concise manner, prompting Jakob to immediately follow her lead.

Before he could leave, Hattie gently caught his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

"I'm gonna check on the others. Keep me updated?" The Shaw sister asked quietly. Jakob nodded firmly, whispering a small 'of course', allowing Hattie's hand to fall back down to her side.

They shared one final nod of understanding before the Toretto man made his way over to his injured sister.

Natalie's expression hadn't changed at all — she wore the same, unfocused gaze, along with her lips being pulled together in the same flat line as before. It was as though she was stuck in a daze, one that forced her to relive the night over and over. The Shaw woman couldn't think straight, or think at all, because of the memories. Oh, the memories.

Her brain would play the moment her hand slipped from Deckard's, before flickering to when they were laughing with their family just mere hours before. It was almost intended as a twisted reprieve from the nightmare that had become her reality, but it only made her sink further into the nothingness that consumed her body and mind — bad memories made worse by the good ones.

Realising Deckard wasn't coming back as she sobbed outside of the ruins. Running into his arms with a grin on her face when he pulled up to the garage.

The heat of the explosion against their backs. The fiery feeling of his soft lips against hers and the sparks that fluttered across her skin.

His desperate scream as she fell further into the rubble. His gruff, soothing voice whispering sweet nothings after one of her nightmares.

An endless loop of reminders: reminders of what she had lost, and how she had lost it — how she had lost him.

Natalie Shaw wished there was a way to make it stop; a way to just let her eyes flutter closed and for everything to vanish. The pain, the past, the present, she needed it all gone. No matter the cost.

Jakob's calloused hand gently grasped her unmoving one, before squeezing it tightly — not enough to hurt, but just enough to try and ground them both.

Somewhere in the back of the woman's mind, Natalie knew that Jakob was there, that she had her family to fall back on...but the Shaw woman had never felt more alone, more isolated.

Everything meant nothing without Deckard Shaw.

NOT FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES later, and Natalie hadn't moved an inch unless someone had physically moved her themselves.

She had been transferred to a private room, and Jakob hadn't left her side — not when a doctor came in to stitch up her head lacerations, or when nurses were bustling in and out to check her vitals. Every second that he stayed in the room with his sister was a second that his worry grew.

Natalie hadn't twitched so much as a finger, let alone spoken a word. Jakob had never seen her like that before, not even after their father died. What he didn't know was that after Jack Toretto died, Natalie had a reason to push through the emptiness — her siblings. They had no one else to lean on, and no other way of surviving, because that responsibility fell to her. To pay the bills. To buy groceries. To make three meals a day. To love and nurture them into caring, thoughtful people instead of teenagers filled with hatred over their father's passing.

But now?

Now, no one relied on her, and no one needed her.

Everyone had their own siblings, spouses, and friends to lean on, to turn to in a time of need. Each and every member of her family had a support system that would suffice just fine without her.

So, Natalie let the hollow feeling that had settled deep within her chest consume her.

Jakob had tried to rouse a reaction from his sister by telling the woman how her family were doing, but she didn't so much as blink. He thought he'd at least get a sigh of relief when he told her that Xavier and Finnick were fine, and only sported minor injuries, or that Katya's surgery was going extremely well. The man had even told her that Andy was touch and go, and that the woman may not be able to talk for up to a year after the surgery — if she survived — but Natalie simply remained still.

Memories were still looping in her mind, except moments of her pregnancy and Miles had joined the fray. The pain of the labour and loss of her first and only child only pushed her further into the darkness that rattled through her broken body.

It would take a miracle to pull her back from its unbreakable hold.

A knock sounded on the doorframe, startling Jakob, whose mind was consumed with thoughts of how to help his older sister.

Doctor Feldman gave a small, polite smile, almost as an apology for making the man jump.

"Can I come in?" She asked, pressing the clipboard in her arms against her chest. The Toretto man turned in his chair and gave a few firm nods, so Doctor Feldman crossed the doorway and made her way to the end of Natalie's bed.

She refrained from frowning at the sight of the woman's blatant lack of acknowledgment for...well, anything. At first, the doctor thought it was shock from the 'accident' and the injuries, but as time ticked by, it became abundantly clear that Natalie's silence was something else entirely. It wasn't a situation Doctor Feldman had experience with, considering she was an ER doctor and not a psychiatrist.

Pulling the clipboard away from her body, the woman began to review the results from Natalie's blood draws.

"I'm going to start off by saying that your sister, Mister Quinn, is extremely fortunate to have such minimal injuries considering the circumstances." Doctor Feldman stated, her firm voice conveying how truly lucky Natalie was to have survived such an event. "But, given the visible head injuries and the nature of the situation, I'm going to send her up for an MRI just to be certain there's nothing going on that we can't see."

Jakob nodded along, absorbing every word the woman was saying. Natalie's hand was still clutched tightly between his own, as though he was trying to physically anchor her mind to the present.

"It's perfectly safe, so there's nothing to worry about." The doctor continued, making Jakob frown. Perfectly safe? Why would she say that?

"We're certain that Talia's wrist injury is just a sprain, so there's no need for an X-Ray." Doctor Feldman gave another of her courteous smiles, before averting her eyes back down to the clipboard. "Regardless, we wouldn't administer one to someone with your sister's condition unless it was deemed absolutely necessary."

"What do you mean, my sister's 'condition'?" Jakob snapped in confusion. Doctor Feldman froze, her blue eyes lifting from their place on the clipboard to meet the Toretto man's fiery ones. "Is there something wrong?!"

"I-I thought you knew, I'm sorry—" The woman shook her head, before taking a deep breath and regaining her full professional composure. "The blood tests showed high levels of hCG in your sister's bloodstream, which is an indicator for only one thing."

Before Jakob could formulate a response or demand answers quicker than the doctor was giving them, the woman jumped to her next sentence.

"Miss Quinn is pregnant."

"Miss Toretto, did you hear what I just said?"

A 19-year-old Natalie's absent gaze snapped up from where it was focused on her shaking hands to the middle-aged woman standing in front of her.

"Hm?" The girl hummed, her eyes wide with fear and some regret. Doctor Michaels' tone had an edge to it that made Natalie flinch, the girl having grown familiar with the type of pain that followed. She didn't mean to ignore the doctor — her thoughts were just consumed by the little plus sign that had stared her down in her bathroom three days ago.

Natalie hoped the test was defective, that it was wrong, but she knew that would be a kindness that the universe would never gift her.

"I said you're pregnant, Natalie." Doctor Michaels repeated, taking her seat at the desktop next to the examination table. "All of the tests came out positive — urine, blood, all of it."

The Toretto girl was frozen, her mind struggling to catch up with the flurry of information. Pregnant. She was going to be a mother.

Daniel Poulter was going to be a father.

Swallowing the bile that had risen quickly in her throat, Natalie closed her eyes and attempted to ignore the burning, curious gaze of her doctor. She toyed with the edges of her long-sleeved shirt, the one that covered every mark and scrape that littered her upper body, and forced herself to breath even breathes.

Doctor Michaels couldn't figure out Natalie Toretto ─ whether she was happy with the news, or if the pregnancy was intentional, but something in the woman's gut told her that there was much more to the story.

"I can confirm with an ultrasound," she offered gently, making the young girl's eyes flutter open, "if that's something you would like."

The Toretto girl almost refused, extremely aware of the yellows, blacks, and blues that painted her abdomen, but she couldn't find the words to say 'no' ─ just like usual. Natalie didn't have much of a voice these days, especially when Dan did all of the talking for her.

So, she simply turned her body and laid back on the examination table, lifting her legs from where they dangled over the edge so that they were resting on the sterile, leather furniture.

Doctor Michaels wheeled the ultrasound machine over from the corner of the room, before reclaiming her seat.

"If you could just lift your shirt for me, please." The doctor asked curtly, making Natalie hesitate for a moment. Seeing how the girl froze, Doctor Michaels gave her a warmth, reassuring smile. "I promise it won't hurt, it's just a bit of pressure from the wand on your stomach, okay?"

After another beat of silence, Natalie's trembling fingers reached for the hem of her top and tugged it up in gentle, slow movements. The dark blue material shrugged up to reveal the painting that Daniel had been working on the past few weeks; both old and new bruises merged across her abdomen and ribs, and the girl wasn't sure that she could find an untouched section of her normal, tan skin.

It was the doctor's turn to freeze ─ her breath caught in her throat for a moment, before Doctor Michaels regained her professional, put-together mask.

"Who did this to you, sweetheart?" The older woman asked gently, as though she was soothing a wounded animal that had come into her care.

Natalie swallowed thickly, before shaking her head. She wasn't strong enough, or smart enough, or brave enough to leave the only person that truly loved her ─ Daniel. He was the only one that saw who she truly was and accepted her, in spite of her many flaws. He loved her, he just had a different way of showing it.

"No, it doesn't matter, I'm fine─" She dismissed quickly, her brown eyes wide and pleading. The youth that was stolen from her flooded her face, making her look like the sixteen-year-old that had no idea she was about to lose her father. Natalie's childish features and sheer fear left Doctor Michaels wondering how the hell anyone could lay a hand on the sweet girl in front of her.

"Natalie, I can get you help..." the woman placed a gentle hand atop the girl's free one, the warmth sending tingles skittering up Natalie's arm. Not a second later, the Toretto ripped her hand away, suppressing a flinch at the contact. Her mind spun with every time his hands had grazed her skin, every time his temper got the better of him, and every time a gift had been waiting for her with a card, always signed 'I'm sorry, gorgeous. Forgive me?'.

The girl didn't even notice the cold ultrasound gel being squirted onto her colourful abdomen, or the pressure of the wand ─ it wasn't until the doctor began speaking again that she was pulled back into the present.

"There's a way out for you, sweetheart." Doctor Michaels' soft, aged voice sounded, pulling Natalie's gaze to the woman's warm one. "I can help you with whatever you need. I have connections across the country that would have no problem making you disappear ─ making you safe. I've helped others like you before, Natalie."

"It's not that simple." Natalie whispered. She didn't trust her voice not to crack with emotion if she had spoken any louder. Her younger sister's face flashed to the forefront of her mind, her grinning face and sparkling eyes breaking her resolve further. Mia didn't deserve to suffer because of her. "It isn't just my life on the line..."

"You're right, honey." Doctor Michaels said firmly, yet softly. "It's also your child's."

The woman's free hand grabbed the screen of the monitor and turned it towards the girl; Natalie could've sworn her aching heart stopped dead in her bruised chest.

There, on the screen, was a little bean so small that the nineteen-year-old thought that she was imagining it ─ a tiny bean that depended on her, that needed her to put a stop to the life she had suffered through for the past eighteen months.

Whatever money she had saved, plan she had half-crafted, or fraction of determination she had left, it had to be enough. They had to get out ─ her, Mia, Letty.

All of them.

For the first time since they stepped foot into that hospital, Natalie's dull, brown eyes focused. They snapped towards the doctor at the foot of the bed, startled like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Pregnant?" She asked hoarsely, her voice cracking not only from the strain of her previous sobs, but from something entirely unforeseen — hope, marred by dread.

Doctor Feldman masked her shock at the sound of her patient's voice, considering she had been yet to hear it for the first time just a few seconds ago.

"Yes, about six weeks or so, judging by the amount of hCG in your system." The doctor nodded, glancing down at the results on the clipboard just to be sure.

The Shaw woman's brown eyes glistened with a fresh wave of tears, the piercing sting turning her surroundings blurry. They landed on Jakob, who had immediately sprung up from his uncomfortable chair to perch on the edge of her hospital bed.

Natalie couldn't fight the way her chest jerked with panicked, uneven breathes, or how she couldn't help but flinch at the feeling of her brother's hands cupping her face. She couldn't do this without Deckard. She couldn't do it alone again.

"Oh, God─" She sobbed, hot tears spilling down her cheeks for the umpteenth time that night. Her hands grabbed at Jakob's arms, fighting between pushing him away and pulling him closer. "I-I can't do this again, n-not again. Please d-don't make me do this again, Jake."

She and Deckard were meant to have a child together. He was meant to be there in the bathroom as they counted down the seconds and flipped over the positive test. She would've had his hand to hold at every appointment, every scan. He wouldn't have hesitated to hold her hair back every time the morning sickness sent her leaning over the toilet, and rub her back in soothing circles. They would've designed the nursery themselves, with Deckard making his wife rest whilst he did anything even remotely strenuous. He would've been protective, so protective, from the moment he found out ─ no more jobs, no more caffeine, no lifting anything heavy, no driving in the rain, and no more having to do... well, anything.

Deckard Shaw would've made the perfect father, but without him, Natalie Shaw was certain she'd be an awful mother. He wasn't meant to be buried under a building's worth of concrete, possibly dead and completely unaware of his first child's existence.

Natalie wasn't meant to be in the same position she was fourteen years ago; pregnant and feeling so alone that she wanted to give up.

"H-he's going to find me, Jakob." She gasped, before sputtering out another round of cries. Her eyes were wide ─ afraid, almost frantic ─ as she looked into the brown identical to her own. Jakob was at a complete loss for words: his brain was fighting to keep up with the bombshells that his sister was dropping on him, one after another. "He's going to t-take my baby from me again. I can't lose another, p-please. Not again."

"Tal, you're not making any sense─" Jakob began, only to cut himself off when his sister's cries intensified tenfold. Natalie's shaking head tried to pull itself from his gentle hold, but her body just didn't have the strength. His tone turned desperate and gentle, the hysterical sobs of his sister sending physical pains rattling throughout his body."Hey, hey, what's going on? What're you talking about? Explain it to me, Tal, please."

The woman weakly shook her head, pressing her hands against her abdomen in hopes of feeling closer to her newfound miracle, to her husband.

It was as though a switch had been flicked in the younger brother's brain ─ Jakob's stressed face went lax with realisation whilst the few pieces that he had, fell into place.

"Natalie..." he whispered so softly that only the wailing woman in front of him could've heard it, "have you had a child before?"

There was zero accusation in his voice, just simply pain. If his hunch was right, if the pieces had fallen into their correct places, Jakob Toretto wanted to cradle his older sister close and never let her go ─ never let anything bad reach out with their malevolent claws and sink their talons deep into her ever again.

When Natalie couldn't bring herself to do anything but heave out a sob, worse than the ones before, and fall exhausted into her brother's chest, Jakob knew.

Sharp, short gasps of air scratched at her already-raw throat, mixing with the sounds of her hysterical sobs and erratic heart monitor in a grating, painful symphony.

"I-I─" Natalie cried, gasping for the air that continued to escape her and fighting off the darkness that crept into the edges of her vision, "I want D-Deckard. I want my son...p-please, I just w-wanna hold h-him, one last time."

Jakob squeezed his eyes shut as he cradled the broken woman closer to his chest, a tear escaping and dripping from his chin. The ache in his chest grew exponentially for every trembling 'one last time' that slipped from his sister's lips, like a broken chant pleading for the two people who each held a half of her heart.

The beating of the heart monitor grew worse, as did Natalie's breathing ─ the woman was barely breathing, her chest heaving with frantic efforts for oxygen.

"Mister Quinn, if she doesn't calm down soon, I'm going to have to sedate her." Doctor Feldman said firmly, rushing towards the medical cart on the other side of the room. She swiftly opened one of the draws, retrieving a vial of sedative ─ Jakob didn't so much as glance at the doctor, and instead, continued to rub soothing circles over his sister's back.

"Shh, you're okay, Tal." He murmured softly, despite knowing that the statement couldn't be further from the truth. "I need you to breathe, okay? Deep breaths for me."

Natalie's cries only worsened; Jakob's voice wasn't the one she wanted to hear, nor was his hand the one that she wanted grazing over her back. Every single thing was wrong, including the happenings outside of her room ─ Andy shouldn't be fighting for her life in surgery after getting her throat slashed open; Xavier, Finnick, and Ana shouldn't be in hospital beds; AJ and Oliver shouldn't be reeling from the death of Patrick McAllister and the betrayal of Carmen; Katya shouldn't be in surgery after almost losing her leg; Deckard and Dominic shouldn't be buried under the rubble of a collapsed building.

And it was all her fault.

If she had just left her feud with Dominic alone, instead of dragging her family and friends into a fruitless revenge quest, they would all be fine. Xavier would be home with Wren and Piper. Alice and Bianca would be with their six-month-old twins, Lukas and Leo. Nick and Zoey would be content and relaxing in the comfort of their own home. Andy would be unharmed, spoiling her grandchildren and hosting chaotic family events. Ana, Finnick, and Katya would be doing their own thing ─ jobs, travelling the world. Hattie wouldn't be mourning her older brother, and the entirety of the Toretto crew wouldn't be mourning Dominic.

They'd be better off without her.

A sharp pain flared in her upper arm, making her groan amidst her cries. It faded quickly, and took any of her remaining strength with it.

Doctor Feldman removed the needle, having injected Natalie with a light sedative to calm her down. Jakob went to protest, but Natalie's body had already begun to experience the effects of the drugs: her hands slipped from their place against her abdomen, resting limply in the woman's lap instead. Her head lulled to the side, shifting from Jakob's chest to rest against his non-injured shoulder.

Natalie's sobs were starting to die in her throat, and instead, were replaced by small cries and sniffles. Most importantly, her breathing had evened out, along with the now-steady beeping of the heart monitor.

Jakob, who had to swallow sobs of his own, gently lowered his sister's body back down onto the bed.

"My babies." Natalie whispered as one final tear slipped from the corner of her eye, before they both fluttered shut. For the first time in days, some semblance of pure peace finally overcame her features ─ there was no tension marring the smoothness of her skin, crinkling the corners of her eyes, or carving lines between her furrowed brows.

Her mind had finally flooded with the quiet she so desperately craved; instead of the memories, or the noise, it was simply blank.

Jakob, unable to glance at his sister's face for a second longer, pressed a lingering, brotherly kiss to her forehead before dashing out of the room. The reeling man ignored Doctor Feldman's questioning call of his name and the curious gazes of bustling nurses as he passed the nurses station, headed for the elevator.

Jamming his thumb into the button once, twice, three times, Jakob ran a calloused hand over his mouth in a stressed manner before reaching for the button again.

"Jake?" The calling of his name sent the man spinning towards the source, only to be met with Alice walking towards him. "What's going on? Where're you going?"

"I-I—" He struggled, before trying to take a deep breath. Natalie's cries were running circles in his mind: "He's going to take my baby from me again", "I want my son...", "Please don't make me do this again, Jake." The words looped over and over, overlapping and sending his brain into overdrive.

Alice moved forward and carefully unfolded her arms, which were previously crossed against her chest, before placing a gentle hand onto his arm. Her brows were pulled together in concern, whilst the corners of her lips were tugged downwards into a small frown.

"Did—uhm," Jakob started, swallowing thickly as he ran a stressed hand through his previously slicked hair, "have Deckard or Nat ever said anything about...having a child?"

Alice's frown deepened, and she had to force herself not to physically recoil at the completely random question — it was the last thing she expected the man to say.

"I know they want kids, but there hasn't exactly been a right time for them to settle down over the past few years—" Her response was cut off by a stressed huff from Jakob. The man began shaking his head, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment as he fought to craft the right questions.

"No, that's not what I meant..." he sighed and took a different approach. "Have they had a child before? O-or did they ever announce a pregnancy? Anything, Alice, it's important."

"No—" The woman exclaimed firmly, looking at Jakob incredulously: what the hell had gotten into him? "No! They've never been pregnant, o-or had a secret child, Jakob."

Her expression reeked of confusion and shock at his line of questioning, but before he could clarify any of it, the elevator dinged from beside the pair.

The doors slid open, and to their shock, revealed a disheveled Letty. The Ortiz woman clutched onto a dusty, battered book that neither had seen before, whilst her tan face was stained with dried tear trails.

Her red-rimmed eyes darted up to meet Jakob's, and lifted the black journal from its previous place dangling by her side so that it was in their eyelines.

"We need to talk."

"I'M GOING TO MURDER that son of a bitch with my bare fucking hands."

All Jakob saw was red — along with fantasies of Daniel Poulter's decapitated head on a stick.  He had half a mind to insist that Ramsey used God's Eye to track the monster down and go after him himself, right then in that moment. The journal pages were like kindling to the ever growing blaze burning behind his brown eyes; never in his life had Jakob Toretto wished death on someone, much less to that ferocity.

He, Letty, Alice, and Hattie were crowded in the corner of a waiting room; not the one that the King-McAllister family were in whilst waiting for news about Andromeda, but one for non-surgical cases.

The four had poured over the journal that Letty had found, buried under some of the rubble, and wanted nothing more than to siphon Natalie's pain. And to think they didn't even know the full truth — they knew as much as Dominic initially did, as they only had the journal to go by. Although, it didn't take them long to decipher a rough chain of events after Natalie was kicked out.

"Trust me, there's not a single person who wants to see him still breathing air." Hattie scoffed in remark to Jakob's comment. Her necklace was held tight in her hand, whilst the woman grit her teeth in anger. She couldn't believe that anyone would hurt Natalie whatsoever, let alone kill her child. The Shaw sister couldn't even begin to comprehend the amount of pain that her sister-in-law had been carrying every day for the past fourteen years, or the fact that she carried it alone.

Letty was in a similar state of disbelief — how had she never noticed? How did she not know? It sent her spiralling into the past, desperate to pick out every hint she had missed and every moment she had brushed off. The Ortiz woman had known about the abuse prior to that night — and she carried a deep degree of guilt with her every single day — but she had no idea that her best friend had been pregnant. No idea at all.

Alice felt like her insides were being thrown around by a natural disaster. Jakob had told the group what Natalie had cried out amidst her panic, and now the King woman couldn't help but think of her twin boys — how loving them felt like wearing her heart on her sleeve, and how she would lose herself entirely if she lost them. It was a thought she didn't even want to risk bringing into existence, but it had managed to worm its way deep into her mind.

"I need to call Wren." She said softly, before rising from her seat and grabbing her phone from her back pocket. Alice moved away from the group and towards a quieter area, hoping to ease her irrational thoughts by checking on her baby boys.

A moment of silence consumed the remaining three, followed by another, and another. None of them knew what to do.

"Do we tell the others?" Hattie asked hoarsely, her eyes moving from the ground to flick between Jakob and Letty. The pair exchanged an uncertain look, and that was all they needed to know that they were on the same page.

"It's not our secret to tell." Letty shook her head, avoiding looking at the book in her hands. "Hell, I shouldn't have even looked at the book, let alone shown it to any of you...I just—"

The Ortiz woman released a shaky sigh and rolled her shoulders in an attempt to push away the vulnerability that she wasn't used to showing. "I just didn't know what to do."

Jakob nodded, and placed a warm hand on Letty's upper back in a silent gesture of support. The woman gave him a weak smile and nod of gratitude, before he spoke up.

"So, it's decided." Jakob said, looking between the two women. "We keep this to ourselves until Nat's ready, okay?"

Both women murmured words of agreement, before Hattie stood hesitantly from her seat. She muttered something about filling Alice in, before walking away and towards the blonde woman.

Jakob and Letty simply basked in the silence for a few moments, their brains fighting to catch up with the revelation of Miles Toretto. The quiet was a welcomed relief from the flurry of chaos that had engulfed them. The pair hadn't seen each other in six years, not since Deckard and Natalie's wedding, so their reunion having consisted of bullets, car crashes, and blown-up buildings was not what either of them envisioned.

The Ortiz woman, after a moment of hesitation, moved so that her head rested against Jakob's shoulder. The man welcomed the action immediately, and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders — yet, Letty still refused to drop her defenses entirely. But that didn't matter; the two were simply content in each other's presence, mourning those that they had lost both that night and fourteen years ago.

Completely unaware of what the next few minutes would bring them.

AFTER A MINUTE OR two of deliberation and an elevator ride later, both Jakob and Letty were on their way to see Natalie.

The elevator doors slid open with a 'ding', prompting the two to make their way onto the main floor. It was all going well, until Jakob caught the cold, blue eyes of a certain female doctor.

"Ah, shit." He muttered, sighing in exhaustion when Doctor Feldman made a determined beeline towards him, anger written all over her face.

Letty glanced up at him with furrowed brows, wondering what he was so worked up about, but the man simply shook his head.

"I've gotta deal with this." He simply said, barely giving an explanation, before pointing in the direction of Natalie's room. "Go ahead without me. She's in 1327."

Letty nodded, albeit hesitantly, before leaving Jakob to deal with the enraged doctor. Doctor Feldman descended just as the Ortiz woman walked away, and the Toretto could've sworn there was steam coming out of the woman's ears.

"I gave you one specific instruction, Mister Quinn." Doctor Feldman seethed, her voice eerily calm. "All I asked was that you stay with your sister, and what do you do? Disappear for nearly an hour. An hour!"

"Look—" Jakob started, but that was all Letty caught of the conversation before she reached Natalie's door, which was pulled to a close.

Not knowing what state her best friend was in, or whether she was in the mood for company, the Ortiz woman knocked on the wood with the back of her knuckles.

"Lia? It's Lets, can I come in?" Letty questioned in a soft voice.

Silence.

"Nat?"

More silence.

The Ortiz woman's heart lurched into her throat, but she did her best to quell the thundering beats that drowned out the bustling noise of the hospital. Jakob told her that Natalie had been sedated, so the drugs must still have been in effect. Right?

"Natalie, I'm coming in, alright?" She warned, before gently pushing the door open. The foot of the bed was revealed first, with the corners of the blankets and sheets still tucked in neatly. But, as the door opened wider, Letty felt like she was going to collapse.

The bed was empty.

The rest of the sheets were disheveled, with spots of blood staining the standard blue — what was the Shaw woman's IV laid strewn across the white pillow, a pool of saline growing from beneath the bloodied end.

The wires previously attached to Natalie's chest had been ripped off and tossed aside, whilst the heart monitor's alarms had been silenced. A plastic bag, which previously held her personal effects, laid discarded by the bathroom door, along with a hospital gown.

"JAKOB!"

The sheer horror that coated her cry was more than enough for the man to push past Doctor Feldman and sprint towards the room — the empty room.

She was gone.

Natalie had done the exact thing that had been taught to her from the very beginning — from when Dan was after her, to when Eteon was after Deckard. It was a way of life that she had learned very early on, and it was one that kept her alive; a defence mechanism that kicked in when things went to shit.

The woman had given in to the urge that had festered deep within her since the very moment she knew her husband wasn't coming back — when it came to fight or flight, the woman only knew one 'correct' answer. 

Natalie Shaw had run. Away from her family. Away from her problems. Away from her trauma.

Gone.

HAYLEY WRITES...
so... how're we feeling?🧍‍♂️
( you have full permission to
yell at me again )

a lot of jake and nat moments
this chapter, and a lot of people
digging up secrets — is there
anyone in particular that you
wish found out about miles
first instead?

NAT'S PREGNANT!! i tried to
hint at it a bunch in act two,
and so many of you managed to
pick up on it! if you were one of
them, well done :) how do we
feel about her pregnancy? and
how do we feel about the fact
that decks not here for it...

i'd love to hear your thoughts
on this chapter, especially because
i'm a bit iffy about some of the
writing! let me know what you
think :) every comment is so damn
appreciated!!

also, i'm thinking of doing a
q&a type thing for this book,
where you guys can ask any
questions about any characters,
plots, etc, and i will answer as
truthfully as i can (barring that
the answers don't massively spoil
future plot lines lol)

so, if you have any questions about
characters, plot lines, or even writing,
please comment them here 🫶 —>

don't forget to click the little star
at the bottom to vote!

until next time, lovelies :)