trigger warning: detailed description of panic attack

NATALIE HATED PLANES.

Yes, that was no surprise considering what she had gone through a year prior, but the woman really thought she had gotten over it.

Well, the joke's on her.

Even the thought of boarding a plane sends her into a spiral, which was a wonderful thing to discover just a few days ago when she and the others had to travel to LA. Somehow, she managed to keep it under wraps by distracting herself with planning her attack on Hobbs.

But then she had to get on a plane, again.

It was a miracle she had survived the flight to Azerbaijan, but if she was really being honest, the only reason Natalie didn't completely lose her shit was because she had slept through the whole flight.

The Shaw woman only wished she could say the same for their current flight to Abu Dhabi.

Her fingers tapped incessantly against her thigh, her breathing not quite even as she tried to focus on anything but the fact that she was in the air. It didn't help that they were flying in a cargo plane ─ exactly like the one she had been shot in and the one Owen had been thrown out of.

Muffled voices of her family surrounded her, almost closing in on her as she let out a shaky and shallow breath. Some were all sat on the seats that lined the plane wall, whilst others sat on some foldable chairs opposite to them. Either way, they enclosed the Shaw woman and made her feel like she could suffocate.

The plane could crash. Someone could die. We could all die. Natalie felt like bullets were ricocheting off the inside of her skull as the thoughts raced violently in her mind. The plane will crash. It'll blow up just like last time. Someone will die. One of us will end up like Owen. All of us will end up like Owen.

She swallowed thickly, using a shaky hand to tug at the collar of her shirt, stopping it scratching against her neck. The woman's skin crawled with irritation and rattling chills, causing her to shiver.

The feeling of her clothes, the warmth radiating from those around her, the sound of blood rushing through her ears... it was all too much. Natalie had to fight the urge to scream, puke up her guts, or both.

Her breath caught in her throat, and when it didn't uncatch, the woman was all too aware that there was no air in her lungs ─ that she couldn't breath.

Abruptly standing from her seat, Natalie all but shoved past her family, clutching onto her chest as she hurried away from them, away from everyone. Their concerned stares burned into her back, setting her skin alight, but the woman couldn't bring herself to focus on ─ well, anything.

The plane is going to crash.

Someone is going to die.

The plane will explode exactly like it did a year ago.

We're all going to die.

Her vision swam whilst she gasped, desperately trying to drag even an ounce of air into her constricted and spasming lungs. Natalie pushed herself to put as much distance between herself and her loved ones as she could manage, before stumbling back into the side of one of the cars.

Tears burned in her eyes, racing down her cheeks like streaks of lit gasoline. The Shaw woman's back slid down the side of the car; the metal sent chills running up and down her spine, making her force back the need to gag.

I could've saved him.

If I had just pushed through the pain...

I shouldn't have let my guard down.

Owen would be fine if it weren't for me.

Natalie clawed at her throat, begging for the darkness that snuck into the edges of her vision to dissipate, only to let out a strangled sob when it became worse.

Her breaths were short and rapid, her chest jerking sharply as she tried to fight the panic squeezing the air out of her lungs.

A blurry figure crouched down in front of her, which only increased her already racing pulse. Instinctively, Natalie tried to shuffle away from them, but her back was already pressed flat against the car.

Gentle hands tried to grasp the shaking woman's shoulders, but Natalie gasped and tried to shove them away.

"N-no," she whimpered, barely able to get the words out between her attempts for even a slither of air, "dont t-touch."

The grasp was immediately retracted, but the Shaw woman kept muttering "don't touch" over and over whilst tears dripped from her wobbling chin.

Xavier King didn't know what to do ─ his baby sister was suffering worse than he had ever seen, and he had no clue how to help her. He knew who might, though.

"Nats, I'm gonna go and get Deckard, okay? I'll be right back─" His sentence was cut off by his sister grabbing his wrist, frantically shaking her head as she continued to gasp for breath.

I've put him through enough. Natalie's mind thought bitterly. He's already done so much for me. I should be able to handle one thing by myself. He doesn't need to know.

As hard as she tried to fight to say the words, or say any words, her voice couldn't push through the lump choking up her throat.

Xavier gently grabbed his sister's hand, which was still wrapped around his wrist, and slowly brought it to rest on his chest. Natalie shook, fighting the urge to tear her hand away from the overstimulating texture of her brother's button-up shirt.

"Look, feel my breathing, Nat." Xavier spoke softly, taking an exaggerated deep breath so that his chest clearly rose and fell beneath the woman's hand. "Copy my breathing."

He breathed deeply again, watching as Natalie's chest jerked with her first uneven inhale, before it shakily fell for the exhale. Her hand pushed harder against his chest, desperate to feel the next breath and attempt to imitate it again ─ desperate to have control over at least one thing in that moment.

"You're doing so well, Nats." Xavier said softly, beyond relieved that her hyperventilating had begun to slow, even if it was only improving the smallest amount. "Let's breathe in for four, and out for six, okay?"

The woman nodded, her body still visibly shaking as she moved. Her brother began counting out loud, signalling for her to inhale. Air pushed its way into her struggling lungs, almost filling them entirely before Xavier began to count to six. Natalie forced herself to exhale; her chest jolted unevenly as she did her best to breathe evenly.

The plane won't crash.

In, two, three, four.

Nobody is going to die.

Out, two, three, four, five, six.

The plane isn't going to explode.

In for four.

Owen's injuries aren't my fault.

Out for six.

It took a few more attempts, but Natalie's breathing and heart rate had finally returned to normal. Xavier was now sitting next to the Shaw woman, also leaning against the car. Natalie rested her head on her brother's shoulder. Her eyes were beginning to droop from complete and utter exhaustion, but despite wanting nothing other than to sleep for a day or two, the woman knew she had to ask her brother something.

"Please don't mention this to anyone." Natalie murmured, her cheeks flushing a light pink. Breaking down like that in a public place made her feel extremely embarrassed; she had hoped she had a handle on the whole 'plane' thing, but clearly, the universe decided she needed a reality check.

"I give you my word ─ I won't tell a soul." Xavier promised solemnly, hugging his sister closer and taking a moment to just breathe whilst sitting on the cold floor of the cargo plane.

THE PAIR OF SIBLINGS returned to the rest of the group: one with a recent secret already weighing heavy on his heart, and the other counting her steps to keep herself calm as she walked towards her previous seat.

Deckard, who had been grabbing something from his car when his wife had rushed off, sighed in relief at her return. When he had asked the group where Natalie had gone, they simply said that she had dashed off with Xavier on her tail. Assuming that it was some sort of family matter or sibling squabble, he decided just to wait for their return.

Upon seeing the two, though, he wondered if that was a bad idea.

Natalie was jittery, and entirely silent, which never boded well, and Xavier looked deep in thought as he reclaimed his chair.

The Shaw woman was seated in between her husband and her younger brother, Jakob. Her eyes felt heavy as she instinctively leaned her head on Deckard's shoulder, much like she had done to Xavier just a few moments before. Wrapping her arms around his arm, the woman clung to him and the comfort he gave her just by being near.

"You alright?" He murmured into her hair, concerned about his wife's strange behaviour. He was in no way reassured when Natalie barely opened her eyes and slumped further against his body.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She all but whispered, before completely drifting out of consciousness.

Deckard and Jakob shared a look, both now fully aware that it was something serious they had missed — something that Natalie and Xavier would keep to themselves, leaving the others to guess what had caused their sudden change in behaviour.

HAYLEY WRITES...
y'all i'm so sorry that this
is a shorter chapter than
usual! hopefully i'll do
a double update next week
to make up for it :)

how do we feel about this
chapter? i know it's quite
heavy so i do apologise

thank you guys so so much
for the support you have
been showing this book!
i genuinely do not have
enough words to explain
how grateful i am for
every view, vote, comment,
and interaction. love you
all so much 🫶

until next time :)