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JIMIN didn't snore whenever he was sleeping; either his lips just puckered to twice their normal size, or his mouth hung open slightly, his breath escaping through the creases of his lips. seulgi also noted the way his arms hugged his body whenever he slept, which she found completely adorable.
only tonight was an exception for this habit, since his arms weren't around his torso. it was around hers.
seulgi took a deep breath, taking in the scene before her; park jimin, in all his beautiful glory, right beside her, sleeping peacefully. his porcelain skin seemed to glow under the dim light of the dawn outside, and his dark hair was askew, and it only made him look even more graceful than he actually was.
but, above all, she was just surprised that he was in front of her again.
and she didn't have to be drunk to tolerate being in the same bed as him.
it made her smile.
she looked up at him again, and rubbing her skin onto his where she felt it: at the small of her waist, where his forearms kept a strong hold at her, keeping her secure beside his body. his arms were big and strong but had a gentle hold on her, and she drew her thumbs in small, relaxing circles to aid him in his slumber, feeling his soft breaths tickle her forehead in a soothing rhythm.
she felt him snuggle beneath her even further, their tangled legs twitching, bringing her even closer so she could feel his heartbeat, naked body onto naked body.
seulgi didn't want it to end. but it had to.
she brought a few of her fingertips from under the covers and brought it to his face. she wanted to know what his skin of his face felt like; how it felt without something else clouding her mind. his skin was soft, and she relished in the gentle feeling underneath her hands.
her fingertips ventured to his lips, laid out for her like peas in a pod, and she almost laughed at how they looked like.
but she scanned his face again, and her smile quickly faded.
these were the same lips that kissed her with so much fervent passion and love, but with gentle care, that only a few moments ago, she was lost in nothing but his musky scent and strong hold. these were the same eyes that looked into her heart and gazed into her and never left, like her love was something he wanted to hold on to for the rest of his life, like as long as his heart was beating, he would need her love for him to survive. this was the same face that would smile at her from time to time to assure her everything was going to be fine, and she couldn't ask for anything more.
the way he gave himself to her was something she didn't think she could remember, even after later; she'd assumed it was just because of the heat of the moment, but it wasn't.
park jimin had undoubtedly etched his way into her heart, and she knew she'd done the same to him, too.
she felt the temperature in her cheeks rise up from the thought. usually, she'd feel utter regret about sleeping with someone, even if she was sober. but somehow, this made her heart flutter, and it was a pleasant feeling, much to her surprise.
too bad it couldn't last forever.
as soon as the smile on her face faded, jimin peeked one eye open, registering to the darkness, and immediately focusing on the features on seulgi's face that the light could work out, eventually leading him to open the other eye.
"good morning," he said, in a deeper, huskier morning voice.
seulgi giggled lightly. "morning."
he gave a light stretch, letting go of her for a bit to raise his arms, stretching them upwards, then tucking them behind his head. he then turned to look at her, feeling one of her hands against his cheeks, surprised she hadn't retracted it since he woke up.
"having fun playing with my face, at what-" he glanced at the bedside to look at the clock, "three in the morning?"
"yeah, quite." she smiled. "i always told you your cheeks were soft, i couldn't resist."
"i've always hated my cheeks," he admitted, wrapping his arms around her again. "they make me look fat."
"and there's nothing wrong with that, now, is there?" he stayed silent. "you look cuter with cheeks."
"but i look hotter with muscles."
"this is why i don't want you dieting," seulgi said. "you'd really sacrifice yourself to look hot? c'mon, man."
"i'd do anything just to get your attention." jimin smirked at her.
seulgi rolled her eyes. "you'd do just fine at getting my attention, even with a shirt on, dumbass."
jimin chuckled lightly, scooting in lightly to let her touch his face again, feeling the softness in his cheeks. he closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of her gentle hands, as seulgi managed to scan his face all over again.
she thought he'd drifted off to sleep, since he was getting a lot more silent as the seconds ticked by. she could only hear the silent beeping of his clock by the dresser, but that was when he spoke up.
"seulgi?" his eyes were still closed.
"yes, jimin?"
"do you remember kuma?" jimin asked.
seulgi scrunched her forehead for a bit. "jennie's dog?" jimin hummed in confirmation. "yeah, didn't we used to watch him when we lived together? i-i mean, a year ago."
"yeah."
"what about him?"
"i heard jennie's putting him up for adoption," he said. "jennie's going to be moving to america in a few months."
seulgi's eyes widened, and jimin could tell because he peeked one of his eyes open just to see her reaction. "what? are you joking?"
"i wish i wasn't."
"no! poor kuma," seulgi said, sighing. she loved babysitting their friend jennie's dog - and she figured jimin did, too - and kuma being up for adoption was definitely a bad thing. "jennie probably feels bad."
jimin hummed. "yeah."
"damn, i hope kuma goes to a kind old lady, or something. that little dog deserves a lot of love. he was so kind, from what i remember. and adorable. and so much fun to take care of."
"it must suck for jennie," jimin replied. "i know how bad it must feel to lose someone you love." he smiled cheekily at her.
seulgi rolled her eyes again. "stop it, jimin. the sun isn't even out yet."
"what? it's true." he chuckled lightly. "besides, i never really liked kuma, anyway."
seulgi's face scrunched even more. "you what?"
"from what i remember, kuma left little surprises everywhere, and we had to be a little much too careful where we stepped." seulgi giggled at his statement. "and you always gave him more attention than you did with me."
she looked up at his face, trying hard to contain her laughter. "are you seriously telling me that you're jealous of a dog, jimin?"
he looked away, immediately regretting what he said.. "i have needs too, seulgi. deal with it."
"cheeks-make-me-look-less-manly-muscle-man jimin is jealous of kuma," seulgi teased, "a dog. a fricking dog." she started laughing.
"shut up." jimin huffed and pouted a little. "it's not my fault you constantly kept forgetting you had a boyfriend for a dog."
"kuma, for your information, is easier to take care of, is a lot kinder to me, and he doesn't argue with me when i want to watch something on television."
jimin rolled his eyes. "he's a dog, seulgi."
"exactly, he's a dog. what does that say about you?" jimin stopped talking, and seulgi started laughing again.
"replacing your boyfriend for a dog," he said. "real nice, kang."
"i was joking, jimin." he had closed his eyes, and seulgi started shaking him awake. "hey."
"wake me up when you're ready to accept me instead of kuma again."
"alright, good night." jimin almost immediately popped his eyes open and jabbed a finger to her side, taking her by surprise and making her scream.
"are you seriously playing that card?"
"i wanted to be honest."
"are you sure that's it?"
seulgi fought back a smile. "pretty sure."
she poked her side again and made her scream, and this time he was smiling. "you hate me that much, don't you?"
"if i hated you, i wouldn't have agreed to date you, dumbass."
"so you love me more than kuma, then?"
"that may not be the case, actually..."
jimin rolled her eyes and laid back down beside her, closing his eyes. "i'm mad."
"alright," seulgi said, adjusting herself to face him.
a few moments later, he spoke up again. "i'm still mad."
"i know. you told me about a minute ago."
"i'm not talking to you until you apologize."
"what are you doing right now?" jimin didn't answer after that, and seulgi just rolled her eyes. "alright, fine."
"fine, what?"
"i'm sorry, jimin."
"i didn't catch that," he said, poking an eye open, scooting up to reveal more of his upper torso. "please repeat what you said."
"i'm sorry that kuma was easier to take care of you," seulgi said. jimin raised an eyebrow. "but maybe that was because he is a dog, and he is definitely not my boyfriend."
jimin smiled. "alright, i think i'll forgive you," he said, scooting back down. "but that's only because you're whiny, rude and physically violent." seulgi slapped his arm. "see? i'm right."
"yeah? well you're cocky, you nag me too much and possibly the biggest pervert i know," she said, facing him.
he only smirked as he looked into her eyes. "you love me, though."
her gaze fixated into his eyes. she wanted to say yes, because it was true. she wanted to tell him she did, because if she didn't, she wouldn't be lying on his bed, naked, beside him, as if she had anywhere else to be.
but with her eyes looking into his, his beautiful dark ones, she had no heart to say anything. "i-i-"
she knew that if she said she loved him, she'd be leading him on again, and that wasn't something she had full trust in herself yet to actually give her all.
for all she knew, she could hurt him again.
he might be willing to give her the chance she could to prove herself wrong, but she couldn't.
seulgi sat up, tears welling in her eyes again, bringing the sheets up to cover herself a she positioned herself by the edge of the bed. she didn't know how, but she needed to clear the air now - before it was too late. jimin needed to understand that this was never supposed to go the same away like before. they couldn't fall in love twice; it was wrong.
"seulgi?" jimin asked, sitting up. his dark hair fell by his face, and his expression was a bit worried. "baby? i-is everything okay?"
"i-" she said, choking up on her own words. "i'm so sorry jimin." that was all she managed to blurt out.
"i told you, you didn-"
"no, i needed to tell you this." she sniffled. "let me finish."
more tears started to flow from her eyes as she sat by the edge of his bed. jimin moved his gaze to her, scanning her silhouette and her bare back as he listened.
"there's a reason why i kept pushing you away, jimin," she began. "i'm not sure if it's because i know for a fact that this can't keep going on, or if it's because i don't know how to feel about all of this, how i'm going to react."
jimin kept silent.
"it's hard," she said, sniffling. "i-it's hard to always constantly try to make things work because you want them to work, a-and constantly end up either being disappointed in nothing-" she paused to bite her lip, "-or disappointed in yourself." she tried to wipe some of her tears away. "i was being a selfish shit, jimin, and you had to pay the price of not being able to handle your feelings for a whole year."
jimin scooted closer, bringing himself to sit behind her, trapping her between his legs, closing the space between her back and his chest. he kissed her back and neck a few times, trying to offer comfort, "seulgi-"
"i-i'm a screw-up, jimin. no matter how hard i try, no matter how many times i convince myself that i'm doing the rightthing, that i'm doing what's best, i-i always end up making so many mistakes, and hurting the people around me. i even ended up hurting you." jimin laid his head on her neck. "y-you know i don't mean to, right? i-i would never think twice about wanting to hurt someone who's loved me even through all the shit i've put him through."
more and more sobs escaped her throat as she talked. her eyes were now closed, and jimin scooted even closer to her to make sure she was alright.
"i get if you're mad at me," she said. "i get if you're hurt because of the decisions i'm making. i didn't want to be selfish like i was a year ago. i-i just wanted to do what i think is right, what i think i need to do to prevent myself from hurting you again. and that meant staying away from you, because i still could hurt you. b-but i just ended up hurting you even more."
"seulgi-"
"i can't even pass an audition without failing, why do i even try?" seulgi sniffled. "i'm a disappointment, jimin. i'm so sorry for hurting you. it was so stupid of me to even think for a second that i could be someone, even if that someone was some dumb bimbo in a movie."
jimin held both her hand tightly, making her fixate her gaze onto them. every ounce of pain seulgi was feeling right now wasn't really about the audition; it was about the pain she knew she'd caused him, why she never chose to tell him, even after a year.
"look at me," he said, allowing her to turn around and face him, her eyes full of tears, her hair falling down her shoulders. he brushed a few strands of her bangs away before speaking.
"stop hurting yourself with your own words, seulgi," jimin said.
"i'm just saying the truth, jimin."
"if that is the truth, then i refuse to believe in it." he gulped. "you're always going to be someone to me, kang seulgi." he gave her a comforting kiss on the neck. "and that someone is a girl i'm going to keep on loving, no matter how much pain she gives me, no matter how mad she makes me."
seulgi sniffled. "i want to tell you i love you, too." she laid her head beside his. "so much. b-but i'm scared. scared that if i do tell you, i'm going to fall even harder than before, and i'm not going to have you risk your feelings like that again."
he nodded. "i-i understand."
seulgi looked at him. "i-i get it if you don't ever want to see me aga-"
"no, it's not that, god," he said, holding onto her hands even tighter, slinging them across his neck. "you shouldn't really beat yourself up over all of this, seulgi. i-it's not entirely your fault." he looked at her. "some of it's mine, too."
seulgi wanted to protest, but jimin had to speak, too.
"i-i should've stopped myself. i knew you were clear on making sure everything about us was over, seulgi. and i knew that. but i guess i have to blame myself for still trying to show my feelings for you even if you kept drawing the line. it was stupid of me."
seulgi nodded at his statements, and, gazing into her eyes, jimin leaned in to kiss her, softly, and she kissed him back, running her hands through his soft hair.
"you have to understand, seulgi," he said, a few moments after they pulled away from the kiss, "that moving on from someone you loved so much isn't the easiest thing in the world to do." he gulped, blinking back his tears. "i-i try so hard, but it always pulls through."
seulgi laughed lightly, letting some of her tears flow. "i-i know," she said. "but we have to try jimin. w-we can't keep hurting ourselves like this. it has to end...somehow."
jimin nodded. "i guess accepting the fact that we needed to be over a long time ago was hard enough for me." he blinked, letting a tear escape, and seulgi wiped it off his face as soon as she noticed. "but i'll try."
seulgi leaned in to kiss him again, almost taking him by surprise, and she had to say that this could've been the longest kiss they've had after a year of not being able to express everything to each other - and the feeling was something she didn't want to let go.
a few moments later, they sat there, in each other's arms, chasing after the breaths they've lost.
"s-seulgi?" jimin said, speaking up after a long time, "remember the question i asked you before?" seulgi's forehead contorted. "the one i asked you after i scared you in the shower?"
she almost giggled, but she nodded. she figured she should answer that question, and she also figured that she was ready to answer, and after almost half a month of making jimin wait.
he deserved an answer.
"friends," she said, staring at his hands laced onto hers. "but very good friends at that."
jimin smiled, looking at her, kissing her cheek. he figured that if he were going to keep seulgi in his life, he needed to start somewhere new with her, and this was possibly the best thing they could do for each other.
"i need to get used to you calling me that again," he said. "but it works just as fine."
seulgi nodded, smiling, and kissed him again. she almost laughed at this; jimin was a still a kisser, but a good one at that.
"hey, seulgi?" he acalled again.
"yes, jimin?"
"can we be friends in the morning?" he asked her. "my bed gets super lonely at night."
seulgi giggled. she ran a hand through his hair, smoothing his bangs out so she could gaze at his eyes, his beautiful dark eyes.
"i would love to be friends in the morning."
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*wipes tears* well, there you have it everyone! also, spoiler alert: mina appears at chapter 20!
- nayeonsbunny -
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