REMUS

Sirius had been missing since the match, but I knew he would turn up sooner or later. I just wasn't expecting him to show up at ten pm.

I was going through my Transfiguration essay when someone knocked on the door. I assumed it was Sirius so I jumped off my bed to go open the door.

Sirius was standing there, alright, and his sleeve was bloody; he kept trying to stem a flow of blood from his nose with it.

Leah stood next to him.

"He didn't let me touch it," were her first words.

"I told you, I'm fine," said Sirius.

"No you're not," said Leah. "I tried to convince him to come but he really didn't want to."

I turned and looked at Sirius. "Why not?"

Sirius gave me a very sombre look and pushed past us, headed towards the bathroom.

Leah kept her eyes on me the entire time, only this time they were wide with what I assumed was shock or maybe fear. If it was possible she looked even prettier in half light.

"Uh... Thanks," I managed. She dipped her head just a fraction before turning away. So much for verbal communication.

I shut the door, it creaked slightly from its old hinges. James stirred in his sleep but thankfully didn't wake. Sirius was hovering over the sink, blood dripping from his nose unnaturally fast. I handed him a wad of tissue paper, but in a matter of moments that too was completely soaked.

"Madam Pomfrey," I said.

Sirius shook his head. "Just do some healing spell or something."

"I-I might make it worse – you could lose too much blood," I protested.

"Remus, please?"

This wasn't Sirius asking to copy your Potions essay or Herbology homework; this was a tired, worn out Sirius asking me not to take him to the school nurse.

I sighed and took out my wand. I suppose I did mutter the correct spell because as soon as I waved my wand hand over him the bleeding stopped.

"Thanks," he said before grabbing more toilet paper and beginning to mop up the blood that had splashed around the sink.

I left to get him a glass of water, which he rejected at first, but I forced him on it. He only took a few sips before flopping dejectedly onto his bed. I climbed onto the bed beside him and we sat side by side in silence for a few moments.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice low and gentle.

Sirius closed his eyes and swayed a little. Half of his face was lit with golden light and the other half was cast in shadows. The eye on half I could see was slightly swollen.

"I-I tried to talk to Reg, but he wouldn't listen," he said simply.

"And then he jinxed you?" I asked.

Sirius sighed and laid his head on my lap. I found myself running my fingers through his hair.

"I just don't understand why they hate me so much," he said.

"They don't hate you," I tried to be optimistic. "They're just trying to understand you."

"Regulus understands perfectly well that blood enters the heart through the vena cava and leaves through the aorta. I don't know what else he needs to know." said Sirius.

"Damn, someone passed Muggle Studies," I said.

Sirius didn't reply to that comment but instead changed the subject.

"It's a bit sorry, I guess," he said.

"What is?"

"That people can hate each other just because they're different."

The feeling was mutual.

"It's almost inhuman," I said. Instantly Sirius sat up and pressed his palm to his forehead.

"Shit, I'm really sorry," he said.

"Why?"

"Because I'm sitting here bitching about my problems like I'm the only person in the world."

"Sirius, you're not bitching and besides, it's good to talk about your problems. Makes you come up with solutions to them.

I tried to catch his gaze but his eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"Is there... Something else going on?" I asked. Sirius shrugged noncommittally.

"Most things nowadays are shit so..." he trailed off. His eyes were unfocused as he faced the blanket.

"I-I think Regulus found out," he said, but it was almost like he was talking to himself.

"Found out what?" Sirius looked up and this time he caught my eye. He had this strange look that wouldn't let you go, which was weird because Sirius wasn't exactly the sentimental type.

"Nothing." I could see right through the lie.

"Sirius, what did Regulus find out?" I pressed on. It probably wasn't the best idea to push on but it was already too late and I was itching to find out what was so upsetting about Regulus 'finding out.'

Sirius pulled a hand over his face and bit his lip.

"I... I think I..."

"Yeah?"

"I guess I..."

"Sirius, I won't judge you."

"I think I..." his voice dropped, "like boys."

Shit. I was not expecting that, and for some reason it blew me away despite a few previous happenings.

"You think?" I asked.

"I dunno, Remus, everything's really messed up."

"So Regulus hates you because of who you like?"

"Yeah I guess so."

"That's unfair."

"It's fucked up, Remus! It's the most fucked up thing in the entire fucking world."

"Well it's not exactly your fault," I reasoned.

"Fuck," he cursed. "I dunno if I actually like boys or if really deep down I like girls. I don't even understand my own bloody self – how am I supposed to understand Regulus acting like a prick at everything I do?"

He began to tremble, and I guess it was impulse or something but a hug is a hug, gay or not. We stayed like that for some time, my chin resting on the top of his head and my fingers still occasionally trailing through his hair.

I didn't know what to say, but it turned out I didn't have to say anything. Sirius began trying to apologize but I shushed him each time until finally he stopped.

More silence.

"We should get to bed," said Sirius finally.

"Yeah, I guess." Sleep wasn't exactly my thing.

Sirius unclasped himself from me and hopped off the bed. He paced back and forth, running a hand through his hair over and over. A hurricane of thoughts whirred through my mind and before I could think about it the question I had in mind was already out.

"Sirius, are you horny or something?"

"Fucking hell, Remus, what sort of a question is that?"

"Sorry. Weird, I know."

"Well, no. I'm not." he said in his famous Sirius Black stubborn tone. If he had said, 'I don't know' or 'I don't think so' I would have believed it, but he spoke with such indignance I  almost believed he was lying. Still, I couldn't help a smile spreading across my face – an eye-smile, mind you – the sort of slow smile that creeps up on you when you least expect it.

I slid off his bed. A myriad of questions, most about whether or not Sirius would be OK, flooded my mind. However, I tried really hard to push all those pessimistic thoughts away.

"Chocolate?" I offered.

"I'm good." Sirius climbed into bed. I blew out the candles.

"Night, Sirius."

"Night, Remus."

* * *

The next morning everyone woke up fine; Sirius seemed much more composed than last night but didn't say a word; Peter was up before anyone else and was urging us to hurry up or else we'd miss breakfast; I hadn't sprouted a tail in the middle of the night.

The only weird thing was that James kept giving Sirius and I this look like he wanted us to spill something. I got the feeling he hadn't been asleep the whole night – he must have heard some parts of our conversation. That wasn't a problem to me, but I wasn't so sure if it was OK with Sirius. Even so, I was sure he wouldn't mind.

I didn't see Leah, Mollie or Zach at breakfast, and it was only after James hurried off to go harass the Gryffindor Quidditch team members did I see them; I usually came to most of their practice sessions just for the sake of it.

The Hufflepuff team was also on the pitch, looking much more intimidating than they should have. Mollie gave us all spine-tingling glares as we approached.

"What are you doing here?" she asked James, livid. "We've already booked the field for today."

"Well see, that's where there's a slight problem, love," said James. Even a one year old could sense the insincerity in his tone. "We've also booked the field today."

Mollie gave him a dirty look, the wind whipping her curly red hair around so that she looked like some kind of magical being who could zap us into nonexistence.

"Well, we got here first so shove off." she said.

"Come on," said James, "I thought Hufflepuffs were the sharing type."

"This has nothing to do with Hufflepuffs or sharing!" said Mollie, her voice rising.

"Yes it does," said James jauntily.

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No. It. Doesn't."

"Yes. It. Does!" James said, mimicking the way she broke the space between each word with a little puff.

Mollie began to growl; her grip around her broomstick tightened and I thought she was going to whack James with it. Zach appeared from the Hufflepuff crowd and tried to settle the matter.

"Look, maybe you guys could divide the field into two. One team uses half and the other team uses the other half.

"Thank you!" said James.

"How the heck is that supposed to work?" cried a very agitated Mollie.

It looked to me as though nobody was actually going to end up practising today. James and Mollie just kept arguing and Zach occasionally tried to intercede.

Leah shuffled out of the Hufflepuff crowd, her yellow and black scarf draped casually around her neck as if she didn't even need it. She caught my eye (it wasn't that hard; I had been staring her down for the past five minutes) and tilted her head towards the direction of the Black Lake. I guess she meant 'let's take a walk'  because she turned around and began walking away. I slipped out of the Gryffindor crowd and followed her.

There was a little path that went round the banks of the Black Lake, but it wasn't used much – grass sprung, unrestrained, in between the almost invisible cobblestones, as well as wild flowers and a bunch of other plants Leah could probably name.

We walked slowly. Or maybe I was just imagining it, and we were actually jogging or even sprinting. I couldn't tell. I'm not gonna lie, I was probably too infatuated by whatever foresty perfume wolfbloods wore.

The air seemed to be cooler, fresher maybe. The birds seemed to chirp louder, and the wind seemed to whistle through the trees more melodiously. Merlin, I was going insane.

Leah bent over and plucked a flower from the ground. Wasn't that killing nature or something? We came to the cliff that dropped hundreds of metres down to the Black Lake. The Lake itself looked prettier than usual.

"I... Uh..." I began, my words escaping me and being carried away by the wind. I shifted on my feet, a little scared that the rocks might give way.

"Thanks for Sirius – last night." I felt so awkward.

"You're welcome," said Leah, "but... What was that all about?"

I took a deep breath and pulled at the edges of my sweater. Silence overcame us, and that was when Leah looked at me with those oddly striking green-hazel eyes of hers.

"Sorry," she breathed. "I'm prying too much, aren't I?"

"It's fine," I said. "I just don't think..."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

She was still holding the flower, twirling it between her fingers so fast its white petals blurred into one.

"So... Wolfblood," I said, not sure how to finish the sentence.

"And not werewolf." she said. I thought I saw a smile flicker across her face for half a second, a second perhaps.

"They sound like the same thing to me," I said.

She threw the flower to my face. "They aren't."

"OK."

The wind whistled a different tune. I was sure I was going mad – this one sounded like a mournful tune.

"Do you guys... Transform and stuff?" I asked. She didn't answer immediately, and I thought I had touched on a sensitive subject or something. Maybe it was taboo to talk about transformations in wolfblood culture.

She scoffed. "Obviously."

"But is it painful or anything?" I thought she wasn't going to answer, but she did, and my heart dropped as she spoke.

"It's incredible," she gushed. "You can see and hear everything – and smell everything too."

"Oh." I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

She sighed. "Sorry. I shouldn't have–"

"–It's fine. I understand," I said. "Just thought it'd be different."

"From werewolves, you mean?" she asked. I flinched when she said 'werewolves'; she said it so casually and freely.

"What?" she asked. "You ashamed of what you are?"

I should have thought before I spoke. I didn't.

"Can't help it, can I?"

Leah straightened, drawing herself higher. I got the feeling I had just insulted her, indirectly though I promise. Shit. She was going to pounce on me and rip my face off, or snap my limbs in two and carve my throat out.

But she didn't do anything of the sort. Instead she looked farther out across the Lake and said, "You should be proud to have the Wolf with you."

"Why?" I couldn't hold my tongue back anymore.

"The Wolf is what connects you to nature."

"I'm not a wolfblood. I'm a werewolf."

"And both do the same thing, connect you to your roots."

"You just said they aren't the same thing."

The sun broke through the blanket of cloud for a few seconds. Its warmth felt heavenly.

"What I'm trying to say, Remus," and a chill went down my spine when she said my name despite the sudden warmth, "is that there's nothing to be ashamed of, really."

"I could think of lots of things to be ashamed of" I muttered. She heard me and gave me a look like she didn't know what to do with me anymore.

"Sorry." I said.

"Sure," she said hesitantly before turning and beginning to walk back. I caught up to her and didn't say anything. Neither did she. The whole walk back was silent.

Once we reached a more level part of the bank I picked up a stone and hurled it sideways across the surface of the water. It bounced thrice before plunging into the depths of the Lake. Leah threw a stone and hers hit the water one– two– three– four– five times before joining mine in a cold and dark abyss.