𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧
𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐬
𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐱

from the eyes of
— 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒 𝐉𝐀𝐃𝐄 —

I stood peacefully in the middle of a forest of silver. But then, it was ripped away.

The world was a haze, blinding lights searing into my retinas while shadowy figures loomed just out of reach. The air was cold, sterile, sharp with the scent of antiseptic and something acrid I couldn't place. I tried to move, but my limbs felt like lead, weighed down by chains I couldn't see.

I couldn't scream. I couldn't cry.

A voice echoed through the air—no, through my mind.

"Aureum and Tenebris. We will make her our creation and destruction—a true deity capable of saving this universe. Capable of creating our exit. She will save us all."

The fire came without warning, piercing my skin. A thousand burning points, each one setting me alight from the inside out. I wanted to claw at it, to run, to fight, but I was too small, too weak. The burn was unbearable, a tidal wave of molten gold and freezing blackness coursing through my veins. My body arched, my screams swallowed by the void around me. No one came. No one ever came.

I should have died. Died alone and in pain, but unfortunately, I once again beat the chances.

I lived.

The scene shifted so suddenly I nearly stumbled.

He was there—the Destroyer. His towering form blocked out everything else, his silhouette monstrous, his glowing eyes the only light in an endless dark. My knees wobbled, but I stood frozen, a child too scared to breathe.

"My Polaris Jade," he said, his voice as smooth as silk and sharp as broken glass. It slithered into my ears, wrapping itself around my brain like a vice. "You are no longer just a child. You are power. You are mine."

He held out his hand, and my tiny fingers slid into his. His grip was iron. The ground beneath us dissolved, replaced by a glittering expanse of stars, galaxies swirling and collapsing like drops of ink in water.

I was older now—maybe thirteen—dressed in sleek black armor that fit like a second skin. My hands hummed with energy, glowing bright with destruction waiting to be unleashed.

"Play it," He ordered. "Play the Space Jam, you will win this round..."

I hesitated, my fingers trembling. His gaze bore into me, cold and unyielding. There was no room for disobedience. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I spun and released the chaos. It sang with every arc, each motion tearing through the fabric of the universe. Stars crumbled into dust, planets split apart like rotten fruit. Comets veered wildly off course, their fiery tails cutting through the void.

I wasn't just wielding destruction—I was creating it.

Behind me, the Destroyer clapped slowly. "Perfect," he whispered, his voice brushing against the back of my neck. I hated how it sent a shiver down my spine.

The scene fractured again.

I was on a battlefield now, older—maybe seventeen. Blood slicked my hands, my hair, my boots. The air was thick with the metallic tang of it, mixing with the smoke and ash swirling around me. I didn't feel fear. I didn't feel anything.

The Space Jam lit my soul, glowing like a supernova, its edges crackling with raw power. My movements were a dance, precise and lethal. Bodies fell, their faces blurring into nothingness before they hit the ground. I was everything the Destroyer wanted me to be.

But somewhere deep inside, buried beneath layers of obedience and pain, there was an ember. Small, weak, but still burning. A part of me that hated this, hated him.

The battlefield dissolved into shadows, pulling me into another place. A dimly lit chamber, cold and vast, with walls made of smooth obsidian. The Destroyer sat, his eyes glowing like twin suns. My legs moved without my permission, carrying me forward until I stood before him.

He gestured to the side, and I saw him.

A boy.

He couldn't have been older than eight, his white hair falling into light eyes. He was small but unnervingly calm, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He looked like he belonged here, like he had been shaped by the same cruel hands that had shaped me.

"This is..." The Destroyer said, his voice laced with pride, "THE OBSIDIAN JAX. Your twin in spirit, if not in blood. Your shadow to balance your light. Together, you will be unstoppable."

The boy met my gaze, unflinching. There was no fear in his eyes, only the same hollow resolve I had seen in my own reflection a thousand times. He was like me. He was me, in some twisted, cosmic way.

I wanted to speak, to say something, but the words were stuck in my throat. I could feel the Destroyer's grin, even though I wasn't looking at him.

"You are my Starfire," He continued, his voice echoing in my mind, "and he is my Oblivion."

The chamber shattered around me, and I jolted awake with a gasp, the Destroyer's voice still ringing in my ears.

   ▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂

I awoke screaming.

Blood. Blood everywhere—the Space Jam. I need to keep playing. Never stop.

"You're fine—you're okay!" My eyes focused on the face in front of mine. The Doctor was holding my cheeks between his hands. "You're here, you're with me—in the TARDIS. It's okay..." He crawled up from where he was crouching in front of me, sitting on the seat next to mine, and pulled me into his arms tightly.

My heart was beating harshly, and both of his hearts were beating harder than life itself.

Amy and Rory were standing up on the other side of the console, seemingly getting their bearings and waking up.

What the fuck is this?

The Doctor held me for a long moment, his arms wrapped firmly around me like he could physically anchor me back to the present. His hand cradled the back of my head as he murmured assurances in my ear.

"It's alright, PJ. You're safe..." His voice was soft, soothing, and so achingly kind that it was almost painful to hear.

I hated that his sweet coos made me feel better. Hated that I—THE POLARIS JADE—unstoppable Jade, felt safe in his comfort.

Ridiculous. Absurd. I am above this.

So why did I sink further into him?

Eventually, my breathing slowed, though my fingers still clung tightly to the fabric of his jacket. He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes, his brow furrowed with concern. His thumbs brushed against my cheeks.

"Better?" He asked quietly.

I gave a hesitant nod. But my mind still felt like I was breaking into pieces.

"Good," He murmured, leaning down to press a soft kiss to my forehead. The warmth of it lingered even as he pulled away.

He stood abruptly, his long legs carrying him toward the console as if the moment had never happened. "Right then! Let's figure out what's gone terribly wrong this time!"

Amy and Rory exchanged a glance but said nothing, choosing instead to shuffle over and stand beside me.

"You okay?" Amy asked quietly, her hand brushing my arm.

"Fine," I muttered, though I wasn't entirely sure I believed it.

We watched the Doctor as he darted around the console, flipping switches and twisting knobs with a manic energy that bordered on desperation. The TARDIS was still flashing red, and the rhythmic beeping sounded like a countdown to something dreadful.

Was he making it worse?

Rory leaned toward me. "Do you know what he's doing?"

"Not a clue," I admitted. "I've barely got the basics down, the TARDIS takes an insane amount of time and focus to truly understand—River was only able to teach me so much..."

The Doctor pulled a lever dramatically, only for it to remain stubbornly in place. His face twisted into an exaggerated grimace.

"This is bad," He muttered. "I don't like this!"

With a sudden burst of energy, he kicked the lever. Or, at least, tried to.

"OW!" He yelped, hopping on one leg as he grabbed at the other. "No! Bad idea! Terrible idea! Never use force! You'll only embarrass yourself!"

My mouth fell open in disbelief and Amy snorted, covering her mouth with her hand.

The Doctor glared at the console like it had personally insulted him. "Unless you're cross," he added indignantly, rubbing his shin. "In which case, always use force!"

"Yeah, because that went so well," Rory quipped, earning a small laugh from Amy.

Ignoring them, the Doctor began to flounder around the console, pressing buttons and flipping switches with increasing frustration. "Oh, come on, you temperamental old thing! Work with me here!"

The TARDIS responded with a series of concerning wheezes and groans.

"Is it supposed to sound like that?" I asked hesitantly.

The Doctor waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, she's just being dramatic."

A loud clanging noise echoed through the room.

"Very dramatic!" He amended quickly, his eyes wide. "But perfectly fine! Mostly fine. Probably fine..."

He trailed off, staring at a particularly ominous flashing light.

Amy crossed her arms. "That's not reassuring."

"No, it isn't," Rory agreed.

"Shush, you two!" The Doctor pointed at them with a flourish before diving back into his work. "Don't talk to me when I'm cross!"

When he found nothing, he started down the stairs intending to go all the way under the console to figure out what was going on. Not that under the console seemed like it would make it any clearer.

"Shall I get the manual?" Amy asked, leaning over the railing to try and see where he was.

Rory and I remained in our places, only tilting our heads downward to look at the Doctor through the glass floor. He still appeared bitter from being dazed and confused. It was no doubt hard for such a genius of a creature to so clueless.

"Don't bother! I threw it in a supernova..." The Doctor answered breezily causing my mouth to fall open again along with Rory's.

Rory then eyed me, mouthing a clear 'what the fuck' which had me snickering.

"You threw the manual in a supernova?" Amy asked right back, her tone entirely unimpressed.

"So, that's what happened to it! River and I were looking for it when she started teaching me how to work the console..." I said loudly, shaking my head in annoyance. "When did you even throw it in a supernova?! It was in one of the drawers when we were at the Aplan Temple!"

"Ugh—I don't know, before we picked up Rory?" The Doctor called, equally as annoyed. "Why would I care if you and River 'needed' it? I'm the expert here, it should be me teaching you how to fly my ship! The manual is useless!"

"Jesus Christ..." I muttered while rolling my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. "This idiot..."

"Oi, I heard that! You're not the brightest yourself at times, love!" The Doctor shot right back, looking up from his place below us and throwing me a glare through the glass floor.

"Why would you throw it in a supernova?" Amy quickly cut in before any sort of argument could break out, coming to stand between me and Rory while looking down at the Doctor through the glass floor.

"Because I disagreed with it! Stop talking to me while I'm cross!" He wagged a finger at us, his voice full of attitude.

"Okay!" Rory suddenly said. "Whatever it is that is wrong with the TARDIS, is that what caused us to dream of the future?" He asked.

The Doctor paused before looking up at us again. "Well, perhaps, but that is only if we were dreaming of the future!" He informed before darting out from below the console and coming back up the steps.

"Of course we were dreaming—we were still in Leadworth five years down the line!" Amy spat out almost bitterly.

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Yikes.

"Upper Leadworth!" Rory corrected only for Amy to shoot him a 'really' look.

The Doctor made himself known, flapping his hands about as he came to us. "Yeah, and we could still be in Upper Leadworth dreaming of this! This could be the dream, don't you get it..."

"I fucking hope it's not..." I gave a humorless laugh, closing my eyes and shaking my head.

When I re-opened my eyes a moment later, I noticed all three of them staring at me. Amy was pursing her lips, Rory's shoulders were slumped, and the Doctor was staring at me with an unfamiliar gleam in his eye.

"What? It's no offense to you two," I quickly motioned to Amy and Rory. "But envision finally time-traveling with others in the space-time machine version of a Ferrari and then having that ripped away for a cheap contraption that burns you every time you use it! And I use it quite frequently!" I prattled in an upset manner.

The Doctor was staring at me. He had that same odd gleam in his eye that I couldn't quite place. It wasn't the usual manic energy or smugness that he so often radiated; it was something else entirely.

Before I could dissect it, he grinned—his trademark, brilliant grin that was both infuriating and infectious. "So what I'm hearing is you're not planning on leaving once that little toy of yours is fixed?"

The way he said "toy" was... suggestive, drawn out just enough to send a ripple of heat across my face and raise goosebumps along my arms. I straightened, trying to play it cool, but my voice betrayed me by coming out slightly higher-pitched than usual.

"Well, Doctor, I have plenty of toys, but if you're referring to the Vortex Manipulator, then that'll need to be a no." I crossed my arms and looked him straight in the eye, hoping to shift the power dynamic. "Also, I am still working as your intern, so..." I then tried to change the subject.

It didn't work.

His grin widened—how was that even possible?—and his eyes twinkled like I'd just handed him a galaxy on a silver platter. "Oh, trust me, I know," He replied, voice low and positively dripping with meaning.

My face heated further, and I glanced away, feeling utterly betrayed by my body. "I don't even want to know what you're implying," I muttered, my tone far less confident than I'd hoped.

"You don't have to," He shot back, clearly pleased with himself. "Yet."

"Alright, enough flirting. Get a room!" Amy's voice cut through the tension like a slap of cold water. She raised her hands in mock exasperation and gestured to the console room around us. "This is real. I'm definitely awake now."

The Doctor shook his head, quickly snapping back into serious mode.

"Yeah, and you thought you were definitely awake when you were all..." The Doctor suddenly made a huge motion, making himself out to be a mammoth of a person. A snicker escaped me, snickering that I desperately tried to hide at Amy's look of offense. "Elephanty..."

"Hey!" She barked, holding up a wrench she had found resting on the console platform. "...Pregnant!"

The Doctor pointed to her. "And you could be giving birth right now! This could be the dream, I told you to trust nothing we see or hear or feel!" He was spinning while pointing out everything. "Look around, examine everything! Look for all the details that don't ring true!" He ordered, going cross-eyed at the wrench in Amy's hand and snatching it from her.

He then noticed Rory holding another one of his tools and walked over to him before plucking it out of his grasp. He placed the items back in their 'proper' spots on the console panel.

Rory scoffed, crossing his arms. "Alright, how's this? We are in a spaceship that is also a time-machine, and not the Doc Browne kind, with a bowtime-wearing alien who looks human but isn't and his intern that actually is a human but was raised in space? So maybe what rings true isn't so simple...?" He deadpanned while looking at the Doctor.

The Doctor pursed his lips while I jerked my head toward Rory. "He has a fair point..." I shrugged and the Doctor nodded heavily.

Before any more words could be exchanged, the power went out. The lights slowly slipped, everything turning off and leaving us in darkness. I swallowed, gripping the edge of the console still desperately trying to ignore how it felt like my mind was splintered.

Names rushed past me. My names.

PJ. THE POLARIS JADE. Cooper Haven Starre. Starfire. The Bombmaker. The End of All.

Not real—it isn't real.

Unstoppable Jade.

I blinked, shaking my head harshly and forcing the horrible thoughts away.

The only light left came from the flow of the time rotor—illuminating all four of our faces in a blue glow.

"It's dead..." The Doctor gasped, his voice eerily blank. "We're in a dead time machine..."

The birds—they started echoing again. The birds... but also... why the hell am I still thinking about The Hobbit? Why the fuck is the end credit theme stuck in my head, now is not the time! Not when I was are trying to figure out what is reality and what isn't.

Do I still travel with the Doctor in the TARDIS or did I leave him a few years ago?

The birds only got louder.

The Doctor was quick to corral us into a small square so we faced each other. Amy and Rory clutched each other fearfully, not daring to let go.

"Remember this is real... and when we wake up in the other place, you've got to remember how real this feels!" He told us, and I nodded back firmly.

"Got it, boss!" I saluted and he gave me a silly grin back.

"This is real..." Amy nodded, looking at us all. "I know it's real..." She added, almost desperately.

It did not take a genius to know that she wanted this version of reality to be real.

The birds grew louder, their cries seeming to pierce through my mind. I clenched my teeth, trying to hold onto the sensation of the cool metal console beneath my fingertips—the only tether I had left to what the Doctor insisted was reality.

Amy and Rory huddled closer, their fear palpable in the dim, eerie glow of the time rotor. The Doctor's eyes darted between each of us, his expression strained but determined. "Hold on to this moment," He instructed, his voice steady despite the chaos. "Feel the air, the floor beneath you. Lock it in your minds. We need to remember this feeling so we can compare it to how Leadworth feels!"

I nodded, though my mind felt like it was splintering further with every passing second. The birds were deafening now, their yells almost drowning out the Doctor's words. My breathing quickened, and the faint hum of the time rotor seemed to falter, growing weaker with each beat.

Then, just as suddenly as it had begun, everything fell silent.

The air shifted—heavier, colder—and I felt my knees buckle.

"Doctor—!" I managed to gasp before my vision blurred, the darkness consuming me.

I barely registered his arms catching me, steadying me as my body sagged. "I got you, I have you, dearest..." I vaguely heard him murmur.

The last thing I saw before my eyes fluttered shut was his face, filled with worry, far too close to mine but also so very tired. His eyes were drooping closed as well.

We crumpled to the floor together, his hand gripping my waist tightly. My head came to rest against his chest, and I could feel the rhythmic pounding of his hearts beneath my cheek, a strange sort of comfort amidst the chaos.

I heard Amy and Rory crash to the floor as well.

As the world faded away, I heard his voice, softer now, almost a whisper. "It's alright... I've got you. And you've got me... we have each other..."

And then, nothing.

▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂

I came alive with a loud gasp, eyes flying open and myself stumbling to a standing position. It seemed we had fallen asleep on another bench in this reality.

Amy and Rory groaned as they slowly came to awareness while the Doctor stood a few feet away, investigating his surroundings. He could not have been awake much longer than us.

This didn't feel like reality. And I—of all people—would know what reality felt like considering I had spent the great majority of my life bouncing between them.

"Okay, this one is the real one..." Amy says firmly, gripping her large belly. "Definitely this one, it's all solid..." She tells us just as Rory pokes her stomach and she slaps his hands away.

He then helps his wife up and off the bench.

The Doctor whirled around to face us, shaking his head.

"Don't forget how solid it felt in the TARDIS too," The Doctor counters. "It's incredibly difficult to spot a dream while you're having it..." He explained while bringing up his right hand and waving it in front of his face as I had done a small while ago.

"What are you doing?" Rory questioned.

"Looking for motion blur, any kind of pixelation. We could be in a computer simulation..." The Doctor explains.

"It's not, I already checked!" I groaned loudly causing the attention to fall on me. "And I can read too, it's just my mind that feels like mush, but it felt like that on the TARDIS as well..." I told them.

With that, I brought both my hands up to my head and started tugging at my hair painfully. It started to fall from the braided updo, swimming around my face in a variety of different braids—all black and pink.

I gripped my hair tighter, the pressure on my scalp a strange kind of grounding sensation amidst the whirlwind in my mind. My fingers fumbled with the tangled mess, tugging at the braids hard enough to make my eyes water.

"What're you doing?" Amy asked, her tone a mix of confusion and concern.

I ignored her, the frantic pulling not enough. My hands dropped to my sides briefly, only for me to slap my face sharply, once, then again.

"PJ!" Amy yelped, taking a step toward me, her alarm mirrored in Rory's wide eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Rory called.

The Doctor remained still, watching me intently, though his expression was taut with worry.

I balled my fists, the frustration and panic clawing at me. "I'm trying to wake myself up—a bit of pain should do it!" I hissed through gritted teeth before landing a hard thud against the side of my head with the heel of my palm.

"Stop it!" The Doctor's voice cut through the air sharply, and before I could react, he was in front of me, his hands gripping mine to keep me from doing it again.

"It's not working!" He snapped, his voice trembling slightly as his fingers tightened over mine. "You're just hurting yourself, so stop it! Now!"

I stared at him, my chest heaving as I fought against the urge to pull away. His face was far too close, his eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that made my breath hitch.

"Fine," I huffed, yanking my hands from his grip and crossing my arms over my chest like a petulant child. I stepped back, glaring at him as I gritted my teeth.

The Doctor didn't move, his gaze unwavering as if daring me to try something again. He looked more like a distressed partner than a time-traveling alien, and for a moment, the tension between us was almost tangible.

Before anyone could say anything else, an old woman strolled past, her cane clicking softly against the cobblestone path. She paused just long enough to wave cheerfully. "Hello, Doctor!"

"Hello!" The Doctor called back automatically, smiling faintly. "Hi, Mrs. Hamill," Rory said at the same time, his tone warm and familiar.

The Doctor turned to Rory with raised brows before his smile faltered and realization struck. He blinked rapidly, his head snapping back to Rory. "Wait—she was talking to you?"

Rory scratched the back of his head, clearly unsure of why this was surprising. "Uh... yeah? I am a doctor now."

The Doctor's expression shifted into one of complete incredulity. "You're a doctor?" He repeated, his focus narrowing entirely onto Rory.

"Uhm, yeah," Rory scoffed. "And unlike you, I've actually passed some exams..."

The Doctor only became further suspicious. "Ah, so a Doctor—not a nurse. Just like you've always dreamed. How interesting..." He told them before beginning to walk away.

Amy and Rory followed after him while I remained planted.

"What is?" Rory asked and the Doctor stopped walking, spinning around to face them.

"Well, your dream wife, your dream job, and that's probably your dream baby. Maybe this is your dream..." The Doctor told them both while looking between them.

Rory was quick to get defensive. "It's Amy's dream too! Isn't it Amy?"

"Sure—yeah, of course!"

Amy answered like she had a gun pulled on her, brown eyes wide as she stared at the Doctor unsurely. The Doctor only quirked a knowing brow in return, his lips tilting upward in the corners. He knew as did I that this place was no dream of Amelia Pond's.

However, the Doctor did not respond. He only pointed behind him to a large brick building.

"What's that?" He asked.

Amy looked confused. "Old people's home..." She told him, and the Doctor turned to face the building fully.

He rubbed his hands together, biting his lip and narrowing his eyes as he examined the building. His mouth opened and he started to say something to Amy and Rory, but I did not hear. I did not hear because I was slowly starting to back away from the group.

It's not real—outrun it, bitch.

I took another step back, the crunch of gravel beneath my boots loud enough to echo in my head but not loud enough to grab anyone's attention. The Doctor, Amy, and Rory were still discussing the building in front of them, their voices muffled as if the air between us had thickened.

Before I could stop myself, I turned on my heel and bolted.

The cool wind whipped against my face as I sprinted down the street, my braid unraveling completely, the pink strands flying wildly behind me. I didn't look back. My heart pounded in my chest, my breaths coming sharp and fast.

Behind me, I could faintly hear the Doctor's voice. "PJ?" It was distant, almost swallowed by the wind.

A few seconds later, Amy's voice joined in, followed by Rory's. "PJ! Where are you?"

But I didn't stop. I didn't dare. My legs carried me through the narrow streets of the quiet town, past houses and shops that blurred together in my peripheral vision. The world felt too still, too quiet like it was waiting for something to happen.

The birds.

I stumbled to a halt in a small park, my boots skidding slightly on the grass. A single bench sat beneath an old oak tree in the middle of a small field, its branches reaching out like skeletal fingers against the gray sky. I collapsed onto the ground, my knees digging into the damp earth as I struggled to catch my breath.

My head throbbed, the splitting sensation threatening to crack me in half. I clutched it tightly, as if that would keep the fracture from widening.

The birds. They were louder now, their cries shrill and piercing, circling in my mind like vultures.

"Shut up," I whispered hoarsely, squeezing my eyes shut. "Shut up, shut up, shut—"

The ground seemed to tilt beneath me, my body swaying as the birds grew louder, more insistent. My vision blurred, the edges of the world dissolving into a haze of gray and white.

Then, nothing.

I felt myself hit the ground, the soft grass cushioning my fall. Darkness swallowed me whole, and the birds faded into silence.

▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂ ✶ ▂

A sharp gasp jolted me awake, my lungs burning as if I'd surfaced from drowning. My eyes flew open to find myself tangled in a familiar mess of limbs—and an even more familiar face, so close I could feel his breath.

The Doctor's wide eyes met mine, his expression frozen somewhere between confusion and exasperation.

We were back on the TARDIS.

"What the—" he began, his words muffled by the proximity of our noses nearly brushing.

We scrambled apart in a flurry of limbs, both of us upright in moments. The Doctor's brows furrowed deeply, and his expression quickly shifted from startled to furious.

"You!" He barked, pointing an accusatory finger at me.

"Me?" I asked, incredulous, taking a step back as he advanced.

"Yes, you! What the hell were you thinking running off like that in Leadworth?" He demanded, his voice sharp as he followed me around the console. "How dare you leave like that—who knows what could happen!"

He had cursed which made me cringe inside.

It's never good when the Doctor uses a swear word.

I backed away instinctively, keeping the console between us as I tried to think of an explanation. "I—uh—look, I—"

"Don't you 'I-uh-look' me! Get back here!" He made a swipe for my arm, but I ducked just in time, darting around the opposite side of the console.

Amy and Rory stood off to the side, exchanging a look that was equal parts amused and awkward.

"Doctor, maybe—" Amy started, but he silenced her with a hand waved in her direction.

"No, Amy, she ran off! She put herself in danger! I want to know why!"

I stopped suddenly, planting my feet and gripping the edge of the console for support. "I don't know, okay?" I mumbled, avoiding his piercing gaze.

"What was that?" The Doctor snapped, stepping closer.

"I said, I don't know!"

"Speak up! Use that loud voice you use every other time, dearest!" He shot back, more than frustrated.

It's not real.

And once again, I thought of The Hobbit theme. That stupid fucking end-credit theme that I usually love but was growing to hate in this moment.

Something inside me snapped. "My mind is in RUINS!" I shouted, my voice echoing off the walls of the TARDIS. "It's worse in Leadworth—do you get that? I'm sorry, but I can't stand that place! And I don't even know if any of you are real, and my head—it's killing me!"

The Doctor froze momentarily, his expression softening as he processed my words. Then, in a blur of motion, he closed the distance between us. Before I could protest, he grabbed my face, his hands firm but careful as he tilted my head up to meet his eyes.

"Snap out of it," He said, his voice lower now, more urgent than angry. "I need you with me, PJ. I need you to be strong right now."

I blinked up at him, my breaths coming fast as I tried to ground myself.

"I'm here," He said, softer this time, his thumbs brushing lightly against my temples. "Whether this is real or not, I am here with you. And you—" He took one of my hands in his, threading our fingers together before placing it over both his hearts. They drummed steadily under my hand. "You are here with me. Understand?"

I nodded shakily, my body relaxing under his touch.

"Good girl," He sighed, visibly relieved. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, the gesture so unexpected it sent a wave of warmth through me. "Listen to me," He continued, his voice steady. "When we wake up in the other reality, you have to hold onto this. Hold onto me. Whatever you feel, no matter how overwhelming it gets—find me. Come back to me. Promise me that."

I nodded again, this time with more conviction. "I promise."

The Doctor released a breath he seemed to have been holding, letting his hand linger on mine for a moment longer before stepping back.

Amy coughed, breaking the silence. "Well... glad we all sorted that out."

Rory gave her a pointed look but said nothing.

The Doctor didn't acknowledge them. His gaze remained fixed on me as if willing me to keep my promise even before the next challenge came.

It was then that I noticed the coldness of the TARDIS surrounding us. Freezing—fucking freezing in here.

"It's bloody cold..." Rory groaned, he and Amy both shivering.

The Doctor took his eyes off me and started investigating the console once again. Looking for anything: it was obvious he was more than stressed and frustrated.

Having me in whatever the hell state this is can't be helping either.

"Of course, it's cold, the heating is off!" The Doctor finally informed us.

"The heating's off?" I asked, crossing my arms at the uncomfortable nippy feeling.

It was fine right now—just slightly uncomfortable, but my jacket helped immensely. However, when you are in a spaceship, no matter how advanced, floating in the cold nothingness of space—there is one thing you never want to happen.

A person never ever wants their ship to lose power. Because when the power is lost; when the heating goes out, then there is only one thing guaranteed.

You would freeze to death.

"Yes," The Doctor answered me, looking at me in panic as he knew exactly where my mind had gone. "Everything is off. Sensors, core power, we're drifting. The scanner is down, so we can't even see outside. We could be anywhere..." He breathed, voice tinged with panic but desperately trying not to let it show for Amy and Rory's sake.

"Oh my God... holy shit... holy shit... HOLY SHIT!" I could not stop myself from panicking.

Rory looked between me and the Doctor. Amy clutched his arm, doing much the same. "Why holy shit...? What's going on...?" He asked us.

"We're going to fucking die, that's what! Now we need to pray that Leadworth is what's real! This is horrible!" I groaned, covering my face with my hands.

"Ugh, don't listen to her—we're not going to die..." The Doctor hissed. "But what I do know is that something—someone—is overriding my TARDIS!"

And just like that, an entity snapped into existence.

"Well, that took a while!" A short man in a red bowtie and tweed jacket appeared on the stairs behind the Doctor.

I gaped, eyes wide as I took the dude in. The other three had similar expressions.

"Holy fuck..." I breathed quietly. "I think that's Jesus..."

"Really?" The Doctor scowled.

"I'm not Jesus!" The stout man glared at me before he spoke more. "Honestly, I'd heard such good things. Last of the TimeLords, the Oncoming Storm, Him in the Bowtie, Man with the sexiest girlfriend alive..." He then looked directly at me and fucking winked.

It's official: PolarisJade.exe has stopped working.

"Ahaha..." I released a high-pitched and very uncomfortable laugh. "Who the hell are you?" I was giggling before it turned into a full-blown and absolutely insane laugh. "Who the fuck are you?!" I was gasping for breath because this had to be a fucking dream.

There is no possibility that either of these realities are real, ain't no motherfucking way.

The Doctor looked at me worriedly. Amy and Rory seemed prepared to die.

The short man let out a loud whistle. "Man with the craziest girlfriend too then..." He said while walking down the staircase he had appeared on and I was still howling with laughter.

The Doctor was quick to place himself between me and the short man—throwing me a quick glare that shut me up. Well—not completely, just quieted my howls to small snickers.

"How did you get into my TARDIS?" The Doctor demanded. "What are you?"

The short man tittered. "What shall we call me?" He briefly thought about it. "Well... if you're the TimeLord, let's call me the DreamLord..." He gave the Doctor a dark look.

The Doctor delivered it back in full force, eyeing the short man up and down.

"Nice look..." The Doctor spat out, noticing that the DreamLord was wearing nearly the exact same outfit as him.

Weird... why is he wearing the same outfit as the Doctor?

"This?" The DreamLord looked down at his outfit in disgust. "No, I'm not convinced. Bow ties?"

The Doctor did not answer, the man only reaching into his coat and pulling his sonic screwdriver free. He threw it at the DreamLord, and it went straight through him—landing on the glass floor with a clatter.

The DreamLord grinned. "I'd love to be impressed, truly I would. But come on—DreamLord, it's in the name, isn't it? Spooky—not quite there." He then disappeared before popping up behind Amy and Rory causing them to scream in fright. "And yet very much here."

"I'll do the talking, thank you." The Doctor said tightly as he protectively moved to place himself in front of Amy and Rory. "Amy, want to take a guess at what that is?" He tilted his head toward the redhead.

"Uhm, DreamLord... he creates dreams...!" She said quickly, looking between the DreamLord and the TimeLord to see if she was right.

"No..." I spoke up, taking a step forward. Their eyes fell on me. The Doctor appeared ready to push me back again. Annoying protective Space Lord. "Fabrications..." I said, my eyes narrowing. "More than dreams, you make fabrications..."

"Clever little girl, aren't you?" The DreamLord spoke with wicked a grin, taking a step forward before the Doctor stopped him. "What a prize you've found old man..."

"Don't you dare talk to her—don't even look at her!" The Doctor spat out so violently that I was surprised.

The DreamLord only seemed amused; however, his lips quirked as he nodded to Rory. "You've given your ladies a guess, so what about the gooseberry here? Does he get a guess then?" He questioned sarcastically.

Gooseberry? These people are so fucking British.

Rory spoke, immediately unhappy with being called such a thing. "Er, listen mate, if anyone's the gooseberry here—it's the Doctor..."

I bit my lip and scratched the back of my head awkwardly.

The DreamLord scoffed as though he heard the funniest thing ever. "Well now, there's a delusion that I'm not responsible for..."

Now, the Doctor only slightly annoyed at the subject. I could practically hear his thoughts: he doesn't have the time to reaffirm a human man's ego.

Rory looked at Amy desperately. "No, he is. Isn't he, Amy?"

I could understand if Rory was feeling a bit self-conscious in the Doctor's presence. His fiancé had run off and kissed this man, after all. It took a really special person who loved a woman a lot to be so understanding about that.

"Oh, Amy, have to sort your men out. Choose even..." The DreamLord goaded.

Not hate, because I truly do love Amy. But even if she were to choose the Doctor would he really choose her back?

"I have chosen," Amy shook her head. "Of course, I've chosen..." She spoke, and all of us kind of look at her sideways wondering who the fuck she had apparently chosen. "...It's you stupid..." She adds, hitting Rory's shoulder as she notices our looks.

"Oh... good, thanks..." Rory sighs in relief.

The DreamLord disappeared and reappeared yet again, this time behind me. I jumped in surprise, only to jump again as the Doctor moved faster than light—grabbed my arm, and tugged me behind him.

He once again blocked me from the DreamLord.

This was starting to anger me. The way that my mind felt like mush—how I felt so weak.

I am THE POLARIS JADE. I am not weak, I never have been. And yet, here I stood, barely functioning without freaking out and having some identity crisis/psychotic break.

My mind echoed: Polaris Jade... no... Cooper Haven Starre.

"Cooper!" I heard my mother's voice screaming. "COOPER! RUN!"

I clenched my teeth in pain, shaking myself out of it.

"You can't fool me, Amy. I've seen your dreams... some of them twice..." The DreamLord smirked. "Blimey, I would blush if I had a blood supply... or a real face..." He laughed causing Amy to flush and avert eye contact from the Doctor and Rory.

Really, bitch?

I mean, I can't blame her in all honesty.

The DreamLord then turned his attention to me. "Nothing like precious PJ's dreams though. And—oh—those are some real horrors, you see at night... so much blood... you're so scared, no wonder you ran away in Leadworth..." He clicked his tongue. "Surprised you didn't run straight into the ole' Doctor's arms though."

My face heated up against my will. I would rather be called out on having sexual fantasies of the Doctor than this. Anger started to rip through me.

I took a step forward. "I am not afraid of anything..."

The DreamLord only gave me a mocking look of pity. "Except for the dark, dear..."

"I told you not to talk to her," The Doctor seethed before calming down, putting out an arm to stop me from getting any closer to that thing. "Now, tell me, where did you pick up this cheap cabaret act?"

"Me? Oh, you're on shaky ground." The DreamLord responded.

"Am I?" The Doctor challenged.

Cue the DreamLord hitting the Doctor with as many roasts as possible. "If you had any more tawdry quirks, you could open up a Tawdry Quirk Shop. The madcap vehicle, the cockamamie hair, the clothes designed by a first-year fashion student..." The DreamLord laughed. "The Star Wars-themed space human you flaunt as your little girlfriend. Pathetic. I'm surprised you haven't got a purple space dog, especially knowing how much she loves vermin, just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are...!" He said with such viciousness that I suddenly wanted nothing more than to incinerate him on the spot.

Especially at the brief flicker of hurt that crossed the Doctor's face. He had believed those words.

No one talks to him that way—no one. Except me.

"Where was I?" The DreamLord asked after a moment of tense silence.

"About to fucking die..." I spat out, now finding no humor in this little man.

Dream or not—I would rip his guts out. And yet, there was something that held me back. Something too familiar about him.

The DreamLord disappeared and reappeared above us all, standing up on the platform that led to another series of endless corridors and rooms.

"No—this is where I was! Here's your challenge. Two worlds. Here, in the time machine, and there, in the village that time forgot. And just to wind you up, Doctor, to give you more of a problem, in both realities I've made dearest PJ less than sane, especially in Leadworth. Not that she already isn't insane, but good luck protecting her from herself. One reality is real and the other is fake..." He chuckled, and I stared at him in horror as did the Doctor. "To make it even worse, in both worlds, there is a deadly danger to face. But only one of the dangers is real..." The DreamLord snapped his fingers at us. "Tweet, tweet. Time to sleep..." The fucking birds started chirping again. "Or are you waking up?"

No response could be given with the immense exhaustion that overcame all of us. Black spots danced at the edge of my vision, slowly getting bigger.

My eyes closed and I grabbed the Doctor before we crashed onto our sides, hitting the ground with a loud thump but clutching each other.

"You promised, PJ... as soon as you wake up, come and find me. You're vulnerable right now but you need to stay strong. Remember how you felt here, don't let the madness in..." It was the Doctor mumbling in my ear, his face on top of mine, his lips right by my ear as we tried to fight unconsciousness but could not.

He was holding me tightly to him, spooning me on the console ground. In any other situation, such a cuddle would have felt nice. But now, it was the only comfort we could provide each other as we faded away.