quick A/N from future Amber: so I had a really cute fluffy moment in this chapter in which a Christmas Cracker is involved- I've since been told that Christmas crackers aren't a thing outside of Britain but I'm keeping it in so if you don't know what a Christmas cracker is just give it a google. This is probably the weirdest A/N I've ever written but hey ho

right, on with the story, love y'all!

AULD ACQUAINTANCE
.

Isadora Moore had been in love for a total of three times in her life.

The first time was at age ten, which many people would argue is no age to be in love, but Sadie could've sworn she was. The boy's name was Mike, and he was the class clown, and he never noticed her, even when she asked him to the dance. She never cared for funny guys after that, told herself at that young age that she wanted someone with class!

The second time Sadie loved was at seventeen, her first true love, Jamal. She fell hard and fast for him. He was a couple years older than her, leaving for Stanford at the end of the summer of the year they dated- her parents immediately approved. Jamal was all noughties charm and the only polite boy on the block, despite the front he put on for survival. He loved her well.

It was the sort of love Sadie would never forget, the sort of love she thought would last forever, until Jamal lost his grip when train hopping to his job, unable to afford his ticket. She kept his voicemail, his scared voice in a dark tunnel, as he waited for the emergency services. "Tell my mom I love her. And Shell, remember I love you."

The fire fighters weren't fast enough. So, Sadie made his dream her responsibility, and made Stanford her university of choice for medical school. Even thirteen years later, she was still reminded of him now and again. And at the time, she had mourned for him, became so reckless with her life that she threw herself into war once she qualified, and she swore off love for the longest time.

Until Benjamin Wyatt, the new resident fresh from Metro General. He was intelligent and romantic and even put a ring on her left finger. He helped her through a different sort of grief- losing her family to tragedy, but she never once showed him the reason why. Despite the tender love they shared, it ended in arguments and disappointment and neither of them feeling fulfilled, both of them deserving better than resentment.

Sadie thought that maybe she was getting better with Steve. That maybe she was getting there, getting to love again. Reflecting on her past experiences with love, she thought maybe it was for the best that it ended early, innocent, with only this one rift between them, before they'd laid down any broken commitments.

Even if she had seen the video Steve had tried so desperately to hide from her. Accidentally of course, she couldn't avoid it. And seeing it, hearing that he loved her... Sadie had cried watching it. But she didn't tell him she saw, because there must have been a reason he wanted it hidden. It could have all just been pure shock and hysterics.

At least this way, they could still have each other in their lives. Sadie could know him and not worry about losing him. It was ridiculous to base her future on Steve when they hadn't even got through a single date and God- both times were her fault. Sadie came with complications, and Steve Rogers had enough of those to deal with as it was.

She'd have to wait.

But Sadie couldn't help but think- her age! It was never clearer than today, on her birthday, that she was getting older. The people she knew from school and college and residency were on their third child, or house, or marriage already.

She pushed the thoughts out of her head, and made sure to mute her Facebook.It wasn't nearly as easy pushing Steve out of her mind. Her thoughts swam to him like sharks to blood in water. Hungry, longing.

Even now, when she had to focus on hosting.

It was New Years Eve, as well as her birthday, and a lot was changing. Sadie had handed in the keys for her old apartment, a few days ago and collected the keys for her new place- a spacious and artistic space and a completely different environment.

Swapping out her place at the edge of Hell's Kitchen and making the move fully into the Upper East Side? She was beyond proud of herself. And with G.E.M.I.N.I's success- she could afford the resources and the service now, to get her mother moved in with her by February. It also meant Sadie put focus onto her newest endeavour: cancer research. She had the funding, and thanks to Tony Stark and her part time contract, she now had the time.

But all of that could wait, if only for a few hours. Because it was Sadie's birthday. She had at least seventy people to entertain, and she sure as hell was going to enjoy herself.

"Lovely space, Dr Moore," a familiar voice said as she maneuvered her way off the dance floor, the music blaring in her ears. "A multi-million dollar investment makes for a multi-million dollar profit, I suppose."

"Stephen," Sadie said, turning towards Strange as she picked up a drink from the mini-bar, handing him one too. "I'm surprised you showed up."

"I always show up for a party," Stephen replied, suave as ever. "Although I am truly disappointed. The music could be better."

"And what, have one of your surgery playlists on? Everyone's having a great time," Sadie laughed, gesturing to the dancing crowd. "Hold on... Is that Dr Palmer I see dancing with a very handsome dentist over there? You better get on that, you're supposed to be her date!"

"A dentist," Stephen scoffed, but there was an undertone of protective outrage and he was already moving. Sadie didn't bother holding back her laugh as she finished her drink, ready to join Adrianne back on the dance floor.

Her smart watch vibrated on her wrist, five minutes to midnight and more guests at the door. Eager to greet them, Sadie made her way through the house, to the glass door at the entrance, and she was even more excited to see her friends through it.

"Happy birthday!" A chorus of voices- Natasha with a huge wrapped gift, Sam with a party horn and a bottle of champagne, Steve with a more humble orange present in his hands. His wasn't wrapped nearly as neatly as Natasha's, but Sadie still appreciated the thought.

"This is from all of us," Natasha said, stepping in and pushing the large parcel into Sadie's hands.

"Thank you so much," Sadie grinned, granting an air kiss to her friend's cheeks. "I was worried I wouldn't see you guys until next year! The others got here about an hour ago, you're just in time for the countdown."

"Looking great, Aceso!" Sam laughed, flicking at her obnoxious party hat as she led the three into the house. "You gonna save me a dance, right?"

"Shut up, my god kids made this for me," Sadie laughed, fixing her hat. "And of course you can have a dance. That'll be fifty dollars."

"Never took you for that sort of girl, Sadie," Natasha smirked. "I'd charge him at least a hundred."

They came to pause by the main hall. "Welcome to my humble abode."

"If this is humble, then I'm brunette," Natasha snorted, dragging Sam forward. "We're getting drinks."

Sadie cursed her mentally. There was no way Natasha hadn't noticed the tension between her and Steve in their meetings, had even asked her at one point if anything was wrong. Sadie had told her no. Now, left alone with Steve, who was looking incriminatingly good, away from the party and anyone who could rescue her, she regretted all of it.

"So, you finally got the house," Steve said, eventually and she nodded, letting out a laugh.

"Yeah," Sadie said. "I mean, I never imagined I'd be able to afford anything like this. Especially without going five winters without gas."

"You deserve this place," he said, and his blue eyes seemed to have her under arrest. "You've worked hard for it."

Sadie didn't know what to say to that, so she settled with: "Would you like a drink? Snacks?"

"I'm okay," Steve shrugged, before holding out the gift he held. "I got you something."

"You really didn't have to," she said, honestly. The two of them were barely speaking.

"No, I did," he insisted. "Consider it a housewarming if anything."

"Okay," Sadie said, taking the rectangular package. It felt solid, but she couldn't guess what it would be. "Thank you."

"Open it later," Steve said, and she nodded, setting it down separate to the other gifts. There was an uncomfortable silence until he spoke again. "Did you see my email? The holiday destinations. I hate to bring it up on your birthday, but I haven't seen you in so long."

'Holiday destinations'- the email was actually a list of locations of known HYDRA operatives and missions. The Avengers targets for the spring.

"Yeah, I saw," Sadie nodded, with a sigh. She adjusted her party hat, it suddenly felt extremely constricting. "They look lovely. Do you know if there are any hospitals nearby?"

Translation: Will there be civilians? Do you need me in operation?

"No, there aren't any," Steve said. Translation: Yes. We absolutely do. "Sorry. I know you like to see how other countries do things."

"Yeah, well, that's just how it is sometimes," Sadie shrugged.

She looked out into the dancing crowd, noticed Adrianne and Jamie slow dancing, Strange and Palmer too. A horrifying thought occurred to her: this was the last song before the countdown. She'd hoped to escape for this. The only part of the night she was dreading. Now, she was in an even worse predicament.

"I brought you something else," Steve said, his voice perking up a little as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper cylinder.

"Oh," Sadie laughed, looking down at the Christmas cracker in his hand. "How did I not see that?"

"Since I missed you at Christmas," he said, holding it out to her. Sadie took hold of the other handle, raising an eyebrow at him. "Don't worry, I'll play fair."

"'Course you will," she smirked, before tugging at the cracker, taking the good side with her and leaving Steve with an empty handle. "Doesn't mean I have to."

"I would've let you win anyway," he said, smiling as she rummaged through the cracker. "Tell me the joke."

Sadie cleared her throat, squinting at the writing on the small card. "What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?"

"What?"

"Oh God, I hate this," she cringed, but she was already laughing, and Steve was too.

"Spit it out!"

"Tinsillitis!"

"How fascinating Dr Moore," Steve laughed, as Sadie leaned against him, wiping a tear away carefully so as to avoid smudging her eyeliner.

"I would honestly throw away my entire MD in exchange for that one medical fact," Sadie said.

"Sure you would. Any other goodies in there?" Steve asked. She looked into the cracker again, unfolding a piece of yellow card to discover it was a paper crown.

"You can have this," Sadie said, leaning up and pacing it on the top of his head, trying not to focus too much on the softness of his hair. "Since I cheated."

Then the dreaded moment began- the crowd loud in her ears: "Ten, nine, eight!"

A few months ago, there wouldn't have been anything bizarre about the two of them so close. But when their laughter was through, and the countdown was looming, she realised she'd forgotten herself.

Sadie cleared her throat, straightened her spine, pushed off of him. "Great icebreaker."

"Seven, six, five!"

"You know, I never thought there'd be ice to break," Steve said, and she was relieved he didn't step closer again. "Sadie, just tell me what I have to do."

"Three, two, one!"

Cheers and applause sounded from the crowd, and Sadie willed herself not to look over there, to focus on her shoes knowing that if she saw the happy couples around them, it would make this all so much worse. She made a mental note to only invite single people to her next event, the sort of people who had started an awkward and drunken rendition of Auld Lang Syne, almost overshadowing the singer Sadie had hired to perform it.

Her heart felt heavy, a sadness, a longing, an anger that he'd had to complicate things all those months ago. When she looked up, Steve was still watching her, his expression so earnest and sorry. And she thought of the video, how he'd cried for her and made his declaration and fought for her and...

She thought of how he'd lied about it.

"Whatever you need me to," Steve continued, and she couldn't take her eyes off him if she tried. The desperation in his look. "Name it, Sadie."

He did the dreaded thing, and stepped closer taking her hand in his, and she did the inevitable thing, let the empty Christmas cracker she'd been gripping so tightly fall to the ground.

The sight of him, all sincere, all furrowed brow, paper crown balanced so precariously, lips parted and it would be so easy to just- Sadie shut her eyes, but even then there was the scent of him, musky cologne and mellow soap, the warmth of him so close...

"We can make something out of this," he said, coming even closer and her breath hitched in her throat. "If you don't feel the same, tell me and I'll go. But if you do, I'll make something, I swear. I'll never lie to you again."

She believed him. It terrified her.

Warmth washed over her like waves, and became a burning in her. Sadie's heart was pumping blood faster than ever, and she knew from how Steve held her hands that he could feel her rapid pulse.

She opened her eyes and was glad then, as the folk song faded, and the crowd continued to cheer, that they were unseen. It was embarrassing enough that he'd gotten her in this state, with nothing but his words and his presence, let alone with people to witness it.

Even worse, her hands started to glow- not it's usual bright light for healing or combat, but a gentle glow, illuminating the dim hall. Steve didn't loosen his grip.

"Tell me what you want, doll," He said, his eyes flitting back and forth from her lips.

"I can't say everything I want," Sadie's voice came out quiet, somehow. She placed her hands on his chest, still bright somehow. "But, I think you know."

Steve pulled her even closer then, his arms snaking around her waist as she cupped his face in her glowing hands, and Sadie's last sight before she closed her eyes was the shadows of his face dimly lit by her blue light and then they were kissing.

Gently, slowly, lips parted but unaggressive. The sound of the music and the party was insignificant now, drowned out by the sound of their steady breathing and their racing heartbeats. Sadie could focus on nothing but him, and the feeling of pure relief their kiss brought.

She let her arms relax, draping them over his shoulder, letting her hands find his hair, carelessly knocking the paper crown away as she ran her fingers through the softness of it. He leaned in further, held her tight as her back pressed flat against the wall, and she could feel the pressure and the weight of him against her. Her heart was bursting, the burn inside her scorching now, and she could taste mint chocolate on his lips.

Sadie had forgotten that her heart could hold so much in one moment. She'd spent the past four years of being single chasing the material. The job, the house, the milestones. Comparing herself, and punishing herself, and charting out exactly how her life should go. But she couldn't control the spanner in the works: her mom's diagnosis, the fall of SHIELD and leaving New York Pres, the Avengers...

She should have been chasing this all along. Not Steve, no. Steve Rogers hadn't been part of her five year plan in 2011. She should have been chasing whatever made her feel things other than ambition, and stress, doubt and fear. Even now, she was doing it again, thinking retrospectively, not letting herself enjoy the moment.

Not like Steve, who was different it seemed, so different to her. He poured himself into her, so raw and giving and there was such soul to him. She knew he cared, and Sadie felt like she was given happiness in a bottle. Even as he pulled away, she was still floating off it. He held her up and both their skin was on fire.

"I should've done that a long time ago," Steve said, breathily.

"Where have you been getting your practise in? Sadie asked, unable to get the stupid smile off her face. Steve, it seemed, was the same.

"I haven't," he said. "You?"

"Me neither," Sadie admitted, her face heating up even more.

He looked amazing, face flushed, lips slightly swollen, his hair all messy and the subtle tint of her mauve lipstick smudged against him. She wiped it away with her thumb. She wanted to kiss him again. She stopped herself.

"We should get back to the party," Sadie said, quickly. "Adrianne is going to be so mad I disappeared- she wanted to do the birthday song before the countdown."

"Near miss then."

"Oh, absolutely," she replied. "You should go and have some fun though."

"Mhmm," Steve said, absentmindedly, but he was still just as close as earlier, still leaning into her. "Of course."

"Steve," Sadie said, firmly, but she was holding back a smile. He stepped away, and she smoothed out her burgundy dress. "Party. Go."

She didn't see him the rest of the night until she was seeing everybody off, and he'd given her a kiss on the cheek goodbye. That night, she didn't open many presents, they could wait until morning. Steve's though, she'd opened that. It was a portrait of herself, sketched lifelike and precise and Sadie was so touched to see it. There was a card attached.

Dear Sadie,

Happy birthday. I hope you have a fantastic New Year, and I hope we can put last year's mess behind us.

P.S: If I don't kiss you at the countdown, don't let me get away with it next time.

-Steve.

He had kissed her, of course, Sadie couldn't forget that. But he'd been a couple minutes late for the countdown. So, she certainly couldn't let him get away with that next time she saw him.

...

..

.

y'all what the fuck. I am honestly so surprised by this chapter I mean stadie weren't supposed to get together until after Civil War but this chapter just JUMPED out I swear I couldn't control it, it's like they just insisted on snogging and I was just like hey ho

to be honest, I'm totally not sure about this first kiss, it's COMPLETELY different to the one I had written for the end of CW but this one is a lot sweeter I think, and much less rushed. I might still post that one as like an 'AU' sort of bonus when I finish the book since I already have a few bonuses planned. Also wanted to make this scene fairly long since I've been dragging you guys through this for what feels like years at this point so I hope you don't mind that not much else happened in this update!

please let me know your thoughts and feelings, and get excited for next week because we're going to LAGOS BABES!!!

-Amber.