ESPERANCE
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Steve had to make a quick decision. Possibly one of the hardest he'd had to make in months, and he only had seconds to do so.

He could see Hugo Vermis disappearing into the crowd- it seemed like nobody had noticed what he'd done besides Steve. At least, besides Steve and these security guards who were trained a little above their pay grade. The guards knew precisely what was happening, and they couldn't deny it since Steve was shouting it over and over until they put him in a chokehold on the ground.

But that didn't matter. What mattered was that they had finally let Steve go, and now he had to make a choice.

Option one: take off after Hugo Vermis. Catch the man, and bring about some justice. But that would also likely involve being pursued by his six goons, that still surrounded him. They'd released him as soon as Vermis was done, which told Steve that they weren't trying to stop him from reaching Sadie, but they were stopping him from reaching Vermis Junior. Protecting the villain.

It'd be a long fight if Steve went after him, and he was hardly prepared for the situation, armed only with a bouquet of daffodils he'd meant to give to Sadie. Option one also meant that he had to rely on bystanders to help her, as he'd be busy in pursuit. So that was out of the question.

Option two: get to Sadie and start putting pressure on that wound. He didn't have to think much about that one before he decided.

"Doctor Moore, you've been stabbed," the woman who'd joined him said, and Steve watched as Sadie nodded faintly. "We're putting pressure on the wound, and an ambulance is on its way."

"What can we do for her?" Steve asked, looking down at his bloodstained hands and- God, he could see her guts.

"You're doing just great as it is Captain," the doctor said, a kind woman, with a soft and reassuring voice that would've put him at ease if Sadie wasn't bleeding- dying, in front of him. "I'm monitoring her."

Steve felt sick. She really would die in this place if they didn't get her help soon. She would die, and he hadn't even- no, he wouldn't let himself think it, not when she was still breathing in front of him, he could feel her shallow breaths, hear them, even if there was a liquid gurgling beneath the sound.

"Sadie, can you hear me?" he said, as calmly as he could. A small nod as her eyes met his- eyes that were afraid. A crowd had amassed now. "Can you heal yourself?"

Steve watched closely as she lifted her arms, apparently with all the strength she had, and the familiar glow he knew started up in her hands. But it didn't grow bright as it usually did, instead it stayed dim, almost flickering, until it extinguished completely.

His heart caught in his throat as she let her right hand drop, lifting her left to the side of his face momentarily, until she relaxed that arm too. Good. She had to keep her strength. His eyes burned, but he wouldn't let any tears come.

Steve glanced up at the doctor who sat patiently, two fingers on Sadie's carotid, counting her breaths. He let his eyes drift to the doctor's name tag on her red dress. In the time he hadn't been looking, someone had brought a defibrillator to the woman's side, ready for use.

"Dr Palmer," he said, calmly. "How far did you say that ambulance was?"

"I didn't," the doctor replied. "But it'll be quicker than we know. You just keep that pressure."

Tony's voice shocked him out of his dismay, loud and booming to the crowd that had circled around them.

"What are you all standing around watching for?" Tony shouted, angrily. "All of you, turn around. We're going to give my colleague some dignity here!"

Steve tuned out as Tony got the crowd to turn their backs, but he understood the effect- a forcefield when Sadie couldn't cast her own- fifty backs turned and blocking the scene from view of the guests and their cameras. When Sadie spoke Steve almost cried with relief that she could.

"This is karma," Sadie said, frankly, and when she laughed there was blood on her lips.

"Hey," Steve said, quickly. "This isn't karma, this is some coward who decided it was okay to lay a hand on you."

Her blood stained his hands and the shirt of the new suit he'd worn for that night. Her blood even stained the daffodils he'd dropped beside them, little flecks of scarlet against yellow. But Steve still didn't want to lose them- it would mean giving up on the night, giving up on her.

It was supposed to be the greatest night.

"Why don't you talk like this more often?" she asked him, and he would have laughed if her skin wasn't becoming blanched.

"Sadie," he could hear his voice shaking. He had no strength, no strength at all. "Try your powers, one more time."

"I can't," she answered him, her voice weaker now.

He knew. Steve had seen her work a million times before, knew her pattern like his own methods of work. Sadie Moore was an observer, she would observe the damage, and with that powerful mind of hers, she would heal.

Now though, she was in no position to observe, and no position to heal.

"I need you to get me Adrianne," she said, and he nodded. "They won't allow it, but I don't want any surgeon except her. Someone else can start this surgery if it takes a while to get her here but, I want her here by the end of it."

"We're working on it," Steve assured her, sending Tony a look from where he watched, and the man nodded, already making calls.

"Hey, I know you," Sadie said, out of nowhere, and Steve realised she was speaking to Dr Palmer. "You're from Metro-General. Steve, she's good- she can operate if she wants."

"I'm flattered," Dr Palmer smiled, still watching Sadie's breaths. "And it's great you're so alert Dr Moore, I just need you to stay that way."

"Where is Strange, I sent him a personal invite-" Sadie's word's stopped suddenly, and what sounded like a half-gasp replaced it. "Did he give the tickets to you?"

"Aren't you glad he did?" Dr Palmer laughed, and Sadie nodded in return- but the movement only displaced something in her it seemed, because suddenly she was coughing and spluttering like hell.

"Fuck, it hurts," Sadie's voice was weak as she moved to clutch her wound, but Steve didn't let her reach it, not wanting to remove pressure. Instead, he leaned forward, pressed a kiss to her forehead as she cried. "I can't stand it."

"Does anybody have any morphine?" Dr Palmer called to the rest of the room, to no avail. Steve only focused on Sadie.

"I know, doll, but it won't be long now," Steve's words felt like lead in his mouth- cold and ineffective. Sadie's eyes were glued to the wound, to his pale hands covered in her blood. He leaned forward again, obstructing her view but never releasing pressure. "Don't look at that, okay? You look at me. Let me see those beautiful eyes."

He knew what he must sound like: the world's most idiotic and lovesick man- lovesick because of Sadie Moore, as he always was. Idiotic because even as he sat there, with her blood on his hands, he still couldn't pluck up the courage to say it.

And he couldn't shake the thought that this was his fault to begin with. Would HYDRA ever leave them be?

"You might just keep me alive," Sadie said, pulling him out of his thoughts and into reality. She was here. In that moment, she was here and alive, and he only prayed she stayed that way.

"That's the plan."

"Sadie, what can I do?" the voice was Tony, right beside Steve now, his voice shaking slightly.

"Adrianne," Sadie asked, through agonised groans. Steve couldn't bear to hear it. "How long will she be?"

"Three, four hours?"

"I want Dr Palmer until then," she said through gritted teeth. "If she agrees."

"I can make it happen," Tony said. "Dr Palmer?"

"Of course I agree, but are you sure Dr Moore?" Palmer asked, her brows furrowed, and Tony was gone, on the phone again in an instant.

"Have you been drinking?" Sadie asked her.

"No, but-"

"Does Stephen Strange trust you?" she asked with a cough- struggling even to speak. Steve wished she wouldn't, wished she'd rest.

"Yes, but-"

"Then so do I," Sadie said, before groaning again, louder, her hand gripping Steve's arm tight as she tilted her head towards him. "Steve, I don't think I can do this."

"Of course you can," he told her, panic rising higher in him as her eyes began to drift shut. "Of course you can, Sadie."

Her eyes were barely open now, but there was a smile on her face as Steve followed her gaze to the ground beside him.

"You brought me flowers- my favourite flowers," Sadie smiled, before her eyes closed fully. Steve's heart stopped as Palmer tapped on Sadie's collarbone, to no response. He focused on his hands again- he couldn't feel her breath.

"I brought them because I love you," Steve realised, the weight of it crushing him and a sob rose in his throat as Palmer pushed him away, urgently, preparing the defibrillator. He scrambled forward again, but there was a pair of arms around him, Tony's voice in his ear and Steve still didn't understand.

"Alright, okay,  Steve," Tony was in front of him now, hands on both his shoulders as he shook. "Buddy, listen- you have to breathe."

"I love her," Steve couldn't say anything else. He hadn't panicked like this in years, not since he was a boy, and yet here he was, shaking and clutching onto daffodils and feeling like he was having a heart attack.

"Breathe-"

"Shocking... Clear!"

"If she dies-" he continued, unconcerned with breathing at that time.

"She's not going to die, Steve, c'mon, this isn't like you!" Tony said, lying through his teeth. "This is the best place this could've happened!"

"What?"

"We're at a conference with only the world's best doctors in attendance," Tony elaborated. "You heard Sadie yourself, she trusts that lady over there-"

Steve tried to stand, but his friend pulled him down again. "I can't lose her, Tony-" he turned to shout to the room. "Where's the ambulance?"        

"I know it's scary, but you have to let the doctors do their job," Tony said. "That's the best thing you can do for her right now. It's what Sadie needs right now." 

The best thing he could do.

Steve gave up protesting, sat back, tried not to watch Sadie's body being shocked again, and again. The room was emptier now, people had either left the scene or still didn't dare to look after Tony's orders.

Steve looked toward the door where Hugo Vermis had escaped, noticed one of the security guards from earlier, watching from a distance, speaking into his radio. No doubt updating Vermis of the events.

And he knew, then. The best thing he could do was to let the doctors do their jobs. And for him to do his. He stood, walked away from the horrible scene, bouquet still tight in his palm, and decided.

"Where are you going?" Tony called after him. Steve turned to face him.

"This was a sting. I know it. I saw it," he said. "So, I'm finishing this."

"Steve-"

"I'm finishing it," he repeated firmly.

Tony sighed, shaking his head. "You're not equipped."

"I don't need a suit or a shield for this," Steve told him, aware of the venom lacing his words. "But you're slowing me down. So are you coming or not?"

Tony sighed again. "Only 'cause you'll kill yourself without me."

Steve nodded, although he didn't intend for anyone to die tonight- only one man. So he moved again, Tony by his side, and beelined straight for the guard behind the bar. 

And Steve vowed that, if Isadora Moore lived through this night, nobody would threaten her safety again.

~

Steve reached the hospital with more blood on him than when he'd left the conference three hours earlier. He didn't know how much of it was Sadie's, Vermis's, or his own.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror, his white shirt was stained red, the navy material of his blazer torn. Steve washed the blood off his hands and off his face, and off the daffodils he'd kept safe during the fighting.

He was lucky Tony had a suit, or he wouldn't be alive at that moment, fighting recklessly as he had. But Steve didn't really care about that fact.

He cared that Vermis and his goons would never hurt anyone again. That he'd solved that problem with his own bare hands.

The waiting room was empty when he reached it. Small, with only thirty five chairs.

"One of those private hospitals only people like me can afford," Tony had told him, as he'd stitched up Steve's wounds for him before leaving to update the others. "She'll have everything she needs." And when Steve didn't answer- "You know, when I said you should come to Paris and surprise her, I didn't expect all this."

Steve frowned at the room as he did a double-take. Thirty seven chairs, actually, counting the one Adrianne Valentina sat in, and the one the lady next to her was in- a young woman he didn't recognise except in that she shared Sadie's nose, and skin tone, and Shan Moore's demeanour.

Adrianne looked at him with an eyebrow raised, but didn't question his appearance, as he sat on a row of seats a few metres opposite them.

"The surgery has been going for two and a half hours," Adrianne said, and Steve swallowed, taking a breath. "It shouldn't take much longer."

"Why aren't you in there?" He asked. "She asked for you."

"You can't operate on your family," Adrianne nodded to her hands in her lap. They were shaking uncontrollably. "And I couldn't if I tried. Palmer's in there instead- I brought one of my attendings to assist in my place, it's... It's the best I could do."

Steve could only nod, and the room fell silent again as he stared at the ground, the faint pop music from the radio filling the air. He noticed a crack in the tiles, the only flaw in this place. His view was obstructed by pointed shoes, and he looked up to see the lady who was sat beside Adrianne standing over him, her arms crossed.

"Where were you?" she asked him, her tone firm and accusatory, her accent coated in a British twang. "For the last two and a half hours, where were you?"

"I-"

"You say you love my sister, and then you ghost while she's in surgery," she continued, and Steve's suspicions were confirmed. It was Savannah Moore that stood before him. "You turn up, two and a half hours later, looking even rougher than you did before. So answer me this, where were you, Captain?"

"How do you know all this?" Steve asked, standing up to face her.

"Somebody shared a video online," Adrianne answered. Her hands were still shaking from where she sat. Steve's stomach twisted.

"They didn't-"

"She's not in it, if that's what you're asking," Savannah said. "If she was we would be suing somebody right now. The video is only you, Captain Rogers. You and Tony Stark having a consistent meltdown."

"Savannah, maybe you should lay off him a little-"

"No, Adrianne, isn't this a bit suss to you?" Savannah said, but Steve couldn't get past the millions of thoughts in his head. "Listen. I study law at one of the world's top universities. I spend my weekends and my summers working with all sorts of liars, and I learn alongside a lot more. So don't think you can lie to me, Captain."

"Steve, you don't have to answer any of this," Adrianne said. She was standing now, too. "Sav is just stressed out-"

"I don't want to lie to you," Steve said, honestly, and Savannah nodded slowly.

"Okay. So answer the question," she asked. "Where were you?"

"I went after the man who did this," Steve admitted. "I made sure he'll never do it again."

"Shit," Adrianne breathed, running a hand through her hair and beginning to pace. "Shit!"

"Are you happy with that confession, your Honour?" He asked, as Savannah stared at him, stunned.               

"I just care about her," she said, her face softening. "It's like I just got Shell back, and, I care about her. I want to make sure you're right."

"So do I," Steve said, and Savannah nodded.

"Shit, Rogers!" Adrianne exclaimed, still pacing, and he didn't understand for a second what troubled her. "Sadie cannot know about this, alright? She cannot know what you've done-"

"What I did?"

"You got rid of him! Didn't you?" Adrianne asked. "You went and hunted the man down, and that was you. But Sadie would never forgive herself, I know that she wouldn't. Because that man died in her name!"

"He's the reason we're here right now," Steve argued, feeling the heat rise to his face.

"I get that. You don't think I get that? You think I wouldn't have done the same if I was faced with the bastard?" Adrianne agreed. "I wish I could thank you for it- I wish she would, but she won't."

"I won't lie to her," he said, his heart pulled two ways with confliction. Adrianne was right, he knew.

Killing didn't sit right with Sadie, it never had, and she'd blame herself for his actions. Why hadn't he thought it through? Why had he been so hasty?

"I'm not saying lie to her," Adrianne sighed. "Look, can't you tell her something else? You can't tell her the stuff from the video?"

The video. Steve couldn't even remember any of what he'd said, or did.

"Let me see it," he said, and he regretted asking. Couldn't bear to look at the number at the bottom of the screen quickly ticking up. "I... I don't want her to see this."

"What?"

"When she wakes up, I don't want her seeing this," Steve said again, handing the phone back to Adrianne like a hot plate. "I want it taken down."

"If she wakes up," Savannah said, her voice melancholic. "It doesn't work that way. It's been reposted more times than we can count. There are already articles, and news stories-"

"I don't want her to hear it like that," he said, a feeling of dread rising in him for the hundredth time that night. He didn't recognise the man in the video- that man wasn't Steve.

"Then let her hear it how you want her to. From you," Adrianne said, gently. "She's been waiting."

Steve took a seat, put his head in his hands as Adrianne sat beside him. "She'll see that anyway, and I can't come back from it."

"Back from what?" Savannah said. "There is nothing to be ashamed of. You had a completely natural reaction."

Exactly, Steve wanted to say. A natural reaction, not a strong one. Not like she would've been- like she has been, every time he was hurt. But maybe that was because of these feelings he held for her.

Maybe she didn't feel the same, not completely as he did. A first date didn't mean love.

"If you really, truly don't want her to see, there's a way you can guarantee it," Adrianne said, simply. He glanced up at her. "Ask her not to look."

Steve wished life were that easy.

"Adrianne's right," Savannah said. "Shell is honest. If she says she won't, she won't."

"Ask her not to look at any of it," Adrianne elaborated. "Not on social media, not on the news, or headlines."

Steve realised then, what Adrianne was proposing. Not only that he shelter her from the dreadful video of his confession, although that was an added bonus.

"And keep what I've done to Vermis a secret, while I'm at it," Steve finished. "Make sure it's never mentioned."

"You want to protect her, this is how," Adrianne said. "Don't you remember what she was like when you first met her? If she finds this out, she'll lose herself again."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," Savannah said, suddenly. "I can't be a part of this lie."

"It wouldn't be a lie," Steve said, slowly, as he thought it through. "She's still not healed from when she-" he stopped himself, unsure if Savannah knew. He vaguely remembered Sadie saying the Avengers were banned on the sisters' list of topics.  He turned to Adrianne. "She's still not healed from Florence. This is... It's best for her."

"I was supposed to leave a month ago," Savannah said, her face in a daze. "I can't watch this happening, I- I'll stay until she recovers but if this is what her life is then I can't..."

Savannah removed herself to the other side of the room, as far away from them as possible. Steve couldn't blame her. That was when a nurse arrived, and Adrianne spoke to her in hushed whispers. He held his breath.

Adrianne stepped forward, glanced down at his clothes once more.

"Captain, you're all colours of the flag right now," she smiled, sadly. "Go change. The surgery was a success-" he'd never been so relieved in his life. "But the sight of blood won't be good for her shock when she wakes up. And she'll want to see you as soon as she does."

Steve only nodded, swallowing as he reached to pick up his bouquet of daffodils, all clean again, and made to leave the room.

But as he crossed Savannah's path, and noticed the young woman with her tears of relief and trauma, he paused, thinking she needed hope more than him. So Steve stepped forward, flowers still in hand.

"Here," he said, offering them to her. She took them, hesitantly. "I could've made a better first impression. Will you look after those for me?"

Savannah only looked between the bouquet, and its yellow and white petals, and him.

"Did you know they symbolise esperance?" she asked, quietly. "It's why Shell likes them so much."

"I didn't," he said, honestly. "The woman in the shop said good fortune."

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hi guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I had a ball writing it! Super early update because I just couldn't leave you guys on that cliffhanger ahaha!

So poor Steve's come to the terrible realisation he's in love (in the most cliché trope ever because that's how we roll in this book), and now the whole world knows it too, whoops! we also have a very problematic decision at the end, but they have the best intentions, it's just all a little messy at this point but hey- at least Sadie made it through!!!

We're getting soooo close to Civil War, guys you have no idea how excited I am to share all of what I have planned! But I hope y'all are enjoying what I'm doing with this year in between AoU and CW, let me know how I can improve though for sure!

As usual, thanks for reading, please vote and comment as I love seeing your feedback and reactions!

-Amber.