"Day one of living on Pandora. The um, the sleeping situation isn't the best, there's basically no privacy. It's okay though, 'cause i get to wake up tons of light years away from Earth and go immediately to research." The voice spoke crackly through the slightly damaged speaker hooked up to the screen.

Venus watched the woman. She held an elegant posture and the sun in her eyes. Celeste was an undoubted beauty.

There was a certain distance, a cold look in the girl's eyes. The brown was more washed up, like it had been thrown through the galaxy a couple times. The contrasting bags under her eyes did no justice, either. Anyone could tell Venus was totally out of it.

The moment she pushed open the second door to the lab with the jitters still lingering in her hands, she rushed to her desk to press play for the next video log. Her breaths slowed once she heard the voice of the scientist.

"Pandora is different from Earth." Celeste gazed to the left of the camera in thought. "It's more lush. On Earth, there's junk everywhere, not a tree for miles. People like me were only used for repopulating nature, cloning extinct species, whatever. I was always working on reproducing plants, it was like I woke up, went to the lab taking the bullet train, and just hunched over a desk."

Venus tried to imagine a picture of an unhappy Celeste working on little pieces of plants and repeating processes over and over until her fingers were numb and she couldn't feel her face. It was hard after seeing the singular picture of her smile and the way she talked about Pandora.

It seemed Pandora was the sole reason to happiness.

Celeste looked down at her hands and suppressed a smile. "I think... this is the first time I've felt happy in a while." Her eyes glistened faintly through the screen. "On Earth, scientists were always needed for ideas and labor. No company cared about housing or food or how we felt, no, they served us some weird slop at noon every day. It was depressing as hell compared to this shit."

Venus liked how genuine her mother was. There were no lies, no secrets, she put things out in their true form. Despite never seeing Earth with her own eyes, she could imagine it through the description told.

"When I got the chance to come here, after hearing about it for years and brushing up my xenobotany, it's insane to think about. Everything is so new, even if I know the names and stuff. I saw pictures, every kid does. It's like a dream built into the brains of our generation."

Xenobotany and Pandora was all Venus knew. She grew up around the Na'vi, born and raised on the planet, learning everything there is to know. Earth didn't matter anymore, not when she would likely never visit the home planet to her species.

"Can't believe I'll only see this set of humans for my entire rotation. I'll probably remember everyone's names when I get back."

Right. Venus rested her chin on the palm of her hand and looked up to the ceiling as she thought. In a way, she was similar to her mother. Celeste had to see the same people over and over on Pandora, as did Venus.

The only difference was the younger girl grew up with the same adults around her. Everyone else was a mystery. 

And Spider. Of course, Spider had to come into the equation at the moment when she was just pushing him out of her mind. Venus grew up with Spider, they were in diapers together as the only human babies on the entire planet. Shit, they maybe even shared the same toys.

Somewhere in their lives, they grew further apart. Different interests, different ideas, everything was just the opposite. 

If anything happened, if they grew even further apart in such an enclosed space, everything they knew would be ruined. Their relationship was stringing along with their life. Things couldn't be great, but they were fine, and that was what Venus valued.

The screen grew black when Celeste reached over the camera and pressed a button. Silence filled the room. While she was busy in her mind, Venus missed the words and only stared at the face of a dead woman she could barely call mother. It was depressing to think about.

After settling down in her room, Venus laid in her bed and looked up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to embrace her. For a moment, she imagined the stars above her, twinkling along Polyphemus and its other moons. They illuminated the sky, turning the dullest nights bright.

The hiss of the outer door was faint. Spider's bare feet could be heard as they neared her door. Venus held her breath, practically feeling his presence. He probably had his knuckles raised to knock on her door. She was scared of what he would say after she left him promptly.

Instead, Venus only heard the light patter of his feet walking away to his own room.

Venus did not sleep that night, wide awake thinking about the foreign butterflies in her stomach.

---

The first person to comment on her appearance was Norm. He was shoveling food down his throat, eager to drive his avatar, when he raised his fork to point to her. "You look like you haven't slept, what's up?"

In the morning, when Venus heard everyone else wake up, she looked in the mirror to find dark circles under her eyes and her face drained of its usual color. She was paler, duller. Her eyes looked like she had been inside her mind for too long.

Her appearance was a reflection, like everything inside had been flipped out for the world to see.

Venus only shrugged and kept her eyes trained to her plate, taking small bites. "I dunno."

She knew. Spider knew she knew. It was obvious to only the two of them why she looked like she didn't get any sleep. For some reason, Spider felt like it was all his fault. His heart was heavy when he looked at her fatigued face.

Norm patted her on the shoulder. "Get some rest, Vee, take the day off." He left the room to his link bed.

Now, Spider and Venus were in the room alone, a deafening silence washing over the two teens. She didn't dare to speak, afraid of what might happen.

Spider was the first to speak, just as Venus was about to get up from her chair. "Why did you leave?"

It was the question she dreaded. Venus kept her eyes trailed to the table, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. She felt so vulnerable under pressure. "We can't... do this. You know that, right? With everything going on."

"What do you mean?" Spider furrowed his brows.

"I mean, with the war going on and everything," Venus straightened her posture and began to look around the corner for anyone who might be listening. She leaned forward and shortened the distance between the two of them. "We are the only two teenagers within 200 klicks in any direction. I don't wanna ruin our friendship if things ever go sideways, Spider."

She didn't notice the light tinge of blush that coated his cheeks and the tips of his ears at the proximity. He also didn't want to recognize the way she said "friendship."

"Why?" He persisted, gazing deep into her brown eyes. By Eywa, he could just get lost in them. "Why not?"

Venus moved away from him and slumped in her chair, pursing her lips at the thought of her next words. She bit her lip and sighed. "I don't know what happened last night, but I don't like it. Please just understand."

It broke her heart to not have the capacity to explain what was really wrong. Venus didn't even know it herself. All she knew was that fear in her gut saying they were bound to both get hurt.

Spider's face displayed his emotion. "Vee, I lo-"

"-Don't," she cut him off quickly, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "Don't say that." Venus repositioned her fork to delay the inevitable. "I... we're too different, Spider. You go around and swing in trees, playing with Kiri and Lo'ak, but I'm just- I'm just me, you know? I sit in a lab all the time, I do nothing! We're not compatible enough!"

He was silent, soaking in the information. He wanted to tell her she was perfect just the way she was, that it was the reason he fell in love with her in the first place, but his body wasn't working. He was practically screaming at himself to do something.

"But imagine what would happen if we started hating each other?" Venus bit her lip. "We're forced to be around each other. It would ruin everything and everyone else's lives. It would be better if we stayed friends."

Spider didn't understand, but he would do anything for Venus. Even when it meant letting go of his feelings to make her happy. "Okay," he nodded. "That's okay. I can do that. We can stay friends and I won't do anything like last night ever again."

It was her introverted self that drew him in. Her interest in the nature around her and science was her biggest strength. Spider fell in love with the reasons she thought they weren't good together. Despite all his love for her, he needed to ignore it for the sake of her comfort.

A note from the future: he couldn't.

this is such a delayed chapter i'm so sorry, but i was straying away from my initial plan and i was getting frustrated, sorry :(( <33