"I love you too, Alishba. I love you today, tomorrow and forever."

Alishba shot her eyes open as the alarm woke her up from dream. She laid still as the sound that made her want to pull her hair out every single morning kept on ringing. But she didn't shut it off. She laid with beads of sweat on her forehead and neck, even though the morning chilled breeze kissed her through the open windows. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before getting up and stopping the alarm.

"Why can't I just stop dreaming about that day? Why can't I just stop dreaming about him?"

Him.

Well, this was how her day began, every single day after they parted ways.

Without wasting a second, Alishba got up from her queen sized bed and rushed to her bathroom. After doing her morning routine and slipping into her office clothes of a purple high neck full sleeve blouse and a white pencil skirt, she went to the kitchen to grab her energy drink, coffee. As she sat on the kitchen stool across the counter with a coffee mug in her hands, the caramelized earthly aroma of the freshly brewed coffee filling her lungs up, Alishba took a look around at her large contemporary apartment. How neatly the purple couches were arranged on the marble floor with a masterpiece of Michelangelo hung on the eggshell white walls. The two empty bedrooms that had nothing except her clothes and books. The third room was the largest of all and it was where Alishba cried herself to sleep every single night.

A feeling of pride ran through Alishba as the thought of her owning this big luxurious apartment hit her. But soon that pride was replaced with loneliness and emptiness as the thought of coming to no one to this same apartment filled her mind.

Taking her Lana Marks leather bag in her hands, Alishba went towards the door. She reached her car porch where her baby, Aston Martin Vantage, was waiting for her. The way she adored that car made the women working in her office wish for a guy who would look at them the way Alishba looked at her car. After settling in the driver's seat, Alishba drove off to her office.

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Good mornings from here and there and Alishba returning a bright smile to them was an eyeful sight. She smiling and greeting the securities before entering her office building and the janitors when she passed by them made her one of the most down to earth bosses that existed in this twisted world. The aura she spread while taking steps to her office with a Starbucks travel coffee mug in her hand, heels clicking the floor and her assistant by her side made everyone halt whatever they were doing and look at her in awe. The power she held made people either respect her or envy her. Well, she built the kingdom all these years on her own so the crown on the queen's head shone as bright as a diamond. But only the queen knew how much that crown weighed.

"Stephanie, what is my schedule for today?" Alishba asked her assistant as she opened the glass door of her office room.

"Ma'am, you have a personal meeting with Davis Shelby of Shelby Companies at 11:30 a.m. and then a visit to the property that you're planning to buy from Mrs. Harold and that would be around 1:00 p.m. After lunch, you will be having your usual talking session with Dr. Lolita. That's it for today," Stephanie concluded.

"The visit to that property is very important," Alishba said as she sat down on her seat, placing her bag on the office table. "I have to reach there at sharp 1:00 or else Mrs. Harold may have a change of mind. She's a retired principal so she can be pretty serious with punctuality, you know. There's a high chance of her changing her mind if I arrive late and I can't let that happen."

"Yes. I know, ma'am. You have been trying to get that property for almost a year. If I'm not wrong, it's for a hostel, right?" Stephanie asked her boss.

Alishba shook her head slightly with a small smile playing on her lips.

"It's more of a safe place for young women, especially international students. They feel like they are at home and have a safe environment for studying and living. I will look after their tuition fees and they are free to do part time jobs as well. I have contacted a chef that can cook all types of cuisines so that no one will miss their home. I'm providing them a home where they can be free and independent and can also spread their wings and fly. And Mrs. Harold's property caught my interest and I just didn't want to let it go."

"Wow. No wonder you fought for it this much, ma'am," Stephanie remarked, being proud of her boss.

"Yeah. So, anything else?"

"No, ma'am. That's it."

"Thank you, Stephanie. Enjoy your day."

"You too, ma'am."

Alishba nodded with a smile and her assistant left the office, allowing her to work.

Her day went as usual, hectic and bustling. Her only driving force and moment of relief was the talk with Dr. Lolita.

The doctor was her only companion who helped Alishba to be a strong and independent woman as she was today. She helped her pick the shattered Alishba piece by piece and moulded her into what she was today. Dr. Lolita definitely had a huge contribution to Alishba's success and this wasn't evident to all, except Stephanie.

════ ★ ════

"Hey, Loli." Alishba hugged her dear friend and mentor lovingly.

Lolita returned her an equally bone crushing hug before Alishba settled down to talk, for her to open her heart to Lolita while the doctor went to get her friend and herself steamed coffee.

"So, Alishba, any progress?" Doctor asked as she poured a cuppa for her friend who was sitting on the patient's chair.

Alishba raised her eyes from her fiddling fingers to meet Lolita's. She chuckled lightly before shaking her head.

"Nope."

Lolita frowned her brows and took steps closer to Alishba and placed two coffee mugs on the teapoy between their chairs.

"You still see him in your dreams?" Lolita asked as she took a seat across Alishba, her voice as soft as velvet.

Alishba took a deep breath and let it out shakily.

"Yes. I see him every single day, Loli. I see him as if he's right in front of me, with the portraits of mine he painted, the dim room that had only a yellow bulb emitting light. And I still hear those words of his, 'I love you, Alishba.  I love you today, tomorrow and forever.' Those words still reverberate in my ears even after five years. I still remember everything as if it happened yesterday."

The doctor sighed and leaned on her chair. She rubbed her temple with two fingers before looking at Alishba and saying, "I know you're trying to forget him. It will take time, Alishba. After all, he was your first love."

"And my last, I guess," Alishba said, completing her therapist. As Lolita stared at her with pitiful eyes, Alishba continued, "Five years. Five fucking years and I still can't forget him. I tried but I failed and that too several times. Maybe, it's my fate Lolita. To live a life like this. And I have already accepted it."

"Alishb-"

"I'm not losing hope in my life as you're assuming, Loli. If I had lost hope, then I wouldn't even be here. I would have continued the hell of a life, being the wife of that douchebag in some corner of the world. I have faith in myself and that's why I took the decision of leaving everything behind and finding happiness and all thanks to you, Lolita. But forgetting Zayn, it's just... I can't."

Her voice cracked at the end as she broke down, yet again. Lolita got up from her chair and went towards her friend who was now shaking like a leaf and crying her eyes out. The pain, the heartbreak, the torture, the nightmares Alishba faced and went through five years ago were known to Lolita. Only to Lolita.

Bidding goodbyes, Alishba left Lolita's office. The only person she was grateful to was Lolita. She had seen Alishba's highest of highs and lowest of lows and was still there by her side, witnessing the weak and broken Alishba under the strong and powerful facade she wore in front of the public and paparazzi.

════ ★ ════

Entering the apartment, Alishba was welcomed with darkness and silence. It wasn't new to her as she was always welcomed like this for five years.

After freshening up, she slipped into some comfy clothes and went to her balcony with a glass of sky-high wine in her hands. She twirled the red liquid in the glass, inhaled it with her eyes closed and took a sip, letting it hit all her taste buds. Somewhere in between her manic life, she found solace in that deep red liquid every night. She sat on the hanging swing in her balcony and looked up at the night sky. She thought to herself that it looked like a dark blue dyed canvas that had silver glitter flecks splashed by a phenomenal artist. Or more like puddles of dark blue ink that had sparkling glitters knocked over by God.

God. God? I still believe in Him? After what I have gone through? I used to believe in Him. I used to have faith in Him. But after all those prayers and dua (supplications), I have been blessed with hell. What wrong did I do for this?

Alishba's eyes welled up and those glittery tears rolled down her taut dusky cheeks.

What am I doing? Why am I blaming God? He is the reason why I'm alive after what I went through. He is the one who helped me. He is the one who gave me power.

She immediately regretted what she thought a few seconds earlier. She knew it was sinful questioning her God. She knew well that if God had turned a deaf ear to her cries and prayers, she wouldn't even be alive.

"Astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness in God)," she said under her breath and sought forgiveness then and there.

She wiped her tears and leaned back on her swing and let herself drift into her memories of pain, torture and heartbreak. Those days of crying for help but her very own parents ignoring their daughter's pleas and throwing her into a burning furnace called marriage with a guy who was a total stranger to her. A guy who didn't deserve her. A guy who was nothing like her Zayn Zayat. A guy who wasn't her Zayn Zayat.

"I love you too, Alishba. I love you today, tomorrow and forever."

After that day, it was bliss for Alishba. Zayn was her first love, first kiss, first everything. He was the sweetest, caring, loving and supportive guy she had ever met in her life. And she was thankful to be blessed with a boyfriend like him.

Whenever she got sick due to the unadjustable climate, Zayn was there to take care of her, cook for her, feed her and cure her pain. He was her medicine, her pill, that one mere touch of his was enough to heal Alishba and assure her that she wasn't alone. The calidity and zest Zayn's touch passed onto her was her lifeline that she held on to lovingly and hopefully.

As an international student, she struggled a lot with college, savings, part time job and racist remarks she got everyday. It became hard for her with each day passing by but Zayn was there, as her saviour. And that was all Alishba wanted and needed in the midst of her chaotic and deranged life. He made her feel special and safe with his arms around her, his hands gliding through her curly locks and her head on top of his muscular chest, listening to the music of his heartbeat that soothed her.

He was her happy place, her silver lining, her anchor, her warmth, her comfort and everything. Goddess of love smiled upon them as Alishba wished for the world to stop spinning and time to stop ticking whenever she was with him. She wished to dwell in that moment for eternity, that moment of her hands in his and his lips on hers.

Alishba loved Zayn with every bone and muscle of her being. As deep as the ocean and as high as the ether, she loved him. When the evening breeze that smelled like sweet cinnamon blew on her face, the sun setting down and making room for the moon, she closed her eyes and her lips whispered, "I love you, Zayn."

But as their college closed for summer vacation, she got a call from her father to catch the next flight home, demanding to be at his doorstep as soon as possible.

The quirky and sassy Alishba would be a mute who would be in a shaking form out of fear when the image of her father flooded her mind.

If there was anything that Alishba didn't wish for, it was definitely not being born into a South Indian Muslim orthodox family. Her strict and stern father, an absolute misogynist, held the patriarchal values and norms of the society and the family's reputation higher than his family.

Being the eldest of three girls, Alishba was always looked down upon by her father. She was seen as someone who was just meant to cook, do laundry, clean house, give water to her father in the midst of work or studying while he would be sitting without moving a muscle, doing dishes of others after dining together in silence, marry a random guy according to her parent's wish and bear as many children as possible. She was seen as someone who shouldn't voice her opinion or give priority to herself and her needs just because she was a girl.

Her mother was the epitome of what her father wanted Alishba to be- a silent, non-threatening, impotent and vulnerable puppet. But the day she realized what her mother was to her father, she was determined to not follow her mother's path in a twinkle of an eye.

It took every iota in her to convince her father to go abroad to study. She studied hard for a scholarship, not only to get a decent job but also to escape from the cage that others called home. If not for her uncle, her father's elder brother who worked abroad, to support Alishba to convince her father for months, she would have been rotting in that hell for aye.

But before letting her leave the house, her father made her to take some oaths; to behave herself, not to party, not to befriend anyone other than a muslimah, not even think about alcohol, drugs and sex and above all, not to fall in love. And needless to say, she broke all the promises unknowingly.

She couldn't be completely blamed for her doings. She forgot her limit when freedom was in her hands. All she craved was for liberation and happiness for 18 years of her dreadful life and when she finally got that, she forgot her stand and let freedom and happiness take over. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but it was too late for redemption.

Coming back home soon after her first year of college was never a part of Alishba's plan. But God had different plans for her, maybe a retribution.

The day after she came back to that hell, a news that broke her heart into millions of pieces, that flipped her world upside down, that made her want to dig a hole and never crawl back awaited her.

"Alishba, you need to be married in 2 weeks."

She was afraid of heights,
but she was much more afraid of never flying
- Atticus